Roma

[etoroma]

“You were losing me inch by inch when you were leaving me alone to meet the dawns”

Jack Harlow x fem!reader

Summary: Your boyfriend became cold and distant, he just doesn’t see you anymore. How long can you last? Disclaimer: English is not my first language and lately I've started to forget it, so I decided to write stories to practice. I really love and respect your language so I apologize if I’ve made a lot of mistakes, I will try my best! Feel free to give feedback and correct mistakes A/N: it’s my first imagine hope it’s not that bad✊🏻😔 Warnings: language, angst, open ending Word count: 1986

“I’m positive that I’ve made the right decision, but not a day passes that I don’t wish I’ve made a different choice”. You were laying on a grass in your best friend’s backyard, your fingers and legs intertwined, eyes closed, wind was gently playing with your hair but the pleasure of such an intimate moment that you’ve missed for so long is overshadowed by past events. 

Y/bf/n moved in a different country and you never managed to find time to visit her, you were too immersed in your relationships, work and daily routine that the best you could do was calling her once a week. Now when you were finally together, you feel extremely guilty for showing up only because you’re a wreck but both of you are too mature to make a big deal out of it.

“He left you no choice, Y/N” she sighed and squeezed your hand “It wasn’t even a choice…I mean..” y/bf/n let go of you and rolled over on her belly to find you trying your best to hold the tears since crying was the only thing you’ve been doing for the entire time of your stay.

“He took your hand in his and promised you to walk this vicious world by your side but instead he walked you to a blind alley and left you there alone. He knew about every apprehension of yours, how scared you was to even think about the relationships, but still he did everything to make you believe that he’ll become your safe space, your home, your man that can be trusted, that will always be there for you… He put you in a fairytale just to make you look crazy for thinking they exist. He made you vulnerable, Y/N”. She gently caressed your face studying your emotions. “And you know what pisses me off even more? That you still think that all of this is your fault”.

“You know what pisses me off even more?” you finally found the guts to look into her eyes “That I still love him, y/bf/n”.

*two weeks earlier*

4 am.

You stood leaning to a kitchen counter draining a bottle of wine that soon was thrown to a garbage. You were skimming the living room. Each corner, each piece of furniture held so many memories of the time you and Jack were crazy in love. It used to warm your heart but now the sight of your shared home shredded it into million pieces. You even refused to drink from glasses he brought you from Czech a couple years ago just because you mentioned you always wanted glasses made of Czech crystal in your dream house. These glasses were a reminder of his attentiveness to the smallest details that made you happy, now they are clear evidence that he could do anything for you but he just doesn’t want to anymore.

What did you do wrong? What did you do to deserve this type of treatment? Was there anything you could do to prevent it? Aren’t you enough? When coming home from a studio and hovering you in kisses turned to a kiss on a cheek with a face expression like this action takes a year of life from him?

You were taken out of your thoughts by the sound of keys. Wow…Your man of the night found his way home.

Tired sight.

Kiss on a cheek.

Pain in your chest.

And your favorite part “I’m going to bed. Night”.

He didn’t even noticed that you’re fully dressed. Well, there’s a plenty things he didn’t pay attention to and tonight he’ll have to acknowledge all of them. His loving girlfriend will help him, right? Right.

“Jack” no response. “Jackman!” you raised your voice. It was the first time you called him like that but you needed him to listen.

“Y/N, if you wanna make a scene you’ve picked the wrong time” he simply sighed and kept going upstairs.

“That’s the only time I’ve got! Fucking 3 minutes in the am before you go to bed and disappear before I wake up!” You could feel your blood boiling in your veins, just a few moments and you’ll be ready to whistle like a soviet kettle. “Why are you wasting my time like that? You think that you are an alfa kind of a man who’s in charge and keeps everything under his control but in fact you’re a wuss with a lack of guts to say straight to my face that you don’t love me anymore or cheating on me or both. But you have enough courage to act like a dick!”

Now you captured his attention.

He turned around on his heels with an explicit anger written on his face “What the fuck is wrong with you? I’m not cheating on you! Why are you always have to be such an attention seeker?” he rushed to you and only kitchen counter separated you both. 

“Attention seeker? For real? Since when wanting the bare minimum of a relationship makes me an attention seeker?”

“Since I working my ass off for BOTH of us and have more important things than …”

“Than being with me?” you interrupted him holding eye contact

“That’s not what I wanted to say.. Fuck can’t you show care and support at least for once or you’re gonna explode once you do?”

“WHEN?” at this moment you’ve lost it. Understanding that he doesn’t see any problem in his behavior hits you. You’re done. Enough holding everything inside and pretend that nothing’s going on. For all these 3 months, you tried to convince yourself that you’re overreacting, that it’s your traumas are talking. Every day and night that you spent by your own you told yourself that he’s trying his best, he’ll make it up to you, he sees the problem but just can’t fix things yet, but you were wrong, delusional to be exactly.

“I see you for a couple of minutes and not even every day. All of my texts left on read, you NEVER text me back. I find out that you’re fine from Urban! Every time I try to talk to you, to check on you, to figure the reason you just brush me off telling me you don’t want to have this conversation and I’m too clingy”

Jack opened his mouth to fight back but you raised your pointing finger in front of you to shut him. There goes the hardest part. You’re about to say something that was too painful to even acknowledge but you have to open his eyes.

“So I gave you space, Jack. I was away for a whole week” once you said it your anger was replaced by stone cold sight. It’s like you had to say it out loud more for yourself to realize than for him to understand

“I texted you about it but the message wasn’t sent. When saw it, I got curious when you would notice that I was gone” looking at his puzzled face you gave him an ironic smile “you didn’t. That’s how you care”

“Y/N..Baby..I” oh your boy begins to understand how your monologue will end but you haven’t finished yet so you shut him up again

“When I came back, I packed my things but I was still hoping we’ll work things out so I decided to divide my stuff into several parts and transport each one after every failed conversation with you, after every night you left me alone, after every “why don’t you stop fucking my brain out and just let me sleep”…so” you took a step back pushing the suitcase out from behind the kitchen counter “you can guess that that’s my last one”

Jack looked at you terrified catching the air in attempts to say something. He nervously spun around to find with his eyes at least something that belongs to you in the living room but it was all in vain.

“Y/N..Please..” he returned his gaze to you “listen..I’m so sorry. Let me fix this mess I’ve created, please” his voice begin to shake, eyes blinking fast to stop the tears. He finally woke up and grasped what kind of treatment he was giving to you all these months. The realization of what you about to do made him freeze on a spot. 

“Please give me the last chance, fight for us, baby please let’s talk things out” Panic began to slowly crawling towards him like a tsunami

“I gave you thousands chances. I was fighting for us alone for too long, it’s exhausting” you grab a suitcase handle walking to the front door “Now I’m tired and you’re the one who have picked the wrong time to make a scene”

“I don’t wanna lose you please let me make it up to you!” Jack ran outside after you watching you place your suitcase in a back of your car. You stopped for a second to look at him for the last time. Tears streaming down his cheeks, you could barely see in the dark but you could tell his face were bright red, lips shaking.

The sight of him made it even harder to leave, you wanted to kiss him so bad, you wished you could forgive him, hold him, believe him… but you remember how many nights you’ve spent in a state he is in now. You can’t let him do it to you again. You don’t trust him anymore.

“You haven’t figured it yet? You’ve already lost me. You were losing me inch by inch when you were leaving me alone to meet the dawns. It’s too late, Jackman” you got in the car just to find Jack knocking your window. You tried so hard to ignore him and focus but gave up and lowered the car window, which Jack immediately clung to

“Listen I know I’m an asshole. I fucked everything up, I was the worst boyfriend and I understand why you wanna leave, but I’ll change. I’ll do anything to make you trust me again, because I love you. I don’t see anyone else by my side, only you! Forgive me please, let me explain and fix this, I love you so bad it hurts” you squeezed the steering wheel holding your emotions and trying to think straight. You loved him still but the wound on your heart is still too fresh and deep for you to change your decision.

“Well…You have really weird ways to show it” and with this words you escaped from his life. 

He watched your car getting out of his sight and couldn’t believe that it wasn’t just a nightmare. Well, actually, it was. but he is living in it now. It was his personal hell that made him reliving this night over and over again. You’re gone. You’re not his woman anymore.

*present time*

“I know girl, it takes time, but I swear” Y/bf/n genially smiled at you playing with your hair “one month with your hot, EXTREEEEEMLY cool, UNBELIIIIEVABLY hilarious and adventurous friend and you won’t remember his name!” you were laughing for the first time in a while at your friend’s silliness when a doorbell caught your attention

“C'mon! I’ve already forgot it! Jake? Check?” Y/bf/n was so existed to see you smile that haven’t heard anything

“Firstly, Check is not even a name and secondly, are you expecting someone?”

“Aha, triplets. Don’t know who their dad is though it was a rough night” you laughed again and pushed her slightly

“Stop fucking with me, I heard the doorbell” You knew that it’s impossible. You blocked him everywhere and he didn’t know anything about y/bf/n, but something deep inside of you made you think it was him.

“Oh, it must be Mary, my neighbor, she’s an old lady and gets lonely sometimes so she comes to talk” y/bf/n stood up and headed to the front door “I’ll be quick”

__________________________ p.s i wanted to give this story an open ending for you to decide whether he found you or it was just a neighbor and your story is over. But now I'm thinking of doing part 2. What do you think? Should I? Do you forgive this cute asshole?