It came as a surprise and to be honest, freaked out both of us. To me, it’s like JC shouting at my ear... “Whatever you’re about to do, drop it all. Here, your assignment.”
I got promoted from a woman to a mother without any notification. It feels like begging for a promotion for YEARS then finally gave up and start looking for a job in some other company, when one random day the boss decides to hand me the promotion.
People told me, it’s on merit. But why do I feel so unqualified?! I thought I have what it takes to do the job. Now, I am super scared about what’s ahead.
For some reason, I don’t think this kid as something that belongs to me. I take it as someone that’s being assigned to me. My job is to raise it properly, so they can be fully functional to carry out the duty they’re assigned to do in their lives.
The road of life I’ve been in has shown me how irrelevant is our mood is to others, and how much we can do for people around us. I have learnt that we live for others, but shouldn’t expect the same otherwie. Only by that mindset, we can smile with happiness when others show kindness to us, having peace even just by having a little help from others, or not getting hurt when we don’t receive the same warmth from our surroundings.
This kid would have to learn at least those things. In my head, this kid will live for a lot of people, making impact in people’s life (directly or indirectly), and has influence in people’s decision making thought process. Not just this kid, actually, everyone created has this power. Often, people don’t realise how powerful they are for others. Anyways, how do I raise someone that’s there for others, someone who’s adequate enough to give to others, who’s balanced that others can trust, and who realizes & act upon the fact that their kindness can and will change people’s life? This freaks me out.
“One step at a time”, they say. No body says that raising a kid is easy. Moreover, being in this foreign environment with several different or even contradicting values, I know I’m not facing only flowers and marshmallows ahead of me.
“This person I’m raising... am I up for it?,” this thought has been staying there in my head all this time. But my loved ones think the fact that the thought is there means I am up for the job. Some people shared how powerful having a kid (or a son) is for a wife in this country I’m living in. However, I find that the thought is ridiculous. You can’t possess a person. And I’ve learnt that my power, ace card, wild card, or whatever card it is, is something I obtain by myself. Others say that pregnancy is a sign that I’m a real woman. Another stupid thought. Hahahaha! I am a woman, that is why I can be pregnant... not the other way around.
We’re on our 6th month now, and will be expecting a healthy kid soon. I hope everything is good and full of joy!
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