eva viva

this is going to be a place where i put things and hold things and love the world

[evalaviva]

𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎

[evalaviva]

"i have become clincally undepressed. thinking about starting it all." -tiktok

a year ago, i was in a bad place. yeah. we'll call it that.

but now the spring has come. i have great friends and i have interests. im weird again; i daydream. i laugh everyday; i dont dread the mirror. flowers are blooming. and i am so grateful.

i make new friends! i go new places! i have optimism!! and i journal and sleep and eat and today i even put on sunscreen, even though its cloudy. and i am so grateful.

and as i sit in the park, i dream about my future. college, community, what ill do. and i realize, i regained it. my spark. and i am so grateful.

the future is so so bright so please hold onto hope. its worth it.

[evalaviva]

junk journal for the past few weeks

this thing is like a cheat code to finding happiness and creativity btw

[evalaviva]

i’m back in chicago and i am in fact feeling it

[evalaviva]

and through my vocabulary and complex sentence structures, i manage to convince an audience of my intellect and myself of purpose in my words

[evalaviva]

i want to light up peoples faces. make them smile and have deep conversations. show them what i love and hope they feel it as deeply as i do. even if the way i show it to them is shitty.

but how do i major in feeling. get a job in happiness. make a living with thoughts and no talent.

am i wasting my potential if i follow my dreams? do i have too many As and not enough work to pursue this? but it is what i want. i just dont think my counselor is going to like it

[evalaviva]

i think i’ve cried more in airports then in any other place

[evalaviva]

i’m in search of something… what that is i’m not sure. maybe for some purpose that i haven’t found yet, or one i’ll never fully understand. but for whatever reason, i’m here now.