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@evanpxtrs-blog
ambcrlheard:
“Actually I do. Tell me your price and let’s make a bet right here and now. I’m not checking my window because I know you’re not here, your theory fails.”
I don’t think we need to pretend either of us needs money from each other, so I’d wager something a little more interesting...your soul, perhaps? You sure you’re not just afraid to look incase you see me out there?
nctdver:
It’s absolutely crazy and I’d have to agree with you there. Considering they do get all these benefits and we’ve got people still leaving in the streets is horrible. You would almost think it’d turn people to crime just to get a roof over their head. Thhough, I can’t help but also wonder if he just ‘fessed up because there no point in denying it, if that makes any sense? Same here! I think a little squeak came out of my mouth when Get Out won, such a good movie. Did you have a good time?
I feel like I personally would do it - if I were living on the streets, struggling to feed myself, it’d be all to easy to go and fake rob a bank, or something. Were you there yourself? We shoulda carpooled. You’re right though, some very deserving winners came out on top, and if I had to miss out to anyone for best actor in a TV series, it would’ve been Ewan McGregor for Fargo so I’m not even mad. Dude killed it. So yeah, I had an amazing time. And yourself?
So I’ve been watching some crime documentaries and there was one about a girl who went missing. Literally years passed and a serial killer had confessed to murdering her, the whole lot. While he was on trial for her murder, she was discovered to be hidden in her boyfriend’s place. Can you believe it? Almost makes you wonder how many times someone will confess to a crime they didn’t do. Anyway, enough about stories of insanity, what’ve you been up to today?
That’s kind of batshit crazy - people will do/say anything to get their five minutes of fame, it seems. Plus there’s also the factor that prisons are like fucking holiday camps nowadays, I know people who are struggling to keep a roof over their heads do crazy things just to have a hot meal every day. As for what I’ve been doing, just reeling a little from the Critics Choice Awards last night - how about you?
ambcrlheard:
“I hope I have, it’s a lot better than make him a liar. You really did, maybe if you didn’t give me that advice I wouldn’t think about it now. Come on, we both know you won’t be able to follow me around twenty four hours a day.”
You wanna bet? That sounds a lot like a challenge, Heard. Check out your window right now. See me? No? That’s kinda the point. You’re not suppose to. I’m good at my job.
sxphietxrner:
All I heard was “try it out” so I’ll take that as a stamp of approval from you and all the dudes out there. Follow me at kickingballs2018.tumblr.com for all the latest posts and shit. No idea- but how great would it be if they were different sizes? Two holes on the other hand… I can’t imagine how the girl would find pleasure. I know I never liked it up the ass, but some gals are into that type of crap. Lucky you, but my birthday is just a few days after Valentine’s Day. It’s the 21st so I expect two gifts now. Please don’t tell me that it’s a shirt with your face on it.
Kicking balls 2018? You mean to tell me there’s an annual blog about this? Dear lord, this is a revelation. All depends on the woman, ya know, like you said...some women love the butt stuff, just look out for the lube in their bedside drawer. How could I forget that you were a literal gift from Cupid to us? I’ll just make my present double as awesome. A full three shirts with my face on them.
ffsmadelaine:
Nice to meet you, Evan. I’m Madelaine. You have to tell me more about these shows that you’re binging. Are they good? Great? Terrible? I’m pretty sure there are going to me even more times when I want to crawl into bed and watch more things, so any suggestions thrown my way would be very much appreciated. I’m sorry you missed snow-pocalypse. What were you doing?
Funnily enough, they’re probably on the complete opposite ends of the spectrum from each other - one’s a thriller about a mother who seemingly stabs someone to death out of the blue, and the other’s an animated comedy about...puberty, so choose wisely depending on what you’re in the mood for. But, I know who you are though, as Riverdale was also on my binge list. I was just away for work, been super crazy lately, but I’m happy to be back.
sxphietxrner:
Does that image pop into your head if I would make a moaning noise next to you? Talk about a major turnoff. I’m not a romantic girl at all so the blog would mostly have pointers on how to kick guys in the crotch or how to twist their nipples when they’re least expecting it. You know, shit that makes me special. An extra ding dong would be welcomed. You could do two chicks at once, fill extra holes, I mean.. there’s an endless amount of possibilities that come with having two dicks. You should’ve asked that for Christmas and we could’ve tested it out by now, Peters. Five minutes is all that you laughed? I laughed at it for about twenty minutes while I was putting them together. I was tempted to keep both the candle and the shirt, to be honest. I would be hurt if you didn’ t put any of them to use by now. Somehow I feel like we would get restraining orders if we would to show up to people’s places unannounced. But I’m more than okay with that.
I don’t know, why don’t we try it to find out? For the sake of all the men in the world, please don’t make this blog. The last thing we need is an uprising of women thinking twisting guys nipples is a good idea. How large do you think this extra ding dong would be? I doubt big enough to be able to please two girls at once, but two holes at one...now we’re talking. I’m going to get you the best birthday gifts, just you wait. I even have a lot of ideas so I might just have to make them Valentines gifts instead so I can give them to you sooner.
Is it wrong to only have set up my computer, tv, and gaming consoles and leave everything else unpacked to be dealt with this weekend? Because I regret nothing. But hi, I guess I should introduce myself. I’m Janina! I’d like to think I’m cool most of the time but I’m just a geek.
Nah, I’d say you’ve unpacked the essentials. Who even needs kitchen appliances when take out exists? Let me know if it’s possible to live a life with only those possessions and I might just have to sell everything else I own. It’s nice to meet you, Janina. I’m Evan.
I’ve finally arrived in Bayview and settled in my new apartment and what’s the first thing I do? I pop open a bag of roasted snap peas that I bought while traveling and settled down in bed with my remote. The snow out there is reminiscent of time in Washington for me, but I”m really sure today is just a day for me to binge watch and catch up The Flash instead of doing something productive like unpacking and hanging up all of my clothes. What’s everyone up to during this freak cold weather storm?
I don’t think anyone could blame you, I was out of town when it snowed, but I definitely would’ve spent the whole time wrapped up in a similar way, probably binging The Sinner or Big Mouth instead though. Welcome to town anyway. I’m Evan.
ambcrlheard:
“It’s what I’m counting on really. He also gave me his word so I’m putting my faith on it. I’m really now imagining him going ‘I told you so’ to all of his little buddies when the movie comes out and they notice he was actually telling the truth. Hey, you just said I couldn’t say them to an adult and since bulletproof vests are not really my style I’m afraid I’m gonna have to follow your advice.”
You might’ve just unintentionally made that little kid the coolest ever once the movie actually comes out. God damn it, I screwed myself over there, didn’t I? What if I just follow you around with a bullet proof shield instead? Do we have a deal?
sxphietxrner:
That’s why you just close your eyes. C’mon, Evan, use your imagination. And I knew that the whole Boy George thing was going to mess up your mind! It didn’t help that I sang one of his songs, right? That blog can’t handle the real romance. I might as well just make my own blog and show couples what to do. The extra ding-dong would be such a blessing? But I can’t imagine just how frustrating it’d be for him to try to aim into the toilet once he’s old enough. Did you just quote AHS to me? I’m going to start quoting Thrones to you… although, I already do that to several people so I suppose I’ll give you a pass? Should we go around town asking people who has worked with Goodman? I think he was in that movie with Brie Larson and that Kong movie or we could try to figure out another way to lure him here. Until then, you can cherish the shirt that I gave you just in case he doesn’t come around. Alright, wait a second- I get the feeling that a lot of people talked a bunch of shit about you and Emma. Christmas caroling was fun, yeah? I’m surprised we haven’t changed our careers to singing.
You just made it worse with the singing, now if I ever tried to just ‘close my eyes’ all I’d hear is Karma Chameleon playing in my head. Would your blog really be an accurate representation of romance, though? I mean, you have a funny way of showing your love. I’d love an extra ding dong, think of all the services you could provide? That’s absolutely fine by me, I’ll just start quoting it right back at you. All men must die, and all that. Oh shit, you’re right, let’s use Brie to lure him in and then convince him to stay with our underrated charm. Your gifts had me laughing for a good five minutes, and I hope you know I’ve worn the shirt twice already. Good point - I suppose we gave them enough shit to talk about? But you already know all about that. Can’t we just carry on caroling into the new year? Who says it’s weird to show up on peoples doorsteps and start singing some Bowie at them?
“This little kid came up to me asking if I wasn’t that girl in the Justice League movie — with those exact words — and after a few minutes passionately talking to that kid about the DC Universe I ended up giving him some spoilers of Aquaman which I feel really bad for and can be screwed if it’s ever to leak. Though he promised to keep it a secret and I’m counting on nobody believing him if he ever tells.”
I think you’re safe considering his age, don’t worry. If it had been an adult you had leaked it to I would assume you’d started wearing bulletproof vests, but who’s going to believe a little kiddo? Saying that, I feel like you should give me those spoilers too. I’m pretty much a child at heart?
I think it’s safe to say 2017 was quite an interesting year, hard to believe it’s nearly over! Where does the time go?! So intros, boy am I bad at these, I’m Jessica, though I get mistaken for the talented and lovely Bryce Dallas Howard quite often, so much so it’s been turned into a song and probably memes so I guess that’s special in it’s own weird way
If it’s any consolation, I know of you more than I do Bryce, so one could say that she gets mistaken for you, instead. S’good to see you again Jessica. How have things been?
EVERY TIME A BELL RINGS, AN ANGEL GETS HIS WINGS.
Gift delivery for… @apopple, @bjamesjr, @skarsgardb, @xolively, @letitbrie, @levittjoe, @quirkymisscb, @davyjf, @dylobrn, @evanpxtrs, @iwannrheonn, @gustygrants, @jaytotheush, @kellixo, @elisabetholsan, @rakohli, @sharnamayxo, @stefigerm, @residentgoober, @roberttsemma, @taylorkitcsh, @zoeydevtch. Merry Christmas!
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Merry Christmas!
@revanschris @dempjoe @iwannrheonn @edwardhardy @prattprattpratty @bviewboyega @driiselba @evanpxtrs @rakohli @skarsgardb @oneforhoran @dylobrn @steezyderek @christhemswrth @tylerjbburn @cmmurrray @nickthejbro @jameslaugh @lr-hemmo @ashtcnfletchr @chmerkval @sanguineminfernum @zeeefron @donny-l-tommo @bviewpayno
xo
The Criss Family
Happy Holidays, you Rebel scum!
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