memories you bury or live by

I'm Niamh Caiomhe Reed, and besides havin' a stupidly hard to pronounce name, there's not a damned thing about me you really need to know. I'm a student at UCLA. I don't know what I wanna be when I grow up. I own a dog. My bestie James lives far away, and I miss him madly. I've got literally the hottest boyfriend in the fuckin' world. And I'm 100% uninteresting, so feel free to move the fuck along. I'm sure there are porn blogs you could be lookin' at. [Glee-themed post-rehab 4x4]

[eve-with-an-n]

Dawn || Para

[eve-with-an-n]

sebastianjsmythe:

Home. Home is whenever I’m with you. The lyrics played repeatedly in Sebastian’s mind whenever he was around Niamh. Home wasn’t a place; it wasn’t even an atmosphere. Home was Niamh Reed, and nothing and no one would ever get in the way of that. They were meant to be together, it was fate, Sebastian knew that. He never believed in love until he’d been to the facility. Which was crazy to begin with. They’d found love and each other in a completely hopeless and miserable place. When Sebastian left, he didn’t feel ready to go out into the real world, and who even did when they left a “shit hole?” Yet, Niamh was there to hold him when he entered the real world, and Sebastian was there to hold her. He knew he would never be alone again, and he knew that they would make it through whatever life threw at them, because they found each other.

It was a comfortable dawn, a Saturday morning. Neither of them had anywhere to go, it was the perfect opportunity to sleep in, and to just spend time together. Though, Niamh stirring lead Sebastian out of his peaceful slumber, and he felt himself beginning to stir himself. When he felt the empty space next to him, he figured Niamh had just gone to the bathroom. Sebastian began to drift off to sleep but smiled sleepily to himself when he felt his girlfriend holding him. It was typically the other way around, after all, Sebastian was nearly a foot taller than her, and it was comical to think that Niamh was trying to spoon him. When she told Sebastian she loved him, his heart fluttered, and he smiled wider. “I love you too.” He replied. “Trying to spoon me?” He asked chuckling to himself. With that, he turned over on his side to face her, finally opening his eyes. Their green eyes met each other, and Sebastian immediately found himself getting lost in Niamh’s. “What a beautiful face to wake up to.” He murmured, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

Of course he'd heard her. She'd never been great at sneaking away, but then Sebastian couldn't sneak out of bed without waking her either. It was as though they both had a constant awareness of the other, an awareness of how they felt, what they needed. Niamh found it comforting to be with someone who understood her as well as he did, someone who didn't need to be told what was happening inside of her head, but would listen all the same.

"Uh-uh," she murmured, shaking her head a little as he turned to face her. "Wasn't trying. I was succeeding. That was successful spooning... even if the spoon was a wee bit tiny." She knew she was more than a wee bit tiny, and that was why it felt so good to be spooned by him. He fit her like a glove, and she felt completely safe when he wrapped around her. And then he called her beautiful, and just as she'd known it to be true when she'd looked in the mirror, she knew it to be true now. She was beautiful to him, and maybe that meant she was beautiful full stop. Wrinkling her nose, she tried to make the ugliest face she could manage as he pulled back from their kiss. "You sure, babe?"

[eve-with-an-n]

Dawn || Para

As the slightest bit of light began to creep in to the quiet apartment, Niamh found herself in the throes of a dream that wasn’t a nightmare, but was nearly as unpleasant. There were dark hallways, confined spaces... but not the kind of confined that she’d always found comforting in her more agoraphobic moments. Niamh was frightened of these spaces, and she had no idea why. Rolling over carefully, she crept her way toward the bathroom, attempting to be quiet to avoid waking Sebastian. As she splashed water on her face, she gave herself a proper look in the mirror, a small smile creeping across her lips as she thought about how she must look to the man in the other room, the man who’d always found her sexy despite her own occasional misgivings. Seeing herself as Sebastian saw her felt incredible, and she wondered if he saw himself the way she saw him.

Crawling back into their bed, she smiled at the curled up figure beside her. His back was to her, and she settled against him, her body cocooning his as she became the tiniest big spoon she could. Pressing herself against him, she kissed his shoulder blade gently before resting her head against the pillow. His smell was comforting - Sebastian smelled like home, and as she closed her eyes again, she knew that this was exactly where she was meant to be. She imagined what her parents would think of him, what her brother would say. She decided they’d like Sebastian as much as she did, love him even, and that he’d be welcome in their family. Of course he’d be, she thought, because he is my family. A soft sigh escaped her lips, and she knew that it was a sign of contentment. He made her feel safe, secure... and he made her feel content. He was the only person who really could, and she felt grateful for him. “I love you,” she murmured, softly enough that she hoped the words wouldn’t wake him.

[eve-with-an-n]

Texts || Niamhbastian

Sebastian: I have so much energy too. You're so sexy. All of you is really fucking sexy. Get out of those close as fast as you can. Can I let myself in? I'll be naked when you get home.

Sebastian: It was the adrenaline of it and sometimes I'd knock it over, which pissed me off even more.

Niamh: Let yourself in. I'm nearly there... If the neighbors would stop fucking with the elevator, I'd be there. Guy stopped the thing to have a conversation with someone not on the damned elevator. Seriously... I WANT TO GO HOME, ASSHOLE.

Niamh: Oh right. No knocking it over.

[eve-with-an-n]

Texts || Niamhbastian

Sebastian: Would we now? Fucking is better than all of the rage, honestly. But it's all I've been able to think about lately. I'm sorry you're angry too. I should buy a new punching bag. For both of us. Or we could fuck too. That'll calm us down.

Sebastian: Boxing is fun, made me more pissed off sometimes. You should try it though, I think you might like it.

Niamh: We so would. I've got all this energy, babe. And you always look so sexy. I'm very nearly home. I just need to be back in my place, out of these clothes... seriously. Such a fucked up day.

Niamh: Why did it make you more angry? Was it the adrenaline of it?

[eve-with-an-n]

Texts || Niamhbastian

Sebastian: You're wonderful just the way you are. Having an episode doesn't make you fucked up. If anything, I'm the one who is fucked up.

Sebastian: He is an asshole. And he shouldn't be looking at you that way. He shouldn't be looking at you at all, actually. And if he tries something, he's going to have to deal with me.

Sebastian: Great. You're my plans today. Fuck the elevator. I feel like if I was in the elevator I'd want to break it. I already kind of want to break something before you get here.

Niamh: If you were in this elevator, we'd be fucking. No breaking anything. Just shagging in public places, babe. At least, that's what I hope we'd being doing, 'cause I've got all this pent up energy. Fuckin' rage.

Niamh: Maybe I should take up boxing too.

[sebastianjsmythe]

[eve-with-an-n]

sebastianjsmythe:

INSTAGRAM @sebastianlax13 Apparently I have a stalker interested in the fact that I’m taking selfies before I go to class. She’s the fucking cutest though, so it’s okay. @littleredridingniamh 

1849 LIKES, 15 COMMENTS

I WANT YOU TO SEND ‘EM TO ME!

[eve-with-an-n]

Texts || Niamhbastian

Sebastian: Sometimes we have shit days... That's the problem of being fucked up. Whether we got help there or somewhere else, we're always going to have the shit days.

Sebastian: You're not a broken doll, you've come a long way, babe. Whoever this bitch is can back off. Someone looks at you the wrong way, we've got problems. You know this. Me and that person have problems.

Sebastian: And that's what you'll get. I'll probably lose count of the kisses today. Because I'm kissing you remainder of the day. Cancel any other plans you have.

Niamh: I hate being fucked up, babe. I hate it.

Niamh: He's nothing. He's an asshole. Don't worry about him.

Niamh: You're my plans today. As soon as I get out of the world's slowest goddamned elevator. Fuck my life.

[eve-with-an-n]

Texts || Niamhbastian

Sebastian: Why is it shitty? I'd probably remind you whether you needed it or not. You deserve to be told these things about yourself all the time. Every part of you is gorgeous, Niamh. Body, mind, soul.

Sebastian: So nasty. Yep, might as well eat the cookie. Luckily for you, there are some here for you.

Sebastian: Good. Because you're getting at least ten when you walk through the door.

Niamh: Because it's... the opposite of progress. We were supposed to get better in that fuckin' place. I'm supposed to think differently.

Niamh: I was doing dress rehearsal recently. Changing clothes backstage and someone saw them. The ones on my legs. And the look they gave me was just... like I'm some broken fuckin' doll, and I don't want to be that.

Niamh: At least ten. And a cuddle. And the cookies. That's what I want.

[eve-with-an-n]

Texts || Niamhbastian

Sebastian: Whether those scars are there or not, you're gorgeous. They're a part of who you are, and I love every single part of you.

Sebastian: Not at all. Salad is literal shit. Like green shit. All these basic bitches think it's healthy and it's not. A legit salad has kale and spinach in it because it's got nutritional value in it. Legit salad is also gross, but I have to eat something healthy every once and a while, right?

Sebastian: Good. Because the cookies are almost out of the oven, and I want to kiss you.

Niamh: It's shitty of me to keep needing that reminder. That I'm beautiful despite the scars and all that. They're a part of me and I'm beautiful and... yeah. It's fuckin' ridiculous.

Niamh: This was one of those bag salads that's half rotting iceberg, which isn't even all that good for you. It's not a real salad with nutritional value. Might as well eat a cookie for all you're getting out of it.

Niamh: I would very much like to be kissed.

[eve-with-an-n]

Texts || Niamhbastian

Sebastian: Clearly you haven't seen you.

Sebastian: You are really loved. Where are you eating that salad anyway?

Niamh: I've seen me. Every last scar.

Niamh: Study group. One of the girls was makin' a massive salad and I was not okay with it. I'm terrible, right?

Niamh: On my way home to my gorgeous boyfriend now though.

[eve-with-an-n]

Texts || Niamhbastian

Sebastian: I can call in even more reinforcements, so if we're about to have the "whose cuter" argument, I'll probably win.

Sebastian: On second thought, let's not. It's gross.

Sebastian: You're right, I've been watching you make yours. These won't be as good as yours, but they'll be decent.

Niamh: It is gross, but the joke was fun. Still... you're cuter. End of.

Niamh: They'll be amazing because you made them for me special. Which makes me feel really loved, babe.

[eve-with-an-n]

Texts || Niamhbastian

Sebastian: .... I have no idea why I started the text this way, so I'm going to stop now. Your influence is pretty wonderful, I'll admit that. You do? Let's hope I don't burn them. There's no way in hell that I am cuter than you. It's impossible.

Niamh: If we're about to have the "whose cuter" argument again, I'm callin' in reinforcements. I can get Riley on the phone in minutes and he'll pick you 100%.

Niamh: You won't burn them! I have faith. Because they're for me, and you love me.

[eve-with-an-n]

Texts || Niamhbastian

Sebastian: First of all, you're fuckin silly. Second of all, I only write fuckin like that because of you. Third of all, we can have cookies. You're better at making them than me, but I already started the batter. And fourth, you're cute.

Niamh: First of all, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Second of all, my influence... it's wonderful, babe. Third of all, I love when you bake for me. Fourth, you're cuter.

[eve-with-an-n]

INSTAGRAM: @littleredridingniamh uploaded a new photo:

Wishin’ the salad would turn into cookies.

[sebastianjsmythe]

The Moment || Niamhbastian

[sebastianjsmythe]

Sebastian pursed his lips forward and nodded when Niamh told him that she was seeing someone there. “Maybe that’s it then… The meds.” He commented. “I think it’s a good thing to see someone. Maybe I’ll look around.” He mused. His arms wrapped around Niamh’s waist, pulling her even closer to him. Sebastian missed her the last few days, he knew it was his own doing, but he still craved their closeness. “We’re both lucky then?” He questioned, more than stated. “I still say I’m luckier.” Sebastian smiled shyly. “I love you too.” He murmured, moving his lips over hers as he lightly pressed a few kisses. 

[eve-with-an-n]

Kissing back softly, she rested a hand on his cheek, grinning despite her own crappy mood. When he kissed her, it was difficult not to grin. He'd always had the gift of making her smile through anything at all. Resting her head against his shoulder, she murmured, "Should we get up off the ground? Are you hungry?" Niamh was certain he hadn't eaten, and she worried when he didn't do that.

[sebastianjsmythe]

The Moment || Niamhbastian

[sebastianjsmythe]

“Good…” Sebastian sighed in relief. He was pleased to know that Niamh knew he wouldn’t leave her. After confessing his love for her, he could never see himself doing so. Plus in the end, he always knew that Niamh was his person, that was just how it was. They always had something amazing between them in the facility, and the timing wasn’t right. So, they never acted on it. “The people were pretty great, and they definitely helped. I’ve actually thought about going to counseling here… That maybe it’ll help me better than that place ever could.” He said with a shrug. Sebastian wasn’t completely sure about counselling, but he figured it couldn’t hurt. “I did.. But still, I could have kept you in the loop. Thank you for being patient with me though… You just… You have no idea how lucky I am to have you, Niamh…” He murmured. 

[eve-with-an-n]

"I see someone here. Mostly to make sure they don't decide to pull my prescriptions at some point, but... I've thought about actually talking to someone too. Someday. Maybe it could help. Much bigger pool to choose from out in the real world." She buried her face in her hands for a moment, rubbing her eyes gently as she forced a yawn away. She was exhausted, the worry she'd felt for Seb and for Sky both draining her as much as her own lack of sleep was. "If you're as lucky to have me as I am to have you, that's a major amount of luck. And I do know." Lifting her head to look at him again, she leaned in to press a kiss to his temple. "I love you."

[sebastianjsmythe]

The Moment || Niamhbastian

[sebastianjsmythe]

“Yes… I do.” Sebastian confirmed. He felt so shameful  He had a guilty conscience, even when he had nothing to feel guilty or remorseful for. Sebastian listened intently to everything Niamh was saying, and it all made sense to him. Sky’s parents had been awful to him and didn’t let him stay even though he found Sebastian. “I think that makes sense… That it was his parents. In fact, I know it was them initially, but I still feel like it was me who did it now. It’s like his heart was broken twice… Or at least, that’s what I think.” He sighed. Sebastian nodded slowly as Niamh explained why she’d been upset. “I knew that… I should have at least opened the door to tell you what was going on, but I just… Couldn’t? Sometimes I’m not good at being present when shit happens. Well… All the time actually. I’m not good at it… It wasn’t something I learned how to deal with back in the shit hole…” He muttered. “But for what it’s worth, I am sorry I did this to you, and I would never leave you for him. I’m just really confused right now is all.” 

[eve-with-an-n]

"I know you won't leave me for him," she murmured. She'd said so before. When Sebastian commented that it was like Sky's heart had been broken twice, something inside of Niamh started to ache and she rested a hand over her heart. The reality of it was that Sky's heart had been broken again and again. Niamh knew that feeling acutely. She'd felt it herself. And she ached for him, ached for the fact that his life had been about being broken. But she didn't dare say that to Sebastian. "That place didn't teach either of us to be better at much... The people helped some, but... it's okay. That you didn't tell me. You had to take care of yourself."