Five Times the Confused Even

Shovin all the plural yapping over here so we can stop clogging up the art blog! Identifying emoji subject to change as we figure shit out lol

[evenmoreconfused]

Slowly been chipping away at some proper system introduction, really just aiming to introduce people casually so it's easier to know who you're talkin to

Friggin🍊: The person everyone is already most familiar with if we're friends or if you came over from the main blog, fairly lax, content to just follow along with what friends are doing any given day, wry sense of humor and terrible puns, mutual bullying for the funnies

Faust🧪: TTRPG OC fictive who'd wormed his way in before we even figured out we were a system. Sociable and outgoing, happy to be here. A mixture of practical thinking and dumbass thought processes. "Yes and" sense of humor + mutual bullying, but only select things. He's sensitive.

Elliot🔷: Short tempered teenage boy. Bit flexible it feels like but 17 at most. Likes games, likes drawing, likes junk food. Strong sense of justice over when people have been wronged (but still holds some internalized poor opinions). Very quippy sense of humor, doesn't mind mutual bullying but don't just make jokes about him being angry all the time.

Fuchsia🎀: Not super interested in interacting with others. Doesn't have anything against other people, but doesn't really feel like that's why she's here. Does find herself compulsively trying to help people more than she'd like to admit. Humor very flatly delivered.

Sticker🌱: Hard to passively identify when fronting, we have to pay attention to be sure when it's them. Picked up/mirrors many little traits from others-- enthusiasm for plants, wry + yes and humor, quick to leave irritable situations, etc. Speaks with a slightly flatter cadence.

[there may be more, but for now they're under wraps]

YES you may ask as many questions as you want. If it is too much or too prying, I will simply decline to answer, but I won't take it personally.

NO I'm not going to make sure I've covered every possible misunderstanding. I'm doing this for fun, it's not my day job.

We started this side blog because it turns out there's a lot to figure out after realizing we've been a system for a vast majority of our life and it didn't seem like the best choice to clutter the main blog/art blog with it all lol

[evenmoreconfused]

🧪: -vibing-

❔️: Hickory

🧪:

🧪: Uh. Lik--

❔️: NO not that Hickory

🧪: Okay...

❔️: It's a good name

🧪: It's a good name... Sure.

🧪: What... what kind of person do you think of when you think of the name Hickory?

❔️:

🧪:

❔️:

🧪: Yeah alright then

🧪: -goes back vibing-

[evenmoreconfused]

We've been slacking so bad on cleaning, I think at this point I'd even take that maid headmate

[ask-a-sysmember]

HOW do you guys decide on a hairstyle (for the body)?? Usually when we would get into disagreements previously, judgment would defer to the (old) host, but im the host now and im really trying to make everyone feel more heard than the old host did and so far ive been doing an okay job. But weve struggled with our hair for a long time, even before the previous host and there so many differing opinion and i just have no clue where to even start with this one.

-🌙

This question is for all systems plurals, regarding hairstyle.

We usually default to just a buzz cut with side fringe because we can't manage hair or hair hygiene on our own.

[evenmoreconfused]

Had the vague thought recently that we appear to be pretty susceptible to splitting. Not to discredit the recent stressors, I suppose, I mean it COULD just be that. They haven't exactly been trivial.

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that sometimes I have to just sit and think like... wow... we've had this going on for over 20 years without knowing. How many people came and went and we just never even knew it??

[evenmoreconfused]

I TURN MY BACK FOR HALF A DAY

[evenmoreconfused]

OUHEGH

[evenmoreconfused]

You know, this is my fault, I started this

I started this, and then was FOOL ENOUGH to trust these people with moderation!!

[evenmoreconfused]

I TURN MY BACK FOR HALF A DAY

[evenmoreconfused]

OUHEGH

[evenmoreconfused]

I TURN MY BACK FOR HALF A DAY

[evenmoreconfused]

what was your first ever plural moment? something like an imaginary friend or a "sudden mood swing" from before syscovery that makes a little too much sense in retrospect

OUEGH.

So like. I've managed to figure out I've been dealing with plurality for at least twenty years in hindsight, and I referred to the earliest blatant memory I have in another post not long back. Otherwise, as you can imagine by the nature of how this works, I don't remember A LOT of things lmao.

But also, I actually had multiple times in my life where I suspected. The problem was that all the depictions and descriptions I saw about plurality didn't line up with my experience-- so I'd end up deciding that I "think weird", but had nothing of note going on aside from that.

My clearest most obvious memories are from ~18 years ago. I lived in a REALLY high stress environment, and spiraling panic was a daily thing. I knew logically that I had anxiety and that my fears were often out of proportion, but it's hard to wrangle when you're freaking out all the time.

So I... developed? A method of trying to talk myself through it. I had the part of me that was freaking out, and the part of me that would talk us through the most logical outcomes of the scenario. And then I would serve the middle ground, connecting potential events.

🍊What about this problem?

🌸We're afraid of this outcome.

🎀But the most likely outcome is really this.

🌸And if it isn’t?

🎀Then this is how we handle it.

🍊And then what about this consequence of doing that?

I'm trying to think further back since my actual earliest memory clearly establishes this was a thing I was already dealing with. There was the briefest fleeting itch of a memory, but if it's not jumping to the forefront of my mind, I'm not about to go track it down, LMAO

[evenmoreconfused]

Jokes aside, I'm pretty sure it was a slip of the tongue between "We have an OC fictive" and "You are an OC fictive" but what a moment it was, considering we've been feeling someone on our peripheral

[evenmoreconfused]

I feel like (even though I know it'll be fine, and I've already got some kind of backup plan in progress), I gotta acknowledge this last recent event really was just a big hit that completely halted whatever momentum I had going, and I am not quite bouncing back the way I want or need to be

I'm not sure what to DO with that exactly lmao, like... okay, acknowledged? But it's going to be fine and I'm already taking next steps anyway, so what does acknowledging do for us exactly?

Idk, but there it is lol, I've been metaphorically clotheslined like a cartoon atop a train that just went through a tunnel. I'd like to peel myself off the wall now!

[evenmoreconfused]

[evenmoreconfused]

Sticker doesn’t come up a lot, mostly because they tend to mirror other people and can be hard to pin down on their own. But I was doodling (unrelated) and started thinking about how Sticker got their name.

A while back, Sticker got stuck fronting for a long stretch before even realizing who they were or that they were new. At the time, we were dealing with a lot of social obligations, so the easiest thing would have been for Faust to front. Without consciously understanding it, Sticker kept mirroring Faust in order to fill that role. The problem was that it kept creating this feeling of: “I am this person, but I am wrong.”

Eventually, Faust was the first one able to properly break through the fog and interact with them directly. Which immediately led to a very surreal: “Okay, if I’m Faust-but-wrong, and you're ACTUAL Faust, then who the hell am I for real??” So Faust walked through it with them step by step.

This person felt similar to Faust, but also wasn’t him. Additionally, something about them felt younger in a way that didn’t fit for Faust. In response, the new person pointed out that fictional Faust had gone by a different name when he was younger, Briar.

There was an extremely fleeting panic of “oh god, if we somehow introjected a second Faust, we are never ever living this down.” But after sitting with it for half a second, they both came to the conclusion together that this didn’t feel right either.

At that point, though, there wasn’t much else to work with. Sticker was already stressed and confused from being stuck fronting so long without even understanding who they were, so Faust decided: “Okay. You’re not me, and you’re not Briar, but you feel close. So until we figure it out, let’s at least give you a name.”

Since briar refers to various thorny plants, that led to thorns, burrs, and stickers. “Sticker” ended up sticking(lmao) because it kept the loose connection to Briar without being the same thing, and the idea of stickers (you... you know, the kind you put on paper) felt fitting for someone who had a more childish sense of presence.

Idk, I just think it's funny. This is at least the second time Faust has gone to someone in the system and said, "I see you're uncertain about who you are. Here, if you'd like, you can share this trait with me to help ground yourself."

[evenmoreconfused]

I feel like (even though I know it'll be fine, and I've already got some kind of backup plan in progress), I gotta acknowledge this last recent event really was just a big hit that completely halted whatever momentum I had going, and I am not quite bouncing back the way I want or need to be

I'm not sure what to DO with that exactly lmao, like... okay, acknowledged? But it's going to be fine and I'm already taking next steps anyway, so what does acknowledging do for us exactly?

Idk, but there it is lol, I've been metaphorically clotheslined like a cartoon atop a train that just went through a tunnel. I'd like to peel myself off the wall now!

[evenmoreconfused]

I think like. The only thing preventing this from being just the actual worst year of my life so far is the fact that I have accessible food and people who are still friends. And it's only May. It truly does feel like every step I take to try and better my situation just backfires on me in a way that emphasizes what I'm trying to escape.

Compared to past events, I'm definitely in a place to handle it better, like I'm not just going to lay down and go "weh nothing is working I'm trapped forever" or whatever.

But it sure doesn't feel good.

[evenmoreconfused]

I'm not a terribly superstitious person, but sometimes it would be really easy to believe that the universe is out to get me personally at every turn

[evenmoreconfused]

I had a discussion the other day about fictives, delusions, and the overlap. Which I won't go into, but from that, I think I can articulate THE trouble with being a fictive. And it's that people do NOT respond well to the idea of someone having delusions. At all.

So even just acknowledging being a fictive can feel like a minefield most of the time, let alone talking about anything specific.

I mean, I'm going to keep doing it anyway. As nervewracking as it is, I think hiding a good two-thirds chunk of who you are would suck ass even worse. Absolutely miserable goddamn concept.

[evenmoreconfused]

The thing about delusions (or anything that can be seen as) is that if someone finds out you experience them, you will instantly lose credibility and autonomy in the eyes of that person. Even the best most well meaning people.

And this is unrecoverable! If you have one experience with delusion, your ability to accurately perceive the world and make your own decisions is now forever in question. If the person is kind, they'll feel the need to double check any time you seem off. If the person isn't, then it's free reign to decide for you what is and isn't real.

I don't want to hide my experiences because I want to be me, and because if talking about them means even one person figures something out faster than I got to, then its 100% worth it. But also, it only takes one asshole exaggerating or outright lying about things I've said or done or believe, and people are going to be inclined to believe them without question or even thinking to ask me. Because all anyone has to do to now is point and go, "they literally think they're a bunch of different people and that one of them is 3ft tall minotaur thing from a game".

[evenmoreconfused]

Who can yell the loudest?

Okay, so like, I'm not actually going to test this, I live with people as you know-- but this one might actually have an easy answer and that's Faust lmao

He's the only one who naturally speaks from the chest. And either because of this or in tandem to this, he's also got better diaphragm control and can make his voice carry more clearly. So like, in theory, he would then be the one who could shout louder and without so much strain.

Do not ask me why any of this is, though. I straight up do not fuckin know lol