i somehow started thinking about a memory from earlier last semester.
i was invited to a party and after a while i decided to leave. shit was escalating, we were outdoors, and i did not feel welcome anymore.
so i left. and i texted you. and it was the middle of the night. but you met me at the halfway-mark.
and i was drunk off my mind and we were stumbling around town and laughing.
and we went to the beach in this frosty autumn night, and we laid down on the ground next to each other, i hit my head hard as shit.
and we looked at the moon and the millions of stars in the sky for so long. and talked about life.
and in that moment i just felt so fucking alive.
but i wonder how that night looked from your perspective.
was it as good as it was for me, drunk off my mind and just so fucking happy to see my best friend?
or was it terrifying and cold and horrible like all the nights youāve been off your head and scared the living shit out of me?
god, i am just so happy weāre together now.
and that you ripped yourself out of her suffocating grasp.
i realise how deeply i have loved you and cared for you, and for how long, without even having fully registered it.
the moments we have had together and continue to have..
it makes all the struggle worth it.
when i am with you i feel like nothing else matters and the whole world can fuck off.