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22/09/17 - Welcome Week
22/09/17 – Welcome Week
I’ve just completed my welcome week at university, and despite this only containing about three days of actual interaction with my course, I am drained. I’ve avoided the traditional freshers like the plague, by not living in halls and dodging forking out £40 for a wristband but never the less, it is done. It’s spiked anxieties that I thought I long since forgot but in turn given me ideas for…
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BPD & Me
(pre warning this is written without edit, and probably without sense to articulate correctly the message it's meaning to convey). If anything this is dedicated to the version of myself that never thought she’d be here now. You did it. I have this overwhelming tendency to run at either 10% or 110% with very little in-between,  it’s draining to never find this middle ground. It’s something I have…
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2000 Trees 2017
It’s officially two weeks till I’ll be back at my spirit home, 2000 Trees. Last years’ festival weekend saw me meeting the greatest group of people, and truly leaving feeling like a family, and now? I’ve lived with one of them for 10 months, moving 3 hours away from home. Imagine an experience like that. If you’re looking for a festival to leave with friends for life, this is it. 2000 Trees is…
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YOU DID IT.
It’s over, it’s now done. This year has been one of the most gruelling I have yet to experience. Education has been a struggle since 2013, when the world crumbled around me. However yesterday I could email my tutors from back then and say, I DID IT, I FUCKING DID IT. I never thought I’d get this far, to thrive and prosper, and the truth is I gave up many times, but Tayla and my tutor forced me to…
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Happy, raw, happy.
This morning, after waking up to some angry drilling from my next door neighbour I had an email from UCAS. My heart sank, two weeks ago I sent off my portfolio to University of Arts London. This morning I got an interview, as aware I am that this is only the beginning I was so overwhelmed. For the first time in a long time I was brought to tears by raw human emotion. Education has been a rough…
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New Year's resolution
New Year’s resolution
As we are fifteen hours into the new year, (for which I’ve been asleep for about ten of them after returning at 4 am this morning) I have arisen with a refreshingly positive outlook. New Year’s can be hard, there are all these expectations and pressures around sticking to resolutions and it really gets to some people. Sometimes by doing what you think is the right thing i.e losing weight,…
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I realised this morning how much I bloody love the new year, if for nothing else it’s a great excuse to be incredibly sentimental. Time this year has passed so quickly I had forgotten so many of the incredible things that have occurred. (side note: this post is more written for myself than anyone else, but if you’re interested in me being super happy about certain things take a look).
I got to meet one of my best friends after YEARS, and then ended up tipsily eating churros in Leeds on a rainy Saturday. After years of knowing each other as a face in the corridor I got to meet Sarah, in all her artistic glory and stay with her in Norwich for a weekend of too much alcohol, the BEST pizza and what seemed like a great drunken idea to go to the beach. WORST HANGOVER EVER.
I’ve learnt more about myself this year than ever, and that I am an ever changing being, and I am cool with that. I feel more in control of my personality disorder and sleep anxiety, and general mental health and more at one with myself.
I got to explore my favourite place in a whole new way, and came back from a 3 day trip with 3 tattoos, (sorry nan). TATTOOS, this year I got five and I could have never conceived how confident they would make me feel.
I rekindled relationships with people I’d lost, shout out to Courtney for being there since day 1 (quite literally). Thank you to Kim for showing me friendships aren’t temporary, and those who care are there for a long time, not a good time (even if that means watching me throw up outside Elephant and Castle on my birthday).
FRIENDS, moving to Brighton has given me the best friends. I no longer live 3 hours from my best friend, he’s just round the corner when I need a drink or to cry. I’ve gained a stronger sense of what a friend is, not just a place holder someone that goes out of their way to help you, and help you to be a better you without acting like it’s any pressure at all. Whether you need a coffee and a cry or to get your shit together.
Brighton, Brighton it took me from April till September to fall in love with a city I had before that not been to since I was a tot, and now it’s home. There’s always something going on and it’s so full of love, music and friends.
Photography, I picked up my camera again, and worked harder than ever. It’s become a part of me again, I gained
back what I lost and have gained so much skill this year. I can now create work I am proud of. This year I got my first commissions and I am PROUD.
Skint, you may have been quiet in recent times but I am so proud of what I’ve achieved and what you’ve allowed me to do, big things are on the horizon.
Thank you for the laughs, the sincere smiles, the good pals, the good times, the hangovers and the early mornings on the way to work. Happy, that’s the goal, and I’m well on my way.
 2016, you’ve been a gem. I realised this morning how much I bloody love the new year, if for nothing else it's a great excuse to be incredibly sentimental.
Coming Home
It’s been three and a half months since I left Cambridgeshire and in that time I feel like I have been given a new lease of life. This week I went ‘home’ for the funeral of a very lovely lady, and only then did it truly hit me. Being in Brighton has given me space to grow, not only mature but expand my horizons. I have developed more creatively in those 3 months than the last three years here.…
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Happy
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what do you actually want? Everyone has an opinion on what you should be doing and what you should work towards but when do we get chance to figure out what we actually want for ourselves? The underlying message in all we were taught is that success is measured in materialistic objects and money in the bank. But what about happy? When does happy come into it.…
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Ello, it's me, again.
Ello, it’s me, again.
I used to think I had to apologise for a lack of online presence, for taken absences, even if it was to get my life outside of a virtually warped reality in check. But it’s healthy sometimes just to get outside, breathe that cold brisk winter air and get your shit together. This blog hasn’t really been a thing in a while, so much has happened this year, enough drama to last me for three and I…
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Portraits
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Music
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Hello old friend
It’s been more than a while, but sometimes life gets in the way, you remove yourself from the Internet, and you live, you live to the best of your capability. In the last Year so much more has changed than I’d of ever presumed possible, and even more so in the last two. I have been fighting a battle with myself just to exist, to convince myself that something better was not just a figment of my…
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My Festival Essentials
This year festival season is INSANE, from now until September I think I have about 3 weekends at home? I’m currently in bed recovering from a weekend in the woodland at Lost Village festival so I thought I’d share with you guys my festival essentials. Tent– Investing in a good tent is the first step, you want something with enough room for you and all of the stuff you’re inevitably going to…
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Things I learnt whilst recoveringÂ
*This post is based purely on personal opinion of someone who’s experienced a mental health issue, not that of a qualified proffessional* Recovery can be a terrifying concept, change is scary especially if you’ve not been okay for so long. It’s okay to be scared to be worried, I certainly was. It’s been a few years now since I turned my families lives upside down, suffering from a mental…
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Festival Make up Look #1
As many of you may know, I work in music, and with festival season just around the corner I decided it was time to try out some new festival inspired make up. Here in the UK our weather for the last few days has been abnormally hot, so I have opted for the no foundation look with a bit of light under eye concealer, and that’s all for my base. There’s not a lot that can kill your vibe more than…
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This time last month Jas and I had just returned from Amsterdam, a city that I hold so dearly and love more than I can even fathom, and not for the reasons you may think. Quite wrongly Amsterdam is associated only for it’s drugs, but there is so much more to the city.
At first Jasmine and I were kind of apprehensive, both being 17 and travelling entirely alone put a lot of responsibility on us, you know when you suddenly feel like an adult and want to go eat cereal at 12 am to counteract it? That was us.
The trip couldn’t have gone any better, nor could we have chosen a better place to stay. Ecomama became our home for a few days, we met so many lovely people and shared so many wonderful memories, and nowhere else I have stayed there has compared. It’s perfect if you don’t want to eat out every night as theirs a supermarket just around the corner and kitchen inside. Better yet, it’s conveniently located near Waterlooplein, home to a lovely market and close to town. The hostel itself was fantastic, we stayed in a private room with an ensuite and the shower was HUGE, centred around being eco friendly it had cute messages all over it too, my only issue was this was no plugs by the bed. (But I am far too reliant on my phone).
The communal spirit was a highlight for me, after a very drunken adventure we came back and sat around with everyone till 3 am just talking. On our last night we also got made the most gorgeous pasta by the lovely Adam who is currently travelling europe and then watched mean girls, with such a diverse group of people, a lovely teacher from Brighton, a thai boxer who lives in Bali and then Jasmine and I, who haven’t quite figured out what we’re doing yet.
We also visited the Jewish Museum this time as well as Anne Frank Haus, (if you’re going book in advance like we did, it’ll save yourself hours of queuing). The Jewish museum was extremely powerful and we were lucky enough to be there when the Amy Winehouse exhibit was on, which was incredibly moving.
The best way to explore Dam is by bike, but my god is it a scary experience at first, (my main cause of concern was actually Jasmine’s incapability to ride one, and lack of sense of direction never the less).
I can’t wait to go back and soothe my post Amsterdam blues once again, the trip is something I will never forget, and after nearly two years of tolerating Jasmine’s existence made us so much stronger as friends.
Travel – Amsterdam This time last month Jas and I had just returned from Amsterdam, a city that I hold so dearly and love more than I can even fathom, and not for the reasons you may think.