Every Outfit On Clarissa Explains It All

Clarissa Marie Darling: Style Icon. Join me on this journey back to the early 90s, and don't forget your velvet choker and Doc Martens!

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Moving exclusively to Instagram! I got midway through today’s posts and realized I’m just duplicating my work for no real reason. Call me a sucker for instant gratification but that good old photo blogging app just seems to be a better platform for this tubular fashion endeavor of mine, so don’t fret - just whip out your phones and follow me there instead!

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Shout out to Clarissa’s bomb red high-tops, contrasted perfectly with Ferg’s loafers.  (S1E8)

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Aesthetic: confused grandma on Halloween. And I mean that in the best possible way. (S1E8)

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“Living with my brother, Fish Face, is like having your hair set on fire and put out with a sledgehammer, on a daily basis.”  (S1E8)

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A 180. You know, like in skate rap? Whamo - you flip on the lip and about-face so radically that people just scratch their heads going “whoaaa.”  (S1E8)

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Sea Monkeys

Clarissa: Okay, the only way we're gonna make enough money, if we rule out white collar crime -

Sam: Why rule it out?

Clarissa: I don't have the right clothes.

That’s true but you don’t even need clothes when you’re a sea monkey, apparently.  (S1E7)

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Holiday Spirit

Turns out that selling Christmas cards in May (even if some of them are in wishing happiness in Spanish, which is pretty forward-thinking for the early 90s) door-to-door is even worse than babysitting for the Wackensteins. And that’s saying something.

Feliz nah...

However, this money making scheme is not totally without merit - merit badges, that is, and Marshall is raking in the Adorable Dad bonus points for wanting to share a scouting experience with Clarissa because it was important to him when he was young but back in his day they didn't let girls join in. <3  (S1E7)

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Holiday Greetings

TFW you’re trapped in a door-to-door holiday card selling scheme. We’ve all been there, am I right?

Literally my life post college. (S1E7)

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What’s my motivation?

With approximately $300 to her name, Clarissa is desperate for an additional $1,200 to buy a used car that comes with keys and has never been in a collision...on the highway.

Janet: Clarissa Marie Darling. You want me to work the late shift at 7/11 just so you can buy some magical creature!?

Clarissa: Mom. A gremlin is a car, Mom. I need a car.

(S1E7)

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Parents Just Don’t Understand

Though I’m not 100% sure I do in this particular case either.

But hey, Jody does, so all’s well that ends well, even if her unique style did get eclipsed by everyone else’s outburst of unique style. (S1E5)

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If wearing chic outfits is a sin, Cher is definitely going to hell.

This blue blazer and yellow fish dangly hair...lure...thing...is really having a moment. 

“What's embarrassing to you might be completely superb to me.”

PREACH. (S1E5)

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Salute to World Leaders Look

(S1E5)

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90s Fashion in a Nutshell

“This is the dawn of a new era of fashion. Our mission: to seek our racy combinations. To boldly wear patterns that no one has worn before.”

Clarissa: I see you as a cross between Lady Di and Lieutenant Uhura.

But Jody prefers something that’s more Tina Turner meets Elvira, with a little Winona Ryder thrown in.

Gurl, yas. (S1E5)

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Clarissa: Do I look like the King?

Jody: You look weird.

Clarissa: But this stuff belongs to an authentic Elvis impersonator.

Jody: So you look authentically weird. (S1E5)

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Miss Dorkus USA? No way.

Sorry I’m not sorry but the tag “statement hat” is going to be used A LOT today, apparently.

“Uncool stuff” (evidently, mostly non-patterned blouses) cast aside like so many crumbs from the feast that is Clarissa’s wardrobe, all in an effort to create the most incredible outfit that doesn’t include knee socks. As a lover of fashion risk takers, I admire her spunk, but as a lover of knee socks, I’m a bit dejected as well. (S1E5)

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I mean, the answer is yes. There’s always time for a wide brimmed statement hat and globe earrings, obviously. (S1E5)

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TFW you’re a actually a teenage liberal nonconformist trying to get through School Picture Day while wearing a navy blue cardigan and knee high socks because your conservative yet tofu-loving mom is FORCING you to wear I mean oh my GOD the humanity. (S1E5)