♡

25 HW: 255 lbs || CW: 194 lbs || GW: 140 lbs UGW: 117

[wishingiwasdiffrent]

Fml just want to be skinny

[myalteregosposts]

dream body right here

[skinnyfragiled0ll]

[everythinghurtslol]

This will be me by Christmas.

[everythinghurtslol]

It feels so terrible updating my CW after all the binging I’ve been doing :( I’ve gained 20 pounds since I last updated it and I don’t even know how. I’m letting myself go…I feel so bad for my boyfriend. He deserves a better version of me. I can’t even take all of my clothes off when we’re intimate :/

My birthday is exactly one week from now. I can’t accept that I’ll be 26…it doesn’t feel real. I can’t believe I’ve been sick for 13 years. It’s pretty sad, suffering from the same illness for now half of my life. I’m not even good at it anymore. I break all my fasts for brownies and ice cream, it’s pathetic.

I used to love sleep because it made time move faster, but now I find myself avoiding it. Will I ever stop feeling like I’m running out of time? What’s my plan? What does my life look like for the next year? When am I going to actually finish school and do something better for myself?

I keep telling myself I’ll do a weeklong fast and I always give in. It’s like I’m addicted to food. I’m honestly so disgusted with myself…it feels like I traded one addiction for another. I haven’t smoked for 134 days now and I really thought it would help, but I find myself missing the feeling.

I miss who I used to be. I used to dream so vividly and yearn for the bright future I promised myself. Everything felt magical and every goal meaningful. Now I feel like my life is on a loop: wake up exhausted, work all day, come home exhausted and avoid my schoolwork, play video games, go to bed on far too little sleep, repeat.

Some days I can’t even get out of bed. I waste my life doomscrolling and ordering DoorDash. I haven’t even paid my rent. What do I want? No one’s gonna hand it to me. I have no family and no real friends besides my boyfriend. No one is holding me accountable except for myself. When am I going to lose all the weight? This has to be the last time. I’m 54 pounds from my goal weight and 77 from my ultimate goal weight…

I’m going on vacation for 4th of July with my boyfriend and his family. They last saw me when I weighed 189 pounds. I’m aiming for 169 by the day we leave, no matter what I have to put myself through. I need someone to notice. I need to know that I still have this in me. I promise I’ll do it right after this week. I just need someone to tell me I’m going a good job ://

All I have to do is say no. No thinking about it, just no. Keep myself busy, stay in control. It will be worth it.

[expressions-of-nature]

by Anita Austvika

[flutteringgg]

[into-th3-blue]

some black-and-white-ish spo that rlly gets me :)

[everythinghurtslol]

Collarbones 😖

[skiinnydreamz]

[everythinghurtslol]

My dream D:

[gloomzyy]

[hauntedrinnie]

📍terest

please 4n4 gods, let this be me

[luupylupins]

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁

⊹ . ݁ ⟡ mood board for motivation !!

[female2004]

[lacetulle]

Joli Poli | Barcelona Fashion Week

[04k96]

Via

[everythinghurtslol]

I’m going to get kbbq this Saturday so I only have 6 days to make a difference :( I officially started dating someone and he knows my past so he’s always watching me closely. It’s kind of inconvenient…I know he means well but it makes it hard to ⭐️ and honestly that’s the only thing that works for me. I gained 7 pounds this week…surely that’s not possible, right? I’ve been counting my calories and exercising at the park but the scale still goes up. I just stuffed my face at work and started the timer again ://// hopefully my next update is a weight loss.

[everythinghurtslol]

Why is it so hard to start a fast :////

[chudosc-jest-uwu]

[everythinghurtslol]

Yo I’m literally never gonna get better 😃

I locked in at the gym and tracked my macros for like half a week and as soon as my period comes around & the scale goes up, I’m triggered again. I just want to fast - it’s so much easier than busting my åss on the treadmill for an hour every day. I’m hovering right around 180 and it’s been taunting me…

I’ve been trying to eat well but it feels so bad having things in my stomach… it’s triggering me even more. I already feel bloated enough from my period; I just want to feel empty again. The first day of spring is in 5 days and I’m nowhere near ready to show my body. I’m running out of time.

Goals:

Monday: 182

Tuesday: 181

Wednesday: 179

Thursday: 177

Friday: 175

Saturday: 173