I love my parents but I cannot be them. I REFUSE. My mom and aunt (who lives with us) does basically all the housework, we help too but it's mostly them, all the sweeping, dishes, and laundry. Other than the cooking, which is mostly done by my dad, but when my mom cooks he complains that his way is better.
My mom is an indigenous person. That's not a problem, except that my dad is racist and or prejudiced against our kind (Ifugao). He openly says things like "if someone is speeding then they must be Ifugao since they don't really care" and "Ifugao's just aren't as smart" and " Ifugao's only ever order meat when eating out, and that he's never seen an Ifugao order vegetables willingly despite me, my mom, and my aunt literally existing.
And the thing is, he spent a pretty long time working as a teacher back home in the mountain surrounded by Ifugaos, I remember when I was younger how I'd wake up somewhere at night and see him asleep and in the morning he's gone (we live like an hour or so away from there) I don't know how he kept all those degrading comments to himself when he lets them loose when he's here.
He constantly belittles my mom, especially when drunk. My mom is honestly the strongest person I know cuz how can you deal with that on a daily basis??? He also doesn't really defend my mom to his family. Back then we used to live with my paternal grandparents and when mom was pregnant with my younger sister, they kicked us out. Idk what really happened since I have no memory of any of it, like at all, but my mom said there was a lot of yelling (by them) and crying on her part. We ended up living with someone (I don't remember who he is anymore cuz he's dead) my mom stayed with back when she was still in school. I remember only a bit from our time there, only that we didn't have a bed.
My mom said that dad's sister would also make fun of her frequently, calling her ugly, worthless, and other stuff. Which now to me makes sense, since back then, when things calmed down a bit and I was on good terms with them cuz I repressed my memories of what they did, I would go over to her house and play with my younger cousin who was a baby and she would ask if my mom actually let me go or if I just left without telling her. I used to be confused cuz why would my mom not let me go? In fact, my mom would encourage us to interact more with relatives, especially our cousins.
My mom doesn't go out much, from all my years she doesn't go anywhere without invitation. We have plenty of neighbors but she doesn't really talk to them, nor do they come over to talk to us.
Honestly, I don't even know who our neighbors are, I have vague recollections of playing with a pair of siblings that used to live behind us, but my parents didn't like them and they also moved away and their house is now gone. If I really think about it, I don't know the names or faces or any details of the kids I used to play with in my neighborhood. My aunt (maternal and also lives with us) tells me that I used to play with a girl that lived near us, but the only thing I remember are the parents, I don't know about any girl. I don't even remember them having children. Nor do I remember the dad being a creep, but according to everyone else, be was.
I'm really sad how my maternal family is so far away from us, they are hours away. Even if we go there (which would be very expensive), I wouldn't know how to bond with my cousins cuz they're mostly guys and kinda entitled. I only have 3 female cousins but 2 of them are in elementary and the other one I was close to since she lived with us when we were younger but drifted apart when she went back.
Now that I think about it, I don't really like any of my relatives, other than a few exceptions. Even if I did, we wouldn't bond all that well since I'm not really the social type.
That's actually one of the things that started my parent's argument (one sided cuz my dad's drunk and really isn't listening to my mom). He talks and talks about how we have to much pride and that's why we don't socialize (both me and my mom) and how it must be because of our Ifugao genes. I love my dad despite everything, but he's an irritating alcoholic. Most of their arguments happen when he's drunk and has even less filter. It's still a wonder for me how my mom doesn't just leave him. I want them to have a happy marriage, but I don't think it's possible.
Sometimes I think about what my life would be if they separated. I think my older sister would mostly be with my mom(but then again she's going away), and my younger sister would be at our dad's but sleep at our mom's. Personally, I would only go over to him to check up on things, like seeing if he did housework and how dirty the place would be. And also for money, I don't like asking my mom for money (I always get budget conscious with her for some reason). My dad would most likely just give it to me since I don't ask for anything anyways.
The thing I hate the most, other than his behavior towards my mom, is that he's a pretty good dad. Yeah he's not the best, but he's decent in my book. Though the only thing I really compare him too are some of my uncle's, one who i used to hear yell at my cousin and one time threw a brick at him that hit my cousin's foot and it bled, the other who had kids with a woman (my mom's old student) who isn't his wife, while she was pregnant with their third child and already caring for her oldest who has down syndrome and an infant not even a year old. The bar may be low, but at least he's it. He doesn't hit us or really yell, the disciplining is mostly done by my mom. But he's not absent now though, back then he might've been, but I don't remember those days so it doesn't count. At least now he's somewhere in the house when I wake up.
I think we're a dysfunctional family, not really sure what counts as dysfunctional though.
