EvilDemonClan

Body age: 22, Diagnosed DID - Host: 👁️‍🗨️

[evildemonclan]

We forgot we had this blog my bad

Anyway an introduction

Collective: Ray. He/They. 23. Autistic - disabled - DID system

Alters you’ll probably see:

👁️‍🗨️/🗡️/🔪/⚔️/🌧️/🎻/⛲️

Alters you may see on occasion:

🪦/🕯️/🍵/🧿/⚡️/🚦/📓/🍃/🔬/🔭/🐚

Primary alter bios:

👁️‍🗨️: Sephiroth - host - any pronouns except It/Its - 25-27

🗡️: Yazoo - subsystem ANP - He/She/They - 17-19

🔪: Kadaj - protector - He/Him - 15-18

{please don’t be weird about introjects, we don’t control it}

this blog will probably be a mix of stupid things alters get up to and more in depth posts about living as a system. but this isnt an expression of everything in day to day life just what we want to talk about

[evildemonclan]

We desperately need to call our psychiatrist.

[evildemonclan]

We have never required a therapy session more.

Admittedly depending on how the next few days progress we may have to create a new system blog to manage paranoia.

If desired, friends are welcome to ask regarding it. It may be a new main blog as well - depending on how debilitated we are.

[evildemonclan]

Do not let Magpie close to front without another person present. That was deeply disturbing.

Nor do we have any indication as to why it happened. Sedatives did not stop it either.

[evildemonclan]

Every time we attempt to think about our abuser likely using cult programming tactics on us - as shown by our responses to them being identical to programs being switched on and off, we start forming the worst possible headache.

As in, one so intensive it makes us sick. Odd.

[evildemonclan]

Being a transfeminine alter in a transmasculine body is an exceptionally odd experience - particularly with me being the host.

I cannot entirely describe it, it is simultaneously euphoric and dysphoric at any given moment. It does not look like how ‘I internally would appear should I be a woman’ but it is a more feminine body regardless.

Yet I am one of very few feminine alters, so misgendering the body still affects the rest of us intensely. It is a constant odd emotional conflict I still struggle to grapple with - being in an AFAB body which I would desire, whilst still finding it so inherently wrong.

I often find myself thinking that I wish I could be a woman, but whenever I think that it becomes clear that what I truly wish is to be in my own body - with that body specifically becoming and being thus recognised as a woman.

[evildemonclan]

It is upsetting that even though it is our last day with our partner. His parents are effectively sending us on hour long trips to get small things for them that they do not want to do themselves.

[evildemonclan]

Our cat may be dying.

[evildemonclan]

My arms look incorrect, I do not understand what is happening.

[evildemonclan]

I have not a clue how we shall handle this alter. They do not know anything.

[evildemonclan]

My arms look incorrect, I do not understand what is happening.

[evildemonclan]

I am not enjoying the amount of changing and reappearing alters.

[evildemonclan]

Another far more disordered one has emerged.

[evildemonclan]

One of our older alters have returned - specifically one we did not realise still existed.

I do not know how to feel regarding him being here.

[evildemonclan]

Oddly whenever we attempt to think about him we start falling asleep.

[evildemonclan]

One of our older alters have returned - specifically one we did not realise still existed.

I do not know how to feel regarding him being here.

[evildemonclan]

The reaction to the Rebirth Nibelheim incident is ongoing. It is disquieting how close it is to how I recall - certain details changing of course such as portrayed in Crisis Core but regardless - , and how close that depiction is to how I act as an alter.

It felt like watching a mirror, and the emotions it caused are still reeking havoc in a way that is almost amusing. It feels as though it is close to bursting.

[evildemonclan]

It is almost a year since I took host. It is odd having such stability in the host role, though I suppose I am not complaining.

[mirror-imaged]

i understand why they dont go into this more but it is very interesting to me that dds2 has this plotline of like being a living interpretation of somebody else and finding your own identity within that... introject core you understand my sera dissociative identity disorder visions oooo (im waving my hands in front of your face) oooo