Evil Ewen Montagu

[evilewenmontagu]

Spilsard here. Heard you said you didn't want a perfect body? Which is very good because I don't have quite the repertoire

Indeed I don't! And I'm glad you do not have a collection of corpses, very reasonable!

[evilewenmontagu]

Which way do you turn at France if you're going to Spain?

I believe I have already shared my opinion on this!

If you are looking for further evidence than just my word, I would be happy to give that to you as basic geography is not classified information.

If you are in a submarine, and leaving from England and going towards Spain, from the point of view of the people in the submarine it is a right turn.

A colleague of mine (censored their name for privacy) had a misunderstanding about this and our boss General Spitlip was able to clear it up.

[evilewenmontagu]

you mildly scare me

I am very sorry for that. How can I change my behavior to create a more safe and comfortable working environment?

[evilewenmontagu]

Tali here since we both died in the hunger games should we like grab lunch or something

I was not aware that was happening but now that I have looked into it, I would like to wish all remaining participants good luck! I would love to go out to lunch, it will have to be on a weekend though, I wouldn't want to be away from work for too long.

[evilewenmontagu]

going on a bar crawl right now! wanna join?

A bar crawl? As in multiple bars in one night? Absolutely not! It would be incredibly irresponsible for me to get drunk as I have work tomorrow. Additionally, my job involves me knowing information that can absolutely not be leaked! I must ensure I stay level headed and in the right state of mind in order to maintain secrecy.

If you would like to go out to one bar for one drink on a Saturday then I'm sure we could arrange that, but certainly no more than one bar!

[evilewenmontagu]

I have the utmost respect for guidelines and rules!! Following them is an integral part of any operation in order to ensure the safety of everyone involved and the fate of our nation.

[evilewenmontagu]

Do not look at my fingers, Charles.

I do not like being the center of attention and would like to politely request that you look somewhere else. Thank you.

[evilewenmontagu]

Fig anon here ig I was just blessed with a prophecy

The investigation has concluded that there was no leak on my team regarding the classified fig information. However, you should be assured that I will remain ever vigilant.... I take potential leaks very seriously, no matter how inconsequential the information may seem.

[evilewenmontagu]

I remember the names of my coworkers, especially if they have worked here for multiple years. I respect and value them and one of the ways I demonstrate that is knowing and using their names.

[evilewenmontagu]

It is not possible to get multiple Victoria Crosses and I understand that.

[evilewenmontagu]

I dislike figs.

[evilewenmontagu]

Do you like figs?

And do they keep you regular?

That information was scheduled to become public tomorrow. It seems like we may have a leak on our hands....

[evilewenmontagu]

What this country needs is a group of genius people working together as a team!

[evilewenmontagu]

what do you think of women making tea for you

Why would I ever have someone else make my tea? All of my colleagues have important jobs and are very busy. 

My colleagues who are women typically work in the typing pool where they already have so much to do. In fact, no one at MI5 would be able to do their job of not for the efforts of the typing pool. How would we plan or carry out operations without the information and data that documents from the typing pool provide? 

If I were to distract them with silly tasks and prevent them from doing their jobs I could inadvertently sabotage the entire war effort. What if I were to distract one of them and my distraction caused them to make a typing error on a report? In war even simple typing errors on a military level can result in deaths. And I take the lives of all people very seriously. 

I myself, actually quite enjoy making tea and will often make it for myself and several of my coworkers regardless of gender. 

[evilewenmontagu]

I never dreamt of sailing the seven seas, but I did get to try.

[evilewenmontagu]

I love waiting my turn in line, it gives me extra time to prepare to pitch my very thought out plan.

[evilewenmontagu]

I know basic geography and understand that if you are leaving England and going to Huelva in Spain, you would not turn left at France in order to reach your planned destination.

From the point of view of the person traveling, it is a right turn. However it may appear to be a left turn to an uneducated individual who just briefly looks at a map before stealing it.