Musings From An Autistic Child

And reflections and observations from his parents

[ewanisms]

Charcoal Pizza

After saying that about my bro, you're getting a charcoal pizza! ~Ewan

[ewanisms]

Christmas Morning

Christmas Morning Ewan barges into my room, and before he says a word, I pre-empt him with, "Ewan, I'll be out in a minute. I need to use the bathroom." In typical Ewan style he replies, "We kinda want to do our stockings, Mom! Can't the bathroom wait? You'll have to decide how long you can hold it so we can finish!" Ewan had to wait, but I got a good laugh (in the bathroom). Christmas Morning, 2016

[ewanisms]

Most of Our Fears Are of Our Own Making

Most of Our Fears Are of Our Own Making Ewan, age 11, comes into my room the other morning around 3 AM saying, "I can't sleep. There are scary shadows in my room. Can I sleep in here?" I didn't even have to think about it. "No. But let's go check out your room." I get Ewan back in bed, look around the room, and say, "Ewan, I don't see any scary shadows in here." He puts his hand up in the air, makes a claw hand, and says, "See, there are scary monster claw shadows all over the walls!" I had to bite my tongue to not burst out laughing. "Well Ewan," I said, "if you put your hand back under the blanket, I'm pretty sure the scary shadows will go away." When I got back to my room I had to shut my door because by that time I was laughing so hard I was shaking with the strain it took to keep my laughter silent. I laughed for about 10 minutes straight. The moral of the story: Most of our fears are of our own making. (December, 2016)

[ewanisms]

Curse Those Egotistical Overlords!

You're not my egotistical overlord! This is why I would rather make paper puppets! ~Ewan (Ewan was not into removing the guts of pumpkins... Can't say I wanted to either. I'm with him. Paper puppets all the way...)

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You had me at... Silence

I was with you up until you started talking. ~Ewan

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Boredom Insurance

Do you have insurance for being boring? ~Ewan

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Who Wants To Be Normal?

"Ewan, it's bedtime," I announced. "But I'm not TIRED!" Ewan whined. After a long pause, he added, "Mom, I don't WANT to be normal!" I replied, "Well, you can go to bed 100% assured that you are NOT normal, then." "Good!" Ewan responded with a harrumph.

[ewanisms]

Hatching Tools

Don't count your tools 'til they hatch. ~Ewan 10-21-2016

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Entertaining Fans

For an autistic child, even household items can become entertaining - like fan cords. ~Ewan

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Ewan Explains Gravity

I'm not going to fall. Gravity is pulling me down because the Earth has a lot of pulling power. Let me demonstrate by falling back on this doctor's table. That's gravity. -Ewan at the doctor's office

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A New Demographic Box To Check...

I'm half nocturnal, which is why I'm awake right now, and I have to hunt food for my child, Poley. Poley is a polar bear. He eats seals, so I have to hunt seals right now so Poley has morning food to eat. I don't kill the seals, I hunt strips of dead seal meat. I also hunt dog food for my son Icy. Where do you hunt dog food? I don't know, it just shows up! -Ewan

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The Excitement of Watching Paint Dry

Decorating a Halloween cookie house is kind of like watching paint dry, only a little faster. And a little more exciting. -Ewan

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The Rules of a Pug

Clearly you don't understand the rules of pug-uh-sodge-uh-my-oh-sis. Those are the rules of a pug. Technically, Waffle AND Grace don't understand the rules of pug-uh-sodge-uh-my-oh-sis. Waffle understands corgie-uh-sodge-uh-my-oh-sis. These things just come to me. Pop! And they are in my mind. Usually it just happens to kids like me. Not teenagers. Unless it is your birthday, or it has slipped your mind before. Now I have to go check on my stuffed animals. -Ewan

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"Hold on, Ewan. You have chocolate all over your forehead." "I know I do. I was making chocolate eyebrows."

[ewanisms]

Origin Stories

Ewan yelled as he stomped out of the room, “You’re telling me that I can’t even find my own train, but my bossy mother can?”

Ewan hollered this as we were getting ready to leave the house. As we headed out the door, Ethan laughed and called out, “Yeah, bye Bossy Mother!” I could still hear him laughing as Ewan and I got in the car. This time I totally blew it and I busted out laughing.

“You are NOT supposed to be laughing, Mom!” Ewan informed me.

“I’m sorry. When Ethan called me ‘Bossy Mother’ I thought it was funny. I need a minute to collect myself, okay?” I replied as I tried to reign in the laughter.

“Fine. One minute.”

“Now’s a good time to work on flexibility because I think I’m going to need five minutes to collect myself,” I stated.

“Five minutes!?! That’s sixty seconds five times!”

“We can listen to music and you can pick the song.”

“Fine.”

“Ewan, that was an outstanding job of being flexible,” I complimented him.

“Well, you’re still a bossy mom!” He replied.

“Did you hear me, Ewan? You did an outstanding job being flexible.”

Ewan made his rabbit pose with his hands, smiled, and then said, “Thank you.”

•••••••••••

Two days later, Ewan graced Grace with the title, 'Madam Bossy Junior.’ I guess that makes me 'Madam Bossy Senior' by default.

[ewanisms]

And So My Heart Aches

If my breath could bleed, it would. -Ewan I can best translate this as, "I'm scared and mad or sad."

[ewanisms]

The Art of the Insult

I've seen Monkeys that can high five better than you. ~Ewan