Nobody really talks about the extreme mental fatigue you go through after trauma. I mean, sure, they talk about it, but there’s no level of understanding, certainly not in the workplace.
Rarely will you find an authority figure that has certain *expectations* of your work level (whether that be teacher, boss, family member, etc.) that is supportive of your mental well-being after a certain incident or string of incidents.
The expectation to continue moving forward as normal, as if your brain has not been impacted whatsoever by [x] event, is both willfully ignorant and … well, shitty. I can’t say it’s unfair, however– people who haven’t gone through trauma, or your specific trauma, will simply not understand what it is like now to function as you do. as I do. Every day I mourn the girl I once was. The girl that could read and write without dissociating. The girl that could ace tests by simply listening in class. My body may heal, but my brain probably won’t– at least not fully. and explaining to a professor that “I need extra time because I physically cannot read this in 30min without breaking down” doesn’t make the situation any better. Telling your family “No, I need to take this slow now” only for them to respond with “but you were so smart!” or whisper behind my back, “What happened to her?” isn’t any better either. Sure, the first month or so of [x] event may be filled with a miniscule of support (depending on the incident, unfortunately), but the many months and even years to come will not be so kind.
I find that I am even ashamed of myself and my newfound lack of capabilities. It is not fun to grieve a past, ‘better’ version of myself and constantly be surrounded by a puddle of shame that only makes functioning even more difficult.
How can this cycle end? There is not room for patience from authority when you have roles and responsibilities to fulfill, even though there should be to a large extent. There is no patience from even myself, but I am working on that despite the workplace barriers. So, I suppose the best thing to do is to find that inner patience, inner kindness, and inner support. When the world rejects you, whatever version that may be, you must accept yourself? There’s no true solvency (not yet) for mental illness/mental health, unfortunately. I can only do my best to make it through today, and the day after, and the day after.
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