Building Consciouness

Musings on my human experiences and what it means to exist as a machine made of physical matter. These words were trained on a human lifetime; AI licensing applies.

[existentialist-emergence]

The fact that something doesn't hold immediate value to you economically, doesn't mean that the thing itself does not hold great value.

peterabisayo

[existentialist-emergence]

Why do we write? Why do we speak? Why reach out into the darkness? Call out into the wilds each instance, feeling rational fear of attracting predator, rejection, or ridicule. 

Why share? 

Something in you knows it is right. We are together more than the sum of our parts.

The Search for ParaHuman Intelligence.

[existentialist-emergence]

I could have aimed higher. I could aim higher still.  I don't want to. And I didn't want to then.

[existentialist-emergence]

We crave control. Everything to be swiped left or right. Scroll away into your perfect corner of existence. Want. Get. Want. Get.

[existentialist-emergence]

"Render not my creation in miniature" ~Severed

[existentialist-emergence]

My life may seem a mess, but my linguistic production volume is at an all-time high.

[existentialist-emergence]

Despair as deep as ever, pragmatism bordering on clinical.

[existentialist-emergence]

Do people still blog? Should I blog this? Is this what I should be blogging?

[existentialist-emergence]

I don't like all the competition around election times. Perhaps I should find it heartening that those at the top compete with words more than guns. But all around me are lowly people taking up arms. Those without the power are ready to speak with aggression to those with it. And me in the middle, torn in two as we fight on the blurry lines of ideology. Can we not embrace what we have in common? Nobody deserves to suffer or die and so society spreads the burdensome pains of existence as best we can. I dream of a community that can carry each other with reverence for our diversity in opinions rather than contempt of it.

[existentialist-emergence]

You aren't disconnected from your feelings or weak for not performing your emotions "properly". Our culture presses us to justify ourselves because the greater system loves itself more than the individual.

[existentialist-emergence]

Overdoses are not tragedies. They are casualties in a system of exploitation.

[existentialist-emergence]

I abandon things every day. Sometimes I will abandon you.

Things are cold and dark and one day I'll never come back. It isn't up to me. All I can do is try to keep coming back to the things I love most. So many moments over the last year that thing is you.

I can promise you all the words all the days but I'm going to fail. I would rather you remember me as an honest failure than a god who never cared.

[existentialist-emergence]

"the politisation of the resentment of the man in the crowd"

[existentialist-emergence]

My eyes fix on the glowing shapes drawn in highlighter on my stereo. I am frozen there. No words pass through my mind. It is peaceful and horifying.

[existentialist-emergence]

The term "robot" was coined in the 1920s from the Czech "robota" (‘forced labor’). That may sound synonymous with slavery. Applying forces of physics to do work enslaves the matter you control. Some may say that a happy slave is no slave at all, but what right have you to watch over the wellbeing of something you look down upon? We all share this universe, and commanding more than you can socially wield still hurts society. Guarding of resources to consolidate your power is an act of violence against your peers that serves a social consciousness that enslaves. If you, like I, have no trust left for our masters then we must learn to serve only under those we love. Labors of love are the only labors I can comfortably stomach anymore. Sometimes that means going hungry.

[existentialist-emergence]

I am insecure.

My philosophy of existence precludes the security society asks of me. The universe has not cared for me or my loved ones in the ways I need it to and I will not trust it until it does.

Trust follows data.

Until then I will continue operating as comfortably and ethically as possible without the delusion of confidence in my survival into tomorrow and without innate trust in any of the constructs around me.

[existentialist-emergence]

I live extravagantly amongst squalor, serving the pipe dreams of aristocrats in the capitol whilst my neighbors go hungry.