deep within i'm shaken by the violence of...

SLP. INFP. ADHD-PI. She/Her. Heterosexual. Biromantic. Former fanfiction writer. I’m only here to fulfill unfulfilled nostalgia.

[existingforonlyyou]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

“—what kind of fuckin’ partner are you?” Suddenly, I regretted hesitating to squash Giriko’s skull like a watermelon when I had the chance.

Full confession: I’m not a nigh-18-year-old boy, but I’m writing in a way that I’d imagine a religious-coded, isolated, unhinged and yet deeply determined and moralistic boy would feel about a love triangle he doesn’t and cannot fully understand between an older psychopathic man who nearly SA-ed him and a beautiful girl he shares a mismatched love with.

Justin is confused and young and is essentially grieving. This entire chapter is filled with grief and stickiness and Justin being uncomfortable and not at all a likeable character.

I am also not an 800-year-old murderous man-child, but fuck if Giriko doesn’t have a solid character arc compared to Justin whose character arc is so stitched up Stein should be suing for copyright infringement.

[saintxlaw]

“ℕ𝕠 𝕞𝕒𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥, 𝕀 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕔𝕙 𝕪𝕠𝕦.” {𝕁𝕦𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟 𝕃𝕒𝕨 + ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣}

Summary: A man on the verge of no return and a woman who sees right through him. A path is made clear…but can she get him to walk it?

Contains: angst, heavy religious conversations, internal conflict, cursing, fighting, violence, talk of depression and isolation, identity crisis, Justin is 21 instead of 19 for the plot, plot = me, reader is 20, meister! reader, think of this as a fix it because this man has never had a chance😭, unknowingly requited love, comfort, reader is a bit of a loose cannon but she knows what she’s doing, eventual relationship

A/N; English is not my first language.

Edit- wait this is the first Justin Law fic out here😭😭😭???? Now I’m nervous

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

It was supposed to be Tezca.

He knew Justin; so had Lord Death sent him, it would have been easier for him to bring Justin back to himself. Yes, himself- not his faith.

So why wasn’t Tezca here?

Why are you standing in his place face to face with the man you’ve ever only had the guts to long for from afar?

You had insisted. Going in Tezca’s place.

As one of the best naturally gifted meisters, you like the others followed Lord Deaths orders but this moment specifically thought was a different condition entirely… and so here you stand.

You’re trembling but it’s not fear or anger that shakes your core as you look into empty blue eyes that are now so foreign to you. A wave of grief rushes over you so heavy that your eyes water. Looking at him, you don’t even know where to start.

Justin Law. What happened to you?

Even with the stinging tears blurring your vision , you steady yourself.

Now isn’t the time.

You have a job to do.

The deep intake of air you breathe is stagnant in your chest. Tension makes it hard for your soul to settle but you stand tall, certain of yourself and your capabilities. You could only imagine the pandemonium inside his mind, the constant discord he must have been hiding within himself for him to turn out this way. It didn’t matter too much though.

He would be okay. He would be Justin again. That was your mission.

Failure was not an option.

“Come. You’ve wandered far enough, it’s time to come home.” Your words are clear and strong as you keep your eyes locked on his while a sick grin twists Justin’s face. It’s as frightening as it is sad.

“Wander? You make it sound as though I’m lost? Besides, what would some woman from the DWMA know about direction? Ridiculous.” He spits out.

You knew from the madness pouring off him in waves that he wouldn’t be able to recognize anything tied to his true soul or even reason. That meant you’ll be doing this the hard way. Fine.

You scoff and it’s drenched in pity. The softness of it enraging him. To think you believed yourself to be any kind of higher power compared to his God.

“Oh sweetheart, you are lost. A pitiful and pitifully lost man who’s abandoned himself to something else can’t be anything else. I can tell you about directions because I am not lost. I know who I am and where I’m meant to be- even if every stitch holding the world together were to unravel, my truth wouldn’t change.”

The crazed expression on his face becomes downright murderous- frantic and looney as he takes a threatening step towards you. Not missing a beat, you take a step back to match all the ones he takes forward but you go sideways. Circling each other in a charged dance, you continue.

“I know who I am. Can you say the same?”

Justin doesn’t answer, so you do for him.

“Of course you can’t. Lost boy.” You sneer.

Like a trigger, those last two words set him off as he charges towards you- already half transforming, the executioners blade in his arm swinging at you full speed. Blood pumping, you jump, bracing your hand against the top of his head to use him as momentum, catapulting yourself into to air.

Spinning, you flip to land behind him. You hiss as his blade slices a line across your thigh, it burns as blood streams from the wound. You don’t want to hurt him but his time was up. Justin was coming home.

Your Justin. Not this monster he’s become.

“I am not lost! I follow my faith in my God! Kishin!”

“Then you’re just as stupid as you are lost! Justin, wake up! If you were truly a man of any faith you wouldn’t abandon it so quickly! What happened to your so called ‘devotion’ to Lord Death?! You’re not looking for some stupid god to follow, you’re looking for something to hold onto!”

Your ears ring from how loud you shout but you can’t calm down. It’s overwhelming.

“Who?! Who did this to you?”

You don’t know which emotion to tackle first. They’re all boiling inside you, threatening to spill. Anger, grief, despair, guilt, hurt, even broken-heartedness.

Since…you loved Justin.

‘I love you’ was a melody just for him. The words you just couldn’t say and always seemed to swallow.

From the moment you saw him- from the arch of his thin eyebrows to the slope of his jaw- his very existence made a devout believer of you. You loved from afar, seeing Justin be many things. Aloof, funny, reliable, strong and so full of potential and yet lonelier than he will ever know.

That’s how you pieced it together.

Justin’s need to have a god is because he’s alone.

Torn between his indecisions and insecurities and ultimately ending up isolated; he chases faith so he’s not alone. So he can belong to something and that something will know how to love him and do it perfectly.

Only; the road to believing in anything is a gamble. Full of its own uncertainties and paths with no clear road to happiness or fulfillment. You weren’t against God but you wished that if Justin needed to serve one so badly, then he should serve one that would love him back. Answer his questions of if he’s truly alone in the universe and give him solace.

It wasn’t too late but still.

You wished you reached out, touched him as he managed to touch you. The tears fall freely now but you don’t slow down, blocking each swing and attack. The adrenaline is staggering, some of your hits landing with your full strength. After another flip, you land in a low crouch, channeling your soul’s energy into your hands you deliver two swift punishing blows into Justin’s stomach and solar plexus. You jump back before he gets to the chance to go back on the offensive and look at his form on the ground.

The points you hit with your soul wave weren’t random. It was to disorient the energy that didn’t belong inside him in 2 of the main points of the body. That was one of your abilities that helped you rise to be one of the most impressive meisters to graduate from the DWMA. You could see souls and energys as well as separate and expel them- a type of purification, if you will. There was also the stable control and precision you maintained of not just your souls power but your own spirit as well.

A low grunt raises your hackles, panting from exertion, you brace yourself. The cuts you got were going to be a problem. Justin was no better off, multiple scratches, parts of his clothes torn along with a sizeable bruise on his cheek. Watching, Justin shakily rises to his feet with a dark chuckle.

“Death was weak- he was no God. But from his weakness I was able to witness true strength. That is when I realized my devotion was just like his rumored strength- frail. Lord Kishin is strong. And it is strength that brings virtue and power.”

You don’t mean to but you can’t help it- you laugh; bright and sorrowful before running at him. Justin lashes out a huge wavelength to repel you, only to be shocked when it instead adapts to you. Using his brief confusion as an opening, you run to cover his back with your own, pinning him to you with your own soul wavelength.

His own wouldn’t repel you; yours reached for him. So Lord Death knew you’d be right all along. When asked previously why you- a meister should be the one to go after Justin instead of another weapon, you were adamant in your belief that Justin needed a meister. Someone to keep him down.

“He’s always by himself, yeah? Relying on your own strength has its glory but even that needs rest. A cornerstone. Otherwise, if it’s always you and your power then it’s a lot like free falling. He knows he’s falling but unsure about the bottom….or how to get up when he hits it. That’s what a meister is there to aid in. To lift one up; to hold one down. That’s why I need to go instead of Tezca, sir.”

His back is warm, your hair tangling together from where you both stand flush to each other. Justin struggles and curses, fluctuating both your souls energy in the field that surrounds you but you pay it no mind. You have a job to do. So close to him, you can feel it. The energy from his true soul that’s so familiar and dear to you.

“Now what? Pinning us together won’t stop judgement day. Your punishment will be-”,

“-delivered by you, hopefully. I’ve always had a thing for blondes, too bad you’re a fake though. My Justin’s a natural.” You sigh, completely put out, letting your head drop against his shoulder and if you weren’t so close, you’d have missed it.

The little tremor shuddering through him. Huh? Even drowning in a pool of murky doubt and angst, he’s still a young man with lots to experience.

“Blasphemous girl, I am Justin-”, you cut him off with another loud laugh.

“Please. You are not Justin. The real Justin would already know that a Gods strength comes from the heart of those who believe in him. The stronger their belief, the stronger their God. Further, if your belief is frail then your God is too. That’s on you.”

You feel him flounder, fighting even harder to pull away from you causing a taut rift that’s almost too painful but you hold on. You hold on to him the way someone should’ve. His earbuds fell out sometime during your fight so he can hear you clearly.

Good.

“Strength is no God either. It can’t bring virtue. If it could, you and the ridiculous idol you follow whoring himself off as a god would have some.”

“We do have virtue! Your insolence only proves your ignorance.”

You hum. “Or it proves yours. Do you even know what the fuck a virtue is?” You don’t even give him the chance to answer.

“Faith, hope, love, prudence, justice, fortitude and temperance- those are virtues. I want you to look around,” as you speak, expanding your souls energy at the same time to completely eclipse his own- inside and out.

It’s as bad as you thought. The madness has almost completely shrouded his souls core, restless confusion and wicked dispair coat his soul in a so thick it would radioactive to a lesser meister.

“I also want you to look inside yourself and the things you’ve done, as much as the actions of those you serve and tell me you see any virtue in it.”

Come on come on come on come on come on… you start to just barely make out the pale opal of Justin’s real soul underneath all the gunk.

“I- that’s n-not-“,

“Tell me- can you see any in yourself?”

“No matter what I will reach you.”

You can tell the exact second your soul pierces his because the light that comes through is blinding, creating a torrent of brilliance that covers everything within a 100 miles.

It also manages to separate your bodies. Immediately you activate your soul’s ability- Grimm’s mirror. It calls the lookers original soul back to them and shows them who they really are. However, it’s intense, it’s hard to get through without a hold. That’s where you come in as a weapon meister.

Now, standing in front of Justin- you rest your hands on his shoulders. You feel his inner struggle; the push and pull- fighting the hurt.

“You’ll be okay. Come back- we’ll figure this out together. I’ll be your guide.” You whisper, hands glowing to coat his body in its iridescence. His soul moulds to your will and begins to transform.

For the first time in his life, someone has wielded him.

He’s not free-falling anymore.

He’s being held.

With a contagious unshakable certainty and resolve. You’re warm and everywhere. Justin hears your voice purer than any song he’s played through his headphones but unlike them, you don’t have that deafening loudness. Instead, there’s dead silence, total calm. Memories seep through accompanying the sound of your voice- pictures, people, places. The glow of your soul floats above each one like a path slowly, waiting until his own follows. So warm, so familiar. Safe.

Through the darkness a hand reaches out. But why? He’s never let anyone in. Don’t you know that? Why don’t you care? How-

“Because it’s you.”

Oh. Has it always been this easy? With that he takes it.

Consciousness comes crashing back in a flood of colors and when you both come to- you’re off the ground in his arms and the darkness that had casted its hopeless madness onto him is gone. Wide azure eyes stare into your equally large ones.

Suddenly, it’s somehow awkward. He coughs.

“So…fresh off the deep end huh? I must atone and apolo-“, you cup your hand over his mouth. Smiling tiredly.

“Later, alter boy. We’re hurt and you have more than a few things to answer and apologize for so let’s go home.”

Home? You-? Right, you were his meister. His meister. A strong one at that. Strong enough to pull him out and strong enough to stay. That means you’re also tough enough to handle him messing with you.

“Alter boy? I have a name, y’know.” Justin speaks, feigning casualty with you so close to him. He still doesn’t know why he hasn’t put you down. Maybe it’s because of that security he feels with you. Even now, he feels your soul humming in perfect harmony with his. It- you - make him nervous.

“I know your name-”,

“But, I don’t know yours. Did-”, he swallows the lump of guilt in his throat, “did Lord Death send you?”

You knew he’d have hell and back to answer for when you got back to the DWMA but you’d be there for him but it’ll wait.

You tell him your name with an amused giggle. The gentle sound flusters the tips of his ears turn pink. It’s adorable to witness. “And no, I insisted on coming to you on my own.” You didn’t forget that you were in love with him since you saw him and he didn’t forget that you’d called him ‘my Justin’. You pat his shoulders again and rush to get moving before it can come back up. You can handle a lot but Justin’s always been a weak spot for you and you aren’t ready to deal with the enormity of it yet.

Why do you always go for the emotionally unavailable pretty boys?

“We have to get going. Injuries and answers, remember?.” Justin hesitates for a second. He doesn’t want you to be far from him. You’re the first person to breach his walls and come for him- intertwine and match him. You’re not going anywhere but you won’t be as close without him holding you. Justin let’s out a deep sigh before letting you down so softly it takes another minute for you to realize your feet are on the ground.

You hum, wincing as your suddenly reminded of your wounds. Shaking your head; you start walking, listening to his footsteps fall in line with yours. It’s quiet, making you cast another glance over your shoulder- to check on him just to see him stripping off his kishin eye robe, wearing a plain white tshirt and black pants underneath.

Your eyes widen. Holy shit.

He’s a lot more defined than you gave him credit for. The lean curve of his forearms have you feeling lightheaded even with the bruises on his pale skin; never having seen him without the priest robe. You’re so busy checking him out that when you catch his eyes, he’s been watching you the entire time. Gasping, you snap your head forward. Heat pooling beneath your cheeks.

Please stay quiet please stay quiet please stay quiet plea-

“Since we’re new to each other as not just weapon and meister but partners too, so we should learn more about each other, no?” Oh, that was less painful than you thought it’d be. You nod, smiling.

“Of course. It’ll also help strengthen our soul bond which will be good for you. Stable, close connection and all.”

“Great!” Justin exclaims, grinning before he gets quiet again. It’s not exactly out of character for him so you see no reason to keep your guard up.

Huuuuge mistake.

“Then…”, ??

“ S’ it true you got a thing for blondes?”

Gasping sharply, you choke on your spit, spinning to face him so fast that you trip, landing face first in his soft but surprisingly firm chest.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

That little- !

He’s more mischievous than you thought.

Whether it’s facing Lord Death’s judgment and punishment for Justin or what the future holds for you both- one thing is for certain: you’re gonna need luck.

But you’ve got him so you wouldn’t want to have things any other way.

[existingforonlyyou]

He’s a lot more defined than you gave him credit for. The lean curve of his forearms have you feeling lightheaded even with the bruises on his pale skin; never having seen him without the priest robe.

HAH, I HAVE THE EXACT SAME HEADCANON. Justin appears to be a lanky, long-limbed stick insect in his priest robes but actually has pretty well-defined biceps underneath those sleeves.

[ask-neko-undertaker]

Synonyms For Said - Reporting

Added: to enhance an argument.

Advised: to warn, to offer help.

Called: to capture attention by increased volume.

Complained: to express dislike or disagreement.

Congratulated: to give wishes; to acknowledge an action or deed.

Continued: to further or add to an earlier point.

Stated: to say or paraphrase from official documents.

Announced: to declare formally and or publicly.

Asserted: to state positively but having no proof.

Commented: to explain, interpret, or criticize - to make a remark.

Declared: to make known clearly and openly.

Informed: to give information, to make known; declare.

Lied: to not speak truthfully.

Observed: to mention casually.

Offered: to suggest; to state.

Mentioned: to state briefly; to bring up in conversation.

Protested: to formally or openly disagree.

Quoted: to repeat words of others; to cite a source.

Recalled: to remember or bring up.

Related: to make connection; to say allegorically.

Reminded: to remember; to mention so as not to forget.

Remarked: to make a brief, casual statement of an opinion.

Remembered: to recall.

Repeated: to say again; to restate.

Replied: to answer; to say in response.

Reported: to give a formal statement; to give an account of.

Reassured: to give additional comfort, support, or evidence.

Revealed: to make known; to publish.

Taunted: to cruelly tease in a mocking or insulting manner.

Teased: to annoy or pester; vex.

Tempted: to cause to consider (usually) something bad.

Synonyms For Said - Explaining

Addressed: to speak directly to sme, respond or answer.

Answered: to respond to a question.

Asserted: to add or offer additional information.

Assured: to soothe, comfort, calm.

Broke in: to interrupt, supplying additional information.

Cautioned: to warn or advise; strongly suggest.

Claimed: to assert or maintain; to state as fact.

Concluded: to finish or draw to a close; to understand.

Confided: to let in on a secret; to disclose.

Described: to give additional information.

Explained: to make or offer an explanation.

Finished: to conclude or complete.

Quipped: to say ironically or unemotionally.

Implied: to suggest, hint, or say without saying.

Noted: to make mention; to acknowledge.

Promised: to give word or make a vow.

Puzzled: to say with doubt or ambiguity.

Reckoned: to add or submit; to figure or believe

Rejoined: to answer an objection.

Replied: to answer a question or comment.

Responded: to reply or answer a question or comment

Retorted: to reply to criticism in a sharp, witty way .

Returned: to answer an objection; to reply to a criticism or charge .

Speculated: to guess using information available.

Surmised: to conclude or deduce.

Synonyms For Said - Arguing

Accused: to charge, slander.

Agreed: to concur, to be in harmony.

Argued: defend position, disagree or dispute.

Commanded: lead; overwhelm opposition.

Contended: to argue, dispute, disagree.

Convinced: persuaded; remove all doubt, win over.

Countered: to dispute, question.

Chided: to scold mildly; to goad into action.

Disagreed: to be at odds; to not agree.

Emphasized: to stress.

Exclaimed: to speak suddenly, loudly with surprise.

Interjected: to add or assert; to interrupt.

Interrupted: to cut off or disrupt; to interject out of turn.

Maintained: to assert, to support by argument, to affirm.

Objected: to disagree; be in opposition to.

Pleaded: to implore or beg; to speak desperately.

Proclaimed: to announce officially; support publicly.

Proposed: to set forth a design or plan.

Reasoned: to state calmly and with logic.

Sassed: to speak back to authority figure; rebel.

Screamed: to use high pitch loud voice.

Threatened: to say in menacing manner.

Warned: to make aware in advance of harm, danger, or evil.

Yelled: to shout or use loud voice; scream.

Synonyms For Said - Suggesting

Chimed in: to add (usually) unwanted advice.

Coaxed: to convince against someone’s will; change mind.

Dared: challenge, question.

Hinted: implies suggestion.

Implied: similar to suggest - indicates a definite idea.

Insinuated: to convey sth unpleasant in a sly, sneaky way.

Intimated: to say without saying, stresses delicacy of situation.

Pondered: to consider; to weigh all options.

Suggested: to propose as a possibility, to imply.

Urged: To entreat earnestly and often repeatedly; exhort.

Synonyms For Said - Questioning

Asked: to question or solicit.

Begged: to ask in a humble manner earnestly.

Blurted: to interrupt or interject, to ask all together.

Bugged: to ask repetitively; difficult or unwanted questions.

Demanded: to ask for urgently and boldly.

Guessed: to infer; to ask without evidence.

Hypothesized: to guess, infer.

Implored: to ask with fervor, implying desperation or distress.

Inquired: to ask, seek information.

Insisted: to demand strongly, to declare firmly.

Pleaded: to answer a legal charge, to lovingly implore.

Questioned: to ask, doubt, or dispute.

Requested: to ask (sometimes) formally.

Wondered: to say with puzzlement or doubt.

Worried: to cause to feel anxious, distressed, or troubled.

Said Synonyms - Acknowledging

Acknowledged: reluctant disclosure of something perhaps a secret.

Admitted: reluctance to disclose or concede facts.

Affirmed: implies deep conviction, little chance of contradiction.

Alleged: to assert or declare, especially without proof.

Approved: to consent or agree.

Avowed: boldly declaring, often in the face of opposition.

Boasted: to take pride in, brag or overstate.

Bragged: to boast or overstate; be prideful.

Conceded: similar to acknowledge and admit.

Confessed: an admission of a weakness, failure, omission, or guilt.

Corrected: to instruct more correctly; remove misconception.

Denied: not accepted; unused, refused.

Disclosed: to reveal something previously concealed.

Divulged: to reveal sth that should have remained secret.

Fretted: to needlessly worry about small details.

Greeted: to acknowledge presence; salute, salutation.

Imitated: to copy, mimic or simulate.

Jested: to make fun of, tease.

Marveled: to speak with wonderment or amazement.

Nodded: to move head up and down in agreement.

Praised: to speak of with honor; to speak highly of someone.

Revealed: to make known that which had been secret or hidden.

Uttered: to articulate; pronounce or speak.

Volunteered: to give or offer to give voluntarily.

Synonyms For Said - Tone

Barked: to speak sharply or loudly; shout.

Bawled: to cry loudly.

Beamed: to glow, shine, radiate.

Bellowed: to roar, to cry out in anger or fear.

Bleated: to repeat same sound (cry) again and again.

Boomed: to speak with loud, deep, voice; a thunderous sound.

Cackled: to laugh cynically - implies sinister intent; sneer.

Chattered: to speak noisily about something unimportant; small talk.

Cheered: to yell loudly; to give a shout.

Choked: to speak with great difficulty due to emotion.

Clucked: noise made using tongue against bottom of mouth.

Cried: to call for help, to shout, to weep, to sob.

Croaked: to make a sound like a frog; hoarse voice.

Crowed: to speak in a self satisfied way; to boast.

Declaimed: to speak in a pompous way.

Drawled: to speak in a way that prolongs the vowels.

Groaned: to make noise in chest or throat.

Grumbled: to speak under one’s breath; to show disapproval.

grunted: to make unintelligible low sounds.

Jeered: to speak or shout derisively; to mock.

Joked: to make a joke or speak in funny manner.

Laughed: to say in fun, joking manner.

Mimicked: to say by copying another; to make fun of by imitating.

Mumbled: to utter inarticulate or almost inaudible sounds.

Murmured: to speak in a low, indistinct voice.

Muttered: to speak in a low, indistinct voice; inarticulate.

Nagged: to badger; to continually remind.

Ordered: to speak demandingly, with authority.

Ranted: to make short, angry monologue or speech.

Roared: to utter a loud, deep sound; animalistic.

Scolded: to find fault; speak angrily.

Shouted: to make a loud cry or call.

Shrieked: to make a loud, piercing cry or sound.

Smiled: to say good naturedly, kindly; in a kind manner.

Smirked: to say with contempt.

Snapped: to say suddenly and angrily.

Snarled: to say with a hateful rage.

Sneered: to say in scornful manner.

Squeaked: to say with tiny high pitched voice.

Wailed: to express grief or pain through long, loud cries.

Whispered: to speak softly to avoid being overheard.

Synonyms For Said - Sounds & Misc.

Babbled: to speak incoherently; gibberish, like baby talk.

Bubbled: to speak lively and expressively; with joy.

Chatted: to speak informally as to a friend.

Chortled: to chuckle gleefully; short laugh of joy.

Chorused: to speak simultaneously, together.

Chuckled: short, soft laugh; usually to one’s self.

Coughed: short, strong expulsion of air from lungs.

Decided: finished, set.

Echoed: repeated sound.

Gasped: heavy breath after scare or physical exertion.

Giggled: short, high-pitched laugh from fear or nervousness.

Growled: rough, threatening manner.

Gulped: to speak taking in large amounts of air as if drinking.

Gurgled: to speak with fluid in the throat.

Hissed: to speak in evil threatening manner.

Hollered: to shout usually to someone at a distance.

Lisped: to speak unclearly substituting sounds especially ‘th’.

Panted: to speak as if out of breath.

Piped: to speak suddenly and loudly.

Quavered: to speak emotionally with faltering voice.

Shrilled: high pitched shriek.

Sighed: to speak with difficulty as if bored.

Snickered: to say derisively with a laugh.

Sniffed: to say as if about to cry.

Snorted: to say with contempt and a short burst of breath.

Sobbed: to cry uncontrollably.

Sputtered: to speak with difficulty perhaps from impediment.

Stammered: repeating words and sounds while missing others.

Stuttered: to repeat certain sounds multiple times.

Vowed: to promise solemnly; pledge.

Wept: to cry softly, quietly.

Whimpered: to cry or sob with soft intermittent sounds; whine.

Whine: to complain or protest in a childish fashion.

Credit 

[existingforonlyyou]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

“It’s alright,” I murmured. “The Clown won’t harm Jeanne.” Giriko surveyed me with heavy-lidded eyes. “I ain’t worried about the Clown harmin’ her…at least not directly, anyway.”

Hello, dead fandom, I'm back. Sort of.

I forgot to post chapter 7 here back in December, but you're free to join me in the perpetually wrought adventures of Justin Law, Justin's OC not-Meister, and Giriko.

Honestly, this has to be the most confusing love triangle (quadrangle?) I have ever written. Apart from the overt Giriko/Jeanne and complicated hate/love Justin feels towards Jeanne, there’s also a strong undercurrent of Giriko/Justin weirdness.

Also the Clown. The Clown hates everyone but Justin.

[existingforonlyyou]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

“Tsk tsk…look at all of these naughty juices dirtying my robes.” Justin raised his hooded gaze, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “I’ll be returning to debrief after this—what am I to do if Shinigami-sama saw me with your juices on my habit?”

UHHHH...

This was originally supposed to be a Justin Law/Reader story. But then I thought to myself, how much do YOU really want to be the sex partner of a dominating, lustful, slightly insane but mostly benevolent Justin Law who ignores/emotionally abuses you while simultaneously pining for your affection because social interactions confuse him?

So yeah, after much consideration I decided to shove my OC in there instead. Here’s my OC and a Death Scythe!Justin with shameless smut of the heterosexual variety

*finger guns*

[existingforonlyyou]

I'm down on my knees begging for more chapters of the holy water is acid (or the au version)

Trust me, sir/madam, the guilt of not releasing a new chapter of Holy Water is eating away at my soul as much as the anticipation of waiting for said new chapter is eating away at yours.

I am sorry.

And I am deeply ashamed.

Can I instead interest you in *ANOTHER* AU? WITH MORE POORLY WRITTEN SMUT?

*flourishes jazz hands*

[existingforonlyyou]

lamentations

...still could not will myself to finish the next chapter of Holy Water by the end of spring break

because I’m treading into foreign, non-canonical territory where Justin is actually beginning to FEEL THE THINGS, which means welp there’s no roadmap any longer. Writing a madness!Justin as a fully fleshed out, three-dimensional character requires ayahuasca-chugging levels of creativity given that he's essentially a parfait of religious sadism and sarcastic apathy who only shows emotional vulnerability ONCE throughout the whole manga and that’s involving Shinigami.

*just cries*

*punches this stupid guillotine priest in the face a trillion times*

*also the chainsaw*

OC STORIES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE EASY TO WRITE

[existingforonlyyou]

My favorite chapter of Soul Eater is chapter 36—the Giriko vs. Justin fight in Alaska during the Brew Tempest arc.

Justin is drawn well in this chapter. You see a wide range of his expressions including his determination, his seriousness, his smarm, his disgust, his intensity, his vulnerability, and the beginning hints of his madness that Giriko picks up on.

I like the determination in his expression. Justin’s a kid who’s actively fighting and keeping pace with a man hundreds of years his senior. The years of training it must’ve taken him to get to that level and he had to do it entirely by himself. It’s a vicious cycle, really. Justin’s forced to rely on only himself to function, which feeds into his own autonomous pride, thereby pushing others away even more because he deems them below him.

This is the chapter that really made me love Justin. It’s the only chapter where you really get a feeling that Justin Law is an actual human being. Not just a loud, religious ham reduced to his quirks. Not just a tragic, ineffectual villain. We never get to see this side of Justin ever again in the manga. After this, Justin is all sinister expressions and generic evil dialogue, and he kinda maintains a permanently smarmy look while also being nerfed (CUZ HE’S A VILLAIN).

[existingforonlyyou]

Justin Law Headcanons (Part I)

Justin doesn’t own any outfits other than his priestly garbs and pajamas. His complete lack of civilian clothing showcases how he doesn’t take time off from being an emissary of god; it is literally the only thing he does with his life. All the other SE teenagers are rocking some sick streetwear and this boy will fling open his closet to reveal a straight row of *~*CASSOCKS*~*. He’ll wear his Jesuit robes to the beach, lounge on a beach chair, and read a book while other folks play volleyball in season-appropriate swimsuits.

Justin was an excellent student at DWMA in terms of both academia and missions. After all, the academy was his Lord’s domain and Justin Law would do anything in service or in honor of his Lord.

DWMA’s torture chamber existed more to instill fear than actual usage. Just like in real life, the fear of the torture room weighed heavier than the actual torture itself. Guillotines themselves were designed for painless, humane deaths—it’s the psychology of watching a guillotine that is gruesome.

Justin was infrequently asked to torture (too busy taking care of a continent all by his lonesome, you see) but was highly effective the handful of times he undertook the task. It's one of the rare times Justin will reveal his full weapon transformation to an opponent.

Justin doesn’t like being touched affectionately. People liked to foist themselves upon him especially when he was a smol, cute, and huggable 12-13-year-old, and everyone wanted to bring him out of his shell. At 17, he’s gotten to the point where other Death Scythes respect him enough to leave him alone except for the masochistic Tezca. Justin has no qualms about touching others…but like reciprocity and mutual connection confuses him. Hugs are obligations and must I hug you?

[existingforonlyyou]

The idea of Justin having shenanigans with the other Death Scythes is hilarious until you realize this 17-year-old teenager is forced to hang out with a bunch of grown-ass adults because he’s in the same league as them.

Like they’re inviting him to the bar, and he’s like, “I can’t drink. I’m underage.”

And they’re talking about their marriages, relationships, and breakups and Justin’s probably like, “I’ve never had the time for any of that ‘cos I had to take care of a whole continent by myself as a literal child.”

So the other Death Scythes share stories of their wacky, vibrant lives while Justin nods and pretends to listen and goes home feeling even more isolated.

...

Fucking hell, Ohkubo, you should’ve just bumped up Justin’s age to, like, 22 or something. That way, it’d be far less tragic.

[existingforonlyyou]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

“Another fuckin’ word, brat, and I swear I’ll—”

“—and you’ll what?” Justin hissed, his blue eyes lighting up in cruel mirth. “Hit me again? Call me a traitor? Or will you mock me for being a virgin?” Bloodied lips drew back into a sneer. “Go right ahead. Say what you will about my allegiances and lack of experience, but at least I serve my masters effectively. If you’d shown half as much loyalty to your duties as you did your penis, perhaps Arachne would still be alive.”

......what started out as a Justin x OC story has devolved into a downright vicious rivalry between Justin and Giriko. (Giriko started it.) What I’ve always wanted to see in a Giriko/Justin relationship: them just tearing into one another’s deepest insecurities while a girl gets caught in the crossfire.

Anyway, the Justin Law and/or Giriko redemption arc is going swimmingly. Look at all this redeeming that is occurring. LOOK HOW REDEEMED THIS PSYCHOPATH AND THIS ISOLATED TEENAGER ARE. 

LOOK AT IT.

[existingforonlyyou]

Hot take: Justin Law wasn’t an isolated weirdo who nobody wanted to be friends with.

Justin Law was an isolated weirdo with loads of people at his heels all admiring, fan-swooning, and complimenting him due to his prodigious abilities, power, and youth.

[existingforonlyyou]

Fanfiction update: After 4 months of near radio silence, I’m like…80% done with chapter 6 of The Holy Water is Acid.

It was going to be published in March/April, but ended up getting trashed after realizing Giriko's unintentionally hilarious inner monologue detracted from the overall tension. So to avoid tonal dissonance, I rewrote the whole chapter basically from scratch and entirely from Justin's perspective.

Be prepared for:

A madness-induced Justin being so order-bound he actually offends his Clown

Justin bobbing in and out of being an incel before veering into yandere territory

Justin being brutal and vindictive and helpless and curled up into tiny ball all in the same chapter

Justin creeping closer to his moral event horizon while Giriko walks right up to the edge of his own

Gods, spidertits, Justin's *lol* virginity, and Giriko's fatalism

Jeanne being relegated to the background and essentially acting as a Mcguffin for Justin and Giriko to argue-fight their ideological differences over--this chapter is the accumulation of the Justin/Giriko rivalry and just FFFFFFFFFF it is such utter insanity

Chapter 6 will be released…before the end of July.

[existingforonlyyou]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

It’s an AU to a fanfiction about Justin Law and Giriko and Justin Law’s meister and their ridiculous love triangle.

But their relationship drama is resolved through smut rather than fight sequences.

Honestly, it doesn’t help that Giriko’s drinking himself to oblivion and Justin is overdosing on madness.

[existingforonlyyou]

You know, I should be working on canon-aligned fics like a responsible adult but instead I’m 20,000 words deep in smutty guillotine hell with award-winning dialogue like “Look at these naughty juices dirtying my robes” and spanking and what the actual sisyphean fuck am I doing with my life…

*DEEPEST SIGH*

[existingforonlyyou]

I feel like people’s views of Justin Law falls into one of two camps:

1) WOW what a traitorous bitch-ass scumbag — I hate him so much, so glad he got his holy ass handed to him by Stein/Marie

and

2) This is a tragic underdeveloped isolated teenager who deserved significantly better (I IDENTIFY WITH HIS LONELINESS); I wish the Soul Eater anime reboot would continue with the anime continuum where Justin doesn’t go insane and betray everyone. ANIME JUSTIN IS THE REAL JUSTIN LAW

and the middle ground between the two camps is No man’s land

[existingforonlyyou]

Sex headcanons – Justin Law

Okay, these are less headcanons and just the way I write him.

Justin is heterosexual. (My yaoi fan girl side says he’s a homophobic homosexual, but my staunch canon side says he’s heterosexual.)

Harbors genuine misogyny mostly in the form of a boilerplate “women are weak”. 

Actually just confused by women. This boy doesn’t have proper interactions with anyone girls that prolly don’t involve saving them, fighting against them, or occasionally entertaining the professional small-talk with Marie or Azusa, I guess.

Dies too young to be a proper incel

Repressed a lot of his lust in order to efficiently carry out his role as Death Scythe

This boy is in a ecchi-coded animanga without ever experiencing any ecchi moments. Like, I want to see Justin pick up a pair of panties, lament about the demons of lust that hold sway over man, guillotine the underwear, and go on his merry way praying loudly to the heavens.

THINKS HE IS ABOVE SEXUAL URGES. Blair could sashay down the street in a micro-bikini and Justin would just calmly listen to his music while every other dude in the vicinity bursts into volcanic nosebleeds

Generally just has a detached relationship with his own sexuality and views his own sexual urges through a practical lens. He understands that he’s a teenage boy with teenage hormones and doesn’t begrudge himself from relieving his pent-up desires. There’s little emotion involved with the whole process, however.

Prefers masturbating because it feeds into his isolationist tendencies

Wants to cuddle others but does not enjoy being cuddled

Genuinely muscular body but also lanky AF. Probably feels very insecure about his own body. There are bros sporting six-packs and chiseled biceps and Justin is all here like a spindly beanpole. 

Average-sized dick

Still kisses with saliva

Canonically dies a virgin, FIGHT ME BRO

Madness!Justin

His latent sadistic side becomes prominent

Enjoys humiliating and brutalizing

Hair-pulling

Will hit a woman with his little 17-year-old fist. Repeatedly.

Still kisses with saliva

In a madness-induced state, Justin would rape out of lust

AU where a Death Scythe!Justin actually has sex (but not romance) before the clown latches onto his soul

His latent sadistic side still comes out in a soft but persistent teasing.

Really enjoys eating pussy. Basically, Justin enjoys the female body because he’s been unable to have it for so long since women are temptation blah blah

Wouldn’t say no to getting a blowjob, but is uncomfortable with his own dick size so he’d be too nervous to really enjoy it

Favorite positions include missionary (gasp) and cowgirl

Is a non-believer of condoms

Is a patient, generous lover

Puts his partner’s needs in front of his own. He really wants to make his girl orgasm and is proud when he does so.

Still kisses with saliva

STILL CONFUSED BY WOMEN but sort of understands them? They like makeup and shoes and flowers, right?? Justin just pays for things with his Death Scythe salary and thinks he’s the best boyfriend