I am fat and tall and have strange thoughts.

Its in the title. If you can't read that I am impressed you got this far.

[exlegendaryhero]

Mother, Earth Part 2/2

Why do you crave the embrace of a blanket? Why do you feel naked with no clothing? What is nakedness? Why do you feel so unwhole? Why does everything feel so empty? Surely our family makes us completely but why is there itch in the back of our minds that we just can't scratch? We miss our mother. I have hundreds of recorded events of miners hearing the same sounds and strange reverberations within the echos of the chambers they are carving from brazil to south america to hidden mines in the northern vietnam only few are privy to see. They all are aware of this and it is growing stronger... That bitch is trying to pull us into the womb again and it's getting louder. You might see it coming in a few decades where miners are phased out for more mining machinery like the "Boring Company" made by Musk. No this isn't some pat on the head for that sychophant this is real life scenario where they have to soundproof the entrace to any cave system and the national parks and recreation will have to close off mammoth cave because of the sheer volume it shoots out.

You will have people en~masse running eyes-glazed towards the caverns trying to dig into the earth. I have seen it. We had comitted to an expedition to a site believed to be somewhat close to "her belly" not the womb but close enough...As we began to dig we all had to wear silenced ear-proteciton with music cranked to max to the point I was nearly deaf and I watched a man take off his protective headphones and try by fingers and nails to dig into the soil like a madman ignoring the flesh peeling back from his fingers. We restrained him and dragged him to the surface where the winch pulled us up... But he kept trying to chew through his harness and yell about "RETURNING TO MOTHER". He tried breaking his own limbs and fingers to escape the cuffs and straps we placed him on and we managed to duct tape him further down and get him sent to pschiatric holding where he was deprogramed as best we could. We don't have a pure solution but enough videos of mankinds achievements and his childrens birthday recordings seemed to calm him. At least we thought that....He had us fooled and the moment he cleared he bolted out of the office with his keys driving straight through the gate of the site and flung himself into the straight hole we had bored to get to where we once stood...Only his body was never recovered. He is with mother now. Give it a hundred or two hundred years and even wells for well water will have to be insulated for sound proofing and thankfully water is a good dampener but the damndest thing is going to come in a way none of you will understand and it terrifies me...It goddamn terrifies me. Have you ever considered how big the fucking grand canyon is?

I know I have been affected. It might not even be something that is sound based it might be something like radiation? Hell maybe its something like radon gas? But we would have detected it...Unless she made it so we couldn't. How can we find materials she refuses to give us the necessary elements to find it? I keep catching myself calling this damned ball of rock "Mother". Hell I haven't even omitted myself writing it in this message because I needed to see how it was affecting me and how you can see how *okay I did omit this one* IT continues to try and change me but I refuse to go near those places anymore. I don't want to go to caves. I don't want to look at fucking rock samples anymore. I don't even want to touch jewlery and feel horrified just grabbing an aluminum can. It's too close to her. Glass seems to be ok but since then I have been sleeping in a house I had built with the remaining of my research funds in a large tree out in the californian redwoods. You might think it equally as foolish being so close to the fault line it's just as bad if not worse in the central US where cave systems align with the limestone below. At least here in my tree I am as far away from IT as I can be. And It's going to stay that way. I am not going back to mother.

[exlegendaryhero]

Mother, Earth. 1/2

I am leaving this message as a sort of last resort in hopes that someone can find this if I do not manage to get the word out on this or something interferes with it. I know you have probably seen these a few times before in some "Spooky online tale" but I assure you with deadly severity that this is far from some ghost-story or campfire prank. I am talking about tera, earth, the dirt between your toes.... THE. GROUND.

People had been calling me crazy since I proposed the idea when I was younger but my investigations had only continued to horrify and compel me to write this down as a form of last ditch effort to make sure it all means something. And it does.... So let me preface this...Should have started with that, sorry......But the nature of what I found recently has had even the words spilling from my fingertips all jumbled and spastic. So again, yes, this is about the earth. You think there is something embedded down there or something alien or hooky magic mumbo-jumbo is the reason for my fright and it's not. It's the goddamn planet. Again again sorry for circling the same drain but you know how cavers always go missing in caves, and you know how children always manage to get stuck in them like some freak force of nature was trying to compel them to go in. Hell it's in their very nature to go into tunnels. DID YOU EVER THINK TO CONSIDER THE IMPLICATIONS OF THIS!? I DID. THE MEME YOU SEE ON THE INTERNET FOR CHILDREN YEARNING FOR THE MINES IS VERY VERY GODDAMN REAL.....But let me explain HOW this plays a factor. See biblically god shaped us out of clay. You know Adam? The progenitor of mankind? Right there....But it never explains how or why. Just as well in the Torah which I studied too it implies you can through ritual craft a golem MADE OF EARTH.....Are you starting to get the picture? I need to stop typing like this and assuming I am responding to someone who is laughing at these words as they read them...Sorry. Please continue reading I will try to omit my sarcasm which is a coping mechanism to the sheer panic I am writing this in. So back to Adam and God....What if God didn't make the earth and heavens? What if god didn't make humanity from clay HE made? ....What if we were stolen? TAKEN FROM THE VERY WOMB from our mother and forced into a bastardized shape given form to mirror that god who lovingly said he "Made us in his image"? And you wonder why we have this compulsion to go into the earth, to sleep by the ground, to feel the warmth of it beneath our feet and why so many miners who manage to go deep into the earth begin to hear strange things? Why do some hear singing and whispers? Why do some hear the sound of dead family members? Why do some hear the sound of beasts and creatures they cannot place but chill them to their core? It is her. It is it. The earth is calling and it WILL have it's children back. Now you might think that we are just regular clay or dirt and when we die we just rot in the earth and you can still dig up bones and fossils right? If the earth wanted us we would just be swallowed up? Oh wait those exist....Sinkholes. She is blind, our mother. Blinded by the very god that shaped us as he scooped up the sacred soil to form us. We are special and this earth is only found within our mothers womb and why only we have conciousness. We can love the creatures of the earth and eat the plants among it because it was crafted from the same cloth but it was not given the breath of life like that of the golem or like that of Adam. The earth spits out lava from it's core. It is our mothers blood. She is wounded and she bleeds. Why then do you think that the very stars among us have cold cores? Because they were not pillaged and they were not wounded. Their mothers still hold them in their embrace. She cries and quivers with rage and the very ground shakes and the small bits of flesh we carve from her to build our homes and pave our streets and power our cars bring her further pain but in this she is learning....Our mother is no fool. She knows we do not as often go into the earth we scrape it. She knows her children are still there and with each one of us places within caskets and set upon soil she learns where we are and what to do about us. Now, mind you she is ancient beyond measure and what may take centuries for you will only be a very VERY short time for her but she is preparing to take us back and already has a siren call built into us.

[exlegendaryhero]

Inappropriate names: HR Debriefing Session# 5

A: Ah! Denice welcome! I am sure you got the memo about why we are meeting yes? D: Y-Yeah...Sorry about this whole thing..I really should have known better. A: Well yes but I-*clears throat*-”𝘞𝘌” need to know WHY you chose those and the gravity of the name-giving or “Nick-Names” as you called it. A: *takes a stern look* A: I know you humans can have rather hurtful views of other species let alone your own... D: *Stammers* I ASSURE YOU IT WAS NOT COMING FROM A PLACE OF HATE OR BIGOTRY!! A: *Sighs in relief and slides into chair* Oh thank Cronomt...I was hoping you would say that. A: *Coughs* So what 𝘿𝙊 they mean? D: You know Mike from I.T kind of looks like a giant feline of my planet and is a bit overweight? A: Yes? D: “Chonkers”... That is what we as a human species decided to name our overweight animals but I SWEAR the name is a term of endearment dating back centuries!! A: Ok...I know lingo on different worlds can cause confusion so I will bring Mike in later to explain and then we will determine if that is something you CAN call him later. D: Understandable. A: And we have one for Yva whom is a Pav’di. A species closely resembling humans but about 3 feet on average taller and pale grey skin? A: What was hers again? D: *winces* D: “M-Mommy”...

[exlegendaryhero]

Vacation accrual: HR Debriefing Session# 4

A: So you wanted to talk to me today about your leave today Irwin? I: Yes! I wanted to talk about when I would start to get vacation hours? I have been here for about a year now. A:Yes? I: Uh..Huh...Now that you mention it I don’t remember you guys mentioning it in the training material for us. You guys do give us a type of “Paid Leave” right? A: Yes! We also allow holiday’s off when the lunar solstice reaches the Zenith of Kel! I: Yeah about that...I noticed that your kind tend to live for uh...About six thousand of our years. A: And? What’s your point Irwin? I: You do realize that a “Year” on your homeworld is about 30 of ours. A: That’s pretty cool! Man I love hearing about you human’s home-world! I really like those “chin-chillers” your kind has showed me on their holode- I: Sorry to interrupt but you do realize that I am 33 of THOSE years old right? A: *Eyes grow wide and quickly rummages through files to find his application* A: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE WHERE IS YOUR PARENTS!?? I: I AM AN ADULT OF MY SPECIES!! A: *Blinks twice* A: *Pulls up human lifespan on the holodex* A: *Looks back at human with sad almost gentle, pitying eyes* A: I will bring this up with management. Go take the day off. A: Paid.

[exlegendaryhero]

Accidental staff poisoning: HR Debriefing Session# 3

A: Ok...So now the medics have cleared off lets discuss what happened today. A: Jerry you were caught trying to encourage Kaath a “Prizzik” to ingest some of your burnt foodstuffs? J: No it’s not burnt its chocolate! A: Ah. Sorry. Still trying to figure out how your food works...It’s so colorful you know? J: No problem it’s cool. A: Anyway you had your chocolate out and Kaath walked by catching it in it’s ofacatory glands and asked what it was and why it smelled so good? J: Yeah! I just figured you know...Maybe if you can smell it as tasty you might be able to eat it! J: *Deeply closes eyes in reflection* J: AH.....Now that I think about it I had been pressured by the Mo’Nac’s in accounting to sample his dish which smelled like strong mint. A: Yes and then you spent 2 days on leave and I had to coach them on human digestion tracts. J: So what does this have to do with Kaath? Don’t tell me shes sick or dying! A: No...Far from that but still a problem. J: Whats wrong? A: She’s higher than a *Clicking gurgle noise* kite. A: *Gestures to Kaath twirling in circles knocking over everything in its 8 foot wingspan* J: Ahwhoops....

[exlegendaryhero]

Inner-Office Conflict and inappropriate gestures: HR Debriefing Session# 2

A: So we are here to discuss your behavior towards your fellow colleges Mr.Cain. F: You can just call me Frank. A: Ok Frank. Returning to my statement earlier your behavior towards *Hissing click sound* was apparently an aggressive stance and she nearly attacked you. F: Yeah that was kinda weird... A: You do realize we covered this in the training that you are NOT to reach out a single hand to greet a Xalithith as it a sign of immense hatred and can be taken as a type of duel request? A: *Quietly mutters a thankyou to Tyddrk that the tradition of dueling was done away with several decades ago or she’d have a much bigger issue on hand and she REALLY didn’t want to deal with the paperwork...AGAIN* F: AH!! My bad...Man I have to apologize but those training sessions on customs of other planets is SOO long... A: But essential! F: I guess so but I never saw a Coll this far from their supposed sector before but we still trained for them. A: And? F: Well...Their greeting is a six minute song and their “Goodbye” takes nearly half that! And thats one of SEVERAL! A: Fair enough. I will work on that..Oversight on my part. A:*Jots note down to train for in-office staff species/soon to employ species ONLY*

[exlegendaryhero]

Temperature and Climate: HR Debriefing Session# 1

A: So you are telling me that you Karen and you Michael both have issues with your “Temperature” as you people call it? K: Yes. It’s like 68F in here and I am freezing! I am sick of bringing a jacket to work each day! A: I see....And MIchael you say that when she turns up the temperature within the human work zone you start to secrete salt-water from your.... A: *Narrows 3 of its 5 eyes in confusion and disgust* A: “𝘎𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴”? M: YES! It’s too hot when she cranks it to 74 degrees and I have to fan myself off mid-day and wear stronger anti-perspirant! A: *Vullic muscles undulate at the word “Perspire”* A: Wait...So you mean to tell me these MINOR changes in temperature can affect your performance that much and cause you to overheat or get too cold?! M & K: *look at each other and nod* M: Yeah thats about right. A: *Scoffs in astonishment* A: You know we have Barrnax here that require an internal temperature of waters boiling point in order to burn oxygen for food but can’t sleep unless they hit around 1200 of your degrees in order to sleep properly right?! K: That is neat and all but I can’t work unless it’s at LEAST 74. I am tired of my cold hands! A: But you are WARM blooded creatures right!? A: .......... A: RIGHT!??

[exlegendaryhero]

♫♪ M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E ♪♫

Mickey sighed as he approached his home after Minnie harangued him for nearly an hour at the bar and fleeing back to her friends house for the night because "She didn't feel safe". Mickey reached into his pocket for his keys and turned the lock into his shadowed hallway and flicked on the light and threw his keys into his couch in a fit of anger and roared in anger stomping and pulling his ears while screaming obscenities.

"Trouble with the misses a-hyuck?" a voice rang out from the kitchen. "G-goofy? What are you doing in my house!?" Mickey irritatedly asked. Goofy steps out into the living room "Gawrsh Mickey, I thought you were home. I needed to borrow some sugar. I am making Maxie some cookies. Door was unlocked so I figured we'd known each other so long you'd be ok with me coming in anyway. Maybe you were in the *Goofy whispers* (bathroom)." Mickey shakes his head and says "Get out of here Goofy I don't have time for you right now!" and gestures to the door. Goofy lowers his head and looks at Mickey.."No time for an old friend huh? I get it. We all got troubles in our lives. You and Minnie are rather rocky right now and me with an empty nest and no one to talk to." Mickey winces at the words and sighs "Alright...Alright. Get your sugar and please leave. I can't keep company it's far too late in the night Goofy. Maybe tomorrow we can visit." Goofy raises his head and smiles. "Aww thanks Mickey. Appreciate it!" goofy goes into the kitchen and begins looking through cupboards. Mickey turns to his tv and flops back onto the chair facing the fireplace and stares at it slowly sliding down...And then like the fire a thought flashes in his head. Mickey stands up. "Hey uh...Goofy. You said...The door was unlocked didn't you?" Mickey says loudly. Mickey waits and notices the odd silence in his home. No cupboards being raided.

"Goofy?" Mickey asks?

A warm breath hits him atop his head and a cold cylinder presses against his temple. "I'm sorry Mickey. I lied. And you know how much I hate liars." Goofy replies calmly. Too calm. His tone was devoid of that jovial cheribium attitude he carried himself with. This was cold and blunt. It's shift made the hair in Mickeys fur stand on end and only grew more when he noticed the silver polish on the pistol aimed at his head. "You thought I wouldn't find it did you old friend?" he says emotionlessly. "F-f-f-Find what Goofy? Put away the gun that's dangerous!" Mickey stutters.

"Ohhhh...." *Goofy laughs* "Well. You know how everyone got together in the Clubhouse? We'd sing. We'd dance. We'd say goodbye at the end of the night....Hot-diggety-dog right? The whole thing. I loved hanging out. Really...I did." *Goofy pulls back the gun and spins the barrel staring down Mickey and pacing the room* "But I didn't know we had a guest I was never introduced to Mickey." Goofy squints and looks at Mickey bitterly. "Wha-What guest Goofy?! I always introduced you to them if they came b-" a flash a bang and a hole opens up in Mickeys right ear and sends him screaming in pain. "THE FLOORBOARDS MICKEY!" Goofy yells screaming at the top of his lungs. "YOU THINK I WOULD NEVER FIND HER!?" Goofy chucks a gold ring at Mickeys chest. Mickey still clutching his ear in pain looks at his lap at the gold band. "READ IT!" yells Goofy aiming at his head. "T-To my beautiful Wife..." Mickeys eyes grow wide and terrified..."L-Love Goo-" a final flash rings and Mickey slumps in his chair lifeless as a crimson stream runs down his forehead.

Goofy runs and grabs a record and places it into the player. The classic Alma Matter song plays in the background and goofy sits on the couch nearby and hums along to the tune.. Goofy smiles as the song comes to a close "See you soon...Why?..." Goofy's lip quivers and he grits his teeth choking back tears "Because we love you.." Goofy places the gun in his mouth and falls to forward onto the carpet.

[exlegendaryhero]

“It is because you are weak Michael.....It is because you are weak that this fate has befallen you and you can only weep at the time you wasted to get this far.”

[youre-all-thats-ever-on-my-mind]

One day I will marry you.

he said to me as tears streamed down my face (via youre-all-thats-ever-on-my-mind)

I said this to a pizza once.

[exlegendaryhero]

So I have a guy in my neighborhood with alzheimers named Maurice...

Hes a nice guy..Keeps walking in the neighborhood to visit his sons who lives across the street from our house. I see him often enough and chat that he recognizes me and refers to me as a “Giant”. I am a 6′6 very very large man. Not exactly muscular but not Violet “post-gumming” anyway. As my name states I am built like a fridge as I also store a lot of food in me and if I fall on you I could crush you..Currently staying with my folks until apartments free up in spring. Well anyway, a person came by to buy my mothers spare scrubs when she worked at the hospital and Maurice saw the lady who came to by walk towards our house and yelled towards her “Careful going in there ma’am! A GIANT lives there!!” In my mothers head and now that lady’s and of course Maurices I am now officially a giant…My mother jokes she “Birthed a giant” and explained this story to the buyer. I can only imagine the look on her face when she went to buy some scrubs only to have a man warn her of potential giant attacks from a suburban home and have said seller say “Yes that is my son he is referring to”.

[exlegendaryhero]

So I have a guy in my neighborhood with alzheimers named Maurice...

Hes a nice guy..Keeps walking in the neighborhood to visit his sons who lives across the street from our house. I see him often enough and chat that he recognizes me and refers to me as a “Giant”. I am a 6′6 very very large man. Not exactly muscular but not Violet “post-gumming” anyway. As my name states I am built like a fridge as I also store a lot of food in me and if I fall on you I could crush you..Currently staying with my folks until apartments free up in spring. Well anyway, a person came by to buy my mothers spare scrubs when she worked at the hospital and Maurice saw the lady who came to buy scrubs walk towards our house and yelled towards her “Careful going in there ma’am! A GIANT lives there!!” In my mothers head and now that lady’s and of course Maurices I am now officially a giant...My mother jokes she “Birthed a giant” and explained this story to the buyer. I can only imagine the look on her face when she went to buy some scrubs only to have a man warn her of potential giant attacks from a suburban home and have said seller say “Yes that is my son he is referring to”.