Confusion of an ex muslim

I'm 23, female, agnostic, and have been brought up by a muslim family, with a lot of thoughts on religion I can't express. If you want to share your experiences, don't hesitate, my ask box is open and I'm listening.

[exmuslimlife]

The fact I'm getting kicked out of my flat in a month and currently have nowhere to go but back to my parents is feeling very real right now

[exmuslimlife]

The first gay Khoja Muslim wedding

People who haven't been brought up Muslim will be looking in on this as a positive news story, a chance to say: 'look! Religion can be progressive! It's not all bad! Love comes first!' I am absolutely for gay marriage. You love who you love and you should be able to choose to marry them if you want to. At the same time I understand I'm straight and don't understand the struggle gay people go through, especially not those in a Muslim community. I come from what most would consider a liberal Muslim family. I wasn't forced to wear hijab. I've told my parents I'm non Muslim and it was horrible but we're starting to build our relationship again. But the reaction of my family shows what Islam is truly like. They have expressed complete disgust, saying the gay newlyweds and their families should be outcast from the mosques. They call it indecent, despicable, abhorred. And this isn't even just my parents generation but siblings too. There is no acceptance, there is no attempt at understanding, there is only hate. And I think THAT is what's truly disgusting.

[exmuslimlife]

A list of good things

A lot of the time I think there's nothing good about myself and I can take criticism from friends, family, etc. to heart. I hate falling out with people but I'm not always the one to blame, I'm not only faults - I have some positives too. Here's a list of good things about me to try and cheer myself up. 1. I want to be a good person. It's hard sometimes, everyone bitches about people, everyone gets angry, but I do try my best to be good. And I always want to be better. 2. I'm independent. I work hard to pay my own rent and am building my own career and future so I don't have to rely on anyone to make things happen for me. 3. I'm strong. I don't want to be walked all over and I stand up for myself. 4. I'm honest. Sometimes it can cause conflict but I'd rather tell someone what I really think, with the aim of resolving things, than just talk behind their back. 5. I can see the other perspective. Generally I know when a fight isn't worth it and try to be calm about things, and see them from the other person's perspective.

[exmuslimlife]

Modern day feminism is hooking up with a stranger and not feeling guilty about it

[exmuslimlife]

Finding happiness

I always focus my energy on other people and assume that they make me happy or unhappy, whether that's my family or someone I'm dating. But I'm beginning to realise I can't keep blaming everyone for me being unhappy. I have a lot of confidence issues and I need to become happy with myself if I'm going to be happy around anyone else. Has anyone got any practical tips on how to become a happier person? Anything you do to boost your self confidence or lift your mood?

[exmuslimlife]

Today my ex-boyfriend's mum messaged me out of the blue, threatening to tell my parents about my long term (now over) relationship. I ended up locking myself in the toilet at work trying to calm myself down, to slow my breathing and stop panicking. I've not spoken to anyone in that family for over a month so I don't understand why this is happening right now. But what I do know is you have to be a truly horrible person to threaten to destroy someone's life like that. While I was in a relationship with her son she claimed to understand the culture as her first husband was a Muslim. So she is either really, really cruel or just completely ignorant. And still cruel. I hate that they have this over me and I know it's going to be even harder trusting someone next time I think about getting into a relationship. I'm starting to understand why ex-Muslims are interested in dating each other rather than someone outside the culture who can treat you like that. I would never threaten what she did to anybody and she doesn't even understand the effect of it.

[exmuslimlife]

Hi there im a somali ex Muslim and I just wanted to know if there are others like me? Also i just wanted to let you know how thankful I am of you. Thank you for creating this blog for years I thought I was the only one until I came across your blog and read other people's stories which always had a recurring theme which was close minded parents who chose a made up religion rather than the child they promised to love and protect. I appreciate you and everyone. Good luck with life you deserve it

Thank you that's lovely, I'm glad it's been some help x

[exmuslimlife]

I'm sad. I know after I leave I'll be leaving everything I love. My family,my friends. I know I'll never be able to go back to me home country bc my family there is Muslim as well. It's bittersweet, I'm excited to live life like I want to but I'm sad I'm losing the most important people in my life. I'm leaving my old life and making a new one. A life where I can be who I want to be without fear. It's truly a weird feeling. I'll miss them, but I'll make new friends and a new family.

Doing what you're about to do is really strong and you should be proud of yourself! The people around you will always change but you'll have to live with yourself, so be happy with who you are.

[exmuslimlife]

I honestly don't know anything anymore. I want to leave Islam but I'm scared, I'm young and I don't know how my family will react. I think my siblings wouldn't care that I left Islam but my parent I think they'll hate me. I'm planning to leave the state we live in when I'm old enough to go to college and live in a bigger state like New York or something. I'm fake I hate "Muslim" in my bio I ware the hijab I have Muslim friends but I don't feel it. I never did. I can't wait till I can be free

It is terrifying but there's lots of people who have done it already, so you definitely can. You need to put yourself first, but maybe after you give it time your parents will react better than you think.

[exmuslimlife]

How did you moved to London? And how did you get a job there and could afford to live on your own? I hear London is very expensive to live there

My family already lived in London so I got a job while I was living with them and then looked for a place to rent. It is very expensive and I have to be careful with money but I think it's worth it

[exmuslimlife]

Emotional manipulation

It just takes one moment of somebody going too far for you to realise they're manipulating you, and then you start seeing it in everything they do

[exmuslimlife]

Just because someone helps you when you're having a hard time doesn't mean you owe them. Just because someone says they love you doesn't mean you have to love them. Just because someone makes you think you'll have no one else doesn't mean you should be with them (it actually means the opposite). I've learnt a lot of lessons about myself in the past year. I am important and I have worth and I shouldn't let anyone let me think otherwise. I've learnt that most people are selfish, and sometimes you have to put yourself first when no one else will. If you don't, people will take advantage of you. I deserve to be treated with respect. I deserve people around me who want to be there. I deserve to laugh and be happy and have fun. I deserve to be listened to and cared for in the same way I would someone I love. Don't waste time on people who don't put in the same work you do. You're worth the effort.

[exmuslimlife]

It's one thing feeling sad and being depressed, I'm used to that. But when you feel so angry with somebody it makes things ten times worse. I just want to let go of everything

[exmuslimlife]

Do you ever feel completely alone? Like no one cares at all and like it would make no difference if you didn't even exist

[exmuslimlife]

because I know that I'll have to learn my child Islam and I don't wanna oppress him/her. That's fucked up. I don't know what to do. Even when I'm writing this I feel scared and guilty as hell.

2/2 do you believe in Islam or do you think it's just been drilled into you from a young age? Just go back to the basics and think, do you believe in God and in miracles and the prophets and that the Quran has come from something divine? If you don't then all this guilt is just coming from pressure from your family and the culture and the religion you've been brought up in. It's nothing to do with reality, it's just what you've been told to believe and you feel guilty and scared when thinking of leaving it (which is perfectly natural). And if you do believe in it, but you think it is oppressive, maybe that means you should take a step back from all the rules and organised-ness of the religion and just think about spirituality. Because surely a good God wouldn't want to oppress you. I don't know if that has helped but basically you shouldn't feel guilty for believing what you believe in. I know it's easier said than done and I've been through it so I know you'll come out on the other side, and you'll still feel conflicted sometimes, but you've just got to keep moving forward. Don't let fear hold you back from being you

[exmuslimlife]

When you're raised in Islam you parents teach you to fear god and you fear going to hell. So now even when I see that it's a sexist religion that treats us women like shit I can't leave because I fear that I might go to hell. I always thought that at some point I'll wear hijab (im20) but recently I discovered that it's not what I wanted for me at all. And recently my mom began telling me that I should think of wearing it and it just made me want to throw up. I don't even want to have a child

1/2

[exmuslimlife]

Thank you so much, I love you. I pretend to be muslim to no get kicked out but I want to leave. I deleted my tumblr account because of those loud people, i don't want to say that famous term we use to define them, all of this defense to muslim people, I feel like nobody cared about ex muslim. I'm getting oppresed my islam and muslims (family), but every one is defending islam and muslims, no one want to lisent to me. No need to answer please, just thank you for saying what i think

There's more of us than you think. ❤