“Attracted to them books” LMFAOOOO
@carrie-frances im screaming
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
h

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@explodeabeau
“Attracted to them books” LMFAOOOO
@carrie-frances im screaming
I saw Cats last night and I still haven’t recovered. Here is a play-by-play of my experience
The movie begins. The audience is rife with anticipatory giggles. Some lady in the back row loudly says “can we be quiet now, please? let us watch the movie in silence” in a displeased Russian accent.
We will inevitably disappoint her
In the first 5 minutes, while crying with laughter, I decide this movie is actually about a human who gets genetically engineered into a cat and is exiled to a furrykin community.
5 minutes after that, I think about how good a movie this would be if it was hand-drawn animation and not CGI people-cats, and I become absolutely furious
Mice and cockroaches have human faces and bodies. The audience is screaming.
This film comes VERY close to having a dog on screen. I start sweating in dread of what it might look like. The dog is never shown.
None of the humor is funny
During the slow parts I start to imagine other celebrities in full cat CGI to amuse myself
Cat Idris Elba sexily Thanos-snaps another cat out of existence. Audible confusion ripples through the audience.
The cats do some extremely horny body work involving their tails. The audience is making disgusted noises. Several people yelp “oh NO” very loudly
At the end of a song, the throng of cats start “applauding” by slapping their hands on the ground and saying “meowmeowmeowmeowmeow”. This instigates a fight-or-flight response in me so strong that I nearly bolt out of the theatre.
During an awkward silence the camera cuts to a cat making a “yikes” kind of grimace and the whole theatre laughs because that is the exact emotion we are all feeling
A cat helicopters into the ceiling and is vaporized by cat Idris Elba. A man in the audience yells “GOTTEM!!” at the top of his lungs
Most cats are naked but somehow cat Idris Elba manages to be far more naked than all of them. The audience is screaming, again
Memoriiiiiiies. All alone in the moonliiiiiiight. “Please,” begs the Russian lady in the back of the theatre, sounding defeated, “don’t laugh. Not now.”
The actor who plays the main character gray cat who never gets a song explaining who he is (I am told he is Munkustrap) is DEAD SERIOUS about this role. He is a PROFESSIONAL. He is feeling being a cat so hard. Look at his face at literally any point (but especially during the final epilogue song) and I guarantee he will be having an intensely invested serious face journey. His shoulders must be aching from carrying this entire film.
110 minutes later, or maybe years: the credits roll. The audience cheers raucously. We exit the theatre in a daze. One of my friends goes home with a high fever. 10/10
Things op doesnt mention:
- rebel wilson eats one of the cockroach men
-Munkustrap is dead serious but is also by far the horniest character in the movie
-jason derulo cat (rum tum tugger) shouts “MIIIIIIIILK” and its a spiritual experience
-for se reason they set up romantic interest between several different characters at multiple points and follow through on none
-Idris elba cat (macavity) wears a coat and hat most of the time and his catness is negligible. Once idris takes these items off, you will WISH UPON EVERYTHING that he kept them on, he is the least furred cat underneath and is so unfortunately smooth.
- im glad your theatre was full but i had the exact opposite experience, it was me, my two friends, and a lone man sitting to the middle right of the theatre, which is objectively more concerning. This was opening night, he did not turn off his phone and immediately exited the theatre hastily once the last song ended.
Excellent additions
friend
this still cracks me up like can you imagine you’re 130 years old and suddenly a gigantic alien baby starts following you around
This is truly the height of my animation career
Thank you all for your feedback
I think I’m going to apply a bit more critical thinking when watching the news.
now THIS is an ally
Awe dude his sister died last year and she was gay.
And he had this huge mass wedding party to honor her.
And he called a bunch of celebrity chefs to make the food for it.
Wow this is… really cute?
I’m… sympathizing with Guy Fieri?
(And he did 101 gay weddings because he was trying to compare the Attorney General against marriage equality to Cruella DeVille, like, 101 dalmations.)
THE TRUE UNPROBLEMATIC FAVE
Come to think of it I never actually found a single reason to dislike him. To my knowledge he’s just a goofball who likes food.
this is a guy fieri fan blog
I’m certain I’ve talked about this before. But. I get that the dude has some ridiculous style and he’s super-over-effusive in the way he talks about stuff. But. BUT. His main show? Is about him giving free advertising to small, locally-owned restaurants, he brings in a lot of business for them. I’ve also found some great places through him. He also does some amazing stuff for the Make-a-Wish foundation, he has a kid and their whole family at the taping for every episode of every show he has. (This is, again, because of his sister- he was four when she was diagnosed with cancer, so he’s seen how hard it is for a kid and their family.) He’s from Vegas, and when there was the shooting a few years ago, he got a bunch of celebrity chefs to do a huge dinner for 3,000 people for the first responders. He went to feed firefighters and evacuees during at least one of the wildfires in California. Dude’s style is silly, yeah, but who cares? He helps a lot of people, he enjoys himself, and good for him for that.
I used to work in culinary with some people who’ve cooked in a lot of high end kitchens, and many of them have worked for a “celebrity” chef or two. Heard a LOT of stories to go with them over the years. None of them have ever had a bad word to say about Guy Fieri. He’s a cheeseball, but he’s a good cheeseball.
@simonalkenmayer
Point of order: Guy Fieri lives in Santa Rosa, CA. He DOES license his name to a restaurant in Vegas but he lives and works in Santa Rosa. Guy’s Grocery Games is filmed in Santa Rosa and this is important because after filming each episode the foods are donated to local Santa Rosa food banks and to farmers.
https://www.northbaybusinessjournal.com/industrynews/4185071-181/guy-fieri-moves-flavortown-market
SANTA ROSA -- As the start of the second season of homegrown celebrity chef and restaurateur Guy Fieri's cable television show Guy's Grocery
UPDATE:
https://www.tmz.com/2020/05/07/guy-fieri-coronavirus-restaurant-workers-relief-fund-grants-20-million/
Guy Fieri's coronavirus restaurant workers relief fund has raised over $20 million.
Yoooooooooo not to bum y'all out, but a lot of stores are reopening rn so please don't forget that the pandemic isn't over, and gathering back into large groups as if it is will only skyrocket casualties, please continue limiting your social interactions
Remember, social distancing still applies, even after lockdown is over
Fuck that noise, social distancing should not be a norm.
Rolling on the ground shouldn't be a norm either but when you're on fire you do what you gotta do
Why do you want to be a comedian?
the free stool with a glass of water on it
whoever discovered uranium was radioactive and decided we can't have that epic green glassware anymore was a hater
I had to google what this was because I’ve never heard of it and now I’m mad too
Ghost glassware
Glassware for ghosts
the flying dutchman vibes
Yeah if you drink from those you too can become a ghost.
no more stress thanks, i’m full
no more disappointment thanks, i’m full
forbidden knowledge
Can we see this frame by frame? Please and thank you.
Yes Here Are All The Frames
THAT IS NOT WHAT WAS ASKED FOR
How dare you hide this in the notes
junji ito whip gif
Creepy: This Guy Has No Nostalgia For The Movie ‘Holes’
this is better than an entire season of american horror story
this is fucking dark
Do non-americans realize that the United States is literally just a bunch of countries in a trench coat that agreed to be semi-nice to each other in order to sneak into the Big Boy Club? Because let’s be honest that’s just what the USA is
The rest of the world: So… you’re a big country?
The states, standing on each other’s shoulders: Y- yes,,,
I love how everyone who’s reblogged this hasn’t added anything on or tagged anything on it. They’re all just like “Yeah. That’s it. That’s the entire United States summed up in one post-”
#oh my god is THAT why you guys are so weird
Yeah 100%
Don’t let these tags die omfg
10/10 can confirm
absolutely bonkers that my own tags have crossed my dash like this more than fifteen reblogs after i wrote them
I moved to another state. 30 minutes away. My family acts like I betrayed them and can’t understand my life choices. It’s completely different way of life, especially during covid. Completely different country.
every single fucking time one of those articles of “things europeans find weird about america” complains that sales tax isn’t included
states set the sales tax!!! it’s literally different across state lines!!! american retailers can’t add it bc they’d have to account for 50 different prices!!!!!!!
It gets even more insane! California’s clean air standards for cars and other such things are so much higher than everyone else’s! So if a car manufacturer in Detroit wants to sell their damn cars in California, they need to build their cars to California clean air standards. But retooling an assembly line and car design to have some cars meet California clean air standards, while building others to other clean air standards is a lot of work, so car manufacturers all over the country have to build all their cars to California clean air standards.
Which is why California went into an uproar earlier this year when the Federal Government tried to argue that states can’t set their own environmental guidelines! “Fuck you!” says California, “we remember Los Angeles in the 80s, how bad the smog gets, go pollute your own damn air over in your own damn state where there isn’t a thermal inversion layer to trap all the smog down near ground level!”
“But you’re making it soooo haaaaaard to sell our cars everywhere else!” they whine.
“Fuck you!” California shouts. “And while we’re at it, we don’t give a shit what you say, Mister President, we’re gonna open our damn states when we’re good and ready, and our friends Nevada, Oregon, Colorado, and Washington State agree! Also, we’ve decided to legalize weed!”
“But the Federal Government says it’s illegal!” shouts the other states.
“Fuck you, we make the drug laws in our state, and we say toke up!”
“Now, hang on!” shouts the Federal government. “You can legalize weed in your state, but all banks are federal agencies, so if your weed dispensaries set up bank accounts, those accounts have money from illegal practices in it and are subject to seizure by the federal government!”
“FINE!” shouts California. “Hey, weed guys, you can keep selling weed, but you can only deal in cash!”
“How the fuck is that supposed to work!?”
“I DON’T FUCKING KNOW, TAKE IT UP WITH DC!”
“By the way, if you’re gay married elsewhere, we won’t recognize it,” mutters Texas.
“OH FUCK YOUUUUUUU!”
And so it goes and so it goes…
“What’s sales tax?” says Montana. “What’s road maintainence?” “also what’s a speed limit?”
*gestures at Florida* Oh also, the reason Florida is “so weird” is only PARTIALLY because people who live here are bonkers – it’s also because Florida state laws around privacy do not include the details of arrests! So in other states, when you’re arrested, it can just show up in the registrar like “25 yo man arrested 04/30/20” but in Florida they can (and do) print the details of why they were arrested: “25 yo man arrested 4/30/20 for riding an alligator through town while naked and smoking weed.” I promises you the other states have PLENTY of weirdos, they just don’t get their dirty laundry gleefully aired in the local news.
Taken from a friend of a friend.
This friend of mine has been very consciously raising her young daughter outside of stereotypical gender norms. They’ve done quite a number on my friend, and she’s like, “Nope, my kid’s life will be different.”
Her daughter is small for her age, and will probably remain small. This has affected her self-confidence. Earlier this year, my friend decided to tell her daughter a slightly sanitized version of Arya Stark’s journey in GoT, to basically demonstrate how a small girl could learn to be badass.
Six months go by, and the daughter turns from 5 to 6. Her mom asks her what she wants for her birthday. The daughter says, “I want to learn how to fight.” So my friend, who has zero martial arts experience, looks up a place, and they go there.
The moment they get there, my friend is thinking, “This may not be the right place.” It’s a Krav Maga/MMA gym. Lots of burly dudes beating the crap out of each other, basically. Not your kid-friendly karate dojo.
But she doesn’t want to tell her daughter that they have to leave because the place is filled with intimidating men – it would pretty much fly in the face of everything she’s trying to teach her. So she says, “Okay. I don’t know if they have a kid’s class here. Why don’t you go ask who the teacher is, and then ask them?”
So her daughter walks up to one dude, asks for the teacher, then gets pointed to this tattooed, musclebound dude with his head shaved and a goatee. As my friend put, “The guy looked like your bigger, meaner younger brother.”
She trails behind her kid a bit, ready to step in, and listens in. Her daughter walks up the guy and says, “Hi! Do you have classes for kids? I want to learn how to fight.”
The guy looks down at this wee little girl, and he says, “Uh, well, no, we don’t really. Maybe I can talk to your mom and suggest some places for you? This isn’t really a place for little girls.”
Her daughter reaches into her jacket pocket, pulls out a nickel, holds it out to the guy and says, “Valar morghulis.”
The guy takes the nickel, looks at it, then says, totally deadpan: “Valar dohaeris. Of course I can teach you.”
The mom comes over and says, “I thought you said you didn’t have kid’s classes?” The guy says, “We do now. Come into the office and we’ll work up a training schedule.” The mom: “Do you have any idea how much it’ll cost?” The guy holds up the nickel. “She’s already paid up.”