Break your mind~

Choi SungMin. Freshman. 17. Living in Changdeok Hall, room #103. [For Roleplaying Purposes Only]

[exsungminsnu-blog]

I bleed as my way of compensating everything to you || self-para

Music was the way SungMin breathed ever since everything had happened to him, because he had no other thing to use as support. Surely he had some friends and all, but he'd prefer not to bother them with his own worries, his problems, his bullshit, yeah, that was right, bullshit, cause he felt more innocent and silly than a child everytime he came to think of what had happened so far in his life.

It was his first day back to Seongnam after he almost begged his parents to take him on a suddenly vacation. It wasn't that hard, not after the whole hospital situation. Nothing with his mom changed, but his dad seemed to be more... concerned with him even though it demanded him to take time out of nowhere. But his father cared, and that made him smile. He looked to his clothes and some flashes had obviously come to his mind.

Sungmin had spent the last days at home. At his lovely home, with everything he could have, maybe the only problem was to deal with his mom, always the same bitch. -- Well, some things wouldn't change in so little time, why was he thinking? -- No love problems, no school work, nothing that could make him feel bad again. Or so he thought.

The memories of the first time he had cut himself came and he couldn't quite recognise when was that. His efforts were useless, so he probably bet he was high by the time. Closing his hands, it was like he could feel the glass piece again at his hands, the sensation of the blood running out of his veins, and he realised what he needed that moment. Bleeding. Cuts. It'd probably easy the pain and make him feel better again.

And he was such a coward to face his own problems in a different way, he thought. The razor blade in the bathroom was caught by those trembling hands of his, as he experimented a single cut in the wrist. "It hurts but I deserve hurting"

Obviously, soon he had more cuts in both his wrists than he could acknowledge or count, all covered up by the sleeve of his clothes. Now that he was alone again, he could look to them. They look pretty healed by now, the first ones, but still he was astonished by his own courage to do it. Seemed beautiful in a way he hadn't thought before.

[speedeeps]

Cr. LOST IN.KR  ::  do not edit.

[exsungminsnu-blog]

[exsungminsnu-blog]

[text] i'll go there [text] wait for me, kitty

[text] I'll be waiting ♥

[exsungminsnu-blog]

[text] my room or your room? [text] i can make some hot chocolate [text] we can hide under the blankets [text] watch some movie~

[text] Come over [text] I wanna cuddle with you [text] I want to be by your side everywhere, though [text] So I can go there if you prefer...

[exsungminsnu-blog]

(/ Smiling with the reply, chuckling for himself \) [text] anything you want, kitty [text] today the day is yours, tell me where you want to meet [text] i'll spoil you ♥ ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

[text] Anything? [text] Don't tease me like that ㅋ ㅋ ㅋ [text] Can we just meet? Kiss a little, stay together... [text] I'm actually lazy today ㅋ ㅋ

[exsungminsnu-blog]

[text] kitty [text] happy white day~ ♥ [text] what do you want to do today?

(/He almost couldn't control himself when he saw who sent the message, opening it right away)

[text] Happy White Day! [text] I love you ♥

[text] I'd love if I could just spend it with you, is that alright?

[exsungminsnu-blog]

(/phone rings again and sehun opens the widest of the smiles while reading the texts) [text] You cutie ^ 3 ^ [text] I love you, Minnie ♥ I always will, ok?

(/looks to the cellphone, when it rings again and laughs) [text] I'm not cutie! [text] That's you! And I love you, too [text] Always ♥

[exsungminsnu-blog]

[text] Minnie~~ i hope this won't bring you any kind of problem, but you're still my Minnie, right? Happy white day, baby♥

(/looks to the cellphone when it rings, and feel his eyes sparkle out of the blue while reading the message)

[text] You're so cute I can't

[text] I'll always be

[text] Happy White day, Hunnie bunny

[xxluhann-blog-deactivated201809]

under reconstruction `luhan& sungmin

[xxluhann-blog-deactivated201809]

He paused. Then he shrugged, the tone of Sungmin’s voice making him question his own reaction a bit.

Then he got the sudden urge to lie down so he tapped Sungmin lazily so the younger would move and they could both fit on the bed with enough space to spare. And they did. Their elbows weren’t even touching, really. Luhan barely ate the candy, taking just another piece before handing the bag back to Sungmin; Luhan had never been a big fan of candies except lollipops, for some reason.

“Nothing,” he replied a bit too late. “Just … surprised, i guess. I mean, aren’t you? Well, you obviously are,” he said, quickly answering his own question, lacing his fingers together and letting his hands rest atop his stomach as he stared up at the blank ceiling, the nostalgia finally slowly making its exit.

Then he peeled his eyes away from the ceiling and turned his head so he could look at Sungmin. They’d been in more compromising positions before, in the middle of cramped dance floors in secret Brooklyn clubs and early morning taxis that took their often drunk asses home—among others. So, Luhan didn’t really feel uncomfortable.

“Do you still—?” he asked, his question an obvious one that didn’t even need to be worded. Sure, Sungmin looked like he had changed and he did say that he was better. Luhan was just curious. That was all.

[exsungminsnu-blog]

Moving so he could give LuHan enough space to sit and whatever, he looked around. Not that it felt bad, but it felt a little strange to be by LuHan's side and no loud music, nothing that could compromise them... Maybe it was a feeling of "I never thought we'd be in a normal situation", but, well, being surprised wasn't something SungMin didn't like at all.

The younger took the bag back, as he lazily put his hand in for some more. Candy was good to keep his distracted for a little "Oh, yeah, surprised" SungMin answered him with a way-distant tone, only coming back to Earth when their eyes met. No, he didn't care about being close to the other in the same bed. Not that SungMin could remember something more intimate between them, but just because the trust he had in the elder was big enough that time, to let go and travel with him, get himself into trouble and all, and he didn't think it'd change just now that they seemed less... crazy.

"Tried to stop a couple of times" SungMin told with no enthusiasm ever in his voice tone, munching on his candy a little before continuing "none of them actually worked" He heard himself laughing with a disgust tone over his own words. Well, he didn't need to mention the trouble he had gotten into, but he remembered it quite well, enough to make his laugh sound like a sad, disgusted one.

[exsungminsnu-blog]

You can't tell me it's not worth dying for || SeHun & SungMin

[xxxohsehun-blog]

He nods. Sehun will smoke it, but… Is just that having one hand caressing Sungmin took him already a big effort. Not that it was troublesome, or that he didn’t want it, but every time he would take a drag, would lead him on quitting those carrying pats of his. And that he didn’t want.

The taller had now his arm around the other’s neck, shoulders, he was hugging, hoping that pain Sungmin felt could disappear even if he knew it wouldn’t. Not like that. Ugh, Sehun hated when he couldn’t do anything about… Anything. He sighs and shakes his head a small no, because that answer he didn’t have. “I don’t know, Minnie. It shouldn’t be, I guess…” Finally, he takes the cigarette up to his lips and drags it, taking a good amount of time until he’s releasing the smoke. 

[exsungminsnu-blog]

Quietly and feeling bad, SungMin let himself be under those caresses SeHun would occasionally do to him. He actually knew it was a way to try to make him feel better, but also SungMin knew it would be always hard - how to feel better that way? He sighed deeply, feeling Sehun hug him "I thought about going abroad, but I feel like it'd be like some years ago, I don't want to" He hugged back, sighing again "If I do it, I'll probably just drug myself even more..."

SungMin let SeHun drag more from it even though he wanted to smoke more from it. Eyes looking to the "nothing", lost in a unfixed point somewhere else, feeling just the hug and nothing else than that. Why, out of all things, SungMin couldn't control his tears?

Crying in front of his best friend was inevitable, though.

[dara-snu]

Catches My Attention | Dara ♤ Sungmin

[dara-snu]

“Watch my class?” Dara repeated the young boy’s words in astonishment. Was he actually asking if he could have a sit-in during her lesson? He’s actually interested in her class? The short-haired girl was far too surprised to even make out a clear response, making her oblivious at the murmurs filling the room.

But after gaining conscious of reality, she cleared her throat and smiled at the young stranger. “Of course! Feel free to sit anywhere you like!” She was afraid that her tone had came off too enthusiastic (since she didn’t want to scare the young boy away) and mentally reminded herself to control her tone next time.

“You can sit at the front if you want.” She gestured at the empty front row seats, not bothering to explain why those seats were empty. It was quite obvious anyway; no one wanted to listen to her yap on about the lessons she’s teaching.

[exsungminsnu-blog]

SungMin tried not to feel strange. Wasn't it normal behavior in an Academy to enroll and/or watch classes that you're interested? Why did it seem so strange for him to be there, asking for permission to watch her class? He'd feel honored to be her student after all, she was famous, and he didn't care at all about all rumours about her, he was sure she could teach and that he'd learn important things.

"Thank you!" the boy smiled and bowing, he directed himself into the class, and looked around for an idea - any idea - of where to sit. Class wasn't empty, so it seemed to be a bit troublesome, and he decided to take the professor's opinion, sitting at front. He didn't really care where to seat even though he preferred middle. "T-thank you a-again, and sorry about the interruption..." SungMin said to the professor, quietly.

[exsungminsnu-blog]

You can't tell me it's not worth dying for || SeHun & SungMin

[xxxohsehun-blog]

Sehun dislikes that smile as much as he disliked the fact that Sungmin needed the drug. Not that he doesn’t like to see Sungmin smiling, but he knows the meaning for that smile, and that meaning disturbs him so much he can’t explain. Even so, he smiles back, showing a bit more of comprehension, because he’s still his best friend and he doesn’t want to see his best friend suffering. 

“I love you too, Minnie,” says out on a sigh, “I love you too.” A hand goes to Sungmin’s head and pats it on a carrying way while he destroys himself, leaving before the cigarette’s back to himself, but unlike the shorter, he doesn’t drags it. Sehun keeps on staring at the thing to burn on between his fingers.

[exsungminsnu-blog]

The look in SungMin's eyes wandered from SeHun to the cigarette and then to the floor as if it could make a giant difference in the way it was burning down. Burning him down. Nothing - he could be sure - let him more uneasy than SeHun's caresses in those moments and he almost breaks down as he passes the cigarette back to SeHun. "Won't smoke it?" His voice is failing because he wants to cry so bad but at the same time... He doesn't even know if he had enough tears to let fall by that moment. "Hunnie... Why is life so hard?" He didn't really expected an answer, but still he made the question.

[bb-matchup]

Bbomb’s last tweet: I’m good !!!

[shindngs]

[bbomb-snu-deactivated20130401]

MinHyuk & SungMin |[ Be Mine ]|

[bbomb-snu-deactivated20130401]

Minhyuk tried to compose himself, his breathing starting to be heavy while he stopped the crying, because he didn’t want Sungmin to think that he was doing Minhyuk cry — it was not Sungmin, it was the worry. And as he was hearing the younger one, he knew that he was asking too much about wanting him to stop the drugs all of sudden. If he could, he would just grab his lovely kitty and take him away from anything that could possibly hurt him.

This time, Minhyuk couldn’t deny that it was his fault that Sungmin ran to the drugs to stop his sadness. The fight, his words, the texting… Minhyuk gave enough reasons to Sungmin drown in drugs and despair.

With the lights on, he looked at the other boy, squeezing his eyes and feeling a strong pain on his chest. His kitty looked terrible. He was far from having the bright eyes and sweet smile which Minhyuk fell in love, but this didn’t matter; he was in love with Sungmin don’t matter how he was looking like.

Holding the other’s hand back, he heard carefully, hiding his feelings when he heard the reference to Sehun. Minhyuk nodded, sighed and smiled, rising up Sungmin’s head with the hand on his chin. “Promise that whenever you feel like using drugs, you will call me. And if for any reason you don’t find me, call Sehun. Any time that you’re feeling sad and about do to something, call us first, ok?” — biting his low lip — “We can search a doctor, maybe there’s some treatment which will ease the situation” — staring Sungmin’s red eyes and weak expression.

“I love you, Sungmin. I really do”.

[exsungminsnu-blog]

"I promise you" was the only thing SungMin could answer, weakly and in a strange voice he even didn't recognise as his own. He held MinHyuk's hand, but his gaze was searching for a hidden from the light place, since the brightness was hurting him.

SungMin was feeling bad. Real bad because he has made MinHyuk cry, because he had started this whole thing, and now there was no way to go back, he'd have to face it and face it like an adult, because he has taking lightly the consequences of his actions, it seemed. He sighed "The lights are hurting my eyes, do you mind me if we just stayed with them off?" The low voice strangely feeling like SungMin just wanted to curl up like a cat and be hugged by Minhyuk as if there's nothing else to do. He was feeling rather sleepy now - probably the highness of the drug was going off since he was normally in insomnia episodes after drugging himself - but he didn't want to sleep, he didn't want MinHyuk to disappear from his side and he was kinda afraid that it would happen if he just closed his eyes.

"I love you, too" SungMin sighed as he hugged tightly MinHyuk, as if anything could be threatening to take MinHyuk away from him "I actually love you much more than you can imagine, I'm sorry again"

[fiore-whitelightup]

from SPEED’s Official Website