Extra Lovins From A Far

Journey with me through the not-so-normal Traditional Surrogacy or not-so-normal Open Adoption 💕

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August 7 2023 1014P

So.. Where do I start..? It's August 7th and it's 1014p as I'm starting to type this out. Your birthday is just hours away and you're at home with your mom and Big Sister, Leah- all tucked into bed.

I had therapy earlier today and we were discussing how I've been feeling lately. We narrowed it down to your birthday approaching and all the feelings that comes with it. I'm not sure if it's because you're getting older (not sure what that has to do with me honestly and why that would make me sad), or that I'm not spending the actual day with you OR it's all the emotions I felt last year coming up again. Nikita, my therapist- told me that I needed to reach out to your mom, Sarah and talk to her about how I feel.

Well, I reached out and we talked and she made me aware of a surprise she had for me.. She was going to surprise me by bringing you over! And she was going to be inviting us to go to her place after dinner for cupcakes. I ruined the surprise but you have no idea how good it felt, hearing that from her.

Sarah is an amazing mother. She's doing a great job with you. Although this situation makes me sad, I'm really trying to navigate my feelings. Your mom has been wonderful at hearing me out and has been so understanding of my feelings. You were always meant for her, she was always your mom.

As I look back on this day in 2022, I wish I could live it all over again. To be able to feel you once last time in my belly and really cherish those 9 months together. To hold you one last time in the hospital and tell you just how much you mean to us and the love we have for you. But, I'm so lucky to continue being apart of your life and getting to tell you myself as you grow older and older, how much you are a big part of us, Calles.

Forever grateful for your mom allowing us to be apart of your life and for telling you, who I am, who we are. You are a Castillo but you'll always have room with the Calles too.

Happy Birthday Emilia Lucia James, Momma Shae loves you.

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6 months have passed since I’ve written a snippet about your life on here. I’ve kept up more with your notebook I got you than this. Not too up-to-date but yeah lol. I’m more open in the notebook than on here too.

You’re 11 months dude! You’re walking all on your own :’) You are getting so big and turning into your own self. You’re absolutely beautiful and your mom is doing such a great job at raising you. 

I went on vacation for my birthday (07/02-07/09) this summer. I went to visit your bio-dad, Oscar, in Virginia. He’s in the military so he was away since March 2023 for training. Well, I had been wanting to get a tattoo with the numbers 8822 (your birthday) in that ‘Old English’ font for awhile and I finally talked Poppa Oscar into getting me the tattoo. He even got it along with your bio-siblings dates too.

Your birthday is coming up soon and I cannot believe it’ll officially be a whole year. A whole year since you were in my belly and growing.. I miss feeling you inside me, moving around, and overall just with me.. I can’t wait to celebrate you. Your mom made me in charge of the goodie bags so I have all the treats for that and I’ll be helping her set up for your special day. I’m so happy she included me with this.

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It’s been 4 months since I wrote on here and 4 months have passed with you in our lives. You’re absolutely beautiful, you love your mom so much & your mom loves you so much! You’re going into 12 month clothing all ready. I’m so blessed to be apart of your life and watch you grow. I love you so much Emilia Lucia James Castillo 💕💜

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Yesterday, you got to meet quiet a few of your family members who have waited your arrival for monthsss! Who supported Oscar and I’s decision from the minute you were a thought in your momma’s head. They were so excited and loved meeting you.

You’re soo close to 11 lbs (10.6-10.7) & you measure at 22 inches! You’re more beautiful than the day you entered the world and are finally showing YOUR true features although you look a lot like your bigger sister Sophie and a mix of my mom- we’re starting to see YOU and can’t wait to continue seeing you grow.

Happy 1 month Mili 💞

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Today, marks 3 weeks for Baby Milia! She’s the cutest thing! I still cannot believe I birthed her. She’s absolutely adorable. I could and would stare at her all day long.

Mom sends me photos allll the time. This week/weekend we got word the last of her cord fell off! She has her belly button now and was able to get a full on bath.

Mom and baby are coming to visit and pick up some breastmilk from me this Wednesday (2 days from now). I’m looking forward to it and Sunday we are getting together with the kids.

It’s nice Sarah (mom) is very open and sends pics and tells me all about how she’s growing. I cannot wait to see our relationship blossom as she grows and we all grow together 💗

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After my last post baby Emilia is now 8 lbs and 8 oz! She’s a feen for the milk (she gets half formula the other half breast milk) & because of this she’s finally filling out and will be soon getting all the rolls!!

I really can’t believe how much she’s grown. She’s already out of the newborn clothes and even some 0-3 month clothing doesn’t fit her. It’s such a sad moment honestly. She’s going to be 3 weeks on Monday and it seems like literally just yesterday she was born. Her mom, Sarah- is always sending me pics and updates. We’ve also been able to see her basically every week since she’s gotten out of the hospital. It’s been so sweet to be able to see our relationship grow together through Emilia.

She’s such a good mixture of her big brother and one of her big sisters but she has her own features too, it’s crazy! I really cannot wait until she gets older to be able to really see what she will look like. Her own person, her own personality and her own voice!

Happy soon-to-be 3 weeks Baby Mila 💗

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As I write this out, today is August 15 2022.

A week ago today, we welcomed little Ms. Emilia Lucia James into this world on August 8 2022. She was born at 7 lbs 12 oz and 20.5 inches long. She has a head full of beautiful dark black hair that makes her look like a teeny tiny porcupine. She is loved by soooo many people- her birth parents, her mom, her big sisters and brother and her grandparents. The village behind her is amazingly huge and cannot wait to see the little person she grows into.

Happy 1 week baby Emilia 💖

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A year ago, we started this journey on getting pregnant for our friend and here we are PREGNANT with a few weeks left before baby arrives.

I cannot express how excited I am for our friend. We have gotten to celebrate so much recently. We had the 3/4D sonogram with the grandparents and mom-to-be-again as well as a maternity shoot with all our kids and my husband 💖

Seeing this family together and the love they share really let’s me know I’m doing the right thing and whoever says different can suck it 😇

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Wow, I have slacked off with THIS! Not much has been going on really. Baby is happy and healthy and we just hit 30 WEEKS!!! 💖 Officially can start counting down (10 weeks to-go)!!

Sleeping at night sucks, I can’t get comfortable. Last night Oscar and I slept on our new couch. It’s softer than our mattress (one of those like feather stuffed?) so it’s easier to sleep on my side. I tried a pregnancy pill but it’s more of a wedge. I’ll insert a pic here ⬇️

Those big body pillows they have for pregnancies don’t look comfortable to me and I’m not gonna spend $$$ for a pillow I’ll only use for like 2 and a half more months. I’ve already spent enough money in clothes but still somehow don’t have anything to wear. I hate it and don’t think it’s worth it. I’ll sleep it off on the couch for the time being. Yes, I’m annoyed 😅

We have a Dr appointment on Monday, June 6th but I can’t remember what for because it’s at their building where they DON’T do ultrasounds. I hate they don’t do one every time like the Dr did with my other two kids. Like just show me the baby! Do they make ultrasound machines for at-home? 😂

We have a 3/4D ultrasound coming up next weekend as well as a maternity photoshoot with both mom and I, Oscar along with the 2 sisters and 1 big brother! We’re going to an island to have a secluded beach background so her parents will be coming and I’m sure they will get in a few shots as well. I’m really looking forward to it because I reached out to my badass friend who’s a videographer and he does amazing photos, so we made a deal and he’s gonna shoot them for us 🥳

I’ll try to keep up with this more since I always have my phone in my hand- if I’m not sleeping 🥲 but I’m sure I said that before so we shall see.

Thanks for keeping up ✨

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So January 29 marked 12 weeks with the little lime! We had my second trimester appt January 28th and all went well. The baby was a jumping bean and the technician said it must had been my breakfast- shoutout ChikFilA! My husband and I told the kids and luckily, I have that all on video. My son could absolutely care less (we figured) and my daughter was just so excited to be getting 2 sisters! Not much has been going on other than the nausea has calmed down some. Still wanna barf to certain food smells or even hearing the names. But the belly is growing and she’s healthy as can be!

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So it’s been awhile since I posted on here. Honestly, I totally forgot I created this blog. It’s been a long journey. I know others aren’t fortunate and it takes even longer but after about 5/6 months of trying, we finally got a positive pregnancy test on 12/07/2021 (my son’s birthday). After finding out, I ugly cried and FaceTimed my cousin- Stephanie, to tell her the great news! I didn’t want to text or call my friend because I wanted to surprise her and make it special so that day I went on to Amazon and got my friend and her daughter shirts (Mama-To-Be & Promoted to Big Sister). I was so excited for her and wanted to tell her but I had to wait. I knew I was seeing her on 12/10/2021 for my son’s 5th birthday party and like I said, I wanted to surprise her.

On 12/10/2021, we all gathered at Chuck E Cheese for my son’s birthday party. The whole time I was so antsy since I knew my friend and her daughter would be attending and today was the day I got to share the great news. During the party my best-friend, Kat- asked if I wanted a drink (they sell alcohol) and of course, I had to reminder her I’M PREGNANT! (I told her about the pregnancy so she could video my friends reaction). By the time the party was settling down- we sang Happy Birthday, did cake, etc. it was finally time to tell her. We started by taking the presents my son received out to my car where I pulled out two Christmas bags and labeled them as Christmas gifts for my friend and her daughter. As my friend opened hers, I helped her daughter open her gift. My friends face was in complete and utter shock! She cried, I cried, Kat cried- it was a crying moment! She called her dad and called her mom and the first thing her mom said was, “Okay, what can we do for her?? What does she need??” Right then and there I could see the support and love her family had for my husband, myself & their new grand-baby.

Ever since i felt the need to take that pregnancy test on 12/07, I knew something was up. I was emotional- Bob Seger made me cry constantly and my nausea was on 10 in the mornings. Around 6 weeks, I started bleeding. I freaked out because this time I knew I was pregnant and bleeding couldn’t mean anything good, at least so I thought. The last time I was pregnant was in 2018- I didn’t know at the time I was pregnant, I just thought something weird was going on with my body and making me bleed uncontrollably for over a month (my periods are very weird so it didn’t make me worry). I was under a lot of stress at the job I had at the time and thought it would pass. My husband urged me to go to the doctor to get checked because he grew concerned. We went and the doctor confirmed I was pregnant. I cried because I knew I didn’t want anymore kids and I felt bad for the kids I did have because I didn’t want to be like my parents. Having so many kids and struggling. It wasn’t fair to them but abortion isn’t something I believe I could do.. EVER! The doctor continued doing bloodwork to see what was going on and eventually noticed my HCG levels were dropping therefore, I was having a miscarriage. Once the miscarriage was over- I had this incredible shame of guilt.. I felt horrible for sitting in that office, crying to my husband about not wanting that baby.. I miss what could have been but I’m so grateful for what I have even more. SOOO, once I started bleeding this pregnancy I knew I HAD to call the doctor. I made sure to inform my friend on what was going on and we agreed to call the doctor. Women’s Care of Florida really is an amazing OBGYN, they got me in the same day and told me they were squeezing me in no matter how busy they were. I called around 8a and they asked me to come in at 9a. I had my kids so I dropped them off at my in-laws and headed to the doctors. I got there and they got me in the back to check my weight (125lbs, about 20 lbs lighter than I usually am) and vitals and I waited in the room for the nurse to come ask all her questions before the doctor came in. Once we all talked she told me we would do blood work and also a sonogram to make sure everything was okay. I waited and they called me back for the sonogram. The baby was SO tiny, I’m talking about 3 cms long and I got to see the heartbeat! This tiny little thing had a huge heart beat. You could see it, it was crazy. I never saw my babies that tiny (each time I was pregnant I didn’t find out until the middle/end of my 2nd trimester- I had no symptoms at all). The sonogram tech said everything looked fine but I would wait to do the blood work to make sure everything was 100%. I got my blood taken but they still couldn’t explain the bleeding. They told me to just keep an eye on it & to come back if it starts to get worse.

It has since subsidized and as I’m writing this I’m currently 9 weeks and 5 days pregnant with A GIRL! We did one of those at-home blood tests and shipped it off to find out the gender. I received the email on 01/03/2022 & as much as I wanted my friend to have a boy, she’s so excited for the matching outfits the baby and her big sister get to wear. My belly is starting to grow and I look more pregnant and less like a beer gut (I don’t even drink beer). My friend and her daughter are still over the moon excited and her family has been so kind and loving to us. My due date is August 13 2022 and I’m hoping I can do an at-home birth! How cool with that be!? I always wanted to try one of those.

I doubt anyone reads this but I hope one day when you grow up Tumblr would still be around, relevant and you can read the journey your mom and I took so that you’d be in this world 💕

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So I literally just threw this blog together while waiting in the waiting room of my OBGYN.

This blog is to write about what I’m currently on the hunt to do for a friend of my families. I’m a “traditional surrogate” in quotes because it’s not your typical traditional lol.

My husband and I are married and our friend- we’ll call her Ann.. Ann is single and Ann was looking for a donor, which my husband was going to be for her. After discussions with family and herself, Ann decided to go a surrogate route. She reached out to me and asked if I’d be willing to be the surrogate. Without a doubt in my mind, I said YES!

My husband and I spoke about it and we both agreed it would be a great gift to give someone and plus we are absolutely DONE having kids (family of 4). Once we spoke about the many different things, we set time aside to tell our close friends and family as this news was going to be quite a surprise and kind of confusing.

We had to explain to our family and close friends that this was not going to be like any other surrogacy. This is where I use my egg and we use my husbands sperm. If it was anyone other than my husband it would be your original traditional surrogacy. But since we are married this is looked and treated as an open adoption.

I know everyone’s first thoughts were: Can she do this? Is she mentally stable enough to do this? But I know deep down, I have two kids- I wouldn’t and couldn’t have another for myself and make things uncomfortable. I don’t think I’d be financially able to. We are looking for a bigger home (4/2) and if we have a 3rd child, I’d have to look for an even bigger home and I don’t think we could afford a 5/2 or 3 out in South Florida.

So.. here I am at the doctor’s office waiting to get my birth control arm implant removed in order to start trying to have a baby.

Xoxo