just a diary @extremelymadfatdiary-blog - Tumblr Blog

feeling shitty

now i know for sure that those tweets are about me and it really makes me sad. i dont want someone i love to be mad at me. i got your message loud and clear that you want nothing to do with me. idk how to reconcile this. say sorry? but for what? bc i didn’t house our fucking second cousin? ugh. i wish i had the guts to kill myself.

guilty

Okay I feel bad that I won’t let her stay with us temporarily. But how do we know if it’s going to even be till mid-July? She might stay even longer. I don’t want to risk that. I want to live in my house comfortably. But I can’t help but think how uncomfortable she might be under their house because I used to live there at one point and it was terrible. They were literally trying to push me out of there. I didn’t even want to stay there anymore. I would have rather go back to my dorm, the place I hated the most. So maybe I should convince my mom that she should live with us? I don’t know. But she doesn’t want it her because are place is already small enough. And she doesn’t have money to be feeding another mouth. We can’t just tell her “oh don’t eat our food! Your mom is a rich nurse, have her give you money and buy you food!” Ugh. I don’t know if we can reconcile this.

I don’t know her so I don’t want to live with her. I don’t care if she’s my second or third or whatever the fuck cousin. That just shows how much I don’t know who she is! Who’s idea was it anyway for her to move across the country? She should have planned her move better. Now the whole family is fighting about where the fuck she should stay. Oh, “the vibes” in your home are ruined? So it’s okay if “the vibes” in my home are ruined and yours stay intact? I don’t see how that’s fair. This whole idea isn’t fair. This supposed relative should have asked if it’s okay she can stay with one of us before she even fucking got on the plane. I don’t get it.

#vent #annoyed