cheap regrets

  i couldn’t pick and choose, i had to take everything

[eymenmontalvo]

selwyn.

For a quiet moment, she allowed herself to rest her cheek against his hand, as if this was three years ago and she’d felt safe for the first time. They had been different, even back then, Eymen full of life and light while she wore darkness like a finely tailored dress. Yet when he’d kissed her, it was like tasting the sun for the first time - all ancient fire and glowing ambition, devastation and conquest, an incandescence that somehow refused to be dimmed by her shadows.

And with it, self-destruction. The numbing fear of being left alone again.

Yet when he pulled his hand away, stepping back and asking to take her home, it wasn’t numbness that she felt. It was flooding.  As if all the emotions that she’d kept hidden were finally coming to the surface, the fractures in her glass walls growing, splintering, no longer able to hold back the the grief she had denied herself in the years after she’d left him.

“You want me to leave.” Again. Selwyn hated how small her voice sounded in the quiet of the night, how weak. But it was as if someone had punctured a hole in her lungs and she couldn’t find the strength to find the steel resolve she’d spent her entire life hiding under.

The words were said as a statement, not a question - she didn’t want him to confirm the fears that had taunted her ever since they’d met for the first time and she hadn’t been able to help but answer his laughs with genuine ones of her own. The fears that she herself had brought to life, like one of her illusions -  except this was real, he was real, and she couldn’t help but realize that she’d created this for herself, just as she had created nightmares for others countless times before.

She turned then, away from him and towards the path that led to the road, not quite caring that she was still staggering slightly from the alcohol, the only thought on her mind being that she needed to leave. Because this time, he’d asked it of her.

“I don’t want you to leave, Selwyn. I’ve never wanted you to leave, but you did it anyway.” The words came bursting out of him before he could stop them. They were the words that he’d been holding close for so long. He hated how his voice cracked and was so full of emotion. He hated that all these years later and she still had this effect on him, that she could bring out so much emotion. 

He thought he was over it, but it was a constant thing that was ticking in the back of his mind. He’d never feared abandonment until he met Selwyn. They had a good thing. They balanced each other out. But for some reason that Eymen did not know, she had run away and left nothing behind but him. It shattered him. How was he supposed to trust when anyone could just leave? He had called and texted and called again, and he was met with radio silence. He was angry, but when he looked into her eyes, that anger faded away, and he couldn’t help but focus on all the good times they had. 

He waited for only a moment as she walked away before running after her. He grabbed her arm to stop her from going any further. “Let me walk you home. Or...or you can stay here.” He pointed back to his house. He couldn’t let her walk away again, not when he finally had the power to stop her.  

[baharsahin-deactivated20221205]

Alperen Duymaz as Ayaz in Zemheri 

[eymenmontalvo]

baz.

Baz tried his very best not to coo. He crossed his heart and zipped his mouth shut before making a show of throwing away the key before nudging Eymen over to the reception area, ruffling Dev’s hair in the process before leading him to a relatively quiet alcove where they wouldn’t bother any clients. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry I implied otherwise.” Baz said with both his hands up before grabbing at the pencil he had tucked behind his ear and flipping to a clean page on his sketchpad. 

“What’s this for again?” He raised a brow before leaning closer, expression suddenly serious. “Is this about the break in?” 

He smiled, pleased Baz agreed to keep quiet. Eymen learned his lesson. He learned he should never volunteer to be a sketch artist or do art in any sort of way. It was strange not to be good at something. He usually excelled in all the things he tried, but he supposed everyone needed to have at least one flaw. He followed Baz towards the quiet corner, his eyes greedily taking in the surroundings as they walked. It was a shame he was bad at art because he liked looking at it. “Apology accepted.” 

“It’s about a break-in.” He’d been keeping his ear to the ground trying to find out information about what happened that night. So far he’d only found out that Mr. Mortensen was a philanthropist. “Nothing was stolen but a couple of things were broken.” Everyone was fine and that was the important thing. 

[eymenmontalvo]

♭

maybe we’re meant to be alone by bad suns 

“I've got a picture perfect plan But I can't go in alone Are we whole or just two halves Reaching out to the unknown?

No, I can't help my ways It don't make such sense to me All these cold and rainy days Maybe we're meant to be alone”   

[eymenmontalvo]

nita.

Bracing herself for what she expected would be a very unpleasant blast of heat, Nita was surprised to find the Heir tapping into his secondary power, a near perfect mirror of her own move. On instinct, she attempted to redirect the gust, but control and defense had never been her strong suit. So while the wind parted ways, it still hit her with enough force to halt her advance, giving her opponent time to get to his feet, but she counted it as a victory that she remained on hers. 

With the advantage of distance gone, Nita abandoned powers entirely, throwing a wild haymaker from the right and following it up with a short jab to his gut. She could practically hear her mentor admonishing her now; anyone can throw a punch, you’re here to practice what makes you unique. And perhaps that was what Erik–wait no, Emmett?–had intended when he suggested practice, but if he hadn’t wanted to be punched in the face, he should have specified.

He didn’t expect her to move to physical blows, at least not so soon. He folded in over his stomach where she punched him. She was strong. He couldn’t help but think that he was happy to have her protecting them. He felt sorry for anyone who got in her way. He staggered backward a few steps to give himself a moment to compose himself. Eymen took a deep breath. When she was close to him, he got in a stance like he was going to throw a punch as well, but instead, he tackled her and took her to the ground. He did his best to pin her down because to him this was just a friendly training session.

[eymenmontalvo]

What would be your happily ever after?

“Would if be cliche to say that I’m living it right now? I miss my parents, I do, but I’ve found my family with March and Tessa. I don’t want to ever give them up. I want us to be a happy, healthy family forever.”

@march-montalvc @tessaxrm

[eymenmontalvo]

📂RANDOM LIKE WITH MARCH

Every year for mother’s day, Eymen gets up really early and cooks a big meal for March. It started out with breakfast in bed, but now he makes an elaborate spread of all her favorite breakfast foods and favorite flowers. He goes all out to show his love and appreciatation for her. He uses mother’s day as a chance to give her a break from being in charge of everything, so she can relax. 

@march-montalvc

[eymenmontalvo]

isabel.​

Isabel chuckled, though not without sympathy. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people walk up to that door,” she gestured to the object in question, “just to back off and run away. At least you made it past the threshold.” She tried to cultivate a welcoming environment as much as she could with the shop. It was one of the things she was adamant about when she finally made enough money to afford a redesign. An open floor plan with a simplistic, nature inspired layout that reminded her of her old hometown in California.

“Not to sound like I’m dropping a total line right now, but do I know you from somewhere?” It was itching at the back of her mind the moment he had stepped through the front door and while she was pretty decent with faces, she was quite terrible at remembering names. Though, Isabel liked to chalk up the latter as more of a quirky personality trait than an admission of a faulty memory.  

“Hm.” He looked towards the door. He couldn’t imagine spending the time to get here only to leave. Even if he was nervous, he wasn’t going to come all the way here and leave. That was something to think about before actually going in. For once, Eymen wasn’t making an impulse decision, but that didn’t mean he wanted it any more or less. It just felt like a heavy decision that required thinking, not something to rush into.

“Maybe. I’ve been living here for a long time. I’m Eymen Montalvo.” He said his last name, subtly trying to see if she knew him because of his family. It was a big name in town. He didn’t walk around bragging about it, but still. Or she could know him from his job, or she could have seen him around a lot. There were many different possibilities. 

[eymenmontalvo]

i couldn’t pick and choose, i had to take everything

1 // 2 // 3 // hh

[eymenmontalvo]

 selwyn.

She hated him.

She had hurt him again and again, shattering his heart into a thousand pieces, scattering them to the winds like stardust. Yet here he was, still opening his door for her, concern on his features, as if she hadn’t disappeared years ago without a single explanation. 

Selwyn opened her mouth and then shut it, afraid the liquor flowing through her veins would make her speak words neither of them wanted to hear - words that couldn’t be taken back when the sun rose and the flush from her cheeks settled. Words like I hate you. Or even worse, I love you.

Instead, she closed the distance between them, swaying slightly, stopping just a few inches away, her hand reaching up to roughly grasp his shirt collar and pull him down so their faces were a mere hair’s breadth apart. She ignored his question, opting for one of her own. “What are you doing up so late?” Selwyn smirked. “Thinking of me?”

Things would be better if they hadn’t had an open ending. She left with no explanation, and it had left Eymen wondering. If it was a mutual breakup, or she even expressed that she wanted to break up, he could have had closure. He was left with so many questions. She hadn’t said goodbye or left a note or anything. He was left with a wound that would never heal, no matter how much he tried to move on. 

He wanted to tell her to go home. To go anywhere but here. He wanted to call a cab and send her away. He wanted to say that she shouldn’t be here. But he didn’t do any of that. He looked at her with a frown and concern shining in his eyes. He couldn’t abandon her when she was this drunk. That would be rude. 

He was surprised when she pulled him down and even more surprised when he raised his hand to cup her cheek. He stared into her eyes, looking for something, anything that was close to an apology. He dropped his hand with a sigh. He gently took her hand and pried her fingers off his shirt. He couldn’t fall for her charms like this. Eymen took a step back until his back was pressed against the door. “I have a case I was looking at. Can I take you home?” He was worried about her. 

[eymenmontalvo]

tessa.

Tessa blew her brother a kiss and sat up a bit on the couch so she wasn’t watching him upside down. “You hate it when anyone’s right, Eymen, be honest.” She knew her brother like the back of her hand, and she loved him fiercely, but she also knew that he was competitive. Over the years, she’d gotten used to playing this back and forth with him, pressing his buttons as only a sister could, but always with love and never out of malice. “Yeah, it is. Just say you’re sorry for leading her on the other night, but you’re not interested. You don’t have to write an essay on it. Just be honest.” Hopefully this girl hadn’t picked out a wedding dress yet. 

Sighing loudly, Tessa rolled off the couch, leaning on his coffee table as she braced her palms on the surface, stretching a bit. “Definitely. The last thing we need is a search party going out for us because we’re five minutes later.” March would send one out the moment something felt off. “Can you drive? I don’t feel like it and I drove last time.”

He rolled his eyes playfully. He would never actually be mad at Tessa. He looked up to her, idolized her even. Despite not being blood-related, he felt like they were meant to be siblings. She was so strong but so kind. He hoped that one day he could be a fraction like her to feel like he had succeded in life. Eymen was happy with who he was, but he was even more proud of who his family was. “I especially hate when you’re right.” He crossed his arms across his chest and worried his bottom lip. “It’s that simple? You should think about a career in PR, Tess.” He pulled up the girl’s contact, his fingers flying across the screen of his phone as he typed at the message like Tessa told him. He hit send and turned the screen so she could see. “It’s sent.” 

Eymen couldn’t help but chuckle at Tessa’s antics. She had a way of filling up a room. “It would be a fun practical joke. Mom wouldn’t like it, but that’s the whole point.” He had never been much into pranks growing up until he went to the police academy. Everyone there was a prankster. It was a right of passage to get hazed in some way, and pretty soon, Eymen learned to join in on the fun. “You’re so lazy. I’ll drive, but we’ll take the scenic route back with the windows rolled all the way down.” He loved driving and seeing all the town had to offer. 

[eymenmontalvo]

leo.

“Look, I just bought a box of the cookies,” Leo began, sensing someone following him. He held up the box of Girl Scout Samoas he’d been coerced into buying by some six year old con artist outside the corner store where he was buying more cigarettes. She’d guilted him into giving them the twenty he had on him instead of getting change. “So, I don’t want –” he turned, fully expecting to see one of the chaperons there, trying to get him to buy more than one since they’d been hounding him as he walked away with the single box. But it wasn’t one of the chaperoning moms there and Leo blinked. “Ah, lo siento, sorry –– thought you were someone else.”

“Cookies? Where did you buy cookies?” Excitement laced his words. If there were cookies around, he absolutely needed to grab a few boxes. He couldn’t pass this chance up. Eymen had been running. He tried to work out as frequently as he could. He slowed to a walk and was working on cooling down when Leo started talking. If he worked out, then he definitely deserved to get a box of cookies. “I wish I had cookies, though I wouldn’t be selling them.” 

[eymenmontalvo]

brody​.

Brody snorts, glad the man could see the benefit of having it rain. Though, he pauses and looks down at the mess. “You wouldn’t happen to know anyone that controls the weather, would you?” he asks, gaze tipping skyward and the sunny day the cloudless sky promised. 

“Brand spanking new,” he tells the other man, wondering how often new faces came to a town like this. It had a college, so he assumed it drew in new people here and there. Though, he perks up when the man says he works a late shift. His own shift was going to be a late one for a few months. “Yeah? What kind of shift? What do you do for work?” He holds out a hand to offer the other man. “Brody, nice to meet ya.” 

“I mean not exactly.” His sister couldn't control the weather, but she could control water. If she was here, she could have easily cleaned up the mess. He could blow it away but all that would do is move it to another place. Maybe he could call Tessa, but he didn’t know if she was busy right now. 

“Why’d you move here?” He asked, curiosity dotting his voice. He loved Asphodel. It was a beautiful town, and he couldn’t see himself ever moving, well if his family left then he would. He was happy here, but he had an inquisitive nature and couldn’t help but wonder why he was here. “I’m a police officer here.” He took his hand and shook it. "Nice to meet you too, Brody. I’m Eymen.” 

[eymenmontalvo]

didi.

It wasn’t that Didi disliked cops, he was simply wary of them. The first time officer Montalvo had walked into the pawn shop, Didi had broken his rule about getting a good read on someone’s thoughts and intentions without their consent. He’d had to make sure. Had to make sure that the secrets he’d left in New York were still there. Eymen, as he came to know him, had checked out. And was a rather dedicated officer of the law, if Didi had ever met one. Still, he can’t help the slight twinge of anxiety that clenches in the pit of his stomach the moment the man walks in. He’s only glad he’d been in the middle of lunch, a styrofoam cup of noodles in front of him and his mouth full, buying him time before he can answer the man. 

“Still have your number,” he tells him, pointing to a corkboard sitting behind him in a little makeshift work area. There’s fliers, menus, pictures of items and adds for odd jobs all pinned up there. But Eymen’s phone number is still written on the back of a receipt, pinned there with a thumb tack, right where he’d put it last time. Though he realizes the words might come across rude when he hadn’t meant for them to be. “Haven’t seen the necklace.” 

Eymen looked at the corkboard and surprise was written all over his face. “You kept that?” He had expected Didi to throw it away. It wasn’t anything against him, he seemed like a nice dude, but it wasn’t his responsibility. It was Eymen’s responsibility, and he wasn’t sure Didi would be on the lookout for it. He had shown him a picture of the necklace and pointed out specific details so he knew what it looked like, but he wasn’t working here to find a missing necklace. That was part of the reason he came in today. He wasn’t purposefully trying to be rude, he just wanted to get his job done.

“Do you think one of your coworkers might have seen it and sold it?” He had searched the house up and down and there was no trace of the necklace. The guy could have sold it outside of the town, but the quickest way to make money was to sell it right away. He leaned against the counter, looking at the jewelry they did have on display.

[eymenmontalvo]

irene. 

“I’m always prepared,” she replied, a small smirk on her face as she responded with a bold-faced lie. Always is a strong qualifier to use, although, perhaps the statement held true in academia. While Irene was worried for the exams (and she always would be at least a little worried for each exam she took), she was also comfortable in the knowledge that she knew the material well. She wouldn’t fail. “The exams are difficult, but I think I know everything well enough that it won’t be too hard.” It couldn’t hurt to continue studying, but, clearing her head could also help. 

Irene pushed thoughts of her exams out of her mind, choosing to focus on the other man’s woes for a moment. “We all have to start somewhere Eymen. Besides, isn’t the ‘boring’ stuff important too?”

“I love the confidence,” he said with a wild smile. He liked to see confidence in Irene. He only wanted to see her happy and secure in her sense of self. Eymen wanted to help her. He didn’t know how but he wanted to make sure that she was okay. “If you need help studying, I can always quiz you,” he offered. Even if he didn’t know what he was talking about, he could offer a bit of help.

He looked straight ahead at her comment. She was right after all, but that didn’t make him want to do it anymore. The paperwork was important and integral to his job. “I know I have to do it, but I like to be up and moving around. I want to be like the people on TV who chase after bad guys.” He could easily picture himself in an action movie.

[dailysailormoon]

Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon Super S - 13

[eymenmontalvo]

march.

“Well, if that’s the case, then I guess I’m absolved of my guilt.” March replied cheekily, her gaze fond as she took him in. Sometimes, when she was consumed by darker thoughts, she wondered if it was a betrayal - loving Eymen and Tessa as much as she did. As if loving them erased the memories of her husband William and her beloved baby Connor, bright-eyed and bouncing, who she held in her arms with such a fierce joy. But William had loved Tessa as well, a feat for a man who was such a stickler for heritage and tradition. And she was certain, with every fiber of her being, that he would have loved Eymen too. 

And Connor - he would have been almost 20 now. Would he have trotted after Tessa even at this age, eyes adoring as he gazed as his older sister? Would he have tried to mimic everything Eymen did - fashion his older brother as a role model or perhaps even a rival (who in his eyes could still do no wrong?). And the pair of them? Would March still insist on ruffling his hair, cooing at his every move, only for him to pull away in embarrassment with an emphatic mooom.

“Yes, sweetheart. A little bit of both is just right.” March replied, her smile soft, gaze slightly misty. It was soon replaced with bright, musical laughter, her lips tugging up in the corners in a self-satisfied smirk as she imagined doing just that. “I don’t need them to run the schools, but we need to keep up appearances after all. Make them feel like their contributing something worthwhile.” She spoke teasingly before taking another bite of her salad. “Enough of my boring old job. How’s things at work? Meet anyone new?” She tilted her head, smiling innocently. 

He gave her a pointed look, a smile coming easily to his face. Sometimes, when he lay awake at night, he couldn’t help but think that he was happier now than when he was a child. March had gone out of her way to accept him into their family. She loved him unconditionally even though he wasn’t biologically hers. Sometimes, he wondered if his real parents had really loved him. They had hidden so much from him. They said it was for his protection, but it didn’t always feel like that. Sometimes, it felt like they didn’t trust him, or that he was just another thing for his parents to worry about. He had never felt that way with March. Even when he threw temper tantrum after temper tantrum, when he was way too old to be doing so, she was patient and forgiving. Would his parents have done the same if the situation was reversed? He wasn’t sure. These thoughts always made him feel incredibly guilty. He had to reassure himself that his parents were always looking out for him and his safety. This guilt was slowly gnawing away at him, distorting the image of himself, so when he looked in the mirror he saw something closer to a monster. 

Eymen looked at March before leaning back against the bench. He closed his eyes for a moment and just felt the sunlight trace over his skin. The only thing he felt in this moment was joy. Even as they had other troubles to worry about, he felt like it would all be okay. He was hanging out with his mom while outdoors – it was his ideal situation. He moved to sit up straighter, not wanting to risk back problems when he got older. “We know who is doing all the work. The school system would crumble without you there to hold it up. You’re like Atlas.” With all the responsibility she carried, that seemed the best way to describe March. 

Suddenly, his salad seemed very interesting. He poked and prodded the lettuce with his fork. “Work has been good. Nothing too eventful.” Eymen didn’t look up as he said this. He chewed on his lower lip. He already felt guilty for not telling her his whole history with Selwyn, he didn’t think he could conceal this too. “Selwyn’s here. Apparently, she pushed someone down the other day, and I had to interview her.”