What a Beautiful Mess I'm In

This life is a novel, and I'm in the process of letting God write a good one.

[uptional]

[lolfactory]

[kevkinghorn]

Put your hand on a stove for a minute & it feels like an hour, Sit with a beautiful girl for a hour & it feels like an minute. This is how Albert Einstein defined Relativity,

But I believe that youth is relativity. That you could spend your 20s inching along safe in social constructs, Or you could spend your days in new towns, new places, with new faces, chasing new destinations,

So do you live your youth slow & painful? Or fast & free?

This is the theory of youth. (Book Coming Soon)

[faceisamapoftheworld]

Tough Love

Love is not a code that should have to be deciphered. 

[hutchersongallery]

[faceisamapoftheworld]

forever my fave <3

[pureblyss]

Friendship is a deep oneness that develops when two people, speaking the truth in love to one another, journey together to the same horizon.

Timothy Keller (via pureblyss)

[fyp-philosophy]

The first duty of love is to listen.

Paul Tillich  (via fyp-philosophy)

[handsomedogs]

[col0r-instagram]

[lati-will]

Doesn’t your soul panic and ache when you allow your ego to hold you back from what your heart truly wants? Mine does.

Awakened Vibrations  (via awakenedvibrations)

[parachute3s]

She was laughing even as we kissed and kissed again.There is no better taste than this: someone else’s laughter in your mouth.

Forever by Maggie Stiefvater (via parachute3s)

[steveinaspeedo]

[jewelhess]

You tend to go back to who feels like home.

ten word story, j.h. (via jewelhess)

[awwww-cute]

[peterdwebb]

sex is fun though. its a good experience. if u kiss a boy and it feels right and nice.. and you feel like you want to have sex you should. its healthy, humans are made to have sex, and the desire starts in the teen years. why would 'god' make us want to have sex and then forbids us. thats just silly. love and sex are about exploring eachother and its really nice its the best feeling. and yea heartbreak and loss might rip u apart later but whatever

“and yea heartbreak and loss might rip u apart later but whatever”

Yeah. Whatever. 

Who cares if you get ripped apart. 

Who cares if you have an unplanned pregnancy and end up getting pressured to stop a beating heart because you aren’t ready to take care of a child. 

Who cares if you end up having the child and your boyfriend walks out on you, leaving you alone to raise the child by yourself.

Who cares if you get an STD.

Who cares if you’ve bound your soul to other people so many times and had it ripped apart so often that you can’t tell who you are anymore.

Who cares if you hurt God.

Who cares if you miss out on the awesome life of purity and love He had for you because you were too impatient.

Marriage is the proper context for sex. In marriage there’s safety.

There’s a commitment beyond anything a hormone-driven 15 year old boy could give you. 

There’s opportunity to be vulnerable and selfless, without the fear of exposure or betrayal. Without the consequences. Without the pain.

It’s worth the wait. 

[faceisamapoftheworld]

Lexapro. Escitalopram oxolate. Therapeutic class: antidepressant.  Treats: major depression and generalized anxiety disorder.

Its 11:10 PM and I want to be asleep, to be wallowing in unconscious bliss. But I have an exam tomorrow, and another one in 3 weeks.

Valium. Diazepam. Therapeutic class: sedative-hypnotic. Treats: anxiety disorders.

 I spent my evening studying in a corner of the north dining room of the largest dorm on campus until it was so far past closing time that the staff kicked me out. When I walked into my house, nobody said hello. 

Xanax. Alprazolam. Therapeautic class: anxiolytic.  Treats: panic disorders.

I can hear my roommates in the living room, laughing with all our friends over The Office and ice cream, while I’m in my room researching how best to be medicated.

[faceisamapoftheworld]

Trade-offs

It’s taken me a mere three weeks back at college to realize something, for this world-shifting truth to seep in: 

I don’t want everything the college world has to offer. I don’t want beer-blurred nights of strangers and spinning, sloppy emotions; and I definitely don’t want the dreaded mornings that follow - the hours of cleaning and piecing together and edging back into reality. 

My heart is achy and empty, my soul is thirsty and my body is tired. My whole self is searching for the world beyond my reach. I love to learn, but I want to learn and grow simultaneously and I feel like I can’t do that here. 

I need rippling water, I need a dog and a backpack and a few nights under the stars, where I can smell pine trees and fresh air instead of beer and the guts of new textbooks. I haven’t stopped longing for the mountains since I last stood in their vastness. I need to lose the self I have created, gain back what these days of routine and anxiety have whittled away.