i wrote my way out of hell

“Do not lose hope — what you seek will be found. Trust ghosts. Trust those that you have helped to help you in their turn. Trust dreams. Trust your heart, and trust your story."

[xplcdingrage]

his laughter was cruel at the words his brother spoke , “ he could have fuckin’ gotten help from people who are more suitable to HELP him. not the kid he dragged down with him , you think i didn’t fucking see a pattern ?? how do you fucking know he wasn’t lyin’ to you ? “ his voice elevated as he remained stern in his position. “ family is fucking family , my priorities are right where they should be , not fucking getting high . we’re not done here. “ 

[fadedxaway]

alex glared at his brother, the words ‘i hate you’ nearly making it passed his lips, but surprisingly they never did. “jesus christ, he didn’t drag me down...and because i saw it happen. why would someone lie about that?” he shook his head, “he’s my best friend...he’s family too. you don’t want to hear what i have to say - so yeah, we are done here,” alex said, this time shoving his brother out of the way as he walked by.

[xplcdingrage]

“ it’s not stupid , “ he said quickly but then mulled over his thoughts on the subject. clearly he wouldn’t miss his parents , but the fact they were gone – he felt empty. saying that he didn’t care is one thing – but he wanted them to pay for what they did to him  regret it even , if they were even capable of doing that. “ especially if you have people who gave a shit. or people who didn’t do a thing to deserve it.  sometimes i — nevermind. “ he stopped himself from saying anymore. “ don’t be sorry , they can’t get to me anymore. i just … it’s bizarre , you know ? you think that everything’s going a certain way and now …it’s just gone. and you don’t know what to do with it. “ he sighed softly , it was a bit cryptic of him to say – but there’s so much he hasn’t said. and alexander knew most of it – just not all. he recognized tics that the other had , habits – and time didn’t change or make him forgetful. “ so enough about me , what’s your life been like since I left ? “ cameron is the type of person who didn’t believe his absence would have held any significance . that anyone would be better off. he did have a lot of regrets , and one of them was bringing alex down with him.

[fadedxaway]

wishful thinking had never gotten alex anywhere, if anything it just dug him into a deeper hole. hoping for something opened him up to the possibility of being happy, but when the universe reminded him of just how unfair it could be - well he found himself in very low moods. however, he decided to keep those thoughts to himself and just smiled over at cameron. an eyebrow furrowed at the other’s next few words, “sometimes you what?” alex asked.

“i know...i just wish i could help you forget all the shit they put you through...i’m glad they’re gone-...” alex started to say, before realizing how that could come off sounding. “i mean if you are.” he figured his friend wasn’t all that upset about the loss of his parents, but then hating your parents didn’t necessarily mean you wanted them to disappear. he finished off his second glass of whiskey, but decided to wait before pouring himself another round. “ridiculously boring. i honestly don’t have much to tell. but if you don’t want to talk anymore, we can listen to music or watch something.”

[xplcdingrage]

his eyes only reflected the brittle chill that settled in his veins. no warmth existed on that topic ; his decision was resolute. and he couldn’t regret a decision that he stood by.  he’s fallen down that same pit that alex was hurdling down , and he never truly believed his brother had gotten out of it. and he did blame cameron for his involvement in the first place. “ ihate me all you want , kid. i did what i had to do . “ he said with a chillingly calm tone . but the mention of lenny caused him to grit his teeth , “ we’re not fucking talkin; about me ,” his hand grabbed his shoulder to turn him back in his direction . “ that kid was a fucking dealer , gettin’ you in that shit in the first place. you think havin’ him around could have fucking been any good ? bull-fucking-shit.  “ 

[fadedxaway]

“no, you did what you wanted to do. he’s a human being. no matter what your opinion on him is, he deserves help just like the rest of us,” alex replied. he roughly shrugged his brothers hand off his shoulder, it was getting hard to keep his anger under control, especially when all he wanted to do was go somewhere to get high. “why not? should be fixing your own shit before you try to change other people’s,” he replied. alex’s hands curled into fists at his sides. “he was also my friend. you don’t know everything about him j - you just see what you want to see. i’m done talking to you about this...”

[xplcdingrage]

“ i don’t know what it is about the legal system , you think you’re making up for shit without owning up to it. doesn’t work that way. “ the thought of it was laughable ; generally everyone turns him away at his worst – he wasn’t angry it only made him more weary. more drained from trusting others. not that he did that much to begin with — he knew there was only so much alex could do. and the lengths he went to try and come up with a solution – but his situation was always a hopeless one  “ so , you really think that the vanished aren’t gone forever ? “ he inquired before taking another long drink of the whiskey in his glass. his eyes trailing to the bag and it only added to his thoughts. 

there is a silence as he mulled over on the details that he could share and details to not share. but eventually he knew everything will unravel . “ not exactly surprised , “ he informed ,   “ the world ending did me a fucking favor , , , they vanished along with half the population … I could finally fucking leave , for the last year and a half I had this ankle monitor – going anywhere outside of city limits … it would have breached my probation. “ he confessed letting his eyes drift back to alex’s. 

[fadedxaway]

alex nodded his head in agreement. there was no point in telling his brother that, anything he had to say went in one ear and out the other if joseph disagreed with what was being said, or at least that was what it seemed like for alex. he took another sip of his drink before finally walking around the counter and taking the seat next to cameron. he shrugged his shoulders. “i don’t know... i guess it’s just wishful thinking. which is stupid i know.”

alex knew exactly what it was like to not have a great relationship with his parents. so he understood where cameron was coming from when he had explained who he had lost in the recent events. “that’s fucked up man...i’m sorry,” he replied, rolling his eyes at the thought of his friends parents. “well at least you don’t have to worry about it anymore. we can do whatever we want... i mean for the most part,” he told the other as his hand reached out to play with the strap of his back pack.

[xplcdingrage]

“  the fuck you aren’t , “ his response lashed without hesitation as his eyes remained with the rebellious pair. “ age doesn’t mean shit. “  and with their parent’s gone – even when they were around – he always placed himself responsible for his siblings. keeping them safe meant making decisions that would save them in the long run. “ that’s funny , i just came from seeing her. you’ve never been honest , always beatin’ around the fucking bush.  “

[fadedxaway]

“fine let me put it into simpler words for you, i don’t want your fucking help. the one and only time i did you screwed me over,” alex retorted. sure there were plenty of times when joseph had done stuff for him growing up, but the one time he asked - the one time he really needed his brother he refused to help. “you’re really going to call me out for never being honest? hows your relationship with lenny going?” he asked, shoving his shoulder into his brothers as he forced his way by. 

[xplcdingrage]

the smile became mutual as he shared a look with him , “ that’s possible ? what is he the head of the defense team here ? “ he asked , mostly joking – but then the idea settled and his smile lowered quickly. “ oh god , he is - isn’t he ? “ but then he released a sigh and his optics flick downward. “ whoever he lost , not sure how important that person is to you – or to quincy. “ cameron remembered his sister – but they’ve hardly interacted. he kept his presence scarce with anyone but alex and a couple others. 

after idly swishing the liquid and dwelling in silence on the question , he took a long sip of the golden whiskey. luckily for him , this isn’t the first time he consumed alcohol in a while — otherwise he would have been in a coughing fit.  “ south carolina. “ he murmured , catching the hint and riding with it naturally , setting his glass down for a moment. “ florida .. “ a dry chuckle left him as his fingers danced over the table surface.  an anxious display , the name set his nerves alight. plus coming face to face with alex also fueled it even more. “ my parents had it all planned out before i new a goddamn thing. “ 

[fadedxaway]

alex laughed at the words that left cameron’s mouth. “yeah he is. probably thinks it makes up for all the stupid shit he did in the past.” what really annoyed him was how joseph tried to give him shit like he didn’t do the same things at his age. “i mean we didn’t really lose them-...” he started to say, before remembering his niece. alex finished off his drink before pouring himself another glass. he eyed cameron’s glass, seeing if he needed a refill. “his ex still lives in town and well their kid-...she’ll be back eventually,” he finished, not wanting to believe that his niece was gone forever.

alex shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “damn, really?”. he eyed his friend, wondering if he should pry or just let him leave his past in the past. “do you want to talk about it?” he asked, looking at the bag on the counter between them before his gaze moved back up to cameron’s face. “you make it sound like that’s a surprise,” he replied, knowing how his friends parents could be. “seems they’re plan didn’t last for too long...unless they’re back here with you.”

[xplcdingrage]

his head bobbed at the clarity that joseph wouldn’t be much of an issue – for now.  no matter how much time passes , you can’t shake the nerves that the rejection created .he lumped it right with his parents and the association forever scorned. but he knew that alex didn’t play a part in that decision. if he were honest with himself ; he’s the only tie he has to this town .or at least the strongest one he has.

“ so he hasn’t changed much , huh ? “ there is a bitter undertone that was ancient history – but it definitely felt fresh still. but then he rubbed the back of his neck in a sheepish matter , “ sorry , “ the apology was more towards the fact that it sounded like alex and his sister lost someone out of it.

“ the world is going to shit , i’m not going to turn down a drink. “ his drinking habits had died down with his abstinence of the drugs he’d combine at random. “  i’ll take a whiskey . “ that has always been his go-to in any situation. “  i’d say a talk is … way overdue. “ he murmured softly as his eyes dropped to the table surface , whenever he received his drink – he gave it a distant swish.

[fadedxaway]

“if anything he’s become more of a dick,” alex told cameron, the corners of his lips turning up into a slight smile. he shrugged his shoulders. “why are you apologizing, it’s not your fault he is the way he is.”

at cameron’s response, alex placed the glasses down on the counter and made his way down the hall to where his parents liquor cabinet was. a minute or so later he returned to the kitchen with a full bottle of whiskey. he poured them each half a glass before placing the still open bottle in the middle of the counter.

“yeah probably,” alex asked as he took a long sip of his whiskey. “so...where have you been?” he asked without a moments hesitation, no longer wanting to talk about himself or his family.

[xplcdingrage]

a hard sigh escaped and the line of his lips formed a scowl , more so at himself than anything. ghosting him entirely and then showing up out of the blue , not exactly fruit basket materiel. but what could he say ?  i don’t think anyone can explain what the fuck is happening here , but – “ his sentence drifted as he followed him into the building and the laughter that left his lips sounded amused for just a moment. “ and chance a wonderful encounter with your brother who hates my guts ? yeah , that’s a hard pass , not saying his expression would be priceless. “ he managed to quip , but there was a solid truth behind it. cameron hasn’t been the best influence during his life here .

“how would you react if you saw me in your house ?  before you knew it was me ? “ he asked with raised brows , honestly a presence in any home makes him imagine a possible violent encounter. “ seeing RAIDERS burn neighborhoods to the ground — he would rather avoid that mess rather than embracing it. 

[fadedxaway]

“joseph doesn’t live here anymore...thankfully,” alex replied, closing the door after cameron walked in. “i mean he pops up from time to time, but he’s got his own house and his own family. i mean well he did, he has since fucked that up.” he walked into the kitchen and threw his bag on top of the counter, before turning and grabbing a cup out of the cabinet behind him. 

“with what has been going on lately i honestly wouldn’t be surprised. you want a drink?” he asked as he grabbed another cup out and closed the cabinet before looking back at his old friend. “we’ve got a full liquor cabinet...or i mean water if you aren’t drinking anymore.” alex never did know why cameron left without a word, but he had made his assumptions.

[katerinapetrova]

“I’m fucking sad.”

[xplcdingrage]

@fadedxaway

the angels of whatever religious choir could sing and all cameron could do is relish in the sound. not without the pain settling in and making itself comfortable   the idea of it being over is beyond his comprehension – and he couldn’t explain it. he never got better for their sakes . and their vanishing could only be a blessing – but everything that happened still lingered. there was no justice . now , he knew he couldn’t be picky – but damn it would have been good to see. coming clean didn’t mean he reached any level of forgiveness , but with the cops no longer able to track his whereabouts – he had broken off the anklet he’s worn for two years. a sloppy job , but with everything becoming a wasteland – he took his chances. 

he didn’t know what he was doing back in his home town , the distance placed between him and alex – the silence. he didn’t want any of it , but with everything going on – he fell out of orbit . 

and now that he had the freedom – he had to see him. to see if he didn’t vanish like everyone else he knew. but if he had to be honest , he wouldn’t be able to handle it.

there’s not much left of the neighborhood he was once used to  ; life seemed to have drained with the view of the world. but he could still navigate through the town as if he never left. going to alex’s house. he lifted his hand to knock , but at then he dropped it – the action repeated three times before he turned around , only to come face to face with alex. his breath caught in his throat and he nodded to him , “ hey …” the silence between them finally broken after years of not staying in contact – and he could easily say that it was his fault. 

all of it.

[fadedxaway]

alex’s sober days were few and far in between these days, but he had just ran out of whatever he had left before the world had gone to shit and was on his way back from the far side of town. it was the only way to get drugs cheap now that they were closed off from the rest of the world and dealers close to town had upped the prices of drugs, knowing very well most people would pay the price if they had it. alex was never one of those people, but he had a friend who would give him a decent discount when cash was tight. unfortunately, that friend had disappeared with half of the town and if alex wanted to get high - he had to work for it.

he had just jumped off of his bike when he saw an all too familiar face standing just by his family’s front door. he dropped his bike by the fence and gripped his hand tight to the strap of his backpack as he made his way towards the front door. he stopped just a few feet away from cameron and gave him a once over. “i suppose all this shit-...” he said, waving his finger around in the air. “has nothing to do with you being back in town, right?” he continued sarcastically before walking around the other and opening the door that was already unlocked. “could have made yourself at home. there is no point in locking the doors - everyone knows our house is the piece of shit on the block,” alex said as he walked inside and assumed the other would follow. 

[fadedxaway]

☄️ - what is their biggest regret? ( all )

jayden: not taken the opportunity to go to dance camp when he had the chance and slacking off on doing any other extra curricular activities because it has taken him longer to get to where he wanted to be.

alex: living with his parents for as long as he has and letting himself fall back into taking drugs to help cope.

madelyn: not always standing up for the less popular kids when her other friends would make fun of them. even though she was friend with both groups.

lenny: causing as much trouble as she did when she was younger, she has changed a lot since then but there are still a few things in her past that she wishes she could forget.

[masonsgooding]

Jordan Fisher on Twitch (03/03/19)

[fadedxaway]

Alex walked into his house in dire need of a shower and clean clothing. That was the only time he made an effort to come back to this house, unless one of his siblings was home and he was in the mood to socialize. He opened his messenger bag as he walked into the kitchen and placed a few of the items he had taken from the super market on the counter. He had grabbed non-perishable items, since the chances of the electricity eventually going out was very likely. “Quincy it’s just me,” he called out to his sister, assuming she was home. He took the bottle of pills out of his bag and slipped them into his sweatpants pocket before throwing the now empty bag on the chair beside him. “I got some food if you’re hungry.”

@dcmocracias

[serious-punched-deactivated2022]

[dcmocracias-blog]

𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝, and it showed. how not to be ? when the world they once knew turned upside down. hell, they didn’t even know what truly happened. they were all just simply gone. she heard many explain how they could have all woken up to another parallel universe, but she didn’t even know what to believe in anymore. the fact that they couldn’t seem to leave, was what worried her the most. it was as if being jailed with strangers, on an open world where anything could happen. but ––– she could not let their environment fail, they needed order, they needed to pretend that everything would be okay. perhaps then, everything would. but who was so sure anymore ? 

she picked up a box of diapers, and set them aside as they did inventory. “ i’ll keep these, i not so sure how we are rationing this but, i guess i’ll have to use cloths or something when the time comes. ” it was almost sad, how everything seemed to be so limited. next they knew, food would be over and then –– she wasn’t so sure what they would do then.

[fadedxaway]

Lenny was pacing the aisles of the supermarket in search of a bottle of whiskey. She hadn’t drank in years, which meant she had no idea what stores still sold alcohol and where it might be located. With no luck she decided to return back to work. She would just look for a liquor store on the way home and hope that it hadn't been completely raided. She had told Ginny she had needed to use the rest room, so upon turning back down the aisle they had been in she did her best to compose herself. It was hard to stay level headed when you were worrying every single moment about your missing daughter. She cleared her throat as she took a seat besides the other woman and started pulling items towards herself in order to continue taking in inventory.

“How old is Luca? Might be better to just try and start potty training him. It will save you a lot of time on laundry and I heard in some countries that they start potty training not too long after birth,” she suggested.

[fadedxaway]

relentlcssx‌:

“ the HELL it doesn’t. “ his voice unleashed SHARDS of ice. whenever there is a problematic situation that involves his siblings – specifically his brother – it’s been drilled in him to FIX the problem. “ you want to make trouble for yourself , i have other problems and this , right here , is fucking one of them. so if you think I have somewhere else to be ? sorry BRO , but you have front and center. “ joseph’s sarcasm carried with that brief smile that rang the same tune. he’s been there , riding on the edge of falling into a misdemeanor – or worse. his coping mechanisms were never the best , but since he fell into law enforcement he turned his life around. “ if you fucking thing that this world turning into a shithole makes a difference , you’re dead fucking wrong. “ as he said this he closed the proximity between them significantly as his own glare bore into the other’s.

Alex rolled his eyes at his brother, “Listen mom and dad aren’t here anymore and I’m an adult, so don’t worry about me. I’m not your responsibility anymore,” he told him, standing up straight as his brother approached him. Joseph had a few inches on him, but with the right pair of boots and good posture Alex could stand toe to toe with him. “Quincy is a mess right now. She was actually asking about you - so maybe you should go find her,” he told the other. Of course that was a lie, he hadn’t actually seen Quincy at all that day, but chances were that she was a wreck and she was probably the only person that Joseph would leave him alone for or at least that was what he was hoping for. “I’ll see you later, alright?” he said, before attempting to move around his brother to walk away.

[fadedxaway]

dcmocracias‌:

𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝 ––– that, she knew. some didn’t even treat the situation as urgent. she doubted some would even come to their senses, at least she knew it would never come to be unless it was already too late. “ i wish it were that easy, i don’t think any of them even care. do you think it’s possible, though ? to leave ? ”  

it all seemed like a bad joke, really. or a horrible nightmare. “ i have my brothers with me, i guess it isn’t that bad. what about you ? ” she didn’t want to pry too much, she knew some people lost it all. it was truly heartbreaking to see.

Jayden shrugged his shoulders. “Probably not, but I think there are at least a few of us who do. Maybe we can figure out a way to get the rest of the town to,” he replied. He wasn’t sure how well that would go over, but it was better than just sitting around and doing nothing. “I don’t know, but I know we won’t know until we try.”

“That’s good. I mean the situation still sucks, especially since your parents aren’t around, right?” Jayden asked. He shook his head. “Nope...Just here by myself. I mean I’ve got a few friends here - so that’s better than nothing.” He looked towards the window she had been looking out, before his eyes fell back on her. “It’s funny - we’ve all probably wished we could be on our own at one point in our life, like when our parents pissed us off. Not as fun as we thought it would be when it actually happens.”