HI, I'm Faeriebeans!

SW(269)CW(255)GW(115) After years of crippling depression, my physical health hit rock bottom and now I'm trying to reboot and turn my life around :)

[faerie-beans]

6/27/25

I've officially started working out! I am gonna aim for 7 days a week, because I know if I aim for 7 I'll do like 4. But if I aim for 4 I'll do 1. So 7 it is! My legs are still store from yesterday working in the garden and swimming, but I was okay enough to get in some walking. Yes, after 2 years I finally got back onto the treadmill! 🎉

I did curls, butterfly chests, overhead lifts and triceps extension. All of them were 3 sets of 10 with 5lb weights. I can feel it in my arms, I'm curious if they'll be sore tomorrow. I hope so. I am so obsessed with breaking out of this mold and getting in shape. I don't want to be skinny anymore, I want to be BUFF. 💪

I'm so sick of being exhausted just walking across the room, it's pathetic, it's infuriating, it's depressing.

[faerie-beans]

6/16/25

After a 2 day break, I'm back to spring cleaning. I'm not gonna start exercising until I'm done with the cleaning because I don't have the energy to do both. House takes priority anyway, I can stand being fat for a little bit longer but I can't stand this cluttered house for one more second.

My keto diet is doing very well! I am getting lots of protein in and eating tons of veggies. I found out I like radishes! Especially when soaked in vinegar and salted, yum. I wanna try roasting them sometime as well.

[faerie-beans]

6/15/25

Over the past few days I've mostly been eating eggs, cucumbers and radishes. I guess I should have been better prepared for the keto flu before starting it but that's just how I roll sometimes. I can be impulsive at times. Like this whole turn around for me is insane. One day I was so depressed I barely moved, barely brushed my teeth or showered, ate and drank like crazy, let the house turn into a disaster. And then one day I'm like, okay I'm gonna exercise 3 times a day, eat only keto foods, wake up at 5am, shower daily, clean the whole house etc all the the same time. And I did it for about 2 days before keto flu caught up with me and I had to take a break for 2 days cause I felt so sick.

There was also an incident with vodka...

I am an alcoholic, and I'm trying to quit drinking now but I read that vodka had 0 carbs and I was so excited I drank 2 glasses and woke up with a killer hangover ON TOP of my keto flu.... Yeah, I make bad choices. But I'm taking naltrexone now (it's a pill that makes you not wanna drink anymore) and trying to quit drinking.

[faerie-beans]

I lost 10lbs so far now! I'm eating a lot less and a lot healthier than I normally do, and keeping it all keto friendly. Unfortunately in my manic state I decided to start exercising the same day I decided to go keto the same day I decided to clean the whole entire house... Do you see my problem? I did that for 3 days and then keto flu hit, I had completely forgotten it and now I feel like shit haha

So my new plan is to just deal with spring/summer Housecleaning first and THEN I'll start exercising. Because my body is so weak from my neglect that I can't do both in one day yet like I used to. 🙁 But I'll get better and stronger with time! I just gotta keep going without overdoing it or giving up. Cause that's my entire personality, I either overdo things and something bad happens because of it, or I don't care about something enough and something bad happens because of it. There is no middle ground for me. No peace.

[faerie-beans]

That's me, 259lbs! Before my breakdown I used to weigh 120lbs(down from 200lbs) and it was extremely difficult for me to achive that weight, so I am a little upset that I have to lose almost twice that amount now. 😢

But there is good news! I'm not alone in this, my boyfriend also has to lose almost the same amount of weight I do and we're gonna form a team and do it together!

Plus, I've already did this once, I know I can do it again. But that might just be my mania talking. I swear one side of my brain thinks I can do anything and the other side just wants me to lay around and die. It's bizarre.

I bought a Wii and am gonna play wii fit plus and see if it helps me stay motivated and get some light exercise so I don't hurt myself. I gotta start small so I don't burn out or cause another injury to my back.

Today I am also cleaning house, it's been a disaster this whole time, which just stresses me out even more. We live in a very small house and we're both pack rats so my plan is to just stuff things I don't use anymore into a bunch of totes and hide them under the house. Why not sell or donate it you say? Because the week after I get rid of it, I will suddenly be inspired to use whatever it is for some grand purpose. I know how my brain works.

I am going to lose weight by exercising and working out, either every day or only when I can. I'm also eating much healthier and eating less. I'm trying to quit booze so that will also help. I plan on doing some extended water fasts because that's how I lost the weight the first time around, it's difficult but so worth it.

[faerie-beans]

Origins

6/11/25

2 years ago I had a mental breakdown that triggered depression that almost killed me. I'm bipolar so I knew it was temporary, I knew a manic phase would come eventually... And after 2 years and 3 months and 2 weeks of my crippling depression and the downward spiral of my physical health... I'M BACK BABY. I am here and ready to get my life back together!

I'm starting to clean the house again and take better care of myself and just trying to enjoy life again. I'm also an alcoholic and I'm trying to quit!

This blog will be about my journey to reboot myself after I've hit rock bottom.