It's all five by five, babe

We used to fight to save the world. Now we fight to live in it.

[cemeterythings]

[demonboyliampratt-blog]

Liam/Faith - Loss

[faithbyfive-blog]

Faith chuckled; she’d seen that picture, with his glasses and naturally brown hair. “I think his glasses were cute,” She smiled, insisting against Liam’s ‘dweeb’ assessment. “Maybe,” She nodded, replying quietly. “But there are lots of perks about how he is now, too. You’d have to ask him.”

[demonboyliampratt-blog]

He scrunched up his face at his mom’s use of the word “cute,” but he nodded. “What makes him and Uncle Angel different? You know…from the other vampires?” Like the crazy women in the cemetery. “Is it you and Uncle Xander? Having people to love?”

[faithbyfive-blog]

Oh, that one was easy, she knew that one, at least. "Regular vampires don't have souls, but Daddy and Uncle Angel do." She answered, though she recalled being with Spike before he got his soul and having no qualms about it. But then again, Spike had never really been a regular vampire. "And I'm sure having you, and Uncle Xander, and me are all part of it, too."

[demonboyliampratt-blog]

Liam/Faith - Loss

[faithbyfive-blog]

“He’s kind of dead,” She admitted, taking her hand back, thinking how best to answer that. “Y’know ‘cus he doesn’t have to breathe, or have a heart beat. But he’s a vampire.” She finished lamely, aware that that didn’t explain anything really. Well, she really didn’t know jack about the science behind vamps or whatever - Wesley might be better at answering that one. “I dunno, it’s complicated, baby. Jeeves might know that one better than me.”

[demonboyliampratt-blog]

“Ok.” He was kind of glad his dad was dead…that meant there were less ways he could actually die die. “He showed me a picture…from when he was human. He looked like such a dweeb.” But he was grinning…he loved his father, no matter how crazy his hairdo was. “Do you think he misses it? Being alive?”

[faithbyfive-blog]

Faith chuckled; she'd seen that picture, with his glasses and naturally brown hair. "I think his glasses were cute," She smiled, insisting against Liam's 'dweeb' assessment. "Maybe," She nodded, replying quietly. "But there are lots of perks about how he is now, too. You'd have to ask him."

[demonboyliampratt-blog]

Liam/Faith - Loss

[demonboyliampratt-blog]

Liam nodded, happy his mom was there. “You’ll always come back, right?” he asked, looking up at her. “When you go out…you’ll come back?”

[faithbyfive-blog]

“Pinky swear,” Faith answered without hesitating, holding her pinky in front of him for him to shake with. She had too much to lose to get sloppy on a run and endanger herself, and she didn’t think for a second that there’d be a time that she wouldn’t make it home to him.

[demonboyliampratt-blog]

Locking his pinkie with hers and shaking on it, he smiled. He knew she couldn’t promise that. Death was weird like that…unpredictable. It liked to hurt people. But for now she was there, and that was more than enough. “Is Daddy dead?” he asked, curious. “Because vampires are dead, right? But he’s not dead dead. How is that different?”

[faithbyfive-blog]

"He's kind of dead," She admitted, taking her hand back, thinking how best to answer that. "Y'know 'cus he doesn't have to breathe, or have a heart beat. But he's a vampire." She finished lamely, aware that that didn't explain anything really. Well, she really didn't know jack about the science behind vamps or whatever - Wesley might be better at answering that one. "I dunno, it's complicated, baby. Jeeves might know that one better than me."

[demonboyliampratt-blog]

Liam/Faith - Loss

[faithbyfive-blog]

She really had no frickin’ idea how to go about getting electricity for the camp. But if Liam wanted to do it, she knew she’d hop on one foot through mud if she had to. Kid had that affect on people. And she couldn’t help but smile that he’d requested cupcakes for Tara. “She’ll love them,” Faith assured him, “And I dunno much about getting electricity, but we’ll figure it out, okay? I promise.”

[demonboyliampratt-blog]

Liam nodded, happy his mom was there. “You’ll always come back, right?” he asked, looking up at her. “When you go out…you’ll come back?”

[faithbyfive-blog]

"Pinky swear," Faith answered without hesitating, holding her pinky in front of him for him to shake with. She had too much to lose to get sloppy on a run and endanger herself, and she didn't think for a second that there'd be a time that she wouldn't make it home to him.

[demonboyliampratt-blog]

Liam/Faith - Loss

[faithbyfive-blog]

She nodded, confirming his question. If anyone could get through those pearly gates, it would be Fred. Her heart broke at his sniffle, and she pulled him into her lap, rocking gently. “Well, what were you two working on? Maybe we could do something, to honor her memory. Do you think we could?”

[demonboyliampratt-blog]

“We were giving everyone electricity. Do you know how to generate electricity? Because I don’t. I turn on a switch, and it’s there.” He wiped his nose. “And I don’t have any other ideas. I made Jeeves get cupcakes for Tara, but that’s all I’ve got.”

[faithbyfive-blog]

She really had no frickin' idea how to go about getting electricity for the camp. But if Liam wanted to do it, she knew she'd hop on one foot through mud if she had to. Kid had that affect on people. And she couldn't help but smile that he'd requested cupcakes for Tara. "She'll love them," Faith assured him, "And I dunno much about getting electricity, but we'll figure it out, okay? I promise."

[demonboyliampratt-blog]

Liam/Faith - Loss

[demonboyliampratt-blog]

“Heaven?” he piped up, looking over at his mother. He hoped Aunt Fred was in Heaven. He was pretty sure there weren’t zombies there, and everything he’d ever heard about it talked about nice things. No pain, no heartbreak, no anything. Bad feelings didn’t exist…and the thought of all of her stress and worry being taken away made not having her around easier to deal with. “We were working on something,” he said quietly. “We were gonna make the camp better. But I can’t do it without her.” He sniffled then, fighting back tears.  “And I feel like, if I don’t do something we planned, I’m letting her down.”

[faithbyfive-blog]

She nodded, confirming his question. If anyone could get through those pearly gates, it would be Fred. Her heart broke at his sniffle, and she pulled him into her lap, rocking gently. "Well, what were you two working on? Maybe we could do something, to honor her memory. Do you think we could?"

[demonboyliampratt-blog]

Liam/Faith - Loss

[faithbyfive-blog]

Coming down from seeing Tara, Faith had to let herself out of the house, in order to catch a breath and calm down. She never wanted to go back to how she’d been when Liam had died, and Tara going through exactly what she had so long ago was like a really traumatizing blast to the past. She just needed to breathe a little, and she’d be back to her cocky self.

She hadn’t expected to see Liam, though, and smiled, kissing the top of his head as she sat down beside him. “Hey baby, watcha doing?”

[demonboyliampratt-blog]

“Thinking about stuff,” he replied, turning the notebook over in his hands. “Mommy…why didn’t Aunt Fred come back?” He’d never experienced loss before. The only death he’d ever known’d been his, and it’d literally felt like he’d come right back. He knew that’s not how death normally worked, but he didn’t know why.

[faithbyfive-blog]

The air left Faith's lungs in a little surprised woosh, as she tilted her head to look at him. She'd known he'd have questions, and maybe wouldn't understand...everything. Her and Spike had even talked about it, briefly, and agreed to be honest with him. They didn't live in the kind of world where you could sugar coat that stuff. But, that didn't make having to actually sit down and explain it all any easier.

Her hand went to smooth his unruly hair, an unconscious habit she had, as she contemplated what to say. "We think she got in a very bad accident," She said eventually. "But you have to know, that where Aunt Fred is now, is a very good place for her."

[closetcaseenthusiast-blog]

Tara/Faith - Lovesick

“Why eat something that’ll be thrown up three minutes after I swallow it? I’m sorry, Faith. I’m really not up for eating, even if it was a gourmet meal. I can’t stomach anything.” Tara spoke almost inaudibly, afraid if her voice inclined any higher, she would cave again. She rolled over to lie flat on her flat, starring up at the ceiling with watery eyes. “Faith…” The Slayer’s name cracked against the large lump forming in back of Tara’s throat. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t end my life.” Tara’s lower lip quiver as she felt two hot tears leave the corners of her eyes and streak down to the pillowcase. “I need a damn good reason,” she choked out a sob, twisting her neck to look Faith dead in the eye.

“There’s a little black box in my chest that will play back the details of my last moments with Winifred Burkle. To the first kiss we shared, to our last embrace… The right questions will set it off into a frenzy of hurt, flash back to the last moment when I was whole: to the night before, when she held me, kissed me like nothing else in the whole world mattered, and told me we could get through anything… One wrong word and I’m feeling my seams begin to fray and I keep saying it over and over again in my head how I’m going to be okay but I’m not… I’m not going to be okay! I don’t even know how to breathe this way, with my heart collapsed, all draped over my lungs like a deflated balloon, inscribed with the words ‘I love you,’ that was only meant to float for the moment.” Tara inhaled a gulp of air to refresh her lungs before continuing between loud, uneven cries. “I can handle the kisses still fresh on my lips, the smell of her on my pillows and the fresh stains that prove she was here… that she loved me… but I can’t lose the image of her face full of tears, when I told her; ‘I will always find you.’” Tara lost it. What was left of her tattered heart pounded against her rib cage and through her ears.

“My Fred is gone, Faith. My baby is gone forever. Why would anyone want to suffer through this pain? I would rather be dead than feel this constant ache plaguing my chest and her face always in my head that I can never touch again.”

[faithbyfive-blog]

Faith met Tara's accusingly heartbroken stare, shoving aside the symapthy she felt in order to tell it straight to her dear friend. Because truthfully, that was what Tara needed. Not someone to help her wallow in her grief, but someone to help her march forward through it. "Because it won't make anything better." She answered sternly, unbidden flashes of her own attempt making her voice forceful and non budging. "Believe me, I know. The only thing that would change, is we'd lose another soul, and there'd be an empty room upstairs."

She listened solemnly to Tara speak, glad, at least, that she could bring herself to talk. When Faith had been like that, she'd gone almost completely catatonic. When Tara really began to cry in earnest, she stayed quiet, offering her company and friendship as it was all she really could do. "There's nothin' I can say that's gonna make anything better, Tara. There's no magic words, no easy fix." And she wished, for Tara's sake, that that wasn't the case. Her hand reached out to stroke Tara's limp hair, in a soothing, repeated manner. "I'm so sorry."

[demonboyliampratt-blog]

Liam/Faith - Loss

Liam sat down on the porch, staring at the notebook Fred’d given him. They’d been making things better around camp…or trying, at least. But before they’d had a chance…she was gone.

He knew his Aunt Tara was hurting, and he’d come up with a plan to help. He’d asked Wesley to get cupcakes from town. Cupcakes made everything better, and he was positive they’d help his godmother be happy again.

[faithbyfive-blog]

Coming down from seeing Tara, Faith had to let herself out of the house, in order to catch a breath and calm down. She never wanted to go back to how she'd been when Liam had died, and Tara going through exactly what she had so long ago was like a really traumatizing blast to the past. She just needed to breathe a little, and she'd be back to her cocky self.

She hadn't expected to see Liam, though, and smiled, kissing the top of his head as she sat down beside him. "Hey baby, watcha doing?"

[closetcaseenthusiast-blog]

Tara/Faith - Lovesick

[closetcaseenthusiast-blog]

Tara made no sudden movements upon Faith's arrival. Her eyelids felt like cement and the fibers in her muscles reluctant to even flinch. She simply nodded her head and finally mustered the strength to clear off a spot for her best friend to sit on her cluttered bed. "I'm sorry about the mess," her voice cracked with her mouth still immersed in the pillow Fred use to lay her weary head on at night. It still smelled like her. The scent that could be bottled up and sold for millions, the scent that could only and ever be; Winifred Burkle. Tara never wanted to move, terrified of losing that scent, that one tidbit of her beloved Fred.

"I know what you came up here for. And I understand your good intentions. But I'm just not ready. Not yet..." Tara's hoarse voice could only travel so far, but she knew the Slayer could make out every syllable. "I can't maintain composure long enough to face the real world. When I'm in here...I'm with her...you know? I can still smell her like she's lying right beside me..." Tears rushed out of her crystal blue eyes and stained the pillowcase, knowing that would never happen again. She and Fred's limber body will never interlock with one another again.

[faithbyfive-blog]

At the non-answer that Faith took as a 'yes', she slowly opened the door, letting herself in. Even the room itself seemed to hold onto the somber, gray quality that came with a loss as extreme as what Tara was going through. The curtains were shut, it was dark and stuffy feeling, the grief like a tangible thing in the air. She set herself about clearing some stuff up - cleaning to feel useful, like she could actually do anything to help Tara.

Pulling the curtains partially open to let in a little sun, Faith listened to Tara sadly. She knew how it felt. She knew maybe more than anyone else down there, what it was like to lose the thing you loved most in the world. "I know," Faith sighed, settling next to Tara on the bed, her hand rubbing a soothing circle on her shoulder. "Nobody's askin' you to be Miss Sunshine. You just gotta eat somethin', T."

[sodoffslayer-blog]

Spike/Faith - How Spaith Got Their Groove Back

[sodoffslayer-blog]

faithbyfive:

[faithbyfive-blog]

Faith had to bite back a little, knowing smile as he pulled away gruffly. She knew him too well, and knew he was trying to distance himself from their (admittedly super mushy) mush, and get them home before the sun came up. A little shiver ran through her as the shelter his body had offered left, and she became doubly aware of how cold it was to her exposed body. “We should probably head back,” She said regretfully, half turning towards their little unceremonious pile of clothes. “All the other couples’ll be jealous we managed to sneak off for so long.”

“Didn’t sneak off…we were guardin’ the water supply.” But knowing she had a point he sighed. “Reckon you’re right, love.” Besides…the camp’d been mighty quiet while they’d been having their proper shag.

His head somehow turning the silence into Liam’s fighting for his life, he began to pull on his pants, reluctance forgotten. Hell, if something’d happened to the boy while they were gone…he’d never forgive himself.

As she followed his lead, tying the loose string on her shorts, and shimmying back into her tank top, she glanced past their small cover of trees, a little anxiety about going back running through her. What if they never got a moment like this again? Something awful could happen to any one of them, any time, and there'd be no preparing for it. She found herself more than a little unwilling to just leave this little sanctuary they had created - even if it was only for an hour or two. But that's what they were now. Soldiers, that didn't get time for personal problems. They had to go back.

When they were both dressed - though not entirely free of evidence from their little hookup, she noted, as she plucked a leaf from her hair - she twined her hand in his. "Ready?"

[closetcaseenthusiast-blog]

Tara/Faith - Lovesick

It had been a week. A full seven days since IT had happened. Seven days, sixteen hours, and eight minutes… But who was counting? Tara had locked herself in the bedroom she and Fred had once shared together. Refusing any food, water, and company. She would spend her time curled up in bed, wearing only one of Fred’s over sized cotton t-shirts, surrounded by her fiancée’s paperwork and other articles of clothing. Sleep seemed to be Tara’s only escape from the nightmare she was living. Shallow breaths and muffled sobs were the only thing that drowned out the sound of the pieces of her heart shattering against the pit of her stomach.

Tara told Fred not to go without telling anyone. Tara promised Fred she would always protect her. But Fred was gone. Her Winifred Burkle was gone. And she was never coming back. They would never get married. Every single time Tara twirled her diamond engagement ring around her slim finger, it would only cause the noose in her stomach to tighten…but she couldn’t come to terms with herself to take it off. Burkclay was meant to last forever. They deserved it. Fred, more than anyone. She couldn’t believe that her soul mate was gone. Her one and only had been taken away from her against both of their will.

Tara will never forgive herself. Not now, not ever.

Winifred Burkle was no more.

And so was Tara Maclay.

There was just a shell…

[faithbyfive-blog]

If one was listening hard enough from upstairs, they probably would have heard the argument between Faith and Willow, swiftly rising from hushed whispers, to barely controlled raised voices. Faith was adamant that someone needed to get Tara to come out of that god damned room, and everyone else was just as adamant that she needed time to herself. Well, guess what, that was the whole damn problem! Tara was gonna have forever to herself now (that was brutally harsh, and Faith made a mental note not to say shit like that when she went upstairs) and it wasn't good for her!

She clomped up the stairs, making sure Tara wouldn't be surprised by her arrival. Her knock on the door was hesitant, a flash of the tragedy that had struck their little encampment sombering her entirely. Fred just hadn't come home. They never found a body, and the inevitable conclusions were drawn. "Hey, Tara?" Faith called lightly, not forcing the door open - yet. "It's Faith...can I come in?"

[sodoffslayer-blog]

Spike/Faith - How Spaith Got Their Groove Back

[sodoffslayer-blog]

He was such a sodding nancy…but right then, it was all worth it. The world had gone to shite, and he’d do whatever he had to to make carryin’ on seem worthwhile. “I love you too.” Standing there for a few moments, clinging to the last bit of happiness either o’ them’d probably get for a long while (possibly ever, if the walkers had their way), he finally pulled away, clearing his throat, putting on a show of being all masculine and cocky. “Right. So…that’s that, then.” He was grateful it was cold, because they’d just spent the last few minutes pressing their naked bodies together, and if they had any hope of getting back to camp in the next hour or two, he had to keep his manly bits in order.

[faithbyfive-blog]

Faith had to bite back a little, knowing smile as he pulled away gruffly. She knew him too well, and knew he was trying to distance himself from their (admittedly super mushy) mush, and get them home before the sun came up. A little shiver ran through her as the shelter his body had offered left, and she became doubly aware of how cold it was to her exposed body. "We should probably head back," She said regretfully, half turning towards their little unceremonious pile of clothes. "All the other couples'll be jealous we managed to sneak off for so long."

[sodoffslayer-blog]

Spike/Faith - How Spaith Got Their Groove Back

[sodoffslayer-blog]

faithbyfive:

[faithbyfive-blog]

“Yeah, that one,” She nodded, and smiled. She could imagine it perfectly. Both of them freaking out over whether or not they could even dance, all their friends there. It’d be outside, under the stars. Liam would come and dance with them. “I wish we could do that, really, one day.”

“We will,” he told her firmly, not really believing it himself. Thinking for a moment, he continued. “Til then…got an idea.” Lifting her slightly and standing, he helped her up. Here goes nothing. “What I’m ‘bout to do, love, stays between us, yeah?” Peering into the woods nearby, making sure no zombies’d try and get the jump on them, he turned to her, suppressing a smirk as he realized they were both still naked. Carefully resting his hands on her waist, he lowered his head to her ear and, taking a moment to recall as much of the song as possible, he began to hum and sing it softly in her ear, just loud enough for the two of them to hear. Didn’t sing a lot…n’ never in front of other people. Mainly just to himself, rocking along with the radio. But it was all he had…makeshift music to go with a makeshift wedding. But he was ridiculously, stupidly happy…only took a century of livin’ to give him something worth livin’ for.

She looked at him with an amused, raised eyebrow, wondering what in the world he was going to do that required all the intrigue. As he took her waist, her hands slid up to his shoulders, high school prom style, a little smile on her face. And when he started singing soft in her ear, she opened her mouth in a bit of surprise and grinned, listening to the whole thing. Faith hadn't heard him sing since Liam was a baby. And even then, only snippets caught on the baby monitor. She thought she might cry, she was so happy. They swayed gently and just barely, barefoot and naked in the damp grass, and when he stopped, she leaned her head on his shoulder. "That was perfect...I love you."

[sodoffslayer-blog]

Spike/Faith - How Spaith Got Their Groove Back

[sodoffslayer-blog]

He raised a surprised eyebrow. “Right…s’that it, then? Righteous Brothers?” Talk ‘bout bein’ unpredictable…no one’d reckon that particular dittyy for the pair o’ them. But maybe that’s why it worked…never ones for doin’ the obvious, Faith n’ him.

[faithbyfive-blog]

"Yeah, that one," She nodded, and smiled. She could imagine it perfectly. Both of them freaking out over whether or not they could even dance, all their friends there. It'd be outside, under the stars. Liam would come and dance with them. "I wish we could do that, really, one day."

[faithbyfive-blog]

Faith/Tara - Early Mornings

[closetcaseenthusiast-blog]

"R-right." Tara sunk back into the wicker chair, realizing her chances her slim to none arguing with Faith. "Watching, hunting, and fetching..." Basically, things Tara couldn't do. More like not 'allowed' to do. She was the go-to gal for magic, not scavenging. "...and working," she added absentmindedly, thinking about Fred being cooped up in their bedroom day in and day out. "-on a cure, that is."

[faithbyfive-blog]

"How's that comin', by the way?" Faith piped up as Tara mentioned the elusive cure. "I mean, Fred's still, like, eating and stuff, right? 'Cus I never see her come down." She looked at Tara with a tinge of concern in her voice. The cure was important, yes. But it wasn't like they weren't managing without it.