so many of the ways in which fatness is acceptably reclaimed rely on reimagining fatness as sexually desirable– presumably for the masculine gaze. i dont have the kind of ass that makes it ok to be fat and the ways in which my fatness is sexualized and fetishized are so niche theyre still relegated to secrecy. the last guy i slept with begged me to meet him, and after i finally gave in he didnt want to be seen in public with me– not even for the brief and private moments it takes to rent a hotel room. the guy before that told me he didnt know how he could ever justify his attraction to me to his family.
my fatness isnt and probably will never be considered sexy in a mainstream way. sex is not and probably will never be liberatory for me. sexiness as a prerequisite for liberation is a function of colonial patriarchal sexuality. we dont need you to want to fuck us for us to be free.
Read&re-read that last line.
