I realize that I lack of a concept of trust. To me trust is a really rude presumption of how people will behave in the future, especially when people get offended when their âtrusted personâ did not behave as they expected. Like I treat you really well for a while doesnât mean that I will automatically keep doing the same thing in the future, at all. I can be exhausted, in a bad mood, or I simply dinât want to. I donât owe anyone any explanation when I stop doing that. Assuming that I am âgoodâ or âkindâ according to your expectations doesnât make an excuse. To me, the real term of trust is âcontract,â where I explicitly consent and promise that I will do the same thing in the future.
With this I avoid âtrustingâ anyone. I consider every good act as purely accidental, and I can be really grateful when others do good things to me, because I know they should have the absolute full right not to do it. But there is another catch: Can I trust (assume) others to comprehend my conception of trust at all? I cannot establish any long term relationship without explicitly asking, and I cannot trust others not to feel weird or take offence from it. Doesnât this asking thing also takes a lot of trust and courage?
I think the real problem is that I am too paranoid trying to avoid conflicts and offence. But I am who I am. I have 6 and 9 fix I think.