the southern pansy

back in business. for now

[fakemichaelsheen]

if you could unwatch the good omens finale, would you?

yes

yes and series two as well

no

nuance

Voting ended onJun 5

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the south downs cottage-

crowley, sitting beside the window looking through a pair of binoculars: *giggling* ohoho, yes! come on you beauty

aziraphale, walks in carrying two cups of tea, frowns: what are you doing?

crowley, still looking through the binoculars: it's out there again

aziraphale, places a tea beside crowley, sighs: oh, you're not still watching chairman meow, are you?

crowley, shakes his head: I'm telling you, any human who names their beast that is asking for trouble

aziraphale, sits in his chair reaching for a book: I don't like it anymore than you do. but we are neighbours. and we must be...neighbourly *smiles*

crowley, turns to him, offended: neoghb- I'll start being neighbourly when their bloody cat *points* stops using my garden as a litter box

chairman meow: *meows*

crowley, runs back to the window, peering through the binoculars: *gasps* no nonononono! *grits his teeth as chairman meow pees on a hydrangea bush* right that's it *slams down the binoculars and begins striding towards the garden* I'll sort this out

aziraphale, massaging his temple: crowley! you are not going to turn into a snake and eat that cat

*pause*

crowley, reenters the room in a sulk: well, I'm not now... *angrily drinks tea*

[fakemichaelsheen]

how did crowley spend the last few years of his existence? depressed, heartbroken, homeless, jobless, carless and fighting with the love of his life, sleeping on the ground beside the only thing he had left in the world that wasn't even his. fuck you

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the bookshop-

aziraphale: are we going to talk about what happened between us? before I left for heaven

crowley, avoiding looking at him: no

aziraphale, disappointed: no. quite right. a shame, though. I would've quite liked to try it again

crowley, scoffs: have you lost your mind? the answer is no, angel

aziraphale, raising his hands: of course, I quite understand *pauses* it is unfortunate we never shared our kiss under the proper circumstances *smiles, wiggling his shoulders* I have a feeling we'd be rather good at it

crowley, steps closer, pointing at him: no, no. you don't get to tempt me. I won't be tempted. I'm a demon, if there's any tempting to be done around here, I'll do it

aziraphale, nods: yes, yes, you're right *pauses; let's out a longing sigh* oh, I just know it would've been terribly romantic

crowley, arms folded, mutters mockingly: terribly

aziraphale, looks around the bookshop: well, everything seems tickety-boo

crowley, waves his hand to dim the lights and ignite candles, striding towards aziraphale: *mutters* fuck it *gently takes aziraphale's face in his hands and kisses him*

aziraphale, holding on for dear life: *kissing back*

crowley, let's go and staggers back: *panting*

aziraphale, thrilled: vavoom, indeed

crowley, rolls his eyes, trying not to smile: shut up

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the bookshop-

gabriel: *dusting*

aziraphale, approaches: ah, gabriel, perhaps you could settle a debate...

crowley, groans: don't bring him into this

aziraphale, ignores him: gabriel, someone was complaining they've never been on a romantic date-

crowley, glaring: only because someone else's idea of a romantic date involves getting rescued from execution during the french revolution

aziraphale, smug: it worked

crowley: *glares at him*

gabriel: ...

gabriel, looking between them: what was the question?

[fakemichaelsheen]

if you think about it, agnes nutter probably saw this coming and did nothing to stop it. she's the real villain here

[fakemichaelsheen]

*contains mild finale spoilers*

-the ritz-

aziraphale, savouring his first bite in years: mmm *closing his eyes* divine

crowley, watching him fondly, pouring wine: worth coming back for, eh?

aziraphale, nods: oh, absolutely. and I don't just mean the food *leans closer, covers crowley's hand with his* I daresay I missed the company more so

crowley: *staring at their hands*

aziraphale, pulls his hand away, shakes his head: no, I'm sorry. I'm afraid I got carried away. I'm moving too fast. I cannot expect you to forgive me so easily

crowley, panics: no! it's fine! I-I missed this too

aziraphale, relaxes: oh *takes a deep breath, nods* good. not...good, obviously. but...good

crowley, trying not to smile: good *swallows a large amount of wine* right, drive in the bentley or stroll around st. james'?

aziraphale, smitten: why not both? we have time

crowley, smirks: sounds tickety boo to me, angel

aziraphale, rolls his eyes affectionately: oh, stop it

[fakemichaelsheen]

*contains spoilers for the good omens finale*

*the bookshop, the last thing in existence*

aziraphale, writing the new book of life: how is your part coming along?

crowley, scribbling: yeah, good *shows what he's written* what do you think?

aziraphale, exasperated: crowley, you can't just write 'nebulas'. what happened to your beautiful creativity?

crowley, waves his hands: yes, alright, give me a minute. there's a lot of pressure here in case you haven't noticed

aziraphale, worried: we don't even know if this will work

crowley, flipping through pages: it will, angel. just imagine the universe created by us

aziraphale, smiling: our own alpha centauri

crowley, scribbling away, excited: the humans, our humans, will be back, angel. and they'll create and invent

aziraphale, sighs: oh, and we'll get to live it all again, crowley. how we should have

crowley, pacing, muttering: this has to work...it has to

*an indefinite amount of time later*

aziraphale: *sets the book down*

crowley, holds his breath: it's done?

aziraphale: *nods, glances at crowley*

crowley, swallows: if this hasn't worked...

aziraphale, approaches crowley and takes his hand: at least we tried, my dear. and it was worth every moment

*the two turn to face the bookshop doors*

crowley, takes a shaky breath: I love you

aziraphale, tearful, squeezes crowley's hand: oh crowley *sniffs, wiping away tears* I love you, too

*together, they step out of the bookshop, hand in hand, out into their universe*

[fakemichaelsheen]

not being funny but what was that

[fakemichaelsheen]

-1941-

crowley, shaking his head: I can't believe you made me shoot you

aziraphale, waves a hand: nonsense. you handled it superbly

crowley, shudders: still. I don't want to do that again anytime soon

aziraphale, smiling: oh I don't know. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve *leans closer* there is a rather challenging one involving a pair of handcuffs I wish to try, if you'd care to indulge me

crowley: ...

aziraphale, concerned: crowley? are you alright?

crowley, blinking: yeah. just give me a minute

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the bookshop-

aziraphale: ...

crowley: ...

crowley, sighs: are you going to tell me what this is about?

aziraphale, delicately: I overheard you. talking to nina. you were saying how...in love you are. with someone

crowley, swallows: oh...no. that's not-

aziraphale, smiles: I want to help you woo this person

crowley, panicking: no, really

aziraphale: your feelings are very strong, crowley. they must know

crowley, sweating: they don't feel the same way, angel. it's fine

aziraphale, waves a hand: nonsense. they're a fool. anyone would be lucky to have you

crowley, scoffs: oh, you really think that?

aziraphale, oblivious: yes, of course. I want you to be happy, crowley

crowley, sighs: fine. okay. what's your plan?

-later, nina's coffee shop-

crowley: ...

furfur: ...

furfur: no

crowley, watching aziraphale get coffees: I'm not thrilled about this either! I'm trying to get him off my back about something. just humour him, okay?

furfur: why would I do you any favours? what's in it for me?

crowley, annoyed: would you rather be down there?

furfur, thinking: fair enough

aziraphale, returning with the coffees: here we go. a black coffee, was it?

furfur, takes the coffee: thanks. by the way, it's you he's in love with *gestures the cup* I'll just take this to go *smiles smugly at crowley; snaps his fingers and disappears*

crowley: ...

crowley, red-faced: that's my...demon

aziraphale, amused: stop it

[fakemichaelsheen]

-give me coffee-

crowley: *angrily stirring his coffee*

aziraphale, arms folded: *looking away from crowley*

jesus, sitting between them, awkward: um, did crowley mention-

aziraphale: oh, it's first name terms, is it?

crowley: I don't have a surname, you idiot. what's he supposed to call me?

aziraphale: well, it doesn't matter to me. do what you please

crowley: don't worry. I will

jesus, fed up: oh for my sake, don't you see what's going on here?

crowley & aziraphale: ...

jesus: in case you haven't noticed, there's going to be a war. and this *gestures* is just going to have to wait. I didn't come back just to be your marriage counsellor

aziraphale, scoffs: we're not married

crowley, scowling: yeah and if we were, which we're not, I'd want a divorce

jesus to nina: yeah, could I have a glass of water? I'm gonna need something stronger than coffee

[fakemichaelsheen]

crowley: …

crowley: what does ineffable even mean?

aziraphale: it cannot be explained

crowley: oh. never mind then

aziraphale:

[fakemichaelsheen]

crowley, shaking a magic 8 ball: does aziraphale love me?

magic 8 ball: don’t count on it

crowley: *sighs* I knew it

aziraphale, next to him in bed, snaps his fingers: check again, dear

crowley: *looks at the ball*

magic 8 ball: ✨ ineffably✨

crowley, tearful: oh

[fakemichaelsheen]

crowley, texting: I'm leaving you

crowley, texting: with the dogs whilst I go out (not delivered!)

crowley: good luck

-a few hours later-

crowley, returns: hey, I-

aziraphale: *sobbing into a bowl of ice cream*

crowley: ...

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the south downs-

aziraphale: I'm sorry

crowley, amused: whatever it is, angel, I think it's pretty clear you're forgiven

aziraphale, sighs: yes but I didn't notice you were homeless. before. you were living in your car, crowley, and I just let it happen

crowley, shrugs: I never cared about that

aziraphale, takes his hands: yes, well, from now on you are my number one priority

crowley, grins: I think I can cope with that. as long as you don't mind coming second

aziraphale, raises an eyebrow: oh? and what is it that demands your so much of your attention?

crowley, kisses his hands: my garden

aziraphale, chuckles: if it means you'll be out in the sunshine getting sweaty and dirty, how could I possibly object?

crowley, happily: I thought not

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the ritz-

crowley, glances over at aziraphale: I saw you. telling off the demons in the bookshop

aziraphale, rolls his eyes: yes, well, someone had to. they were being very rude

crowley: yeah

crowley: ...

crowley, clears his throat: you could...do it more often

aziraphale, confused: um, okay. the next time a horde of angry demons invades my bookshop, I'll sort them out

crowley: no, I mean...take control

aziraphale: ...

crowley: whenever you want something. just...do it again

aziraphale: ...

crowley, sighs: I'm just saying you never speak to me like that

aziraphale, frowns: well, of coruse not. why would I?

crowley, deflated: never mind

aziraphale, thinking: do you want me-

crowley: yes

aziraphale: ...

crowley, innocent: if you want. whatever

aziraphale: well, I suppose I could think of something to...tell you off about

crowley, already paying: if you insist, angel