Moonlight { TIDUS }
leviathkand:
her words surprised him… more than they should have, perhaps. on one hand, it was… a little strange. the one who was so willing, so determined to defeat Sin, even knowing what would become of her, and what she was leaving behind… she struggled to accept someone else doing the very same. but, it made sense, too. High Summoner or not, Yuna was only human, though the rest of the world often forgot that fact. how many children could honestly be okay with a parent’s decision to leave them behind, alone in life, even if they agreed with the reasoning? he didn’t have to tell her that Braska loved her, and had only done what he had to keep her safe. Yuna already knew that, but she still couldn’t help how she felt. this was a matter in which the truth, the rationale behind it, couldn’t change what you felt in your heart. mentally, she was surely able to understand why he did it, but emotionally… well, that was a whole different story. and in a heart versus head dilemma like that, what could you really say…? all he could think to tell her was that he understood. “ I… know what you mean. when my dad disappeared, it was like my mom died the same day. even though she was still alive, she never really was, you know… ? not after that. when I was little, sometimes I’d wonder if he disappeared on purpose, and didn’t even want to come back. I mean, I know it’s not true, now, but… I guess I was just looking for another reason to be mad at ‘im. ” her dad really had left, though, and all of the misguided pain he felt from his father ‘abandoning’ him? she was within her right to really feel it. his hand reached for hers, holding tightly as eyes met, gazed with sincere empathy… ( and guilt. ) “ I’m sorry… ” but it wasn’t just for her childhood. one part of him wondered how her father could ever leave her, but another understood completely. he’d once made a damning and difficult choice, too– accepting that Sin’s end would be his as well. could he really say that what he did was much different… ? “ I know… it hurts. but, that’s why we got rid of Sin, right? so nobody has to feel that way, ever again. you saved a lot of kids from going through the same thing you did. and maybe… your dad leaving helped you do that. ” it was a bit of a stretch, but when he got to thinking, there was something different about Yuna. something that made her say ‘no’ to the Final Aeon when so many said yes. maybe having Braska for a father had something to do with it… “ I mean, so many summoners went through with the Final Summoning, even after they knew it was a lie. but they probably never lost someone because of it. because of Sin, sure, but not that… but you did. you know what it’s like to be left behind when a summoner dies. and maybe not wanting to anyone else to know what that’s like was one of the things that helped you break the cycle! ” if so, then, in a way, it was kind of worth it. a father’s death and his daughter’s suffering could never really be seen as a good thing, but, he’d like to think– hope– that there was a silver lining to it all. a morbid one, perhaps, but it was something…
His words had hit her with such a realization that she was almost taken aback. That it was possible she had said no for more than just ending Sin... It wasn’t just that she had wanted to destroy something that was killing so many innocents. That was the drive behind many a summoner, especially her father’s.
Yet, while knowing his drive, she still failed to understand his intentions. If so many years ago, Sir Auron had fought to find a better way, why hadn’t they grasped at it as she did? Was it so simple as to think he had fought without losing someone to the final summoning, as she did? She believed it would have been enough to lose his own wife, her mother, to cause him to fight harder than anyone else.
Yet he hadn’t.
Tears had begun to fall without her realizing, likely at finally grasping at an understanding behind the difference between her father’s path and her own. Before such a simple response had been given to her, she never would have expected to come to such a conclusion. It wasn’t something she could be sure of, or something that would ease the aching.
But it was something.
She knew this wouldn’t keep the nightmares at bay. It wouldn’t stop her from waking up at night, wondering why he chose the path he had taken. Why he had decided to leave her alone, even if he had always thought of her as a strong child. Even if an orphaned life was a normal one. But it would give her a sense of calm, even through the hurt.
But there had been this part of her... that often thought of the end to her long journey, and just what it would have entailed, had it gone as she expected.
“... I thought, if there was one thing I could truly look forward to after such a journey... In the very least, I would be able to see them both again.”
It was a morbid thought, she knew, but it was one she had, all the less. A selfish one. The thought that sometimes took precedence over the lives of the rest of Spira. The idea that her death could possibly bring her family back to her. It was one she had never shared to anyone, not even Lulu. The thought that kept her going when fear of death fought to stop her in her tracks.
