Hello! I often find myself in a situation where I have a group of characters, and I find myself finding multiple ways that they could end up in a relationship, so I don't really know who would be the right one for them. Do you have any advice how to spot the chemistry between characters, and decide on what's going to be the endgame?
Guide: Creating Romantic Chemistry
I want to start by saying that chemistry can exist in any relationship–not just romantic ones. While this guide is specific to romantic chemistry, if you take out the romantic elements, some of these tips could apply to other relationships, too.
Specific to Anon’s question: You don’t spot romantic chemistry between your characters–you create it. As much as we like to think of our characters as real people independent of our imaginations, they’re not. Chemistry can’t exist between two characters unless you put in all the necessary ingredients.
What is romantic chemistry? Romantic chemistry is a balanced exchange of physical, intellectual, social, or emotional energy between two people–a constantly shifting dynamic (or “back and forth”) of opposition and harmony. It’s often said to begin as a “spark” or “click” between two people that indicates there’s something special between them.
How does romantic chemistry work? When two people first interact, or when they begin to interact in a new way or under new circumstances, they begin to respond to social cues and subliminal signals from one another. Social cues would be things like banter, flirting, discovering things in common, sharing, and learning each other’s relationship availability. Subliminal signals are more subtle, such as your brain responding to the other person’s open body language without you realizing it, or your brain detecting hints of sexual desire from the other person and reacting by ramping up your sex-related hormones. It can even be non-sexual but purely romantic, where your brain simply detects a million subtle signs of the other person’s interest without you being aware of it.
Romantic chemistry between two PEOPLE requires two or more of the following key ingredients:
1) Physical Attraction - your characters share a desire to touch and be touched. In romance, this is often but not always sexual.
2) Emotional Attraction - your characters share a desire to connect on a deeper level, to learn about each other’s feelings, beliefs, opinions, and experiences.
3) Intellectual Attraction - your characters share a desire to engage with each other’s interests, knowledge, and intellect.
4) Social Attraction - your characters share a desire to interact with each other on a social level, wanting to do social things together like hang out with friends, go to parties, go on dates, spend time with each other laughing and talking, and doing the kinds of social things that friends and romantic partners tend to do.
Romantic chemistry between two CHARACTERS requires the following key ingredients:
1) Fully realized characters - your characters must be fully developed people with all of the things required for good character development.
2) Something to forge the bond - your characters must discover at least one thing in common when they first begin interacting, which creates a desire between them to continue interacting.
3) Some type of attraction - your characters must feel a “spark” based on one of the types of attraction listed above as they continue to interact, which makes them want to get to know each other and leads to the formation of at least one other type of attraction. Consider which types of attraction would be most important to your characters based on who they are.
4) Dance of “opposition and harmony” - your characters should continue to interact as the story progresses, through banter, flirtation, touch, argument, and conflict, but always in a way that is balanced between them.
5) Conflict, tension, stakes and thematic alignment - every story needs a conflict, every character needs a conflict, and every relationship needs a conflict. Your characters’ personal conflicts and relationship conflicts should play off each other and be pertinent to the story’s theme, with each character representing different elements of the story’s theme and conflict. There should also be stakes to the relationship: what happens if the relationship works? What happens if it doesn’t? What do the characters have to lose by being together? What do they have to lose by not being together?
Romantic chemistry visuals can be achieved in a variety of ways. My post The Subtle Signs of Romantic Interest and Love will help with some of the internal and external cues. Remember, your characters are building a bond. They need to learn to trust one another. They need to learn to share and compromise, give and receive. My posts Guide: Characters Falling in Love and Transitioning Through Levels of Affection offers additional help.
Remember: two people with romantic chemistry are like a thunderstorm. Clouds form and crash together producing lightning, thunder, rain, and rainbows. Romance is BIG, messy, and beautiful. The most important thing you can do for your couple once their chemistry is established is to make sure there’s always forward motion. Your characters need to progress through the relationship and ultimately change one another in ways they’d never dreamed of.
Here are some posts that may help you craft your characters’ romantic chemistry. I’ll include the ones from above again, too:
The Subtle Signs of Romantic Interest and Love
Guide: Characters Falling in Love
Transitioning Through Levels of Affection
Friendship Turns to Romance
Ways for Love Interests to Meet
Creating Conflict in a Romantic Relationship
Even Romance Needs a Little Conflict
Good luck with your story!
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