One thing I’ve learned: when people end whatever they’re saying with “idk, I’m probably not making any sense,” it usually means they are telling you something very close and personal to them, something that’s such an integral part of their being that they have trouble putting it into words that do it justice.
It’s not about you. It does not matter who you are on the inside. A narcissist only sees a challenge, and the stronger you are, the more desirable you become. It’s like a game, and all they want to do is win by conquering you. Some narcissists pick easy targets; some pick hard ones, depending on how much of a challenge they’re up for.
Pay attention to his or her past relationships. Does your partner have a long line of women or men from their past who strongly dislike them? He or she may have lots of excuses why this is so, but if there are more than a couple, chances are he or she wasn’t good to them. That’s a red flag that they probably won’t be good to you in the long run, either.
They want to win. It does not matter what the argument is, or how intelligent, well-researched, or passionate your responses are; a narcissist just wants to be right. Winning is the ultimate goal, and they will pick fights and argue unfairly just so that they can prove to themselves that they are better than you. It is never about the topic at hand; it’s about being dominant.
They are broken. Narcissists often have scars and wounds from the past, particularly in childhood, that have left them incapable of empathy or of healthy behavior in relationships. Frequently, the people they attract know this and allow a narcissist’s scars be an excuse for their actions.
Pay attention to how they treat or talk about their opposite-sex parent. How a man relates to his mother, or how a woman relates to her father are often good indicators of how they will relate to you in the long run. If a man has nothing but scathing remarks about their mother, he will likely treat his partner the same way once the charm has worn off.
There are red flags. You will see them and feel them, but a narcissist will recognize them, too. They will remain one step ahead of you, making you feel like your instincts are not legitimate, and forcing you to question your own truth. Listen to yourself. Trust yourself. Even when it means change.
You will never have a healthy relationship with a narcissist. Things will not get better, not because you aren’t healthy or aren’t trying hard enough, but because they are not healthy and don’t know how to try. As good as the good times can be, the bad times will only get worse if you stay.
A word to the wise… don’t fall in love with a narcissist and if you do don’t stay. No matter what, do not stay with a narcissist.
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