Why Not Fathers

[fatbastardnd]

It's okay to be angry.

It's okay to be angry. #alzheimers #dad #father #love

Dad,

It’s okay to be angry.

Just wanted to take a few minutes and tell you something.

You are in a place that is not what you are used to. It isn’t your home. It isn’t the life that you remember.

The sad thing Dad?  Most days, nothing about that day is the life that you remember.  Your mind is playing tricks on you.  It lets you see what it wants you to see.

Your mind lets you forget things that…

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Becoming a "Dad" to my Dad.

Becoming a "Dad" to my Dad. #dad #Dementia #family #love #memories

At age 75, my father hasn’t been in a hospital bed since he was a small child.

1957 John Deere 720 Propane with the wide front.

Now, as I spend the days beside his bed,talking with him about the things he remembers best, mostly from childhood to around age 50, I reflect on his role in my life. From adoption when I was 3 to meeting his first grandchild. The adventures in moving things 60 miles…

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Two Weeks Post Discharge

Two Weeks Post Discharge #crisis #patience #patient #saint #update

Good day my friends.

We are two weeks post discharge and I thought that I would post an update about how things are going.

In a word.  Stable.

He is stable.  No better, no worse.  The difference is that we are actively monitoring his medications, whereas before, he was managing his own medications for most of a year, and doing so successfully.

He claims to not remember most of the night when the

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The adoption misconception

I am adopted.

I have PTSD and depression.

These have nothing to do with the fact that I am adopted.

My son has a mental illness. Even if he had never been adopted, he would still have a mental illness.

Take Autism.

Adoption doesn’t cause Autism. I don’t believe that is even a remote possibility. While the exact cause of Autism is unclear, I am certain that it isn’t adoption.…

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An open letter to the naysayers

An open letter to the naysayers

For those who have chosen to smash our hearts because of the last post. I tell you this.

It’s not that we don’t love him, because we do. A family doesn’t put as much fight into getting appropriate mental health care for their loved ones without caring. without love.

We have taken him into our hearts for life or longer, but I can’t help him if he kills me. Mom can’t help him if he kills…

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If I am killed...

If I am killed…

If I am killed in my sleep, know that I tried to keep people safe. Our son has severe mental illness, and we are fearful for our lives. He currently is set for discharge this coming week.

He told law enforcement that he would get a knife from the kitchen and hurt us in our sleep.

If we are killed in our sleep, know that we only wanted the best for our kids. For all of our kids. If…

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On Being a Parent of a Child With Mental Illness

On Being a Parent of a Child With Mental Illness

Last night when everything went sideways for David, we had law enforcement here. Some fairly insightful comments from them.

Now, you should know, it is my belief that law enforcement are not mental health professionals. That isn’t the role they signed up for. So please, keep that in mind.

When David was yelling about how illegal everything I do as his father is, the police officer…

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Beyond the Abyss - The gradual decline of David's mental health.

Beyond the Abyss – The gradual decline of David’s mental health.

It seems that David’s mental health has been declining since before the Christmas holiday. Today was just another example of how far it has gone.

David had school, and there were no negative reports that I am aware of. After he finished school he went with his staff.

Around 7 pm, I went into my office for a conference call. Mom got ready for bed, though she doesn’t actually go to bed…

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Adoption: creating a family

Adoption: creating a family

A letter to son, David. A long time ago, a little boy was adopted into a family. He was given a new name. Through the process he was gifted the opportunity to forge a new destiny for himself. Life wasn’t perfect.

In fact, it was pretty darn difficult. A number of reasons exist for that difficulty. His behavior, his life, his thoughts, all conspired to cause him to make poor decisions. Poor…

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Parenting with intention. The non-incident that became a life lesson.

Parenting with intention. The non-incident that became a life lesson. #autism #FAS #lifelessons #parenting

The title says so much, yet so little.  “Parenting with intention. The non-incident that became a life lesson.” Because seriously, who doesn’t have conflict in their life?

In our home, conflict can go one of two ways. We can either get through it successfully, or the whole world falls apart for the family, and in particular for David.

David and Mom both know I am writing this post. We feel it…

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Ongoing Medication Management Issues

Ongoing Medication Management Issues #autism #failure #medication #psychiatry #struggle #tools

So a few weeks ago I wrote about our struggle to get medication management for David’s psych medications. Today we did intake at Sanford Behavioral Health Bismarck.   Medication success!   and   Medication disappointment.   See, they are taking him on as a patient, but since we missed his appointment in May, he can’t be scheduled to see someone to manage his medications, and prescribe them, until…

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Under new management for medication

Under new management for medication #failure #FASD #hope #medication #praise #psychiatry #reprimand

I went to the pharmacy to pick up his medication and what do I find?   nothing.   So I said, “he is on an auto-fill plan how can this be?” It’s not logical The tech calls the pharmacist who explains it to me.   “We call the doctor two weeks before the refill is due. “We call the doctor one week before the refill is due.” “We call the doctor three days before the refill is due.” “We…

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Low IQ and Claims by President Trump

Low IQ and Claims by President Trump #lowIQ #POTUS #racism #Trump

President Trump. Low IQ.

To be clear, this is about more than the President.

This is about all with a low IQ.

Let’s define what we are talking about.

Borderline IQ is in a range of 70 to about 84.  IQ can be influenced by a number of factors. Including external stressors such as how the person slept the night before, whether or not they have to use the bathroom, nervous tension and many other…

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Mental Health - a personal struggle.

Mental Health - a personal struggle. #anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #ptsd

I have been struggling for a while.  It seems like some days are very dark. Snappy and snarky comebacks are my friend regardless of the context of the conversation.  So I approached my doctor about it. I talked to her about:

Insomnia – the lack of ability to sleep.

Loneliness. – feeling alone, yet needing to be alone and preferring the isolation that comes with being a disabled stay-at-home dad…

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Autism - Won over by the Music of POD

Autism - Won over by the Music of POD #@POD #@TheEllenShow #autism #Music

Those who know me, know that I have two kids with Autism. So as a subject, it is hugely important to my life. My kids are high functioning compared to other kids with Autism.  Music won over Autism. Thanks to the band P.O.D.!

This is the story of the son of friends of mine.  He loves the band P.O.D.  I’ll quote her words here, only removing the son’s name from the story.  I did ask permission to…

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the Outlook for a Special Needs Parent

the Outlook for a Special Needs Parent #autism #FASD #specialneedsparent #thankyou

The outlook for a special needs parent that fell in a hole.

Seriously, this graphic, I didn’t make it – I found it on facebook, (if you created it or know who did, please comment and let me know so I can give them credit.) but anyway, this graphic says so much about what the Special Needs Parent goes thru for their child. In some cases daily, weekly, monthly and yearly.

We see it many times for…

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Fifteen Days Post FASD Camp

Fifteen Days Post FASD Camp #adventure #developmentaldisability #disability #FASD #fasdawareness #fasdcamp #Summercamp

So fifteen days ago David had the opportunity to attend FASD Camp. 

Summer camp.

The day I dropped him off, I snapped a selfie of the two of us. Minutes after snapping this photo, he was off meeting new friends with the same disability that he has.

The Disability

Yes. My son has a disability.  You can’t tell it by looking at him.  That disability is Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD).  It is…

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