sometimes she'll say something to me that has my ears pricking up, like, oh, you want to be used a little bit, huh?
some kind of i'm not sure what i want that tells me that what she really wants is to not have to think about what she wants at all for a little while. that she wants me to give her whatever i want her to have, and to take whatever i want from her.
it feels like the click of a collar coming off. heartbeat picking up immediately. like the wind changing direction. this beautiful permission to be. well. not mean, exactly. she doesn't actually like mean, and mean doesn't come very naturally to me anyway. but a little selfish, i guess?
she wants me to want her so badly i won't stop myself from taking what i want. if she wants to be objectified, she wants to be a beautiful, coveted object. if she wants to be played with she wants to be my favorite toy. and i do. and she is. if i play a little rough with her sometimes i will always put her back together again afterwards.
its a reminder of the ways we're similar, that she can take pleasure from my own the same way i do from hers. there can be so much love in roughness.
