hush

jung eunji. don't bother calling me hyerim. twenty years old. fashion journalism student. busan native. residing in suite 4b with park chanyeol. nice to meet you.

[fate-eunji-blog]

you guys are such colossal twats

[sunnyhr]

People changes when they get themselves broken. People tend to change, either for the worst or better— finding it the only way to save themselves. I was almost on my worst. No. I am on my worst. But when I needed someone to support me, and glue my scattered pieces together, you weren’t there. I might be selfish— but I can’t help myself. I can’t help but to feel hurt and mad that you weren’t here when I need you the most (`shakes his head continuously, the water that formed on his lids finally drops down, trailing on his cheeks, his whole body was shaking, and he’s beginning to lost his senses, lungs struggles from breathing) You had the chance. You’re here. But it feels like a million miles apart. I—- I don’t know (`grasp his head tightly, pressing it to suppress the pain he’s feeling, crumbling his built to the ground, sobbing horrifyingly)

[fate-eunji-blog]

you just... { -- tries to piece words together, to form sentences that will try and comfort him from the pain that he's clearly feeling } i wanted to help you, i -- i wanted to help you! i wanted to be there for you i just didn't know how and i was already feeling so awful that i felt that i shouldn't... i shouldn't be with you, 'cause i just make things worse. i just make things worse... { -- shakes her head, looking at the floor and keeping herself from becoming a mess too, because who the hell is that going to help if she's just there sobbing on the floor as well? } i really want to help you i... i want to help you more than anything. i... don't want to let you hurt like this but you have to let me in, love. { -- she crouches on the floor next to him, wrapping her arms around him and rocking him gently, singing a soothing song softly like some kind of lullaby }

[fate-eunji-blog]

fate-woojiho replied to your post: /stares/

/eats a lollipop/ What?

do I have something on my face?

[fate-eunji-blog]

/stares/

{ -- blinks self-consciously } 

[fate-choizelo]

to rekindle. { eunji & zelo.

[fate-choizelo]

It was the way she said it. The way she had said his name and remarked upon his presence. There was something about the way she said it— something that he could not identify, and something that he didn’t ignore, but instead placed back in the depths of his mind. There proved no point in worrying about it. That would disturb their reunion— and as the days and months that have passed played through his head, he recognized his desperation to cling to this moment and gain from it all that he could. Because he missed her. And there was no other way to phrase it. He simply missed her; with a deep, and infuriating ache that had been tearing through him ever since his mother told him that there was no way he would be able to return to that district. That district that was finally different. He hadn’t made a friend. He made friends. He had a group; a place to belong.. And like a devious witch, his mother tore him from it. Placing him with strangers all over again; forcing him back into the inner sanctum he had built within himself for refuge from the pain that had collided with his reality so ferociously.

It was the way she said it, and the fact that she said it. His name; his actual name, not the moniker he had been going by as a means to further separate himself from any and all societies his mother might have placed him within. She knew his identity, and with laxity did her lips spew it. The symbolism of that— she knew him. And it wasn’t the him one uses when trying to point someone out of a crowd. No, she knew him as an actual person— a soul individualized and unique from the rest; just as he knew her. So to say that he was eager to see her; to be in front of her and to be able to speak to her as he was.. That was an understatement. His heart was twisting in leaps and bounds; entangling itself in the heat of bubbling excitement before bursting into an undeniable recuperation, only to repeat its cycle. Its cycle, that was concealed by his signature grin— that easiness in the curve of his lips; the way his mandible settled itself as his head came to a subtle tilt. His happiness, which, albeit usually was a facade, was entirely genuine with her.. Genuine and irreplaceable.

“What’s up?” He asked, perhaps a little too obnoxiously. His arms had extended as though she would not understand the direction; an exaggerated, unnecessary gesture, but open arms were the beginning of an embrace. His open arms were the beginning of an embrace that he longed after for many a year. And so his open arms stayed that way; waiting for her compliance as he spoke: “It’s been so long, Hyerim! I can’t believe you’re here. What a twist of luck, yeah?”

[fate-eunji-blog]

  she noticed something about him that made her even more angry at his presence. she was already annoyed, irritated at the way that he had just left, it was something that had stuck with her for a very long time, and she wasn’t going to forgive him for this just because he had turned up at her doorstep. after all, he wasn’t here for her. she was just a coincidence. a random coincidence that he had never seen coming because it was something he had never chosen to pursue. oh no, she was not going to back down and thank him and greet him and hug him just because he was here. the thing that made her angrier still, was the fact that he looked so fucking happy to see her. like it was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time. his smile made it half impossible, as she had already said, not to smile back. his embrace was inviting, but not inviting enough for her to forgive. after everything that he had done, after all of this shit he had put her through and the worrying, how much she had missed him for so long, he had the nerve to turn up at her door when he was no longer putting her head through such hell and greet her with a shit-eating grin? hell no.

  “what’s up?” she repeated the phrase back to him with a tone that was equally if not more obnoxious to the way that he had said it to begin with. of all the things she was expecting, “what’s up” was probably not one of them. she looked him up and down as if he was one of those unwanted salesmen that had come to her door and tried to sell her sawdust or something. like he was a presence which she just wanted to disappear. which at the moment, he was. she needed time to adjust to the fact that he was here and she was in the same house as her childhood friend before she could even start thinking about forgiving him.

  “yeah, it’s actually eunji now. not hyerim. and i guess it’s lucky or something,” she shrugged nonchalantly, not opening the door past as far as the door chain would let her, taking a moment to examine her nails as if they were significantly more interesting than his existence. “depends on your viewpoint,” she added, before sighing again. it was one last long look at him, like he was a specimen under a microscope and she was a scientist (one, may she add, that hated her job). “look, junhong-ssi, i’m real busy. was there anything you needed?”

[xfate-jonghun-deactivated201307]

project :: eunji & jonghun

[xfate-jonghun-deactivated201307]

Standing up as she did, Jonghun brushed the grass on his jeans off in one swipe before taking off his jacket. He took a step closer to the woman and swung it around her small frame, careful not to hit her. Resting it on her shoulders he made certain it would stay put before he dropped his arms to sides again. They had lingered a little too long

“I don’t think I want you on a rooftop like this,” he said with a light laugh. “How about I take you home now Eunji.” Extending a hand, he brushed a stray hair out of her face so he could better see her eyes.

[fate-eunji-blog]

looking up at him with wide eyes as if he was someone that he had never seen before or she was a deer in headlights, she let him swing the jacket around her and clutched it closer to her, her small figure nestling in comfortably albeit guiltily into the warm fabric, that that smelt like his aftershave.  "does it suit me?" she twirled slowly before striking some modelling poses and letting out a short chuckle.

"why not? it's not like i'm gonna fall..." she pouted, letting a small childish side show in her. "fine, fine, if you're so desperate to get home or whatever," she complained, but shut up soon afterwards after gratitude for him appearing at the right time.

"jonghun?" she asked, pausing before continuing her question. "why did you help me? people don't help other people unless there's something in it for them. that's just a fact."

[fate-eunji-blog]

i have absolutely no idea what i'm supposed to be replying to. if we have a plot, no matter how old, please link me. ♥

[fate-sunggyu-blog]

Diss each other

[fate-sunggyu-blog]

He simply sighed at her words as he finished eating his cinnamon bun. Was she really going to bring all that stuff and try to use it against him? Eunji was trying to use his own ideals against him? Sunggyu can tell that there weren’t much improvement on her. Her little defense speech just made her look as immature as he always thought she was, and if she really thinks that is going to annoy him as much as she is irritated with him, little Eunji still has a lot of growing to do. She was going to be annihilated if she was summoned in a debate.

“You know very well how forgiving I can be.” The times Eunji wanted to go back and leave things midway because she thought she couldn’t handle him, they weren’t just a few. She knew about him, what he could do, what he had done and tried to get on the way in the most unsafe and impulsive means as possible. Sunggyu didn’t want to believe she spent the whole time they were dating without getting visits of his folks trying to make sure she was good. “I was cleaning every mess you did and opening new paths for you. You can be really disorganized. I think I was too easy on you, to tell you the truth. But all those good words aren’t permanent. There are some people who keep insisting in doing wrong or acting too much impulsively that can be considered a danger to other people.” That just reminded him of how Eunji didn’t think straight when she tried to stop a group of anarchist of exploding a deposit that was used for illicit acts. She almost died, they almost died, everyone almost died. Eunji understood (yes, he explained that dozens of times) that these violent actions were the very last option. They have been forgiving for weeks before they finally decided to put an end to it, and when in those situations, the iron fist is the more logical solution.

Basic social skills? Well, it wasn’t for being stuck in his room that he made it here, and it was starting to get tiring as Eunji kept treating this like he only did bad things. About ninety five percent of everything he achieved was with words, reasoning, careful planning and, how ironic, sympathy and mercy. “Eunji. I’m not talking about me here. Yes, I do plan for better lives without people fearing the people they should be trusting. But I’m also thinking about the alternatives. I may not win this, so I just want to be sure whoever wins this is the right person to do it. I’m not closed minded, girl, I give chances to everyone.”  Sunggyu’s voice was still firm, but not that patronizing. It’s just that he still has his head in place unlike her. He wasn’t that obsessed with his dreams; he had friends who were politicians, the ones that would do their jobs perfectly, and was very proud of them. Drug dealers that had to make illicit business for a good reason, for the researches of their medical use and how they can benefit the human being. He even introduced some of these ‘exceptions’ to Eunji, just so she could think that there was still hope. “I didn’t trick you. I never lied for you. It was you who started acting without deep thinking. Kindness is extremely necessary, but so is a strong mind. Now, do you really think people can rely in a queen that can be prone to be easily manipulated? Or impulsive?  A queen that has a partial mind towards everything? Being a total wolf is really bad but being a total sheep is definitely worse.”

[fate-eunji-blog]

Eunji fought off the urge to roll her eyes, although they were beckoning her to give in, and stood looking like she was entirely bored with both him and their conversation. If she was going to be entirely honest, the thing that annoyed her the most about his sudden reappearance in her life like this was not even the fact that he had even disappeared in the first place to give himself a chance to reappear, it was the fact that he had come in looking like someone who was going to be friendly and fair, eat lunch and reminisce, and then proceeded to verbally and emotionally attack her relentlessly.

“Oh, perhaps, surely you can be forgiving, I know that,” she nodded in acknowledgement, resisting the impulse to fold her arms defensively across her chest, not relenting to that weak, feminine body language. Sunggyu had once been more important to her than life itself, and she only realised now how unhealthy that was. Loving recklessly? No, that was not the part that was unhealthy. The unhealthy part was that she was loving recklessly someone who cursed anyone with a reckless bone in their body and wouldn’t know love if it smacked them in the face.

“Don’t call me girl. You make me sound about three years old and it’s not helping your point, Sunggyu,” she looked him dead at the eye without retracting in fear or defeat. “And I think you have entirely the wrong outlook, if I’m going to be fair with you. The thing is that when i fell in love with you that was something that was personal to me, that was about my feelings and my heart. Did my grades suffer when this happened? Did I lose my job? No. That’s a prime example of how I know how to keep my business and my feelings separate. So while I may be trusting, impulsive when it comes to love, that does not mean that this kind of behaviour will transfer over to my decisions as a monarch. It’s surely hard to have the exact same personality in all situations. Nobody does. We tailor ourselves, tweak ourselves for the situation, think in different ways and pursue different paths.”

“As for a total sheep, that’s laughable,” she shook her head. “You may think that I’m a sheep, but that’s because really, you don’t know anything about me anymore. You know the person that I was before, but as I have repeated to you about a million times, I have grown and changed since then. So your assumptions about me now are not only entirely outdated, but also entirely wrong. But really, I’m flattered that you came to see me,” she threw that point out there, because it was true, now that she had been thinking about it slightly more carefully, even if he didn’t notice. “I really like that the fact you came to see me shows that you think I have a chance of winning that is good enough to consider. To already hate someone’s actions as queen before they’ve even had a chance to be crowned, wow, that’s real faith in me, Sunggyu, and I appreciate it. And after all, that is true, don’t you think? I don’t see any reason why this public that is watching me twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week wouldn’t be able to fall in love with me. After all, once upon a time in some far-off fairytale, you did too.”

[sunnyhr]

Suits yourself. You always leave. This is not a surprise anymore. I might have said those words to you, choosing those instead of lying. But it wouldn’t change anything, right? {/chuckles darkly, cramps his fist tight, before stretching it to grab her arms, and halting her to leave yet. he has a lot to say— a lot. he felt like his heart is about to explode, and he cannot condone it anymore, now that she’s leaving her again— even if he didn’t directly stated that she want her to leave, even if he didn’t admitted that she wants her to stay— for whatever he do, pushing her away or pulling her back— in the end, it’ll only be painful} Eunji ah… You had me at your worst. You had me at my best. But you choose to break my heart. I wish this was the lie. 

[fate-eunji-blog]

me? i always leave? what are you saying... { -- she understands what's going on now, but she doesn't like it, not one bit, and the grip around her arm is not helping, she's beginning to feel trapped } you don't understand at all. you just don't get it. i had the chance to leave - i had the opportunity to pack all of my things back up into my suitcases and walk right out of here without a second thought. yeah, i had that chance. but i didn't take it. and i'm still here. so before you start saying all this stuff about me leaving, take a look in front of you - because i haven't gone anywhere. you're the one that seems a million miles away. i didn't mean to break your heart, and i don't know how i did. but i'm sorry.

you know i love you.

[sunnyhr]

I’m not scaring you off or anything. If I’m poking your bubble or something, Forgive me. But I’m really thankful for this, though I never expected it— ever. {/he smiles again momentarily, folding his knees together before hugging them close to his chest, halfly hiding his face after the longest reply he said yet} — {/there’s a lot of questions he wanted to ask; how’s she been? why is she here? did she really put an effort on the gifts? did she misses him? what are they now— but those questions remain hidden and buried} 

[fate-eunji-blog]

i get the message. { -- she pulls herself off of the floor and stretches her legs out with a soft click, dusting down her jeans and straightening herself up before she begins to speak again } you don't even have to say anything for you to make it perfectly clear, luhan. it's pretty clear that you don't want me here, so i'll just leave before i inconvenience you further. { -- grabs her bag, shooting glances at the gift she put so much time and effort into, and the man she was in love with } just one thing, love. i would have rather you never said i love you at all. i would have preferred that to being lied to.

[sunnyhr]

{/the reflection on her eyes melted his heart at drowning it with guilt, he knew he wasn’t doing any good for her, he knew he stabbed her happiness to death by being like this, but he was afraid, his everything his afraid. it took him a lot of time building up this walls since she left and he’s frighten that if he takes even a small peak for her, it’ll shatter again, not again} Nothing, really {/his stiff shoulders shrugs, putting the stuffs back to the box and set it aside, they were sitting face to face, but he decided to swings further away from her, sketching a distance between them, his eyes wanders again, avoiding her stare, what’s wrong with him? everything}

[fate-eunji-blog]

{ -- she stared at him still, because if he was acting like this, why would she come back? she had now to memorize the features of his face the best that she could, try and commit them to memory so the sweetest dreams she had once of them together still retained their vividness - who was to say, though, that she wouldn't end up forgetting him entirely? she thought it was unlikely, sure, but perhaps inevitable. she shook her head } no, i know you're lying to me... so there's no point in even trying. say what you want, it's not gonna scare me off. 

[sunnyhr]

{/frankly he doesn’t know what to say— if he’ open his mouth, he’s afraid that he’ll spill everything out, those rushing suffocated feelings, he might hurt her with his words, like how he’s hurting his self now. he decided to remain calm, despite the hurricane deep inside his system, attempting to compose his self as his eyes continued to stare at the gifts, roaming his tips to it gently, afraid that they’ll break apart once he grasp it} Oh… {/he smile— the only thing he could do when all the decent words floats away from him. He smile— just a simple smile, hope she gets contented} Okay. 

[fate-eunji-blog]

{ -- she pressed her lips together into a thin line, suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to let a flood of tears run down her face, holding them back and trying not to let it show in her expression - she wanted desperately for his face to break into that typical wide cute grin and for him to announce that he was joking, wrap his arms around her and kiss her cheeks, but she knew that it wasn't going to be happening anytime soon if his actions were anything to judge by } • { -- his smile, it didn't faze her, 'cause it wasn't real, and that way it didn't mean a thing } what's bothering you?

[sunnyhr]

{/his eyes lingered surprisingly as he looked at the assorted little gifts inside the box, his cold cheeks blushes a small pallet of pink making him lower his head so she won’t see it, again— he muttered simple gestures of gratitude for her, relocating his hands on the things— the stuffs he indeed misses for so long as ages forgot to be counted} Very thoughtful of you. How did you know I love this? {/he looks at her nonchalantly, still suppressing his emotions} 

[fate-eunji-blog]

{ -- she observed his reactions carefully, searching for even the tiniest thing that would make her feel better about how he was now closed off to her - that smile was misleading, he wasn't opening up at all, and the worst thing was that she didn't even know why or how to fix it } i asked around, looked at what things people who move away from there miss the most, got some deals, sorted out the posting, saved the money. i wanted to see you smile. { -- the last sentence was faint, whispered delicately }

[sunnyhr]

{/unconsciously halted he with a tsk sound, takes time scanning the box wrapped neatly for him, his fingertips dancing on the texture of the ribbon that was fancily done} Again, thank you {/muttered, lifting his hand and pulls the ties, unwrapping the gift with less anticipation— or feeling at all; the way he deals with emotions turns him apathetic lately, as much as he wanted to express gratitude, he just cant— now that he still have those feelings towards her}

[fate-eunji-blog]

{ -- hearing the sound in the quiet room was enough to tell her instantaneously to shut up, so she fell silent and watched as the graceful fingers that were supposed to be fluttering against her skin untied the bow, revealing the package she had made from him - a mixture of handmade little items, food, and imported things, little home comforts she thought he would miss that she had bought and had delivered from his home in china, sitting there still in unrelenting silence }

[sunnyhr]

{/slowly sits from lying on the ground for too long, stares at the box with a big ribbon on top, his arms felt stiff and unable to move forward, he wanted to accept but— looks at her, denote the idea of blinking} T-thanks.{/extract a small smile, accepts the gift timidly}

[fate-eunji-blog]

{ -- smiles back at his smile, at least he hasn't entirely turned to ice in front of her, as it had seemed before, but knows that something is still bothering him - although she doesn't know what } please don't be like this. i'm not here to cause you stress. i don't mean to. { -- looks at the floor absentmindedly }

[sunnyhr]

{/listens to the sound from her bag, uncovering the lids of her eyelashes as he takes the courage to wake up, half anticipating to see her after a long time, and in fear that he’ll miss such impossible reality like this, exhales}

[fate-eunji-blog]

{ -- rummaging in frustration, she leafed through the items in her bag frantically trying to find the gift that she had spent so long looking for, finally finding it, wrapped carefully with a ribbon on top and placing it on the floor next to him } here. happy birthday, love.

[fate-sunggyu-blog]

Diss each other

[fate-sunggyu-blog]

He was surely surprised of how secure Eunji sounded, but still maintained his calm posture. “It wouldn’t be the first time you do something when you’re not ready and prepared, if I remember well.” He said in a matter-of-factly tone. Eunji knew how to take care of herself but was so easy to manipulate with the right words, and for the people he met here, they know how to use the right words. Maybe she did change, but he has not proof of that – and the fact he was the one saying the right words in their first meetings is something to consider.

Her last sentence made him raise his eyebrows, though. If she wanted to make herself look stronger and braver that’s not the way to do it. And how dare she come up with his business as an argument? It really took him much to not let out a sarcastic laugh. “There’s a difference between control and power, Eunji. I do understand compassion. I do understand; I wouldn’t be where I am now if not.” He crosses his arms, pondering his words before saying anything more. The cameras are still watching. “For a writer I expected more of your interpretation skills. Sympathy, mercy, forgiveness, doesn’t matter the name, those are definitely needed to reign over New Seoul. But you need much more than that to reign over its people.”

Taking the time to take a cinnamon bun out of the bag and eating a piece, he wondered if she knew what exactly she was doing. Eunji was also too easy going and even if she does win this game, there are no guarantees that the people will be in a stable state. “You might have the power but that doesn’t mean you’ll have control. And we know very well what happens when the ruler is not completely in control of her kingdom.” Now he didn’t hide his smile. “It’s not about who you are, it’s about what you can do.” Sunggyu might be against the force against the people, and he will keep fighting until the end for this, but if he doesn’t win this game, he wants to make sure New Seoul will be on the best hands until he finally does. And unfortunately Eunji isn’t his first choice for that. 

[fate-eunji-blog]

“If you remember well, you would remember the person that I used to be. And if you know better, you would take that little picture of me that’s swimming around in your head and just get rid of it, now,” she was glaring now, yes, she was angry, but she still was in control. She had to keep that control, had to keep that composure, that was what was going to show him that she was a real woman now, someone who was strong enough to do this. “And if you would mind, please get rid of that patronising tone. It’s mildly irritating me.”

                Memories flooded. She fell for him like a ton of bricks, she remembered it very clearly now, remembered the way that she saw him for the first time. It took a day, a few days, just long conversations with him for her to fall head over heels. There was something about him that drew her in, she knew the risks, the dangers, and ignored them all. He wanted brave? Falling in love with him was brave. It was the bravest thing that she’s ever done. Now though, he was annoying her. “I have sympathy. I have mercy, and I have forgiveness. You’re the one who is so incessantly holding grudges against people, you wouldn’t know forgiveness if it hit you in the face,” she looked him up and down with such an expression of disdain and disgust you would think that he was a criminal (which of course he was).

                “Always, always a hypocrite, Sunggyu,” she narrowed her eyes further, shaking her head in disgust. You could tell how irritated she was with the older man by the way she had gone from using an affectionate abbreviation to his full name. “You always talk about revolution, freedom, yet you seem to be showing yourself as the kind of person who only craves total control and power. It appears you know nothing of the people that you claim to represent, though with someone with such basic social skills I should not be surprised. You might have been able to trick me with kind words and sly compliments, but it’ll take much more for the public to fall in love with you,” she affirmed. “Buck up your ideas now, and who knows, you might learn to be a real leader instead of a wolf in sheep’s clothing by the time you may possibly win.”