Guys who love Charlie Brown are the worst
I went out with this guy last year who loved the Peanuts so much that it was his childhood nickname. I didn’t think much of it at first since it’s a popular series but then I started to see the signs. He was only 5’4” so we had a few differences already and that was just in inches. I’m usually not one to complain but every inch did matter in this situation. Especially when he tried pressing his erection into my knee when we were saying our goodbyes after making out.
He was only visiting for the weekend but we texted for a while after he left because I hated myself. What I learned about him is that he could sext like I did when I was 14 and being groomed by 30 years old online. During one of our conversations, after he said eating pussy was more natural than drinking soup, I asked if he could refrain from saying things like that because it dampens the mood. He texted back lol okay Peppermint Patty and my pussy had dried up so fast that taking my fingers out of it was like pulling out a dry tampon.Â
I decided to keep entertaining him after that incident because I wanted to see just how bad it could get. Eventually, we started to call each other and have phone sex while mutually masturbating. One day, he had asked if I could degrade him before we started so I did my best and we figured out some things that worked and didn’t. When he was close to climaxing, I decided to be a dick and said “You can’t even kick a fucking football,” referencing the last incident. I was hoping this would ruin the moment, but this man came loudly and said “Oh, Lucy!” instead. Thankfully, since he was a virgin, he thought the horrified gasp that escaped my mouth was caused by whatever he was saying to me. I couldn't risk another Chinese Pussy Trap by attempting to masturbate this time, so I was already scrolling on Tinder for my next punishment just in time.
Now, I’m not saying all men or people who love the Peanuts are bad… but this guy was bringing them down to the level of Disney Adult. If there’s any lesson I learned from this man, it would be to not worry about hurting his feelings if you don’t think you’re compatible. Although, some would argue the bigger lesson would be to block any man whose first response to seeing your tits is “Good Grief!” followed by a Snoopy gif.