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[fatherly-jokes]

Today my son asked "Can I have a bookmark?" I burst into tears. 11 years and he still doesn't know my name is Joe

[fatherly-jokes]

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it

[fatherly-jokes]

Did you hear about the kid napping at school?

It's fine, he woke up

[fatherly-jokes]

To the man in the wheel chair who stole my camoflauge jacket

You can hide but you can't run

[fatherly-jokes]

Two gold fish are in a tank

One asked the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

[fatherly-jokes]

Wow, this graveyard is crowded

People must be dying to get in here

[fatherly-jokes]

Wasn't the shovel such a groundbreaking invention?

[fatherly-jokes]

I wouldn't buy anything with Velcro

It's a total ripoff

[fatherly-jokes]

What did the grape do when stepped on?

He let out a little wine

[fatherly-jokes]

Why did the scarecrow get an award?

He was outstanding in his field

[fatherly-jokes]

What do you call someone who lost their car?

Carlos

[fatherly-jokes]

Why couldn't the bike stand by itself?

It was two tired

[fatherly-jokes]

How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together

[fatherly-jokes]

What do you get when a chicken lays eggs on a hill?

Egg rolls

[fatherly-jokes]

I just watched a show about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.

[fatherly-jokes]

My dad walked into my room and said, "son, you know masturbation makes you blind, right?"

I said, "Dad I'm over here"

[fatherly-jokes]

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere