[faust1926]

pinned post:

main blog = @satanfemme

main carrd = draculoid.carrd.co (same BYF appllies)

psychosis sideblog, mostly for public diary purposes but I'll probs reblog relevant posts here too idk

blog will probably include untagged unreality/religious content

negative/venty posts will be tagged "negative"

I am ex-catholic

my icon is a fat greyhound. ok thanks for reading

[ID: a pencil drawing of a fat greyhound with skinny legs. End ID]

[yearning-dyke]

people who experience psychosis and anger issues and paranoia and delusions and intrusive thoughts and addiction and dissociation and other “ugly” non-romanticized mental health issues i love you and i believe you and you are not a bad person

[faust1926]

I wish I had a House instead of just a messy room so I could make proper alters to spirits oughghghghghgh. pyramid of needs with this at the top. little figurines and personalized candles and incense and little notebooks all Organized onto individual tables. if only I had the space/time/energy, cries for 10000million years about it

[faust1926]

when I have a house I also want a crystal ball to ponder please please pelase please please

[faust1926]

I wish I had a House instead of just a messy room so I could make proper alters to spirits oughghghghghgh. pyramid of needs with this at the top. little figurines and personalized candles and incense and little notebooks all Organized onto individual tables. if only I had the space/time/energy, cries for 10000million years about it

[faust1926]

kinda want to chew my arms off everything is so real all the time

[faust1926]

oh nvm I just remembered what upset me. I was reading... poetry... </3

[faust1926]

kinda want to chew my arms off everything is so real all the time

[faust1926]

[holiday] has me feeling very very normal (lying) (evil again)

[faust1926]

psychotics can do whatever they want to tho idc

[faust1926]

nonpsychotics will take gerard mcr's psychotic traits and use them to dehumanize him into a character as part of a fictionalized band "lore" and it's like. I wish people wouldn't but idk how to articulate the problem exactly, and idk how to articulate any alternative (cause the alternative wouldn't be to ignore those traits either). maybe just... acknowledgement that he has psychotic traits. like, instead of acting like it's just some quirky goofy fake lore character magic fanon to make butchered catholic comparisons over, acknowledge that he is a real living person who experiences real psychosis -- including the fact that it's not always fun to experience and he has spoken openly about treating parts of it.

least controversial example: treating the fact that he experiences auditory hallucinations as if it's some kind of superhuman magical gift and is part of why he's so talented, special, or saint-like, is weird and dehumanizing to begin with but especially when he has spoken openly about treating his hallucinations with psychiatric medication. it's dishonest at best to not acknowledge this as a psychotic symptom, which he has put effort into minimizing, and strange for nonpsychotics to try and turn it into something less grounded in reality instead. as a psychotic bystander, it feels as if these experiences are not being respected and it feels as if these experiences are not being seen as real.

[faust1926]

some of my work friends yesterday, who r otherwise very good and chill, said some things that sounded to me like they were being shitty towards psychotic people. and ik, knowing them, it probs wasnt intended that way. but I feel so sick about it. I've already been struggling so much lately with feeling like I'm too visibly neurodivergent for them.

[faust1926]

specifically what happened was when explaining to me about an ex-employee they didn't like, instead of opening with the fact that he was misogynistic and made a lot of people feel unsafe for that reason, they actually opened by saying he was psychotic but "probably not taking his meds" because he still "wrote sentences weirdly" and had paranoid delusions.

and like, I GET why he was bad for the work environment due to his misogynistic actions cause those were unexcusable, and I GET why they might bring up his mental health as it was relevant to who he was in general, but putting the latter first really felt (to me) like they were being conflated.

also, at one point someone said the reason no one spoke up against him when he was actively doing misogynistic things, but instead went to HR after the fact, was because u never know how someone like that might react to you challenging them or whatever. and I had to sit there guessing (still guessing) whether "someone like that" was wrt him being a sexist or him being mentally ill, cause I know which one it sounded like to me but I don't know if I can actually trust my perception here because... u know.. I'm mentally ill 🙃

anyway. I still like my friends I am just so On Edge rn, especially cause I heavily implied to one of them just the other that I'm psychotic so like.... did u just not pick up on that somehow, or are u just not considering my POV during a convo like that, or what?

[faust1926]

some of my work friends yesterday, who r otherwise very good and chill, said some things that sounded to me like they were being shitty towards psychotic people. and ik, knowing them, it probs wasnt intended that way. but I feel so sick about it. I've already been struggling so much lately with feeling like I'm too visibly neurodivergent for them.

[faust1926]

NOT me seeing an angel number randomly juxtaposed with catholic matyrship images rn, and it's the same (one and only) angel number I saw at the ER last night. which I saw at uh, one of the very worst parts. >:-( I am going to lay down

[faust1926]

(10 days later update) just saw the same silly string of numbers juxtaposed with a joke about "god's wrath" bitch! god doesn't scare me!! if I see him on the street I'll just bite

[bonni]

psychosis isn't something you have, it's something you experience. every single human brain is designed to react with hallucinations, delusional thoughts, and paranoia when it reaches a certain level of stress. people who have never experienced psychosis have either never reached that level of stress, or have reacted differently to it due to the nature of their situation, but this does not make their brain inherently different from yours. if you experience psychosis regularly, you are under a great amount of stress in your daily life. every phenomenon that we categorize as mental illness is a biological reaction to some kind of stress or trauma, and psychosis is no different. and if you buy into the idea that your brain chemistry is the problem as opposed to your situation, you will have no hope of recovering; we seem to be coming around to this realization when it pertains to anxiety/depression, but for some reason, we still see psychosis as something innate to certain people, which it is not!

[traumata-heart]

Friendly reminder that

All the genes identified in the experience of distress and altered states are so broadly dispersed not only in the genome but distributed across the human population, as to be statistically insignificant for abnormal pathology

Decades of research have failed to produce sufficient foundational evidence to even qualify the ‘chemical imbalance’ hypothesis as a theory. This is precisely why there is no blood test, brain scan or genetic screen to diagnose the imbalances marketed to cause mental disorders

Researchers are now coming to acknowledge that psychiatric diagnoses are ‘scientifically meaningless’ abstractions of distress as disease

White western biomedical illness narratives of mental distress hinder recovery and have been recognised as a key factor fueling social and internalised stigma of people who experience adversity and mental unwellness. Research shows this message perpetuates prejudice and discrimination by promoting a stereotype of deterministic biological inferiority in ‘disordered’ vs ‘normal’ people that views them as ‘fundamentally different, less human, physically distinct and almost as a different species’.

[faust1926]

no one's allowed to be upset with him but it was his fault I got stabbed last night anyway. also it happened while I was working on a rosary for him which would make him sound kinda dumb if I didn't take the fucking thing with me to hold onto all night anyway 🤦‍♂️

[faust1926]

all of last night was really really bad and made me really really insane especially the isolation parts which were... a lot of it honestly. iirc there were at least 3 hours in the middle of the night with no phone/no one checking on me, stuck in bed with a painful gaping wound, no food since the prev day's morning, no pain meds, painfully overstimulating overhead lights, staring at the curtain covering my door, and listening to screaming and fighting from outside my room. I Don't think I'm a martyr really, but I'm sure as hell not feeling normal about it either. it was a LOT and I haven't processed it yet. felt like a dream

[faust1926]

NOT me seeing an angel number randomly juxtaposed with catholic matyrship images rn, and it's the same (one and only) angel number I saw at the ER last night. which I saw at uh, one of the very worst parts. >:-( I am going to lay down

[jelliebabydog]

i really wish nonpsychotics understood that psychosis, specifically delusions, impact your entire world. saying that we live in a different Reality is usually pretty accurate

so when you ask us to try anti-psychotic medication you’re literally asking us to change our entire world. for you. would you change the colour of the sky, for me? would you move houses, for me? would you let your pets die, for me? 

no? then you shouldn’t ask people to uproot their entire lives just so you feel less creeped out when we stare into a corner.

the only reason a person should be on anti-psychotics is if they help that person. it’s a decision between the psychotic person themselves and their healthcare provider(s.) pressuring psychotic people into taking anti-psychotics, especially when they’ve specifically said they do not want to, is an attempt at removing another person’s bodily autonomy. it’s wrong.