part one | part two | part three | part four (coming soon)
oscar piastri x singer!f!reader, ex!max verstappen x singer!f!reader
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fc: lizzy mcalpine, a few lily z & assorted pinterest models
cw: fem!reader, reader described as short, ex!max verstappen & he’s kind of an ass, kelly piquet is a mean girl (no hate to her or max - this is fiction!!!), quotes and references to ‘five seconds flat’ by lizzy mcalpine, drinking, probably some typos, slight zack brown slander/papaya rules hate, i think that’s it?
a/n: welcome to my first smau! i listened to firearm by lizzy for the first time in awhile a few weeks ago and this has been stuck in my head since. please be gentle with me, i’m still figuring out this smau thing. starts in 2025 season & features time jumps.
this is entirely fiction and not a reflection of the true character of any real people.
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ynln.music
liked by user1, user2, user3, oscarpiastri, and 76251 others…
ynln.music texas i am in you
user1: she’s so unserious
user2: never pr train her
user3: is that oscar?
oscarpiastri: yeehaw
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f1
liked by user1, user2, user3, and 402618 others…
f1 paddock arrivals to start off the us grand prix weekend
user1: why did admin post yn without oscar 😭
user2: okay but everyone understood the assignment
user3: i love usgp fits
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f1
liked by user1, user2, user3, and 652410 others…
f1 oscar piastri on the fan stage with teammate lando norris, rookies kimi antonelli and ollie bearman, and ferrari driver charles leclerc talking about… ynln.music?
user1: kimi is such a fangirl
| user2: user1 ollie looks so over him 😭
user3: oscar cheesing SO hard talking about his girl
user4: yn was at the back of the crowd and was laughing at them!
| user5: user4 omg really??
| user4: user5 really! she was so nice, too! we traded bracelets
| user6: user4 you 😭 traded 😭 bracelets 😭
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ynln.music
liked by user1, user2, user3, and 52016 others…
ynln.music vegas, you were a dream. what a way to end the tour.
user1: i can’t believe it’s over 😭
user2: i was there and yn played a new song called ‘hate to be lame’!!
| user3: user2 WHAT
| user2: user3 i KNOW! the video is on yt!
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f1
liked by user1, user2, user3, and 536102 others…
f1 both mclarens have been disqualified following post race inspection
user1: noooooo
user2: what a shit day for mclaren
user3: cheat-claren 👀
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oscar lounged on the bed in his vegas hotel room and watched you pace, half amused. the double DSQ news release had you up in arms, though you didn’t know if you were more frustrated with the FIA or the team.
“how are you so calm right now?!” you huffed. “the championship- the points are completely fucked now.”
“i know,” oscar said. “i can’t argue with data, dragonfly.”
“i just,” you sighed heavily. “i don’t understand.”
“it’s fine. the team learned a valuable lesson.”
“at the expense of the drivers! every single lesson that fucking team has learned has been at the expense of you or lando.”
“again, i know.”
“then why are you not upset?”
“maybe now they’ll stop bending the rules and regulations,” he said neutrally.
“what does that mean?”
“yn, just let it go. it’s over; i’m okay, lando’s okay. it doesn’t matter.”
you gave oscar a flat look, earning a cheeky grin. after a few moments of silence, you spoke again, voice hesitant. “they’re going to make sure lando gets it, aren’t they? zack already chose his papaya champion.”
“i mean, they aren’t going to actively sabotage me, but i know what papaya rules actually means.” oscar shrugged. “now, will you please stop being more worried about my career than i am?”
“you’re annoying,” you snark, flopping yourself on the bed bedside him.
“you love me.”
you huff a laugh, but it’s strained. because you do love oscar. you love oscar so much it hurts. because oscar doesn’t love you the same way you love him.
“i should go,” you say in response, heaving yourself off the bed to stand.
“you could stay,” oscar counters, with a slight frown. “i thought you were coming with me to qatar and abu dhabi?”
“i think i’m going to go stay with mum at the cottage for awhile. i’m exhausted, osc. between touring and races, i’ve nothing left.”
between touring in races, i fell in love with you, you think but don’t dare say.
“are you coming to australia for christmas still?” he asks.
“dunno. might stay with mum.”
“are you okay, dragonfly?”
“‘m fine,” you say, though neither of you actually believe it. “i’ll see you later, yeah?”
“alright,” oscar says, agreeing if only for the moment. he stands to hug you in parting, and you hold on just a bit tighter, as if you’re convinced you’ll never hug him again. “let me know when you get home and say hi to your mum for me.”
“i will. good luck, oscar.”
you leave, feeling like you left a piece of your heart in the hotel room. knowing you’ll never get it back.
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ynln.music - 3 days post vegas gp
tagged: finneas
liked by user1, user2, user3, and 30162 others…
ynln.music ‘hate to be lame’ feature FINNEAS out now
user1: WHAT
user2: is this… a love song?
user3: hate to be lame but i might love you 😭
user4: this is about oscar, right?
| user5: user4 not another vroom vroom boy
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oscar -> yn | yn -> manager
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f1
tagged: lando
liked by lando, mclarenf1, user1, user2, and 730291 others…
f1 LANDO NORRIS IS YOUR 2025 WORLD DRIVERS CHAMPION
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lando -> yn | yn -> oscar
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ynln.music
liked by user1, ynupdates, ynbff, user2, and 27165 others…
ynln.music ‘spring into summer’ out now
user1: YN YOU CAN’T KEEP DOING THIS
ynupdates: not another surprise single here to ruin my mental health
ynbff: so proud
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yn -> oscar
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ynupdates
liked by user1, lando, user2, and 1537 others…
ynupdates SHE’S BEEN SPOTTED! yn ln seen entering a private recording studio in monaco. what is going on?
user1: i… have so many questions
user2: lando in the likes?!
user3: why is she recording in MONACO?!
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you sat, almost slack jawed, as charles finished his piano composition of chemtrails. the song held so much meaning to both of you and you were awed by what he had created.
“that was…” your voiced faded off.
“that’s the first time i’m played it without crying,” he said, with a small, melancholy smile.
“it might be better than the original, charles.”
“shall we get started, then?” charles’ friend said, gesturing to the vocal booth.
“let’s do it.”
“that might break the internet,” you laughed. “more than every other surprise release i’ve done.”
“you have a reputation, after all,” alex said with a smile.
“too true.”
“on the topic of surprise releases…” alex started, voice hesitant. charles sat beside her, clearly interested as well.
“whatever you’re thinking, the answer is probably yes,” you replied. “i can’t even talk about it. i don’t know how.”
“have you spoken to him?” charles asked gently.
“not since vegas,” you admitted. alex squeezed your hand gently. “i don’t know what to say.”
“anything is better than silence, yn,” alex said. “he’s in town; go to him.”
“you deserve to write happy songs, too,” charles added.
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yn -> oscar
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“hi,” you said to oscar as when he let you into his monaco flat.
“what are you doing here, dragonfly?” oscar asked, pushing a cup of mint tea toward you. “it’s been months of silence.”
“i know, i’m sorry.” you couldn’t meet his eye in embarrassment. “i just… i was dealing with a lot.
“and i know you were too and i’m so sorry i missed it all. i know it was gutting in abu dhabi and i should have been there in person, or at least called-”
“breathe, dragonfly,” oscar interrupted. “i’m not mad that you weren’t at the race. i’m upset because you haven’t spoken to me since vegas. you released two songs that i feel like needed to have conversations attached and ignored me. for months.”
“i know, os, i know,” you repeated. “i don’t know how to say the words. they get stuck and i shut down. i don’t want to ruin this.”
“yn, you ran away.”
“i was scared.”
“and you think i’m not?” oscar asked, stepping into your bubble but didn’t reach out.
you froze while your brain rebooted. “wait, what?”
he smirked at the look of disbelief of your face. “did you think i didn’t love you back?”
“i mean…”
“god, you’re a goof. i’ve been in love with you, dragonfly. i realized at silverstone that i’ve loved you a lot longer than i knew.”
“i thought you saw me as a friend,” you admitted sheepishly. “you were so chill, os. i had no idea.”
“i didn’t know how you felt until after vegas,” oscar told you. “i heard it and i knew.”
“it was for you.”
“could’ve just said so.” he smiled at you indulgently, finally reaching to wrap his hand wrong the back of your neck.
“i’m a tortured artist, you know that,” you teased.
“say it, dragonfly. please.”
you exhaled softly. “i love you, oscar. so much i had to tell the whole world about it. twice.”
he leaned in and kissed you. everything finally felt right in the world.
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thank you for all the love on p1 & p2 of one second gap! i’m planning this to be 4 or 5 parts in total. enjoy! 🤍
oscar piastri x singer!f!reader, ex!max verstappen x singer!f!reader
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fc: lizzy mcalpine, a few lily z & assorted pinterest models
cw: fem!reader, reader described as short, ex!max verstappen & he’s kind of an ass, kelly piquet is a mean girl (no hate to her or max - this is fiction!!!), quotes and references to ‘five seconds flat’ by lizzy mcalpine, drinking, probably some typos, i think that’s it?
a/n: welcome to my first smau! i listened to firearm by lizzy for the first time in awhile a few weeks ago and this has been stuck in my head since. please be gentle with me, i’m still figuring out this smau thing. starts in 2025 season & features time jumps.
this is entirely fiction and not a reflection of the true character of any real people.
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yn -> manager | oscar -> yn
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media day in china
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lando -> yn | yn -> oscar
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ynln.music story
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yn -> oscar
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ynln.music
liked by user1, ynbff, ynupdates, oscarpiastri, and 75320 others…
ynln.music one second gap world tour tickets on sale now. see you soon 🤍
user1: FINALLYY
ynbff: setlist sneak peek when? 👀
user2: am i the only one who noticed the tour schedule alines with f1 race weekends..?
| user3: user2 i thought i was crazy
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indiegirlmusicpodcast
tagged: ynln.music
liked by ynln.music, user1, user2, user3, and 56310 others…
indiegirlpodcast yn ln joined me this week to talk about her new album ‘one second gap’, her upcoming world tour, and personal life. out now wherever you stream podcasts.
ynln.music: thank you for having me! 🤍
user1: f1gossip you’ll want to listen to this
user2: does she talk about max?
| user3: user2 she does!
user4: this smells like pr cleanup
| user5: user4 sounds like album and tour promotion, weirdo
ynbff: that’s my best friend
ynupdates: and you all called me crazy
| user6: ynupdates i am so sorry queen
| user7: ynupdates to be fair, you sounded crazy
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ynupdates
liked by user1, user2, user3, and 1056 others…
ynupdates yn ln went on a podcast this week and finally talked about the rumours and the melbourne incident 👀 here’s my favorite segment:
[interviewer: thank you so much for being here! i think you sent the entire world into tears when you released one second gap.
yn: *laughs* i really didn’t expect so many people to connect with it.
interviewer: what was the writing process like?
yn: i started writing these songs back in 2021. writing has always been my way of processing emotions and situations. it’s comforting.
in: so this is three years of writing?
yn: it is, which sounds crazy. i even dropped the first single in 2024 and the album was hardly a concept then.
in: i think we all remember the surprise drop of ‘firearm’. it’s one of my favorite songs on the album.
yn: mine too, i think.
in: i have to ask, on the topic of ‘firearm’. the song seems to be the spark of a lot of rumours about your personal life.
yn: ah, yes. ynupdates on twitter. their deep dive was honestly impressive.
in: is there any truth to it?
yn: there’s elements of truth, yes. i wrote the ones on one second gap while processing the breakdown of a relationship and the aftermath. it was an emotionally tumultuous relationship, for sure.
in: can you give us more details?
yn: i won’t go into it in its entirety. i think i said my piece on the album. but it has definitely kicked up a storm in my personal life. i didn’t tell anyone about my relationship until i released one second gap, not even my mum knew.
yn: i lost my dad in 2021, which impacted a lot of my life. i lost myself for awhile and fell into something that probably wasn’t the healthiest way of coping. but, you live and you learn, i suppose.
in: and the incident in melbourne? i’m sorry, i have to ask.
yn: *laughs* i know, i know. it definitely wasn’t my best moment. i regret not keeping my head, for sure. thankfully, i have really great friends who look out for me.
in: so it’s all true? the relationship with max, the overlap of his relationship with kelly?
yn: it’s in the past now. i said all there was to say on one second gap. ]
user1: she really gave us everything and nothing
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yn -> oscar
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ynln.music
liked by oscarpiastri, lando, kimiantonelli, charlesleclerc and 70892 others…
ynln.music one second gap deluxe edition out now, featuring four new songs + a surprise collaboration with the noahkahan
user1: i’m crying again
oscarpiastri: you’re so talented, dragonfly
lando: can you at least kiss the brick next time
| ynln.music: lando i’ll keep that in mind
charlesleclerc: cl16 piano x ynln collab when?
| ynln.music: charlesleclerc i’m so in
user2: chemtrails, march, all falls down, vortex, AND calm your mom? i need tissues
user3: brb, gotta call my therapist
ynmum: your dad would be so proud of you, darling
| ynln.music: ynmum i love you
kimiantonelli: i am crying real tears
| olliebearman: kimiantonelli can confirm
user4: every post yn has more vroom vroom boys in her likes
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oscarpiastri story
replies
ynln.music: 🧡
| oscarpiastri: i love you, dragonfly
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f1gossip
liked by user1, user2, user3, and 20371 others…
f1gossip photos from yn ln’s concert in london last night show many of the drivers and their partners in the crowd on opening night of the one second gap world tour!
user1: shouldn’t they be getting ready for the race?
user2: a group night out on race weekend is crazy 😭
user3: the rookies were there, too! kimi was freaking out and screaming along to every song
user4: wags supporting wags
user5: oscar is so bf coded
user6: my sister and i saw charles crying during chemtrails
| user7: user6 probably reminded him of losing his own father
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ynln.music
liked by user1, user2, ynbff, lando, and 52107 others…
ynln.music london!! night one of one second gap world tour
user1: starting a tour in her hometown is iconic behavior
user2: i’m still crying
ynbff: you lit up the room
user3: oscar & the drivers and wags in the crowd 😭
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mclarenf1
tagged: ynln.music
liked by ynln.music, ynbff, oscarpiastri, lando, and 203617others…
mclarenf1 it’s race day here at silverstone and yn ln is in the garage!
user1: i bet we’ll see her a lot. her tour schedule looks so much like the race calendar
user2: mclarenf1 admin top yn fan
ynln.music: wouldn’t miss it 🤞🏻🧡
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ynln.music story
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oscarpiastri
tagged: ynln.music
liked by ynln.music, mclarenf1, lando, and 93753 others…
oscarpiastri ☀️🔋🔝👍🏻
user1: i love oscyn content
user2: these photos are so couple coded
ynln.music: 👍🏻
mclarenf1: ready to get back to it!
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ynln.music
tagged: oscarpiastri
liked by oscarpiastri, mclarenf1, lando, and 19257 others…
ynln.music dragonfly & koala take on summer break. tour returns next week - see you soon, amsterdam!
user1: yn holiday content
user2: why do they call each other dragonfly & koala? i’m new
| ynupdates: user2 well oscar is from aus so yn has always called him koala. oscar once said he calls yn dragonfly because they’re a symbol of love and hope.
oscar piastri x singer!f!reader, ex!max verstappen x singer!f!reader
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fc: lizzy mcalpine, a few lily z & assorted pinterest models
cw: fem!reader, reader described as short, ex!max verstappen & he’s kind of an ass, kelly piquet is a mean girl (no hate to her or max - this is fiction!!!), quotes and references to ‘five seconds flat’ by lizzy mcalpine, drinking, probably some typos, i think that’s it?
a/n: welcome to my first smau! i listened to firearm by lizzy for the first time in awhile a few weeks ago and this has been stuck in my head since. please be gentle with me, i’m still figuring out this smau thing. starts in 2025 season & features time jumps.
this is entirely fiction and not a reflection of the true character of any real people.
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ynln.music
liked by user1, oscarpiastri, kimiantonelli, ynmum, and 27853others…
ynln.music ‘one second gap’ out now. enjoy. 🤍
user1: jokes on you, i was already planning on crying today
gracieabrams: so proud of you 🩷
ynmum: love you so much, my girl
hattiepiastri: you’re so talented it’s unreal
user2: who hurt mother
| user3: user2 i just wanna talk
user4: i am totally normal about this
ynupdates: my very close personal friend yn just released the heartbreak album of all time
oscarpiastri: that’s my best friend
kimiantonelli: going triple platinum in my flat
| olliebearman: kimiantonelli can confirm
ynbff: i’ll never emotionally recover from this
| ynln.music: ynbff me either
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oscar -> hattie | yn -> oscar
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oscar -> yn
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f1gossip
liked by user1, user2, user3, lando, and 2785 others…
f1gossip: in a now-viral twitter thread, user ynupdates alleges that the singer songwriter wrote her newest album, one second gap, about a relationship between herself and 4 time WDC max verstappen. i’ll admit, they make some pretty solid points. thoughts?
user1: i’m not convinced
user2: honestly you people need to touch grass
user3: back in bed, all of you
user4: how is this even f1 gossip?
user5: why is lando in the likes? 👀
| user6: user5 that man is so messy
| user7: user6 danny is hiding there, too. what do they know??
ynupdates: i know i’m right and nobody will change my mind comment liked by lando
| user8: ynupdates LANDO WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE
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f1wags
liked by user1, user2, user3, and 5634 others
f1wags it’s race week in melbourne and media day looks did not disappoint! all our favorite wags were in attendance for the first race of the 2025 season.
user1: girl yn ln is not a wag wtf 😭
user2: alex and leo AW
user3: kika looks so good
user4: i still feel weird seeing yn in papaya and not rb after so long
| user5: user4 she’s oscar’s friend. it was weird seeing her in rb once he started driving for mclaren
| user4: user5 i mean… i think we learned why she was in rb for so long
| user6: user4 user5 not this nonsense again 😭
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mclarenf1
tagged: ynln.music
liked by user1, ynln.music, oscarpiastri, and 385274 others
mclarenf1 our favourite singer songwriter yn ln is in the paddock this weekend. hi yn! (admin thinks everyone should stream one second gap)
user1: mclaren admin yn fan confirmed
user2: she’s smiling too much for the emotional damage she gave us last week
| user3: user2 i’m still crying over it and she’s laughing with hattie? the betrayal
ynln.music: hi admin! i missed you.
| mclarenf1: yn.lnmusic we missed you more!
redbullracing: yn should come to our garage
| user4: redbullracing admin what do you know?
user5: admin what’s your favorite song off one second gap
liked by user1, ynln.music, mercedesf1, and 963825 others
f1 we thought we lost our rookies. seems they’re all ynln.music fans
user1: lmaooo kimi 😭
user2: i’m in the paddock and they’re all following her
user3: how does she look so small next to kimi and isaack of all people HELP
visacashapprb: isaackhadjar please come back to the garage
haasf1: so that’s why ollie ran off yelling for kimi
mercedesf1: kimi, toto is looking for you
| user4: mercedesf1 uh oh
user5: not all the admins looking for their children
| stakef1: user5 at least they’re with an adult and not lost
alpinef1: ynln.music can you please herd jack back to the garage
lando: this is hilarious
| oscarpiastri: lando you literally shrieked when yn arrived. i’d sit this one out
| user6: lando he gagged you
ynln.music: sorry admin! i’ll delivering them all now
| f1: ynln.music thanks yn!
| mercedesf1: ynln.music thank you -toto
| visacashapprb: ynln.music come say hi when you bring isaack back!
| stakef1: ynln.music thank you!
| alpinef1: ynln.music 🩷
| haasf1: ynln.music will you sign my vinyl?
| user7: haasf1 haas admin yn fan CONFIRMED
| redbullracing: ynln.music we actually sent liam to find you
| user8: redbullracing admin are you okay?
| redbullracing: user8 no 💙
user9: relatable tbh
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ynln.music story
replies
oscarpiastri: please let the koala joke die
| ynln.music: never
| oscarpiastri: you’re lucky i love you
| ynln.music: always have been, always will be
ynmum: hope you’re having a good trip!
| ynln.music: i am! miss you mum!
ynbff: wish i was there
| ynln.music: next time!!
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f1gossip
liked by user1, user2, user3, and 4903 others…
f1gossip after being surrounded by rookies, and delivering them back to their respective garages, ynln.music, rumored ex of max verstappen rushed away from the rb garage! despite hovering and chatting at vcarb, haas, mercedes, alpine, and sauber, the singer songwriter didn’t give redbull the same courtesy.
was she rushing back for a reason - or running away?
user1: oh that is the walk of a woman FLEEING
user2: she didn’t even get liam to the garage door before she left
user3: ynupdates i’m not saying you’re right…
| ynupdates: user3 but i’m not wrong
ynbff: y’all are crazy. leave her alone
| user4: ynbff get em
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ynln.music story
replies
user1: lmfaooo girl you’re so wrong for this
ynbff: he had lots of practice driving a tractor last season
| ynln.music: i’m going to tell him you said that
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ynln.music
tagged: oscarpiastri, mclarenf1
liked by oscarpiastri, mclarenf1, lando, ynbff, and 63472 others…
ynln.music koala still made it into the points. forever proud of you, os 🧡
user1: OS. she calls him OS
ynmum: go oscar!
lando: i literally won the race
| ynln.music: lando congrats ig?
| user3: lando LMAO
| lando: ynln.music i did not miss you
oscarpiastri: 🤍
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mclarenf1
tagged: oscarpiastri, lando
liked by user1, oscarpiastri, lando, user2 and 109865 others…
mclarenf1 both our boys in the points! p1 for lando and p9 for oscar.
user1: honestly impressed by oscar getting out of the grass
user2: lets go papaya!!
user3: yn was supposed to be oscar’s good luck 😭
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oscarpiastri
tagged: ynln.music, mclarenf1
liked by ynln.music, mclarenf1, ynbff, lando, and 75362 others…
oscarpiastri well, that’s a new one. p9 👍🏻
user1: drives like a madlad, saves the car from the grass, posts more photos of yn than him
user2: i love when yn makes race weekend dumps
ynln.music: trendsetter
| oscarpiastri: ynln.music icon behavior
ynbff: my caption idea was better
| user3: ynbff spill
| oscarpiastri: ynbff admin threatened to put me in pr jail
| mclarenf1: ynbff can confirm. it was funny, though
| user4: ynbff SPILL
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f1gossip
liked by user1, user2, user3, user4, and 3217 others…
f1gossip photos leaked from the post gp club trip. sources say yn and oscar left early after an altercation between yn and kelly piquet. 👀
user1: oh leave off already
user2: ‘sources’ = delusions
user3: y’all are taking this yn max rumor too far
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yn -> bff
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yn -> oscar
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deuomiox
[blind item] athlete’s gf and rumoured ex gf got in a fight at a club in melbourne this weekend. current gf not only confirmed the rumoured relationship but also confirmed their relationship started before the previous one ended!
liked by user1, user2, user3, and 2464 others…
deumiox well well well…
user1: oh!
user2: deumoix is stirring the pot as always
user3: i work at said club in melbourne. the two had to be separated because it almost cane to blows.
| user4: user3 bffr
| user5: user3 names and pics or it didn’t happen
| user6: user3 girl you’re gonna get fired for this
| user3: user5 lando had to get between yn and kelly while oscar pulled yn away. girl is STRONG because he was barely able to hold her back.
| user5: user3 WHAT
| user7: user3 HOLY FUCK
| user8: user3 GIRL
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deumoix
liked by user1, user2, user3, and 13752 others…
deumoix photo submission of the altercation between kelly piquet and yn ln at a club in melbourne on sunday! this is getting GOOD.
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oscar -> yn | yn -> manager
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yn -> oscar
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grid chat
video transcript:
[yn: laughing with oscar and lando, standing at the bar waiting for a drink.
kelly: you just had to show up this weekend.
yn: excuse me?
kelly: the album and rumours weren’t enough? you needed more attention?
yn: go to hell, kelly.
kelly: *puts a hand on yn’s shoulder to turn her* kelly: you know i won, right? they were never going to accept you.
yn: honestly, kelly, i don’t care. please get your hand off me.
kelly: *tightens grip*
kelly: he was in my bed before yours was cold. kelly: *shoves yn back into oscar*
yn: you’re weirdly proud to be a cheater.
kelly: considering i’m not the one he hid for two years, yeah, i am proud. i wasn’t the dirty little secret.
yn: real mature.
kelly: clearly mature is what he wanted. not a wannabe singer who needed a relationship for fame. not a little girl with dead daddy issues.
yn: you fucking cunt!
yn: *lunges at kelly, held back by oscar*
lando: woah, you’re so out of line. *steps between kelly and yn*
kelly: *smirks* she’s mad because i’m right.
oscar: lets go, dragonfly. before i let you maul her.]
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oscar -> yn
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f1gossip
liked by user1, user2, user3, lando, and 22470 others…
f1gossip it seems things got crazy in melbourne! not only confirmation of past maxyn, but that max got with kelly while still dating yn! i’m taking yn’s side, personally.
user1: i mean… its kelly
user2: yn is so small and honestly the sweetest. what could kelly have said to get her to react like that?
user3: girl releases an album that, honestly, wouldn’t gave been traced to a specific relationship without ynupdates deep dive, and now it’s everywhere.
ynupdates: rarely do i regret posting on social media… but i never expected this.
| user4: ynupdates i can’t believe you were right
| user5: ynupdates we all called you crazy
user6: messy ass lando in the likes again. he knows something.
user7: lando spill
user8: the pr teams have got to be working overtime
user9: yn really had to be messy around oscar. some friend
| user10: user9 um? what? you think kelly wasn’t the instigator?
| user9: user10 yn should have just walked away
| user10: user9 you should just shut your mouth comment liked by lando
| user10: lando GET BACK HERE AND TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW
I think we're alone now – Chapter 1: Crash and Burn
Pairing: Oscar Piastri x Reader x Lando Norris, Landoscar x Reader, Kimi Antonelli & mentor!Reader
Summary: The accident and what came after. Or the journey to the 2025 season.
Word count: 3.9k
Warnings: talks about bad crash, reader is depressed (or somewhere around there), emotions!!
Song of the chapter: paradise fears – now or never. Listen to i think we're alone now
A/n: This story has me in a chokehold. Like... you guys don't get it yet, but this story will be such an emotional one (with plenty feel good moments, don't you worry). I already love the bonds here, they're so special to me. Also, please let me know if you guys want any other ships to appear in this story! Would be happy to include (almost) anything!💜
Orange. Warm, burnt orange. Then red and blue, bright and flashing. And blinding hot pain, the type that debilitates and makes you feel like dying.
Then… nothing. Just nothing.
These were all that you remembered in the last moments of your life. Of course if you thought back, you remembered what else happened, right before the crash, but you liked not thinking about it. In fact, you hated that these flashes of memories still plagued you after months.
Especially on those days. When there was nothing just the constant, unending ache in your lower back and legs. You'd never fully heal, you knew that. But being reminded of the why was something that you couldn't deal with. No amount of therapy (physical or otherwise) could help you with it. And you didn't like talking about it either.
You knew you lost more than your ability to move freely after the incident. God, even the word incident just makes your insides bunch up. You didn't want to think about it. But everything reminded you of it.
The crash. The tragic accident. The burning car that almost ended your life. That ended your life. The one you so carefully built. It was all over in a split second.
And it was so small as well, the reason for it. Just debris in the wrong turn, one that you noticed just a moment too late. It snapped the car to the side, launching you toward the barrier. The one that tore it in two and made it burst into flames. You don't even remember what happened right after the car connected with the barrier, your body snapping forward and blacking out immediately.
But they told you. The compression of your lower spine. A damage to your spinal cord that made you unable to move your legs for a full month. And even after that… you never regained full mobility. You will never be able to… walk without support not to mention race.
Your phone beeps. You know it's Carlos. He is the only one who you couldn't cut off. The only one who would not let you ghost him.
Others though? You managed to make them disappear from your life. So that they wouldn't see you like this. So that you wouldn't have to feel their pity. Even sweet Charles, who was the best teammate you could've asked for. Even...
You check your phone instead of letting the thought come to a conclusion. It is Carlos.
You groan and drop your phone back on the couch. It takes a lot of convincing for you to make your legs move and drop to the floor. It tingles, as it does so often and you reach out for your wheelchair.
That damned wheelchair. It's been nine months since you first sat in it and still, you couldn't get used to it. And you hated the other option too, the crutches that leaned against the wall, right next to your bedroom door.
With difficulty you lift yourself into the chair, a small relief once the weight is off your legs. In the past couple of days, the feeling has been worse. It's probably all thanks to the fact that during the holidays you did not move around much. No family or friends over for Christmas or New Years, no getting out of the house.
There is a knock now on the door and you groan once more as you start wheeling yourself toward the front door. It's insistent, and so very Carlos, it almost hurts your heart.
If you wanted to be honest, you'd say that you missed your friend and mentor figure. But you do not want to be honest.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" you yell, getting annoyed at the non-stop knocking.
You unlock the door and pull back as the door opens.
"Cariño!" comes the happy voice and if you were in a better mood, you'd probably smile too. "Happy new year!"
"It's the 15th, Carlos," you sigh and look up, only to freeze.
Because there he is. Charles Leclerc. The golden boy of Ferrari. Your ex teammate. Your... friend.
"Y/n..." Charles whispers now, his hands dropping what he has been holding: a leash. But you can't pay attention to that, because all you see is the way Charles' eyes water, looking over you: the faint burn marks on your hand, the hopelessness in your eyes and the wheelchair.
You want to close your eyes, to not see the pain in Charles', but you can't. You're frozen, your hands gripping the wheels until your fingers turn white. It's like time has frozen and all you can do is stare at each other.
And then finally, Charles moves. He steps closer, through the door, and then he is hugging you and suddenly... suddenly you are crying. Your hands move up, clutching the man's hoodie and he smells so familiar and he's so warm against you and you just... cry.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry," you sob out, your accent catching on the words. "Fuck, I'm so sorry."
"No, I'm sorry!" Charles sniffles, because he's crying too, of course he's crying. "I should've been more insistent, I should've... known better than to... shit."
"I'm sorry for hurting you, I shouldn't have said those things..." you can barely get the words out and you bury your head into Charles's neck, the sobs shaking your whole body.
"No!" Charles says immediately and pulls away, putting his hands on your face, trying to wipe away the tears that just keep falling. "No, you don't have to say anything. It's... you were hurt, you were traumatized, it was... it's all okay," he sniffles and smiles at you sadly.
"I just... I didn't know how to... be okay," you whisper and Charles' heart breaks all over again.
"You didn't have to be," he leans in, pressing a kiss to your forehead, just like he has done oh so many times before all of this. "You don't have to be."
There's quiet for a moment and then, a bark. A bark?
"Leo!" Charles looks in the direction the bark came from.
You whip your head around as well and spot a tiny dog, looking at you.
"Oh," you blink through your tears. "Leo?"
"His son," Carlos adds, still standing in the doorway, a warm smile on his face. "Honestly, maybe I should've brought them earlier. I think if not Charles, Leo definitely would've done you a lot of good."
"Maybe," Charles agrees and picks up the small dog, who leans forward in his owner's hold and sniffs at you.
"Hi, beautiful," you smile and reach out to scratch behind his ears. "Ah, what soft fur you have..."
"He lives better than any of us," Carlos scoffs and you look at him finally.
"Thank you, Carlos," you say warmly.
"Anything for you, cariño," he smiles and then his lips pull to the side in a grimace. "So don't kill me..."
"Eh?" You don't even get a second to think, because as Carlos steps to the side, you are face to face with a young boy, barely 18.
"H- good afternoon, miss L/n..."
f1gossipgirl
liked by user1, user2, user3 and 53,212 others
f1gossipgirl: spotted! charles leclerc and carlos sainz was spotted in Imola a few hours ago along with a young boy, who we managed to identify as kimi antonelli, who's set to race for mercedes this coming season!👀
what could they be doing there?
view all comments
user1: they're picking up their new son! obvi!
user2: so... charles is just adopting every younger grid member now?
user3: idk, i mean you saw what he was like with y/n too
user4: gasp! we don't speak her name in this house!!
user5: why exactly? sorry, i'm new here and the only thing i know is that she crashed. like bad.
user6: yes! actually that's kinda why we don't really talk about her. because it was extremely traumatic for everyone that day. and because haters still say that she got what she deserved.
user7: so we just don't want to stir the pot.
user5: oooh, i get it. still, i feel bad for her. i mean she seemed like she was a legendary rookie.
user6: absolutely! she was and she moved a lot of people with how great she was and how attached everyone on the grid seemed to her.
user8: actually, doesn't oscar, charles and carlos still have her number on their helmet?
user9: they do! she was like really important to the three of them. one was her best friend, one her teammate, and for the third she was like a padawan.
user5: was??
user9: we haven't heard about her since the crash. we only know that she's alive but will never return to the sport.
user5: never? not even as a mentor? or race engineer?
user9: as far as we know, no.
user5: that's sad
user10: hmmmm who do we know that lives in imola and is important to both carlos and charles...
user11: and also kimi antonelli!!
user10: right, so we're both thinking about the same person, right??
user11: right!!!
user10: hmmmm
user11: hmmmm
You sigh as you pull yourself to the table finally. You look up to find a certain italian boy glancing at you every few seconds. When your gazes meet, the boy's face flushes immediately.
"Y/n, you're making him nervous!" Carlos admonishes you.
"I'm making him nervous?! How am I making him nervous?" you scoff, though you know that it's true, otherwise the boy wouldn't be picking at his skin. "If you do that, your skin will break. It's a really bad habit."
"Sorry," the boy forces his hands to lay flat on the table and instead starts biting at his lips.
"You're making it worse..." Carlos murmurs again and you shoot him a dirty look.
"You put me in this situation, so just... shut up, please," you tell him and Carlos puts his hands up in surrender. "Okay, tell me why you came here."
The boy blinks a couple times, his deep brown eyes full of uncertainty. And it's almost like you can see yourself in them. There's wonder and hopefulness and great amounts of courage. Something that you now lack unfortunately.
"I... uh..." he starts, trying to gather his thoughts. "I'm... I'm Andrea Kimi Antonelli and I'm going to drive for Mercedes," he seems to gather his strength and sits up straighter. "And I want you to be my mentor."
"Wh-" you are about to ask something, but get interrupted by Kimi as he starts nervously rambling about all he has been thinking since he reached out to Charles.
"I've been following your journey since I was young and I've really admired you! Your fight through F3 and F2 was so inspiring and when you got a seat in Formula 1, it changed everything! I was really hoping we'd race together-" he falters for a moment as he sees you flinch at the mention of racing, but pushes on. "And you're amazing. Your rookie year was legendary and I was just..."
"And it all backfired, so it doesn't even matter anymore. What good is a rookie year if there's no follow up?" you want to stand up and walk away from this as you had done so in the past, but can only push the wheels of your chair to roll backwards.
"Please! Miss L/n!" Kimi stands up suddenly, panicked that you're going to leave. "You have been my hero for so long and I just really need your help! I've made it to my dream and now that I'm here, I just feel like I'm not good enough. But I..." Kimi swallows as he's baring his very soul to not only you, but to two great drivers as well. "I know that I can be good. If you're there to guide me."
You watch Kimi, who has ran out of things to say and just stares right back at you. It's a staredown and Charles and Carlos can feel the tension in the room.
"I've never done anything like this. I'm not a coach, I only know..." you stop for a second, "knew how to drive."
"But you have experience on tracks with the cars and tactics, something that I don't have!" Kimi breathes out, feeling his heart beat hard.
"I'm not a race engineer, I can't give you anything," your frustration that you feel with yourself makes you switch to italian, feeling helpless. "I'm not qualified to do."
"I'm not asking for you to be my race engineer," Kimi switches to italian as well, without a hitch and it somehow makes him feel even younger to you. Young, but not immature. "I need your guidance as a driver."
"You're plenty good if you've gotten to Formula 1 to Mercedes no less," you shake your head, hands gripping the wheels.
"But I'm not good enough against them," Kimi says and the way he says it breaks something in you.
The whole moment feels raw and unbidden, you're reminded about your own rookie season. The fear that you felt and the excitement about your first season. The pressure of being in front of the media, of preforming better simply because you're a woman.
That is why your heart leans toward Kimi. Young, barely 18 Kimi Antonelli.
"I want to carry on your legacy," Kimi adds, his voice just barely above a whisper. "Please help me achieve it."
You take a deep breath and you didn't even realize how much you needed that. The big breath, which clears the weight on your chest and brings back some of the lightness that you felt way back when. The decision is made without you having a say in it.
And now you roll yourself around the table, stopping right in front of Kimi. You put your feet on the ground and pull yourself into a stand and you feel Charles and Carlos move at the same time to jump to your aid, should your legs give out. But you just gesture to them to stay, holding yourself as steady as you can, leaning on the table for support.
"I have one condition," you start, looking at Kimi and only this up close do you notice that you're basically the same height. "You tell me everything. No hiding pain, or emotion."
"Of course!" Kimi is eager to agree to whatever condition you may set, and this seems like an easy one. He can't even help the smile that pulls all of his face muscles into action.
"Also," you put your finger up right in his face. "That thing about being inspirational... please forget it. I don't want to be reduced to a sob story."
"No! Of course!" Kimi nods eagerly. "I'm sorry, thank you so much!"
And Leo, who has been napping in Charles' arms, barks as well, feeling the excitement radiating off of him. Carlos is right behind you in the next second and helps you into your wheelchair.
"Shit," you sigh out as your back hits the chair, feeling relief rush through you.
Kimi is still looking at you though with eyes that sparkle and a smile so bright, you feel blinded. It's in fact too adorable to handle and you let yourself smile.
"So... dinner?" you ask, looking up at Carlos, who stands behind you.
"Dinner," he nods with a proud smile and leans down to kiss your forehead.
kimiantonelli
liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, oscarpiastri and 174,392 others
tagged: charles_leclerc, carlossainz55
kimiantonelli: ran into my two favorite drivers and had dinner with them. incredibly lucky!
view all comments
carlossainz55: always happy to help a rookie. great dinner too!
charles_leclerc: more like great dinner partners, no?
carlossainz55: you could say that :)
kimiantonelli: so thankful for you two!
user11: @.user10 !!! do you see what i see?
user10: holy shit!! we were so so right!!
user12: huhh?? oscar in the likes? darling, what are you doing here??
user13: uhhhh, who is that girl?
user14: what girl?
user13: on the last slide!
kimiantonelli: shit!
olliebearman: bro, you're so done for
kimiantonelli: shut up, shit, how do you delete posts again??
olliebearman: figure it out
– this post was deleted by the author –
yourusername
liked by carlossainz55, kimiantonelli, charles_leclerc and 384,291 others
tagged: carlossainz55
yourusername: never thought i would climb out of the hole that i fell into, but here i am. thank you carlito for helping me out, you are the best brother-from-another-mother i could ever ask for!❤️
ps. the little one chose me :)
view all comments
user15: omg is that leo leclerc???
user16: omg i think you may be right!! that means that she finally met up with charles as well???
user17: i think so!!
user10: actually🤓☝️ me and @ user11 figured it out a week ago, when kimi antonelli posted a post about him having dinner with carlos, charles and y/n!!
user11: exactly! also, there was that post from f1gossipgirl where they said that they saw charles and carlos driving kimi around in imola
user16: so does that mean that we might get y/n back in the paddock??
user10: in my amazing deduction skills, the answer is a maybe, leaning to yes, but it's all up to y/n
user11: i mean clearly, she has been feeling awful so i wouldn't say a definitive yes either yet!
user17: plus she is stuck in a wheelchair, i'm not sure how that would work... but it would be great to see y/n again. i missed her
user18: ummm... where are the usual squad from her likes??
user19: they may have not just seen it yet? but you're right, it feels weird that we don't have lando, oscar or logan in the likes...
user20: i mean... honestly i'm not sure whether logan will be in the likes after the season... i don't think the man wants to think about f1 either
user21: i mean we thought y/n wouldn't want to think about f1 either, but... there's hope yet
user21: plus! he's still her friend, even if they don't race anymore
user22: are they friends?
user23: since this is her first time posting since the crash, we can't be sure
carlossainz55: i'll always be here for you. we all will, just don't shut us out!❤️
yourusername: yeah, sorry, i'll be better now. see you in a month!
carlossainz55: can't wait!
kimiantonelli: 🥳🥳👑
olliebearman: you're not on your burner...
kimiantonelli: i meant to be on my main!!
olliebearman: isn't this like... risky?
kimiantonelli: only if you don't shut up!
charles_leclerc: maybe leo should have his own account...
yourusername: he should! such a sweet boy!!🥰 when can i see him again??
charles_leclerc: should i be offended that you want to see my dog more than me?
yourusername: well... wherever leo is, you are there too, so yk :)
charles_leclerc: aw, okay :)
user24: the world is healing slowly. just where the hell are the two we need to see???
"Thank you for tagging along, I guess," you murmur to Kimi as he pushes you along the hallway of the clinic.
"Thank you for letting me tag along," Kimi says, his face warming. "It means a lot to me to be here with you..."
"Kimi..." you sigh, feeling a sense of frustration.
"I know, I'm sorry," he backtracks immediately. "I'll stop saying it."
For a couple minutes you're quiet. It's been almost a month since you two met and though your mood improved greatly, you still feel a sense of helplessness whenever you're reminded that you're no longer as able-bodied as Kimi is.
The boy did keep his word though and didn't mention the incident, or the racing if he didn't need to. And the only reason he was here was because your therapist suggested that it would do you good to have someone at the physical therapy part of it.
Carlos agreed too, but in a different way. In his opinion, you needed a type of exposure therapy so that being at the races wouldn't bring on a debilitating panic attack. That's why Kimi was the one to tag along and not one of your brothers.
"Carlos said that..." Kimi hesitates, not wanting to annoy you. "That I should talk to you about the car... or the testing. Or... anything really."
"He said that, huh?" you murmur and massage your hands in your lap.
"Yeah and I don't want to like... hurt you or... I don't know, I just... also don't want to you suffer later," Kimi says, honest in a way only young people are.
"I'm gonna suffer no matter what," you sigh and reach out to stop the wheelchair. Kimi obliges and you turn the wheelchair around to face Kimi. "This is not easy for me. And it won't be, especially in the beginning. You know that, right?"
Kimi nods. He knew that before he reached out to Charles, before he got to meet you.
"And I just want you to know that next week, when we're at testing..." you have to take a deep breath to steady your voice. "I don't know how I will react. And you need to be prepared... for that. I'll do all that I can, but I... haven't... ah..."
"It's... okay," Kimi says and he means it. "I... we'll deal with testing and the paddock and... everything, together."
"You're a good kid," you smile, because Kimi's words – against every reason – make you feel light.
"Thanks," Kimi smiles too and moves back to grab the handles and wheels you to the physical therapy.
kimiantonelli
liked by carlossainz55, yourusername, olliebearman and 241,742 others
kimiantonelli: stronger than you will ever be💪
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olliebearman: bro, you cannot be doing this again. you're on your main and everyone can see this
kimiantonelli: jokes on you, bro!! i got permission this time!!
olliebearman: oh, then by all means...
olliebearman: and also, yess queen!💪👑
yourusername: @.olliebearman ❤️❤️
olliebearman: i may just pass out...
carlossainz55: you let him decorate your crutches?? and not me??
yourusername: you weren't here!! you snooze you lose!
carlossainz55: not fair :(
kimiantonelli: sorry :( but isn't it pretty?
yourusername: it is! thank you kimi❤️
carlossainz55: okay... fine, it is pretty...
user25: okay, so it is y/n?? why not tag her??
user26: probably to not bring unwanted attention
user25: unwanted? who would be unwanted?
user25: oh wait, okay nvm
user27: idk how they met or why, but i'm already living for their energy.
user28: this is the first time we see them...
user27: idc!! let me be delusional!
user29: tbf, their comments are cute...
landonorris: wait.... is that y/n???
user30: have you been living under the rock?? this has been going on for the past few weeks!
I want to be Emery Walsh and Brendon Park’s Peds nurse Girlfriend
Brendon sees you on his way into the amputation and stops, looping back to stop dead infront of you. His expression is unpleased.
Like his day wasn’t shitty enough. No scheduled surgeries today- it’s a fucking Holliday for Christ sake. Just ER patients.
“What are you doing here?”
The shark can be like a neurotic herding dog. Didn’t like things or people out of where they belonged. Especially you and Emery.
You shrink. “Westbridge transfers, computer shut down, they floated me down to the Pitt.”
“The shit” he mumbles under his breath. He’s pissed. Fuming. Tightly coiled. “Couldn’t send some fucking new grads or something?”
No. They needed good nurses. He knows that. But he’s steaming anyway.
You don’t have to say it. He does know. “The amputation?” You assume. He nods. He needs to wrap this up quick. As much as he wants to talk about this.
“Dennis is in there, please be nice” you beg. He doesn’t dignify that with a response. “It’s not my fault your roommate’s are morons, Y/N”
So yeah he’s already pissed when he goes into trauma 1. And extra sassy to Dennis.
Robby shoots him a knowing glance. Chuckles and rolls his eyes. “That’s two for two on your roomates bedfellows today Whitaker.” He sighs. “I know.”
On his way to his OR he passes Emery. Who’s not supposed to be on today, but got called in because of everything. She said she didn’t care. What was she gonna do, the two of you were working anyway, but she’s here now. He knew she was coming in, he saw the department chief make the call himself.
He nods at her as he passes her.
“Hey. Your girlfriends in the Pitt, wanna sort that shit out?” He says, like a mom whose pissed at their kid and decides they’re the fathers problem. “As a patient?” Emery asks in concern. “No. Got fuckin’ floated. Handle it.”
He’s in his OR before she can respond. Which is fine. They both speak that intense surgeon language you can’t handle.
And then a second later Garcia is brushing by. “Tell your little girlfriend to get a fucking grip”. She doesn’t elaborate. She’ll later find out that you involved yourself in her telling at some med student- oh, Shamsi’s kid- and blew up. She’ll handle that, too.
She “handles it” all later when she comes down some hour or so later for a car crash victim. You’re in the trauma room- last place a chick in pigtails and Eeyore scrubs- because right, holiday’s mean free scrubs in cotton candy peds land- should be.
God she hates Robby bossing you around. He always rubs her the wrong way. Al Hashimi seems… fine she guesses. “What happened with you an Yo?” She asks as you hand her a scalpel. You are a decent surgical nurse, she can’t deny it. Maybe just to her. Maybe you just read her mind. Brendan would probably cum all over himself at the thought, at you being the perfect OR nurse who can read his mind and have everything ready exactly when he needs it. Once he gets through the rage of you doing anything moderately uncomfortable that is. “She was out of line with Vicky.” You say, like you’re not backing down.
God, she hates when you’re stubborn. One of you has to give a little in this relationship, and it’s not the Aries, and it’s not the Scorpio out of the three of you. Come on, butterfly. Ease up so we don’t all kill eachother.
She sees you tongue your cheek. The unsaid complaint about how she treats your other roomate in your eyes as your head cock towards Trinity, who’s also there.
She can’t argue. But the relationship puts her in a weird place. Her girlfriends friend, her colleague. So she says nothing. Clearly there’s a problem there too then. “Victorias a big girl she can stand up for herself.”
“She’s a baby. She can’t.”
“Yeah, well babies are your specialty aren’t they. So why the fuck are you here? Don’t you guys have the safe haven kid to handle? There’s gotta be other peds cases.”
“Who told you- Jessie has her.”
“Dr Walsh let’s focus on the patient”
Maybe she doesn’t like Al Hashimi. Just like the rest of them down here huh.
“Santos-“ “on it”. Impressively she is.
“He’s pissed” Emery says as you put your hands right where she needs em. Damn it. You’re good. You shouldn’t be good.
“Who?” Dr Al Hashimi asks. God forbid she minded her business. “Park the Shark” Trinity answers. “Dr Park” you clarify. “Who’s Dr Park?” “Ortho surgeon.” Trinity fills in. “Is that who is take care of our amputee?” Dr Al Hashimi asks to Trinity to nods.
“I know” you sigh. “But it’s not my fault.”
Emery and Trinity both laugh. “I doubt he cares” is Trinitys laugh. “he doesn’t” Emery agrees.
Al Hashimi is fucking lost.
“You got called in?” You ask. Obviously. She pushes down the mean tease. “Yeah.” “Sorry”. Emery shrugs. “Who cares. I was bored, you two were working anyway.”
“Fucks going on with you and Yolanda?”. She asks Trinity. Problem 2. Trinity sets her jaw. “Hell if I know.” “Got it.”
“And Langdons back” you add softly. “Oh. Shit. You uh- okay?”. Emery is so not built for feelings. Santos nods too fast. She’s not okay. You’ll handle her later, right? You’re a good feelings friend.
“Can you… try to calm him down? I can handle this” you plead. “Ha! You think anyone can calm him down. That’s normally your job. And you’re the one who pissed him off, so we’re all fucked now.”
A beat. The patients stable.
“He’s worried. And I’m worried too. And he doesn’t like being worried so he’s mad.” Emery tries to say gently. “He doesn’t have to worry! I can handle it. Peds isn’t all sunshine and rainbows either, you know that.”
She does. Shes seen and heard. Shes wished you chose… dermatology or something. But it’s not this. “He’s worried and I don’t blame him. I don’t like this either. Adult patients are dicks. They’re not crying babies or screaming toddlers. Do you think he would be able to control himself if some drunk guy with a face lac put his hands on you?”.
You know the answer. You swallow. He can’t. He’s protective and firey and intense. It’s part of why you love him.
“He’s having a day today. I saw his board when I came in. It’s not just you. But he’s pissy.”
You soften. “Is he okay?” “Corse he’s okay. He’s Bren. He’s always okay. He’s just got a lot on his plate and now he’s gonna be worrying about you too.”
Santos completes her final stitch. “Okay. Let’s get this guy to post op. Y/N we don’t need you stay down here, and keep your head about you, got it?”
Later as she’s heading to a consult she overhears Al Hashimi asking Trinity questions. “Oh, Y/N, me and Dennis are roommates.” She explains. “And how does Dr… Walsh and Dr Park know your roomate?”. She stalls. “You might wanna ask Y/N.” “Well I’m asking you.” “Uh. Romantic relationship.” “With which one?” “Both.”. A few seconds pass. Then she hears “oh!… Dr Walsh seemed concerned about you and Dr Langdon, is there anything I should know there?”
The rest of the shift you can feel the older woman’s curious eyes on you, but she never voices it. Professional as ever.
The rest of your shift Brendan is like a fucking shark. He keeps coming down between cases. Circling around you for signs of life. Check ins.A bottle of water with your name written on it in haphazard sharpie. A granola bar a med student gives you in shaking hands and says a surgeon said to make sure you get or else. You feel Emerys ever present eyes too. She has more reasons to be down here. Feel her hands on your back, her eyes on yours.
“Look we appreciate the help but you gotta get your dogs in check.” Robby pleads eventually. “I don’t control them, Dr Robby. You know that.” You explained. Robby, unlike Dr Al Hashimi, knew through the grape vine (comments Garcia, Santos, Whitaker, and even Emery herself made) of the situation. “Maybe you need a shorter leash.” “An Akita on a 2 inch leash is still an Akita” you attempt to reason. “Your Akitas are great fucking surgeons but pains in my ass on their best behavior.” Robby hissed walking away.
“He’s… extra stretched thin today. It’s not your fault.” Dr Al Hashimi offered kindly. Nice enough. If she gives Trinity a fucking break with charting maybe you’ll even like her.
The shift ends in chaos. Not an extension, but chaos never the less. A clean handoff for you three, at-least. Whatever the fuck is going on with Robby and a 72 isn’t your problem, as you know Brendan will say coldly. You’d been worried how telling the both that you were going home to your place tonight would fare, but now they Dennis canceled his plans on account of… whatever that Pitt shit show is, you weren’t afraid to leave Trinity alone anymore.
And so you felt Brendon squeeze you over the back of your neck. “Ready to go?”. You look up at the towering man. “Em left, wanted to start dinner. You move your stuff here or do you have to go back to peds?” “Peds.” You answer. He nods. “Tell them-?” You nod. “K. Let’s go. You’ve got a lot of explaining to do when we get home”. Man, you know. You really know. You sign letting him navigate you around the hospital, content to turn your brain off if Emery or Brendon is behind the wheel.
He steers you expertly out of the way of a springing 6 year old. “Hey, easy buddy, easy. Where’s your mom?”. Brendon’s bedside manner is impressively even with kids, probably how you ended up here in the first place. The little boy goes wide eyed and pale. He points behind him to a bay. “So go back in there and be good, yeah?”.
You open our locker, quickly packing up. Your iced coffee a condensation melted puddle now. Damn. No time to drink if after you got floated. “I’ll get you a new one in the morning” Brendan grumbles, something about syrup and sugar as he throws it out behind you. He takes your bag over one shoulder along with his own. “C’mon. I think Em said steak. She got cheated out of her grill time earlier.”
i was listening to ‘pushing it down and praying’ by lizzy mcalpine & this popped into my head. blurb but could possibly be more in the future.
‘He's inside of me
I love him, kiss his mouth, prayin'
He can't see what I see
When I close my eyes
You replace him’
it had been a month since spring break and you felt just as fractured as the day he died. part of you went with him, your own heart bleeding out along with his.
you watched steve’s heart break that day, too, and every day since. you both had sharp pieces where your hearts used to be, and you often wondered how long the shared pain would be enough to keep you together.
eddie had been the glue. you love steve, steve loves you. fuck, steve worships the ground you walk on. but eddie kept you together. he tempered arguments and was always the tie breaker.
you missed eddie like a limb.
you missed eddie so much that you found yourself wishing steve was eddie. that’s why you couldn’t let your eyes slip closed while steve moved inside you.
there was a guilt that devoured you, wishing you had eddie instead. because it wasn’t true, not really. you just wanted him back and you wanted steve. but it was hard to miss the person who woke up beside you every morning.
the effort it took to force yourself to stay present, along with self hatred for your thoughts, brought tears to your eyes.
“i know, baby,” steve said slowing his movements as his own eyes went glassy. “it’s okay.”
“it’s not,” your voice cracked. “stevie-”
“i miss him, too.”
you felt the first tear fall at steve’s admission and its simultaneous acknowledgement of your struggle.
“so, it’s okay,” he promised, grinding into you. “you can close your eyes, baby. just feel.”
you broke, pulling steve down to kiss you, despite your tears; despite his tears.
“fuck, stevie,” you cried into his mouth as his cock repeatedly nudged your g-spot.
“let go, pretty girl,” steve said, using the pet name only ever used by eddie. “come for us.”
“eds,” you keened, your orgasm cresting at the familiar words.
steve followed you over the edge, climaxing at the sound of another man’s name on your lips.
“i’m sorry,” you whispered, tears falling and chest heaving.
“i know, baby. me too.”
“promise me we can get through this,” you asked steve a time later.
steve placed a kiss on the crown of your head before responding.
“i won’t survive missing both of you.”
a/n: hi! enjoy my angsty ass lil blurb. i know this isn’t the exact meaning of the song, but i saw this scene in my head & had to get it out. genuinely wrote this is 12 minutes.
this is the first time i’ve actually written anything on tumblr and it’s my first published ST work. i write HP hermione-centric aus on ao3 and have a steve x oc work in my drafts that may eventually see the light of day. xx