The shallow waters
When you asked me to stay, what did you have in mind? Because I can’t seem to grasp what feelings you had for me or whether your words meant anything at all. I did not know what emotions you had behind the flutter of words that I received from you everyday. You confuse me. You want me to stay but you never made me stay.
I wish I could have left on those two occasions. The first one I did not like how my first ever date in my entire life went. I knew there was something wrong with how you found the ease to put your arm around me. I tried to shrug you off but then I’m back in your arms again. I knew there was something wrong with how you invited me to your house after where we could be alone. I wasn’t respected. To me it was a date but I guess to you, a hook-up.
I forgot my worth out of ecstasy.
But I continued to play the game in which I was bound to lose. But I think I played it well. I showed you how I cared but never too far. I dove in the waters with a life vest. I can never bring myself to drown.
The second time because I was mad at all your immature shenanigans. It seemed so petty to you but it was not to me. I told you goodbye and I was talking to somebody else. You were furious and then told me you loved me. I cried that night because I realized I maybe further than the shallow waters after all.
