mono no aware

[feb25]

I’m only having one therapy session next month so I guess I can spend that money on ceramic class I’ve been wanting to go to for over a year now

[feb25]

the amount of physical relief I feel after my therapy today is insane. I’m ok. I will be ok

[feb25]

wanted to do something to celebrate my birthday but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I feel petrified, like I’m not allowed/supposed to

[feb25]

my 30th birthday message to y’all

[feb25]

[feb25]

30 tomorrow. hell yes that’s a nice age

[feb25]

my bf baked us garlic bread and I truly believe it has healing properties. I feel Loved as fuck when I stuff my face with it

[feb25]

I have no idea what to do with the birthday cake my father handed me right before he called me a mentally ill idiot. I mean, it’s a perfectly good cake but I feel sick thinking of it

[feb25]

tried to confront my parents about the way they treat my sibling and 1. it was absolutely pointless, because they didn’t comprehend a single word of what I said, only felt attacked. 2. my father had a hysterical fit and would have hit me if my partner hadn’t pushed him away, 3. somehow he managed to both call me mentally ill as an insult and totally dismiss my mental health issues. in one sentence. quite impressive

[feb25]

a lot of sadness and fear under that anger huh

im slightly more hyperactive and anxious than usual today bc my partner’s at the office while I’m working from home and I’ve been craving companionship like crazy recently

[feb25]

it may be the first time where I don’t try to hide it, don’t isolate, but reach out my arms and ask: hold me, I can’t walk through this alone

[feb25]

it plays in my head like a very long broken record and I can’t describe how sick I am of it. yet again, doing exactly what I’m supposed to: losing my sleep over someone else’s emotional struggle, because they refuse to take care of it themselves

[feb25]

place of power

[feb25]

the calming presence of a wardrobe in my hall

[feb25]

emotional support soups of this week

[feb25]

apparently I caught a bug last week during the festival and it’s currently gnawing at me in a way that pairs really well with the anger and frustration and paranoid thoughts. the cloudy, brainfoggy feeling on top of my regular depression makes me truly delusional in the worst possible way I’m afraid

[feb25]

still angry depressed overwhelmed but the core of me feels stronger