Louvinier @felczerzy - Tumblr Blog

Whatever man, so is life, gotta pull yourself up by the bootstraps and whatnot :P

I’m scared the people who raised me and helped me get through my darkest periods in life won’t be around much longer and it scares me, because when they’re gone… What will I have?

I didn’t get to do high school because of sickness, and don’t have those lifelong friendships people say’d come from such. And I don’t know how to relate to normal people because this has stunted my emotional growth some I suspect, being cluster B aside.

I am so alike most people I know, but I don’t want to leave because this is a place I love and feel safe, but even now that I’m stablized I fear I would go nowhere if my non medical / more y’know. Personal support network disappeared.

Which is stupid because I’m not a social person, I don’t seek out seeing as many people as possible. The odd community gathering sure.

After he took his stroke and had to have multiple surgeries and his memory never really being the same, and her injury that won’t quite heal, hearing her say she doubts she’ll be alive by the end of next year…

What am I without the people who built me up and helped me get back on my feet?

I fear losing them, and I fear losing myself because of it.

I don’t want to go back to spending most of my life in either the hospital or mental hospital. I don’t want to revert to my worst self. I don’t want to end up caught up in horrible bullshit. I don’t want to have to survive a murder attempt again. But how can I trust myself not to be back to my old me without them?

I’m repeating myself again and again and again but I can’t help it.

felczerzy

They mean the world to me. Without the world what is there?

felczerzy

How can I know I’ll ever have a healthy interpersonal relationship again? My history says I won’t. I know I have friends online but it isn’t the same because they can’t help me when I need help in real life and they can’t give me the same feeling of meaning but letting me help them.

felczerzy

I can’t even talk to anyone aside from those two because anyone else would probably just get me sent away or is dealing with their health own issues rn and I don’t want to stress them more (I mean the only other people come to mind is either in the hospital every second weak, or has literal cancer right now).

My life was ruined and now that I have one it mightn’t even last.

felczerzy

I probably sound like such a selfish prick rn ngl

#louvinier’s rants #tw: illness #tw: death #<< ((discussed theoretical))

felczerzy

I’m scared the people who raised me and helped me get through my darkest periods in life won’t be around much longer and it scares me, because when they’re gone… What will I have?

I didn’t get to do high school because of sickness, and don’t have those lifelong friendships people say’d come from such. And I don’t know how to relate to normal people because this has stunted my emotional growth some I suspect, being cluster B aside.

I am so alike most people I know, but I don’t want to leave because this is a place I love and feel safe, but even now that I’m stablized I fear I would go nowhere if my non medical / more y’know. Personal support network disappeared.

Which is stupid because I’m not a social person, I don’t seek out seeing as many people as possible. The odd community gathering sure.

After he took his stroke and had to have multiple surgeries and his memory never really being the same, and her injury that won’t quite heal, hearing her say she doubts she’ll be alive by the end of next year…

What am I without the people who built me up and helped me get back on my feet?

I fear losing them, and I fear losing myself because of it.

I don’t want to go back to spending most of my life in either the hospital or mental hospital. I don’t want to revert to my worst self. I don’t want to end up caught up in horrible bullshit. I don’t want to have to survive a murder attempt again. But how can I trust myself not to be back to my old me without them?

I’m repeating myself again and again and again but I can’t help it.

felczerzy

They mean the world to me. Without the world what is there?

felczerzy

How can I know I’ll ever have a healthy interpersonal relationship again? My history says I won’t. I know I have friends online but it isn’t the same because they can’t help me when I need help in real life and they can’t give me the same feeling of meaning but letting me help them.

felczerzy

I can’t even talk to anyone aside from those two because anyone else would probably just get me sent away or is dealing with their health own issues rn and I don’t want to stress them more (I mean the only other people come to mind is either in the hospital every second weak, or has literal cancer right now).

My life was ruined and now that I have one it mightn’t even last.

#louvinier’s rants #tw: illness #tw: death #<< ((discussed theoretical))

felczerzy

I’m scared the people who raised me and helped me get through my darkest periods in life won’t be around much longer and it scares me, because when they’re gone… What will I have?

I didn’t get to do high school because of sickness, and don’t have those lifelong friendships people say’d come from such. And I don’t know how to relate to normal people because this has stunted my emotional growth some I suspect, being cluster B aside.

I am so alike most people I know, but I don’t want to leave because this is a place I love and feel safe, but even now that I’m stablized I fear I would go nowhere if my non medical / more y’know. Personal support network disappeared.

Which is stupid because I’m not a social person, I don’t seek out seeing as many people as possible. The odd community gathering sure.

After he took his stroke and had to have multiple surgeries and his memory never really being the same, and her injury that won’t quite heal, hearing her say she doubts she’ll be alive by the end of next year…

What am I without the people who built me up and helped me get back on my feet?

I fear losing them, and I fear losing myself because of it.

I don’t want to go back to spending most of my life in either the hospital or mental hospital. I don’t want to revert to my worst self. I don’t want to end up caught up in horrible bullshit. I don’t want to have to survive a murder attempt again. But how can I trust myself not to be back to my old me without them?

I’m repeating myself again and again and again but I can’t help it.

felczerzy

They mean the world to me. Without the world what is there?

felczerzy

How can I know I’ll ever have a healthy interpersonal relationship again? My history says I won’t. I know I have friends online but it isn’t the same because they can’t help me when I need help in real life and they can’t give me the same feeling of meaning but letting me help them.

#louvinier’s rants #tw: illness #tw: death #<< ((discussed theoretical))

felczerzy

I’m scared the people who raised me and helped me get through my darkest periods in life won’t be around much longer and it scares me, because when they’re gone… What will I have?

I didn’t get to do high school because of sickness, and don’t have those lifelong friendships people say’d come from such. And I don’t know how to relate to normal people because this has stunted my emotional growth some I suspect, being cluster B aside.

I am so alike most people I know, but I don’t want to leave because this is a place I love and feel safe, but even now that I’m stablized I fear I would go nowhere if my non medical / more y’know. Personal support network disappeared.

Which is stupid because I’m not a social person, I don’t seek out seeing as many people as possible. The odd community gathering sure.

After he took his stroke and had to have multiple surgeries and his memory never really being the same, and her injury that won’t quite heal, hearing her say she doubts she’ll be alive by the end of next year…

What am I without the people who built me up and helped me get back on my feet?

I fear losing them, and I fear losing myself because of it.

I don’t want to go back to spending most of my life in either the hospital or mental hospital. I don’t want to revert to my worst self. I don’t want to end up caught up in horrible bullshit. I don’t want to have to survive a murder attempt again. But how can I trust myself not to be back to my old me without them?

I’m repeating myself again and again and again but I can’t help it.

felczerzy

They mean the world to me. Without the world what is there?

#louvinier’s rants #tw: illness #tw: death #<< ((discussed theoretical))

I’m scared the people who raised me and helped me get through my darkest periods in life won’t be around much longer and it scares me, because when they’re gone… What will I have?

I didn’t get to do high school because of sickness, and don’t have those lifelong friendships people say’d come from such. And I don’t know how to relate to normal people because this has stunted my emotional growth some I suspect, being cluster B aside.

I am so alike most people I know, but I don’t want to leave because this is a place I love and feel safe, but even now that I’m stablized I fear I would go nowhere if my non medical / more y’know. Personal support network disappeared.

Which is stupid because I’m not a social person, I don’t seek out seeing as many people as possible. The odd community gathering sure.

After he took his stroke and had to have multiple surgeries and his memory never really being the same, and her injury that won’t quite heal, hearing her say she doubts she’ll be alive by the end of next year…

What am I without the people who built me up and helped me get back on my feet?

I fear losing them, and I fear losing myself because of it.

I don’t want to go back to spending most of my life in either the hospital or mental hospital. I don’t want to revert to my worst self. I don’t want to end up caught up in horrible bullshit. I don’t want to have to survive a murder attempt again. But how can I trust myself not to be back to my old me without them?

I’m repeating myself again and again and again but I can’t help it.

#louvinier’s rants #tw: illness #tw: death #<< ((discussed theoretical))

Having a picture in my head and wanting design my oc but idk what the beard style is called jdhsjhsjshs

#louvinier’s rambles

THEY’RE MAKING AI USE MANDATORY IN LIKE A TEST THING FOR A BIT AT ONE OF THE COLLEGES??

Bitch, I’d rather just fucking die uneducated then take Chatgpt School god damn <\3

If they progress to that instead of it being a short test thing ig I’ll just work at the new tims all my life, idgaf I’d rather keep my brain even if I am fairly stupid already 😭??

#louvinier’s rants

Okay then

Wow no way who woulda thunk it /sarc

Sent them to space hopefully they don’t come back

#louvinier’s tomodachi

felczerzy

I wish I had the willpower (Art Slump rn, not block, just slump) to draw Leone w/ this quote thing or whatever :P

Prettttttty much his thought process Towards The End :)

#I mean at least in the pokemon au leone has a sort of normal ending ‘canonically’ but normal Leone just makes me really sad #Holding onto what little happiness they have despite knowing how bad it is- one because he knows this is the end and the other because-#- he believes he deserves nothing better #Love is a powerful thing and that’s not always good lalala #Welp vague lore now bye *runs away*

ATHOL WANTED TO CONFESS HER LIVE TO SAHM AND SHE DIDNT EVEN SHOW UP LMAO

#louvinier’s tomodachi

I wish I had the willpower (Art Slump rn, not block, just slump) to draw Leone w/ this quote thing or whatever :P

Prettttttty much his thought process Towards The End :)

#louvinier’s rambles

I hate brainfog so much jshsjsnsjb

ok i dont know why i asked if you're doing artfight obviously yes i fear i must ask obvioius questions. i am a fool #jesterpilled

🎉

(Mood)

#louvinier’s rambles

july approaches. epochwish is in grave danger. ooooh im plotting

oooooh lemme resubmit ‘em rq 🫡 (new acc and I’ve been dilly dallying lollll)

#louvinier’s rambles

are ypou doing artfight this year ashe...

DEF

#louvinier’s rambles

Can someone just like- Say The Name Of One Of My Stories at me so I have an excuse to loredump lol. Can be one of my fandom ones (mostly focused on TES but kinda also the pokemon ones rn), orrrr my original ones (names here: https://toyhou.se/Felczerzy/characters/folder:7946705 ) 🥺

(Or you can ask specific questions too that’s cool any excuse to rambleeeee)

#louvinier’s rambles #Thinking about the ending of solipsism again don’t mind me 😭 😌#(You can do it anon in my asks too idk I just want to say things- if you’d rather I stick with the lighthearted stuff please clarify becaus #- a lot of my stories are kinda commentary on societal issues at the end of the day)

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