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KQED: Doodling Helps Memories Stick

Doodling has long been seen as a sign that students aren’t paying attention. But it may be time to give doodling an image makeover.

Feldgang: Beginning My Walk

Links to Referenced Material:

The Blind Spot - C. Otto Scharmer

Drexel University

Drawing: My Persistent Bad Habit

I’m a visual kind of learner. If I see something done, I will understand it better. I’m an active learner too. If I get the opportunity to do it once, I’ll never ever forget. Given that structured education requires lots of static sitting & listening, I’ve had to adapt these personality traits throughout my educational and personal career. Most every notebook I’ve ever had during a class in school ends up with scrawls in the margins. Its always been the way that I’ve turned off that part of my brain that kind of wanders. If I’m errantly drawing, I am also an active participant in listening and note-taking. Actually, if you’re a professor and I’m staring straight ahead at you with my hands folded neatly, it may look good, but I promise you, the hamster has fallen off of the wheel. No one’s home. It may look like they’re not paying attention when you see a student doodling, but this is really my way of staying Present. I actually started to issue a disclaimer to any speaker whose audience I was in. In reviewing my hand-done notations and reflections, I began to notice that as I focused more on ME, my artwork started to shift in this direction as well. This will be reflected throughout the following posts. I didn’t draw these little images intentionally to include in these postings - its just part of how I sorted things out while journaling. But since this entire project should reflect who I am and the way that I process information, I feel that they are essential to communicating who I am.

“Blind spots are not flaws; nor are they malicious. They are automatic behaviors. The real culprits are not the blind spots themselves. The problem is when they are unidentified and mismanaged.” -Loretta Malandro, PhD

#blindspot #scharmer #bloomberg #business #leadership

This is my family and I. This is my world. This is the reason that I get up in the morning and keep rolling on through my day, even when things get tough. I want to be a better person for them. I am back in school to make our life better and to provide more opportunities for us. Any moves I have made to better myself professionally have all been to benefit the group in the accompanying picture.

My wife is on the left. I love her endlessly. She is the backbone of the family and the one who sticks by me no mater what crazy direction Life takes me or what direction I try to move Life. The curly headed boy in the middle is my (almost) 8 year old son. I work to be the guy that he can rely on no matter what. On the right, that is me. I am a Special Education teacher and the sole provider for the family and that brings its share of stressors. Being a teacher has never been the most fiscally-rewarding profession, but my wife and I very much wanted to have one parent to man the fires at home. Short-term sacrifices have been made for long-term benefits. What we lack in wealth, we’ve made up for in the time we’ve spent together. I value the fact that my wife was able to take care of my son when he was little and to not have to rely on day care.

I grew up in the mountains of North Carolina and am the oldest son of two Special Educators. (Even after watching both of my parents do this, I am now doing the one job that I swore I’d never ever do. It turned out to be the first employment that I was good at and actually enjoyed doing. Go figure!) As a parent, I certainly work to make sure that I bring all the best parts of my childhood become experiences that my son has as well. I also want to be mindful that my issues, my shortcomings, and my fears don’t become his. And this is a tricky thing. It is important that I give my son appropriate guidance knowing that he has ½ of my DNA, a tendency towards some of my character flaws, and foibles - but I cannot treat him like we are the same, because he is not me. I also strive to be Dad while at home and to leave the teacher at school. My wife and I have had conversations where she has filled me in on the fact that my tactics to constantly behaviorally-modify the boy are annoying, over-the-top, and unnecessary. After almost 15 years working with individuals with, often, severe and inappropriate behaviors, I kind of have an itchy trigger finger when it comes to kids who act out.

“He is not one of your students.”

“This is a bad day, not a marker of a systemic behavioral deficit.”

“Let it go.”

These are my mantras for fatherhood. I have a little ways to go still …

I liked this photo. My son and I were washing the car yesterday and as I sat inside wiping the dashboard, the boy was hosing off the outside. We’d kind of divided duties as a detante after a slight blow-up over washing the car. The car wasn’t the exact issue though. My wife and I have been working over how to deal with a son who lives in his own world sometimes. He is a bright, funny, and engaging young man. He is kind and forever energetic. He, also, is an 8 year old who is an only child and lacks the back-and-forth, give-and-take that happens when your personal little universe gets completely wrecked by having a little sister come crashing into things. He needs extra practice seeing that his way isn’t the only way. His needs aren’t the only needs. He gets this, I think, but not to the extent that I wish he would sometimes. Being smart has also gifted him the ability to extrapolate situations far beyond what his peers are able to do. In short, he’s used to getting his way and quite used to being right … pretty much of the time. So, as I explained just how we were going to wash the car, he continues on ahead doing what he was doing before I spoke. I restarted my directions and his shoulders slumped in a, the-poor-deluded-old-man-is-talking-again motion and he gave me a reply of, “I already know how to do this, Daddy.” Needless to say, I reacted … harshly. I went into the aforementioned behavioral modification/Teacher-Mode. And … just before I banned him from every enjoyable activity that exists in our house and immediate neighborhood, I stopped short. I told him that I needed him to do something different with washing the car, and could he please listen up. He complied and I moved on to the interior tasks to let things settle

As the water cascaded off of the window I could see my son, but not so clearly. He’s visible, but the lens in between us had altered my viewpoint. I got to thinking, why would a kid who is so usually affable and kind, react so sharply to a simple request? Was it disrespect or had there been some kind of miscommunication. Just like the water and the hose had changed how I was seeing him, had something inside of myself similarly altered how I viewed the situation? So, I finished up cleaning inside the car and came out with the boy. We sat down and just talked. No pretense. No judgement. No, “you’re gonna get in trouble.” Just talked. It turns out, the both of us had failed to suspend judgement. We both brought our own perspectives into the situation and I needed to take a moment to stop downloading. I needed to stop listening from the I-in-Me and move towards the I-in-It, I-in-You, and I-in-Now. Once I began listening with an open mind and open heart, I knew that the dynamic between us had changed. As we moved forward throughout the day, I found myself listening to him more intently. I removed my preconceptions and embraced what could be rather than reacting to what I immediately saw.

I think this is a good lesson for me to carry over into my professional life. Everyone has their own perspective. Even if I am completely in the Right, being reactionary doesn’t solve any problems. Simply living in the moment and not letting go of the fact that I am, technically, RIGHT means little. One never wins over others with the sheer force of Correctness.

Talk to the other person. Where are they coming from? And, for that matter, where are You coming from? Is there something in the way, clouding your view? How can moving beyond it, alter the quality of your relationships and how you work with others?

#downloading #Scharmer

My son has to complete a Summer Packet for his school. It is the first real thing that will be turned in during his 3rd Grade year. One of his tasks is to read about and write a report on a president. He picked Abraham Lincoln. He wasn’t happy about having to do schoolwork during the summer though. In order to help him move his focus from the revolt towards the unwanted stimulus towards a viewpoint that helped to make the process more fun, I drew this for him before going to work. I’m not sure if this works with Scharmer's theory, but I really hope that one day he misguidedly passes along the bit about Lincoln coining the phrase “We Built This City On Rock ‘n’ Roll” as a bit of factual information.

I want to impart to him that knowledge is more than factual scraps of information- it is also how you process and use what you know to change yourself and how you interact with Life. I also want him to remember that his dad was a bit Sideways.

Self-Doubt

Doubt is my constant enemy. In terms of identifying a personal Blind Spot, this is a huge one for me. I’ve had to reflect on this my entire life. It is really coming to a head as I try to move into more and more leadership positions and something that I deal with more effectively, but also something that requires more work. During my time in Elementary, Middle, High School, and even Undergraduate work, I doubted everything. I just didn’t know. I didn’t know what direction I wanted to go in. I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know how I was going to find out. I only chose to go get my B.A. in Political Science because I was told that College was going to happen. Not an option. But why? Okay. Whatever. I’ll probably figure it out. Doubt. It plagued me. And it plagues me still. The problem is, as I moved into my Master’s degree, my professional career, and now into the Doctoral Program here at Drexel I DO know. I have that vision. But Doubt, she follows me still. And this is something that I need to figure out why. Doubt did fall away some as the Master’s program began. I had a firm grasp on the field and the educational aspect matched-up with that. Me having that connection seemed to give me permission to speak. I had a grasp on this material and it was inextricably tied to the fabric of who I was. As I continued working as an assistant in a classroom for individuals with Autism and other Special Needs, working as a Community Skills Instructor, and Job Coach my experience was called on. I did become more comfortable communicating with people from a place of confidence and knowledge. That kind of tidal shift happened even more when I got my teaching certificate and got my own classroom. People were actually looking to me for answers. Again, there was a kind of implicit permission given. I don’t know why that made me more comfortable to command the kind of attention that I always shied away from.

Every time I have made a career change or a move to go back to school, it has been in kind of a blind direction. Its not that I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I wasn’t sure if I could actually pull it off. The same thing is happening again here at Drexel. I know I can do this, but moving from my current realm to the higher education environment is something out of my wheelhouse. It is just me, lashing out again at Self-Doubt. Against my better judgement or instincts, I am betting on myself. Every time I have done this, it has paid off fantastically. I will work to make sure that it does again.

I wrestle with this daily.

Am I about to Become, or have I already Been and missed my opportunity?

Sometimes, at my computer late at night after a long day of work, I wonder why I’ve gone back to school. I know that it is all for a good end and that I am bettering myself, my family, and others in the long run, but sometimes I have quarrels with myself ...

Satisfied.

The work is done.

Prospects look good.

I like the longview when I can manage to get above the fray.

Stop Downloading.

Start Being.

Do you ever feel like you’re only half-there?

Maybe you’re just standing too close to fully fit in the frame.

Take a step back to get the whole picture.

Move beyond boundaries.

#PersonalReminders

My Blind Spot: Go-It-Alone

In my school … Hell, in my school district, no one has the ability that I do. I do not say this lightly and am not being cavalier. I have very little in the way of self-esteem - Good or Bad. Its just kind of a non-existent thing. (Note To Self: Cover this area later.) So, when I make a grandiose statement like that, it doesn’t come from hubris. Somewhere between Nature (both my parents have Special Ed backgrounds) and Nurture (I spent my entire life hearing about IEP meetings, attending SpEd school functions, and even helping my father transport folks to-and-from group homes) this field is the one I know innately. I’ve had 36 years of on and off-the-job training. It is was also the first job I ever had that I liked … that I didn’t mind getting out of bed for in the morning. That said, I have always relied on my instincts and abilities. No one knows my kiddos like I do. I can riff on a behavioral difficulty that appears and tailor an intervention to meet what an individual needs to get through the moment and be successful. I can look at how a student learns and modify instruction to help them gain academic and functional skills in a person-centered way. I have also been very fortunate to have been surrounded by competent, caring, and excellent staff that have worked with me throughout the years. I have even managed to be able to teach them my methods and utilize their skills to augment my own approach. What I have difficulty doing, however, is turning over the reigns to these amazing professionals and paraprofessionals. There have been times that I have been in the middle of managing a behavior, while teaching a small group Reading, and trying to keep independent workers on-task to look around and see my assistant off to the side, doing nothing. It has occurred to me that this is, in fact, my fault. There were times when she would be working with a student and they would act out, I would swoop in to “Save The Day.” However, my “fixing things,” disincentivized her from putting her skills to use. I also am bad about not taking a break during the day. When all of the other teachers are off in the Staff Break Room, I am in the cafeteria with my boys. Again, its not that I don’t trust my staff to handle things, but that may be the message that comes across. I want to show those I work with that, I’ve been where you are - I’ve been an assistant who gets no support and i won’t do that to you. However, being an assistant is where I cut my teeth and gained first-hand skills that helped form my experiential knowledge and gave me the skills that I have today. At times when I feel overloaded, I need to take that step back to empower those that I work with to take charge so that I can accomplish what needs to be done. As I move higher up in my responsibility and in my leadership roles, this will be come all the more important. I cannot get to a place of reflection and self-transformation if I keep myself simply reacting to three thousand little things coming at me. My goal is to empower others on a large scale to effect change. That cannot happen unless I am viewing my goals and inner motivation for why I want to do accomplish these goals and use that power to create change into the future, and not get mired up in what is currently happening.

There is a certain hollow feeling that comes from many straight hours of work and no end in sight.

I liked this Post-It that I found.

Even the paper is crumpled.

It was indicative of the time.

I remember drawing this in a moment of frustration, throwing it as hard as I could. It fluttered aimlessly to the ground. Only then I realized the comedy of it all.

I moved outside of myself for a moment & completely shifted my focus.

It made all the difference.

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