felixx

pagan // system // queer // audhd

[felixxasf]

it’s so cool that in the larkhearsals perrine said that the croon was “dishonouring stillness”, and in to douse a scalded tongue they sing “glory thy stillness, a verse mistaken”. i don’t know what that means yet but. pretty neat :3

[felixxasf]

to douse a scalded tongue is eating me alive so here.

I (from a probably biased point of view) have interpreted this song as an ache from all children raised in a relationship where parents treated their wrongdoings with innocence, where love was an expectation, and where their status as “loving parents” should excuse all wrongdoing. Don’t come at me if you disagree this is just my opinion 🙏

[song: “to douse a scalded tongue”, @yaelokre]

“must i, look below,

mildewy timbers?”

Must we face how our foundation is unsteady and unreliable? Must we acknowledge that the ones we call our support are rotted, and aren’t stable enough to hold us if we tremble too hard or if we falter? It feels like a reluctance to acknowledge the truth of the relationship, the wobble in your voice just before you cry.

“staves my feet, are perched on,

able to bear my weight, with no protest,”

Our parents who are ‘holding us up’, or so they should be, are supposed to be able to support us. We should be supported now, we should be uplifted without protest, no matter how heavy it becomes or how much we wobble. We should have no reason to look down to ensure we are held up.

“and yet, i am to tumble down,”

Even despite this, we will fall. They will not support us. Our foundation isn’t enough, though it should be, and we will fall because we cannot be still and ignore the rotted wood beneath us.

“dare me to flood what is already drowning,

shoot him whose heart you can already see,

she who refuses to peek through the curtains,

the children are angry, as they should be.”

We cannot ruin a relationship that is already crumbling, our actions are not hurting our family when you have already hurt it more. By speaking out, we are not ruining anything, by talking back and fighting, we are not tearing the family apart. It is already broken, we refuse to walk through the shards more and be cut by the jagged remains.

You refuse to look past the shield of ignorance you have created. Your barrier is weak, you can see past it, you can tear it, you can move it. You are not beyond changing— why don’t you? Why do you refuse to acknowledge what you have done? You hide behind your denial like a fortress made of satin and saccharine words. We are angry, we are vindictive. We should be angry. You have hurt us, and you have wronged us— yet still you refuse to see.

“down to where i can hear them,”

We fall to your level, fall into the pits of suffering and misery to where you chant your mantras of subservience and stillness. We fail because you fail us, and you still repeat your ignorant words.

“ ,,glory thy stillnes,,

a verse mistaken,

by disfavoured ones, like you,”

You have turned sacred words honouring permanence into a ritualistic incantation promoting complacency, because you are too ignorant to change. Stillness mistaken for quiet, mistaken for obedience and agreement. We are made to be agreeable because you are in our disfavour, and you would rather us humour your nescience by staying silent than make you confront who you are.

“to douse a scalded tongue,

incanted herd and flock,”

Your attempts to heal the pain by smothering it only cause it to sting more fiercely. To fix the problem, you must acknowledge it— but as you instead try to instil acquiescence in us, causing more hurt on a wound that may have healed in time. You try to shepherd us towards the flock of children pushed into stillness by these words, by these actions, by this ignorance.

“in places a lark haven’t carolled to heretofore,”

You try to send us somewhere nobody has spoken out in, try to force us into a world of silence. You want us to be where children have learned obedience as if it is the only thing they will ever know.

“from faults, favours, failures and the truth,

that love alone, love alone isn’t enough.”

From the mistakes you have shamed in us, from the things you have expected from us, from the ways in which you came up short in caring for us, in the truth— your “love” isn’t enough to remedy the harm you have caused. You have exacerbated our faults and humiliated us for our slip ups. You have expected everything, expected forgiveness time and time again, expected unconditional love and respect. You have failed us in every way, you have neglected our relationship and the care we need. You have denied the truth, but it is clear now:

Your love is not enough.

You cannot fix us with claims of care that are never made up in actions, you cannot expect respect when it does not get shown to us in turn. Love is never enough to rectify the hurt you have made us suffer or ameliorate our relationship. Love alone is not enough.

[felixxasf]

this is the lowk most dramatic thing i’ve ever written but it felt good to write,,

[felixxasf]

to douse a scalded tongue is eating me alive so here.

I (from a probably biased point of view) have interpreted this song as an ache from all children raised in a relationship where parents treated their wrongdoings with innocence, where love was an expectation, and where their status as “loving parents” should excuse all wrongdoing. Don’t come at me if you disagree this is just my opinion 🙏

[song: “to douse a scalded tongue”, @yaelokre]

“must i, look below,

mildewy timbers?”

Must we face how our foundation is unsteady and unreliable? Must we acknowledge that the ones we call our support are rotted, and aren’t stable enough to hold us if we tremble too hard or if we falter? It feels like a reluctance to acknowledge the truth of the relationship, the wobble in your voice just before you cry.

“staves my feet, are perched on,

able to bear my weight, with no protest,”

Our parents who are ‘holding us up’, or so they should be, are supposed to be able to support us. We should be supported now, we should be uplifted without protest, no matter how heavy it becomes or how much we wobble. We should have no reason to look down to ensure we are held up.

“and yet, i am to tumble down,”

Even despite this, we will fall. They will not support us. Our foundation isn’t enough, though it should be, and we will fall because we cannot be still and ignore the rotted wood beneath us.

“dare me to flood what is already drowning,

shoot him whose heart you can already see,

she who refuses to peek through the curtains,

the children are angry, as they should be.”

We cannot ruin a relationship that is already crumbling, our actions are not hurting our family when you have already hurt it more. By speaking out, we are not ruining anything, by talking back and fighting, we are not tearing the family apart. It is already broken, we refuse to walk through the shards more and be cut by the jagged remains.

You refuse to look past the shield of ignorance you have created. Your barrier is weak, you can see past it, you can tear it, you can move it. You are not beyond changing— why don’t you? Why do you refuse to acknowledge what you have done? You hide behind your denial like a fortress made of satin and saccharine words. We are angry, we are vindictive. We should be angry. You have hurt us, and you have wronged us— yet still you refuse to see.

“down to where i can hear them,”

We fall to your level, fall into the pits of suffering and misery to where you chant your mantras of subservience and stillness. We fail because you fail us, and you still repeat your ignorant words.

“ ,,glory thy stillnes,,

a verse mistaken,

by disfavoured ones, like you,”

You have turned sacred words honouring permanence into a ritualistic incantation promoting complacency, because you are too ignorant to change. Stillness mistaken for quiet, mistaken for obedience and agreement. We are made to be agreeable because you are in our disfavour, and you would rather us humour your nescience by staying silent than make you confront who you are.

“to douse a scalded tongue,

incanted herd and flock,”

Your attempts to heal the pain by smothering it only cause it to sting more fiercely. To fix the problem, you must acknowledge it— but as you instead try to instil acquiescence in us, causing more hurt on a wound that may have healed in time. You try to shepherd us towards the flock of children pushed into stillness by these words, by these actions, by this ignorance.

“in places a lark haven’t carolled to heretofore,”

You try to send us somewhere nobody has spoken out in, try to force us into a world of silence. You want us to be where children have learned obedience as if it is the only thing they will ever know.

“from faults, favours, failures and the truth,

that love alone, love alone isn’t enough.”

From the mistakes you have shamed in us, from the things you have expected from us, from the ways in which you came up short in caring for us, in the truth— your “love” isn’t enough to remedy the harm you have caused. You have exacerbated our faults and humiliated us for our slip ups. You have expected everything, expected forgiveness time and time again, expected unconditional love and respect. You have failed us in every way, you have neglected our relationship and the care we need. You have denied the truth, but it is clear now:

Your love is not enough.

You cannot fix us with claims of care that are never made up in actions, you cannot expect respect when it does not get shown to us in turn. Love is never enough to rectify the hurt you have made us suffer or ameliorate our relationship. Love alone is not enough.