[femmeefatale3]

hi faisal, its been a year and 8 days since i met you. i actually know u for a long time but we havent properly met before last year. it feels surreal that i know you. faisal i feel like i know you because i tried to. i havent looked toward anybody's way since i met you. you were a trouble the moment we met. the moment we couldnt stop talking. there's not a day that goes by where i dont yearn for you. faisal, will i ever meet someone like you? someone as kind as you are? as funny, charming, sweet and as addicting as you are? will i ever meet someone whose smile is brighter than all the lights of the universe combined? whose laugh is sweeter than the sound of my favorite music? i dont think so. maybe someday I'll forget you and settle down. but now I can't really imagine my future with anyone else. you know faisal, my whole life changed when you came. i dont know how you were able to influence me so much. ami j tomar jonno shangsharik hoye gesi chinta korleo hashi ashe, ayhay amar shei feminist "i dont change for a man" mentality koi gelo? kobe theke ami tomar pochondo moto kaaj kora shuru korlam? ammu amake protidin dekhe obak hoye jay. faisal, js one word if you tell me once ill out my life in your hand. ill tell you its your story to narrate, I'll hold your hand and tell you how much i love you. i sometimes feel like blocking you and never see you again but then the first thing i think is I'll never be able to see your smile and that physically tightens my heart. I've become such a conrad fkr you. this pedophile and shit its all a show they never meant anything. everyguy who ever approached me they left with your description in their heart. i love you.

[femmeefatale3]

i am terribly tormented by the need of your presence

[femmeefatale3]

its been a while since we got distant, idk what you're doing these days. honestly, i never did you never really shared what's going on with you. i wonder if you're eating well and sleeping well. i wonder if she's treating you nicer this time. i wonder if u laugh at whatever she says. i wonder if u meet her. im always wondering. whenever i pass by your house i wonder if you're at home or out. i yearn for a glance of you. seeing u for a bit might bright up my lifetime. faisal i want to say that i miss you. i miss your warmth and the way your gaze held the world. i miss your jokes even if i didnt even like them. i miss every bit of your presence. my heart breaks everyday as u get more distant from us. but further apart the closer you are to me. you being away is not helping me at all, its making me yearn for you more. giving me every reason to hold onto you. come back home.

[nixscriptum]

[femmeefatale3]

i love him so much, even if my heart is empty I'd love him with every other organ i have.

[femmeefatale3]

i never wondered what i would be like to kiss him, but something about today made me wonder how his lips would lock between mine.

[femmeefatale3]

he runs in my veins, im somehow always overwhelmed by the feelings i possess for him. everytime im near him my hands ache from the urge to get one touch of him. desire overshadow my self respect. im so ashamed, so ashamed of how much i love him

[femmeefatale3]

it doesn't matter how far you go away and how much i try to forget you. you're always around. in my thoughts,mind and most importantly in my heart.

আসবে না তুমি;

জানি আমি জানি

অকারনে তবু কেন কাছে ডাকি

কেন মরে যাই তৃষ্ণাতে

এই এসো না চলো জলে ভিজি

শ্রাবণ রাতের বৃষ্টিতে

i might die it would make no difference

[paper-wounds]

via

[femmeefatale3]

i cant explain the pleasure of starving myself to anybody. its js so sweet

[femmeefatale3]

I've accepted it. im defeated in this war faisal. it will never be me. i will never be her. i will eventually move on someday. i hope you get her, get married and i hope she treats u better this time.

[mournfulroses]

Katherine Mansfield, from a diary entry featured in The Letters & Journals of Katherine Mansfield

[femmeefatale3]

writing down what's happening inside my heart with words is hard or should i say impossible? it feels like my heart gets washed away by some storm everytime i see him. i dont even know what i can do to stop feeling this way, as much as i want to say i dont expect anything from him, it'd be a lie because i expect everything from him.

[nixscriptum]

[mournfulroses]

Makenzie Campbell, from a poem featured in "2 a.m. Thoughts," originally published in 2017

[femmeefatale3]

life has been so good, i have friends that i always wanted. best friends i can count on. all i dont have is you. and that makes everything very invisible to me, because all i want to see is you.

[femmeefatale3]

as the rain pours over the city, all i can think about is how it would be like if i could have you at this moment, so the rain wouldn't remind me of misery instead i would enjoy it with you. as much as i hate to say it but my day and night revolves around you and you alone. as the rain pours, its the its the witness of how much i love you. i love you like the raindrops love the ground. i love u like the trees love the rain. i ask nothing from you except i want you to sweep me away like the kalboishakhi wind does.