So this was gonna be a somewhat amusing discussion of if Yan Wushi was actually jealous or resentful towards his own personality (xie ling) for gaining Shen Qiao’s affections because I think it’s funny to think about and I never came to the conclusion of whether I think he was legit or if it was just for show and just to tease SQ. However, it got me thinking about deeper implications like about his past and perhaps him holding resentment towards that particular past when he was Xie Ling and whatever caused it. Maybe it could tie into SQ’s favoritism of that part of him like “I’m so superior to who I was in the past and yet he is the one you like?” It makes me wish we got some insight into when Yan Wushi was Xie Ling. But I am definitely overthinking this and dumping it all into your ask because I didn’t know who else to bother with this lol
anon you know exactly why you’re bothering me with this and it’s because this absolutely haunts me on a regular basis
I’ve mentioned off-hand before, buried somewhere in the absolute mess of my 《千秋》 tag, but I really do appreciate Meng Xishi’s decision to leave Yan Wushi’s backstory completely opaque and unknown, unknowable. we don’t know who Yan Wushi had been, what caused him to change, why he is like this--she just offers us the barest, tantalizing hints of who he might have been, who he might have become
(again, another reason why I thought Xie Xiang was going to be like. moderately relevant to the plot? and then he vanished and never showed up again)
what’s the first thing Yan Wushi says to Shen Qiao, when he’s delirious and nearly-dead from a head wound, before he remembers who Shen Qiao is, before he even remembers his own name?
don’t go.
which you can shrug off as something anyone would say if they had woken up, alone and hurting in an unfamiliar place, to the first person who shows them kindness. Shen Qiao certainly shrugs it off as Yan Wushi’s delirium, because he knows that the Yan Wushi he knows would scoff at weakness like that
don’t go. who left Yan Wushi, and why? who had they been to him?
what did their leaving do to him?
after I’d finished the book, I went back and re-read the little summary/hook/inside cover blurb for 《千秋》， and ended up spending way more time thinking about it than I’d expected to:
晏无师是从尸山血海里走过来的人。
他不相信人性本善，更不相信这世上会有大仁大义，不求回报为别人着想的人。
某日，有天下第一道门之称的玄都山掌教沈峤与人约战，却因故坠下山崖。
晏无师正好从下面路过。
看到重伤濒死的沈峤，他忽然生出一个绝妙的主意……
千秋之后，谁能不朽？
Yan Wushi was someone who had lived to today by walking across mountains of corpses and oceans of blood.
He did not believe in the inherent goodness of human nature, nor did he believe that there could truly be a person who lived by great benevolence or righteousness, who would care for others with no expectation of reward.
One day, Shen Qiao—the sect leader of Xuandu Mountain, the greatest Daoist sect in the world—dueled an opponent, but for some unknown reason, fell from the peak. Yan Wushi just happened to be passing by below.
Seeing the heavily-injured Shen Qiao near death, he suddenly had an extremely clever, exceedingly ironic idea…
After all, who could remain uncorrupted after a thousand autumns?
first of all, I was struck that this passage is written from Yan Wushi’s point of view.
let that sink in for a bit. narration in this novel veers into omniscient on occasion, but for the most part we are firmly anchored with Shen Qiao’s perspective, following his journey and experiences, his emotions and struggles. we don’t get a ton of Yan Wushi interiority (the story of the stone is a notable exception), and I remember reading the one of the extras from Yan Wushi’s point of view (set shortly after The Betrayal) and being rather disoriented at his starkly different perspective, the shift of voice and narration
in a sense, this inside-cover blurb before we even get to the story proper is Yan Wushi’s backstory, the essence of his character and experiences that led him to the beginning of the book. Meng Xishi may not have written out his tragic backstory in graphic detail, but she gave us the essence and characterization of Yan Wushi before she gave us anything else
(this story may be about Shen Qiao, but it starts with Yan Wushi)
secondly, I kept thinking about the the first two lines, specifically because Meng Xishi could have left the first line out.
she could have started this blurb with “Yan Wushi did not believe in the inherent goodness of human nature” and the rest of the passage would have flowed just fine--everything about Yan Wushi wanting to mess with a fallen Shen Qiao, everything about the themes of purity/corruption, the title drop of ‘a thousand autumns.’ she could have left it at that, gotten the crux of Yan Wushi’s character across just fine, but no--she adds the line before that:
Yan Wushi was someone who had lived to today by walking across mountains of corpses and oceans of blood.
which then, of course, implies causality. why doesn’t Yan Wushi believe in the inherent goodness of human nature? because he has walked across mountains of corpses and oceans of blood.
the prevailing rumor in the jianghu is that Yan Wushi, before he renamed himself the masterless (haughty, arrogant, overbearing), held the surname Xie. and who were the Xies? one of the greatest families of the time (this is actually a historical reference: the 谢 Xie family was one of the Four Great Families during the Eastern Jin period)
Yan Wushi was someone who had lived to today by walking across mountains of corpses and oceans of blood.
whose corpses? whose blood? where is Xie Ling’s family, and where does all of Huanyue Zong’s money come from?
who is Xie Ling?
Yan Wushi is single-mindedly obsessed with achievement, with attaining ever greater heights in his cultivation. he has no need for friends; the only people who deserve to speak to him on his level are rivals, are opponents, are people who can challenge him, maybe even defeat him
which is to say--Yan Wushi does not care for the inherent goodness of human nature, or the merit of benevolence, because both have failed him. the only true law is might, the only true directive is selfish self-preservation. Yan Wushi continually tests and mocks Shen Qiao saying that that the only reason why Shen Qiao hasn’t lost hope, hasn’t given in to corruption yet, is simply because Shen Qiao has not yet come face-to-face with the level of suffering that would shatter his faith in morality, his belief in goodness, and Shen Qiao reluctantly concedes, because he did grow up and come of age in a rather sheltered environment, and perhaps, maybe, somewhere out there in the world is a force great enough to torment him into evil. Shen Qiao doesn’t know, and he can’t know until it happens. it’s not an argument he can win through logic or experience, and both Shen Qiao and Yan Wushi know that
who doesn’t want to be a good person? who doesn’t want to be righteous and admired, venerated and exalted?
what makes you believe in the inherent goodness of humanity, and what makes you lose faith? what kind of experience, what sights and horrors and sorrows and agonies lead you to the only conclusion that all goodness and morality are nothing more than empty words in the face of the need to survive?
Yan Wushi is single-mindedly obsessed with greater martial achievement--for pursuit of the martial way and actualization, sure, I think that’s what it becomes, but I don’t think that’s where it began. the simplest, saddest answer to that desire to become stronger, mightier, more powerful, is painfully, poignantly obvious--so no one else can hurt him
why doesn’t he need friends? because the only person who can stab you in the back is someone you trusted. why is he so dismissive of his disciples, harsh in his criticism and uncaring in his manner despite their resounding capability and inherent talent? because coddling Yu Shengyan and Bian Yanmei will do them no favors--only greater achievement, the amassing of power, resources, influence, skill can truly guarantee their survival and success
and then there’s Shen Qiao
when Shen Qiao comes back for Yan Wushi and saves his sorry corpse, Yan Wushi acknowledges that he had been wrong about Shen Qiao (about Shen Qiao specifically, not necessarily about human nature entirely) with surprising grace. admittedly, there are quite a lot of confounding factors (head injury, split personalities, hijinks and adventures in a deserted ghost city, further assassination attempts, etc etc), but once Shen Qiao defeats Yan Wushi’s ultimate test, Yan Wushi comes around surprisingly quickly, considering that Shen Qiao is a living, breathing, walking refutation of the laws Yan Wushi has lived his life by, built a bloodied reputation on. but Yan Wushi doesn’t go about re-shaping his understanding of the world or human nature; he simply opens a gap in those laws, large enough to fit Shen Qiao. Shen Qiao, to him, is the exception that proves the rule, and Shen Qiao, for that reason, is all the more precious
for decades, Yan Wushi didn’t believe that mythical creature, that legendary figure, that genuinely, purely good person who lived by great benevolence, who cared for others with no expectation of reward, truly existed, or even if they did, they died swiftly, foolishly, tragically, young
and here is Shen Qiao, doggedly hanging on to both his life and his silly, silly morals
of course Yan Wushi falls. of course Yan Wushi falls hard, chases, pursues, cherishes, protects. he hasn’t seen such light in years. he’s almost forgotten what it’s like to be warm, and here Shen Qiao comes, lit from inside with a flame that even Yan Wushi cannot douse
and so--who is Xie Ling, to Yan Wushi? someone young, and weak still; someone foolish enough to do things like trust a young man with a pretty face, needy enough to cling to a complete stranger who had shown him kindness, someone soft enough to go back for Shen Qiao when Yan Wushi himself has made it out of danger just fine. Xie Ling is who Yan Wushi had been, before he’d bettered himself, made himself stronger, more invulnerable to the injustices and assaults this world hurls at him
and Shen Qiao has the audacity to care about Xie Ling, even knowing that Xie Ling is a transient ghost, a wisp of a soul, a shadow of a self not long for this world? Shen Qiao has the absolute goddamn gall to mourn who Yan Wushi had been?
Yan Wushi is jealous, absolutely; resentful, even; and more than anything, I think, he is furiously, desperately angry, because here is Shen Qiao, thirty years too late, crying over a boy that Yan Wushi had buried with his own hands, with his old name
all of which is to say--Meng Xishi does a devastatingly masterful job of giving us just enough hints about Yan Wushi’s backstory to know what matters (trust and betrayal, kindness and pain), and how perfectly Shen Qiao upsets everything in Yan Wushi’s world with the force of his own pain and power, brokenness and brilliance
Do you think that one of the things that attracted YWS to SQ is also SQ’s quiet confidence? Throughout the story, I don’t think SQ ever doubts his own abilities or feels sorry for himself. He appears to simply accept his injuries and a and just…adjusts to accommodate them and moves onward. Where YWS is all arrogance and showy confidence (and with the firepower to actually back it up), SQ is more like “I really don’t want to fight you but I will wipe the floor with you if you persist”. They are flip sides of the same coin. I think despite what he tells SQ about not qualifying as a rival, YWS did respect SQ’s abilities and tenacity, because he repeatedly tests SQ and chooses to stalk-…ahem, spend time with him. YWS strikes me as someone who loses interest in people quickly, and wouldn’t waste his time on anyone whom he thought was anything less than worthy (scientific experiment or otherwise). I also have cursed thoughts about how Lao Yan hasn’t had sex in a decade when he first encounters this intriguingly resilient and pretty guy. Just sayin’…LMAO
ahaha the hilarious thing is that Yan Wushi explains to Shen Qiao multiple times why he likes him, but the problem is, The Betrayal happened so Shen Qiao is like "hilarious. okay Yan-zongzhu why are you REALLY here" until Yan Wushi is just like 说了你都不信 / I TOLD you and you don't believe me
off the top of my head, there's this moment time in chapter... 78? 79?
Yan Wushi laughed and said, "Food and sex are human nature--all people are so. While I am quite fond of your appearance, I love your aloof coolness more. Why shouldn't I admit this?..."
there's definitely another time when Shen Qiao is like 贫道何德何能得到晏宗主如此青睐 / What great virtue or ability does this lowly Daoist have to earn sect leader Yan's favor? but like, in that particular brand of Shen Qiao Deadpan (TM) and Yan Wushi just smiles and goes 你既有德又有能 / On the contrary, you are in possession of both great virtue and ability and it's like okay, okay sir, we get it you're in love but very understandably, Shen Qiao does not get it then
so like, yes, Yan Wushi is rather taken with both Shen Qiao's capability and virtue, determination and persistence, but I think that, despite his occasional lines to the contrary, Yan Wushi is most intrigued by the fact that Shen Qiao is--okay hear me out--a worthy opponent from day one
like you said anon, I think Yan Wushi is absolutely the kind of person who would lose interest in other people quickly, which is precisely why Shen Qiao is so intriguing
he starts out as a science experiment, right? Yan Wushi is on a walk and happens across Shen Qiao's body and is like "oh free sect leader? I'll take him, and see if I can turn him evil and/or drive him mad," because in Yan Wushi's worldview, those are the only two possible roads that Shen Qiao can take after Shen Qiao has lost so much
and what does Shen Qiao immediately do? prove Yan Wushi wrong
Shen Qiao, even while amnesiac, is locked in constant battle with Yan Wushi, except this isn't a contest of martial skill--the two of them are engaged in an ideological battle. Yan Wushi believes in the inevitable corruptibility of human nature. Shen Qiao plans to prove him wrong simply by being himself. Yan Wushi plans to prove Shen Qiao wrong by doing his literal worst. Shen Qiao, when he hears news of the impending attempt on Yan Wushi's life, decides to go back and save him not just for the greater political picture, but also because he wants to prove Yan Wushi wrong. literally, Shen Qiao says:
"I'm not as noble as you think. I just want to see that person one more time, to see the disappointed expression on his face and let him know that the demonic core didn't take in my heart, that I have not been controlled by the demonic core, that I am still me."
(not to say that Shen Qiao was like "I'm gonna go save this man's life out of SPITE" but like. he kinda did say that)
what's one of the first things we learn about Yan Wushi? it's that he's obsessed with the battle, the fight, the contest. the improvement of oneself and the triumphing over the other. he'll take risks, break taboos, invent new paths of cultivation to climb higher in martial achievement. he's really goddamn competitive, so it should come as no surprise that when Shen Qiao continually defeats him on the level of the ideological simply by refusing to roll over and die, of course Yan Wushi is going to pay attention. when was the last time someone had the audacity to remain stubbornly undefeated like this out of sheer will?
I do think that the Ruoqiang arc in general, and specifically the fall-out from the ambush is an extremely important tipping point in Yan Wushi's character development. it's one thing for Shen Qiao to save Yan Wushi's life--a life for a life, they're pretty much even now--but Shen Qiao continues to go above and beyond in protecting Yan Wushi. Shen Qiao himself doesn't think much of it, just considers it the logical thing to do (救人救到底，送佛送到西), but this is Yan Wushi we're talking about. when was the last time someone took care of Yan Wushi, tended his wounds, defended him ferociously, fought to bring him to safety? Yan Wushi cannot deny that Shen Qiao has shown Yan Wushi--heck, not just Yan Wushi, but also Xie Ling, the weakest and least worthy form of Yan Wushi--an unutterable amount of kindness, tenderness, and care, that I'm willing to bet Yan Wushi hasn't seen in decades
tl;dr despite all of his protests to the contrary, Yan Wushi never stood a goddamn chance
Do you think that one of the things that attracted YWS to SQ is also SQ’s quiet confidence? Throughout the story, I don’t think SQ ever doubts his own abilities or feels sorry for himself. He appears to simply accept his injuries and a and just…adjusts to accommodate them and moves onward. Where YWS is all arrogance and showy confidence (and with the firepower to actually back it up), SQ is more like “I really don’t want to fight you but I will wipe the floor with you if you persist”. They are flip sides of the same coin. I think despite what he tells SQ about not qualifying as a rival, YWS did respect SQ’s abilities and tenacity, because he repeatedly tests SQ and chooses to stalk-…ahem, spend time with him. YWS strikes me as someone who loses interest in people quickly, and wouldn’t waste his time on anyone whom he thought was anything less than worthy (scientific experiment or otherwise). I also have cursed thoughts about how Lao Yan hasn’t had sex in a decade when he first encounters this intriguingly resilient and pretty guy. Just sayin’…LMAO
ahaha the hilarious thing is that Yan Wushi explains to Shen Qiao multiple times why he likes him, but the problem is, The Betrayal happened so Shen Qiao is like "hilarious. okay Yan-zongzhu why are you REALLY here" until Yan Wushi is just like 说了你都不信 / I TOLD you and you don't believe me
off the top of my head, there's this moment time in chapter... 78? 79?
Yan Wushi laughed and said, "Food and sex are human nature--all people are so. While I am quite fond of your appearance, I love your aloof coolness more. Why shouldn't I admit this?..."
there's definitely another time when Shen Qiao is like 贫道何德何能得到晏宗主如此青睐 / What great virtue or ability does this lowly Daoist have to earn sect leader Yan's favor? but like, in that particular brand of Shen Qiao Deadpan (TM) and Yan Wushi just smiles and goes 你既有德又有能 / On the contrary, you are in possession of both great virtue and ability and it's like okay, okay sir, we get it you're in love but very understandably, Shen Qiao does not get it then
so like, yes, Yan Wushi is rather taken with both Shen Qiao's capability and virtue, determination and persistence, but I think that, despite his occasional lines to the contrary, Yan Wushi is most intrigued by the fact that Shen Qiao is--okay hear me out--a worthy opponent from day one
like you said anon, I think Yan Wushi is absolutely the kind of person who would lose interest in other people quickly, which is precisely why Shen Qiao is so intriguing
he starts out as a science experiment, right? Yan Wushi is on a walk and happens across Shen Qiao's body and is like "oh free sect leader? I'll take him, and see if I can turn him evil and/or drive him mad," because in Yan Wushi's worldview, those are the only two possible roads that Shen Qiao can take after Shen Qiao has lost so much
and what does Shen Qiao immediately do? prove Yan Wushi wrong
Shen Qiao, even while amnesiac, is locked in constant battle with Yan Wushi, except this isn't a contest of martial skill--the two of them are engaged in an ideological battle. Yan Wushi believes in the inevitable corruptibility of human nature. Shen Qiao plans to prove him wrong simply by being himself. Yan Wushi plans to prove Shen Qiao wrong by doing his literal worst. Shen Qiao, when he hears news of the impending attempt on Yan Wushi's life, decides to go back and save him not just for the greater political picture, but also because he wants to prove Yan Wushi wrong. literally, Shen Qiao says:
"I'm not as noble as you think. I just want to see that person one more time, to see the disappointed expression on his face and let him know that the demonic core didn't take in my heart, that I have not been controlled by the demonic core, that I am still me."
(not to say that Shen Qiao was like "I'm gonna go save this man's life out of SPITE" but like. he kinda did say that)
what's one of the first things we learn about Yan Wushi? it's that he's obsessed with the battle, the fight, the contest. the improvement of oneself and the triumphing over the other. he'll take risks, break taboos, invent new paths of cultivation to climb higher in martial achievement. he's really goddamn competitive, so it should come as no surprise that when Shen Qiao continually defeats him on the level of the ideological simply by refusing to roll over and die, of course Yan Wushi is going to pay attention. when was the last time someone had the audacity to remain stubbornly undefeated like this out of sheer will?
I do think that the Ruoqiang arc in general, and specifically the fall-out from the ambush is an extremely important tipping point in Yan Wushi's character development. it's one thing for Shen Qiao to save Yan Wushi's life--a life for a life, they're pretty much even now--but Shen Qiao continues to go above and beyond in protecting Yan Wushi. Shen Qiao himself doesn't think much of it, just considers it the logical thing to do (救人救到底，送佛送到西), but this is Yan Wushi we're talking about. when was the last time someone took care of Yan Wushi, tended his wounds, defended him ferociously, fought to bring him to safety? Yan Wushi cannot deny that Shen Qiao has shown Yan Wushi--heck, not just Yan Wushi, but also Xie Ling, the weakest and least worthy form of Yan Wushi--an unutterable amount of kindness, tenderness, and care, that I'm willing to bet Yan Wushi hasn't seen in decades
tl;dr despite all of his protests to the contrary, Yan Wushi never stood a goddamn chance
I just love how tender Yan Wushi was before he hid Shen Qiao away in the Buddha statue. "Become a worthy opponent. Then perhaps this venerable one will deem you worthy of a second look", but he's already swept Shen Qiao up into his arms when Shen Qiao could no longer walk, cushioned Shen Qiao's unconscious body, and then made sure no one would be able to find Shen Qiao, especially Sang Jingxing; which in just the last book Yan Wushi sold Shen Qiao to that man for a sword he didn't even want just to prove a point, because Shen Qiao was polite enough to call the two of them "friends". And it's only when Yan Wushi sees Shen Qiao smile in the next book that the man goes, "hmm, yes, I do think I'm in love."
Sketches I made while playing the game , I love Connor and I'm happy to experience the game for the first time not knowing anything about the story or characters ,already one of my favorite games!!
AUGH. oh god. shizun, a-qiao is unfilial.... FUCK. oh god. there have been many questionable changes but so far it has been a very enjoyable experience and. fuck. this is a really good one. hello
one must wonder. where the hell did yan wushi find a deer and why did he decide adopt the deer. like. what thought process led him there. "ah yes this deer looks so innocent and guileless just like a-qiao. im going to name them a-qiao also" AND YOU DECIDED ADOPT THE BABY? not surprising but also ???
the thing abt yanshen love confessions is that i dont think they would do that, or at least not in any grand way that we traditionally associate with love, and perhaps it's not even a thing they need to say to each other much, if at all, because to me their relationship kind of exists outside of most definitions of a "traditional" couple
a little bit offended that yan wushi genuinely is gorgeous when he's cross-dressing. deeply funny that he hates it but obeys shen qiao because he's xie ling right now LMFAO
its really funny hes reached this far from initially thinking he just wants to corrupt shen qiao. and believes that the intent behind both thoughts are exactly the same. hes played himself so hard LMFAO
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