I think I might be cooking chat âŠ
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@oroontheheels
I think I might be cooking chat âŠ
Rammstien - âAmourâ is such a rubambi song đ„
ok NEW TAKE: ruben symbolically married niall at the wedding
wore the traditional black of a groom
nodded yes at the altar while locking eyes with niall
said his vows at the reception
murder-fucked niall to consumate the marriage
death parted them but briefly
Niall: âSo youâre ok with me being gay?â
Guy who jerks off to fantasies of him and Niall waking up in a saw trap together:
Guy who has an active Craigslist ad looking for someone who can surgically turn them into conjoined twins:
Guy who thinks the brothers from House of Wax had a good thing going:
Guy who has spent hours concocting mental scenarios where they become lighthouse keepers stranded together on an island during a hurricane:
Guy who wants to keep Niall in a human terrarium he hand built himself:
Guy whose ideal death would be him and Niall chained together in a basement and then buried alive in pyroclastic ash Pompeii-style:
Guy who cannot be trusted with access to the hit Netflix series You:
Guy who wants to keep Niall as his crazy attic wife:
Guy who knows off the top of his head how much chloroform it would take to knock out someone of Niallâs height and weight:
Guy who has been trying to figure out a casual way to ask a doctor if two people could be permanently attached to a single shared blood supply:
Guy who heard Niall needed money and wondered what the odds were of Niall saying yes if he offered to pay him to live 24/7 as his dog:
Guy who has gotten off imagining his mom revealed she had a one night stand and actually he and Niall share a father and are blood related:
Guy who wants Niall to get him pregnant so bad he will throw up if he thinks about it for too long:
Guy who has googled if itâs possible to induce kidney failure in another person so you can then give them your kidney and a part of you lives eternally in them and also they owe you their life and are eternally indebted to you:
âNah man I think itâs great.â
Me when I'm a guy watching my cute dorky himbo enemy explain his hyperfixation via a presentation to me mid battle instead of taking the opportunity to attack him cause I'm a gay twink and he's very endearing.
Whumptober Day 16 - Burn
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Patreon | Ko-Fi
literally them
Niall have said that he threw up when the priest showed his hetero porn during conversion therapy.
Noting seem too special about this particular information.
And then we see Niall POV during Maura death, and the camera zooms in on her skin, her mouth and it makes Niall throw up.
And then Ruben brings up that Niall used to âspewâ a lot as a kid.
Which is interesting and I think itâs not just a coincidence or last time addition to the story.
I donât think in the slightest that Maura is some sort of child predator. The show is very direct in exposing such topics, i think if she was we would have more solid proof.
But that got me thinking about tickling scene, where Maura ignores Niall protests and obvious discomfort and continues to tickle him, until he pushed her away violently.
We donât see Niall being violent often. If anything he seems to be unable to defend himself whatsoever and avoids any physical confrontations. In teen years he even uses Ruben as his guard dog (so to speak) against bullies or any sort of problems. Even minor verbal bullying from Johanna.
I wonder if Mauraâs behaviour ruined Niall body autonomy in such a way that he never learned healthy boundaries. Mental or physical.
Same with Ruben grabbing his dick, Niall doesnât defend his physical boundaries. He just kinda shuts down and tries to get out of the situation quietly (and unsurprisingly it doesnât work).
And I donât feel like Iâm making this much of a stretch, but i think one might draw parallels of brutal abuse Ruben suffered from his father and accumulative abuse Niall might have experienced from Maura. Not comparable in any sense(!!!), but still shows how Niall and Ruben are truly two sides of the same coin.
upd: corrected some things I got wrong from the one of the episodes. Sorry guys. â€ïž
Half man spoilers
I love male characters being realistically stupid in Half Man. I love getting all riled up about it.
Niall said Baird is his son. But did he do paternity test??
I mean yes, logically he is most likely the father. He had unprotected sex with Mona.
But Mona was also seeing Benji. When was the last time she slept with him? Did he use condom?
Plus 1 unprotected sex is not 100% guarantee for pregnancy. Even though it is VERY high chance of getting someone pregnant.
And then again RubĂ©nâs low fertility does not mean 0 fertility. Thereâs a lot of stories of couples who tried for a baby for decades without any results only to get âmiracle childâ.
This happens.
And the kid himself Baird does have lighter hair. But childâs hair color can change thought their life. And they can inherit hair color not only from parent but also grandparent.
(Both Ruben and Niall had brown hair when they were teens, then older Ruben is portrayed with raven black hair)
(Braid has light brown hair and I donât think his current hair color matches anyoneâs in this family)
(They probably didnât want to dye small childâs hair - understandable)
All this speculative, but it can be true.
For all I know Niall had no 100% guarantee the child is his. But he was so sure of himself. So sure that he âownedâ his brother by fucking his wife behind his back AND fathering the child that he couldnât even imagine any other options.
P.S. Folks say âwoman always knows whoâs the father of her childâ. But I think its just a generalisation. Yeah, thereâs probably many âsecretsâ a woman can know that her multiple male partners donât know. But she can still come to the wrong conclusion because sheâs a human and human can make mistakes.
P.P.S. In conclusion, by the Occamâs razor rule, Niall most likely 99,9% guaranteed to be the father of Braid.
But I still think him telling about it to Ruben without doing DNA test first was STUPID.
(Also itâs cute how they symbolically have a child together that they both abandoned in pursuit of the revenge awwwwww)
Half man ending spoilers!!
Ruben asked Niall âYou love me?â In the barn because Ruben is not stupid. He has been thinking while in prison. And he have come to the right conclusion.
I wonder if he also come to the conclusion that the two of them will forever be trapped in this cycle of destroying each other and have decided to end it himself.
I wonder if he planned to kill himself in the barn as well, realising that he too loves Niall and canât be without him.
(Plus he stated that his sole reason to live was fatherhood and Niall took this away from him. So what would he even live for?)
Half Man spoilers for the entire show!!!
Thinking how cruel it was for Niall to insist since episode 1 that Ruben can never change. Itâs such a heartless thing to say about anyone, let alone your brother who loves you and looks out for you.
Not that heâs completely wrong. We see Ruben trying to change his life for better and even succeeding for a short while. And yes, his strategy is destined to fail one day, because his strategy is based on toxic masculinity. And he does not have enough self-reflection to notice how much he truly terrifies people he claims to protect and provide for.
Yes, everyone walking on eggshells around him. And yes Johanna was 100% correct calling out his mothers enabling behavior.
A lot of thing was wrong and was destined to go wrong one day.
Yes.
But it still infuriates me how much of an active role Niall played in all this. Nobody pushed him to damaging Ruben car at night.
And he even got his revenge on Ruben for hospital assault in some sense by making Ava pregnant.
But that wasnât enough. He put all his effort into manipulating Mona and seducing her.
And then didnât think twice before confessing about it to Ruben in prison, really, truly thinking he will brush off Niall taking away his SOLE REASON FOR KEEP TRYING TO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER (his son).
Fuck Niall omg. I hate him so fucking much.
I still was sad he died. That idiot.
10/10 show
My toxic trait is that I think I wouldâve clocked Niall as evil manipulator in episode one if I went into Half Man without any spoilers.
Episode 1 Niall is pretty timid and his motivation is understandable, but it annoyed the FUCK out of me when he didnât explain to Ruben whoâs Anne Frank is and what her letters were about. Itâs not rocket science. You can explain it in few phrases. But Niall decided Ruben is too stupid to understand??
Bitch???
half man
Frankenstein (2025) Half Man (2026)
I was pleasantly suprised to see a young woman with visible body fat in sex scene. Where she wasnât portrayed as ugly or undesirable.
And then they show us time skip Mona and she is super thinâŠ.
Completely forgot Ruben saying âbefore I loose you foreverâ to Nial in the barn.
It wasnât just revenge. He still loved Niall so deeply. Grieving his loss before anything even happened.
(He has a soul of a poet. Iâve called it as early as in ep1. Just too much trauma and not enough therapy in the way for it to ever get a chance to shine.)
Grab Mona like that again, I'm putting you in the brazen bull Niall.