tu me manques || typicallywelsh
"I broke up with Caron on m’way here t’London. Gwennie …. we jus’ …. I dunno? I jus’ dunno at all. I am selfish. Selfish as hell. I jus’ don’t do well wit’ this stuff. ‘m jus’ …. unsure ‘bout m’self. I have little to zero self confidence right now, runnin’ ‘way because I jus’ dunno. Have y’ever jus’ ran so much and you jus’ get so emotionally and physically tired of everything? Y’jus’ want t’rest and stand back — look at life after you’ve ran like tha’?" Gwen shrugged, she didn’t mind hearing his opinions. She was just so confused about herself.
Gwen scrunched her nose, laughing. “Yeah, I have a red Engineerin’ Star Trek shirt. I actually have it. I wear it everywhere pretty much. I dunno, I jus’ don’t mind bein’ a nerd. Sometimes nerdy is sexy.”
--He had to say it, "I don't know when wanting to be someones one 'n only is selfish. Y'know wanting to be the one they wake up thinking about, and the one they think 'bout before going to sleep. Since when is wanting love to be singular a selfish thing? It's rubbish to call it selfish when it's human nature. We didn't get here by -- bloody sharing the love. Marriage -- it's a thing between two people that.. It mean's something. It means something big and important - and I don't know if it's even supposed to be shared."
Perhaps he'd gone too far -- said too much, and he didn't want to offend her but... Maybe he'd spent too long being silent, maybe for once he wanted to say exactly what he thought.
"It's easy to love more than one person -- but it isn't easy when that person loves more than one. Because then you get to something -- something that hurts. 'Cause humans aren't meant to share certain things. At least -- I don't think so."
Rory fell silent as he trudged along dragging behind him her suitcase, her other tucked underneath his arm. Truth be told he'd spent far more time thinking on the matter than perhaps he should have, but -- he had to. Because... He wanted to know where he'd failed. And then - he realized it was his old fashioned morals and stupid fragile humanity that had been the ruination of their relationship.
Spending a thousand years waiting outside a box for someone who never even really knew you existed? Someone who smiled and laughed, someone who was your best friend - but wasn't painfully aware of you like you were them? It made you at best insecure, and at worse?
Selfish, greedy -- hell it even had gotten to the point where he craved love, affection -- any human touch of any kind. Some nights he still woke in cold sweats remembering a thousand years of waiting. Waiting for something that was at most? Anti-climatic.
"--I'm sorry I've opened m'mouth and said too much. See y'gotta just ignore me I talk too much anyway."
